Expectations and surprises

Some things I read/heard about pregnancy and thought, "Oh, that won't happen to me" . . .

I am forgetting last names, names of books, authors, movies, what I wore yesterday, what day it is and where I'm supposed to be. Well, I'm just forgetting everything.

I am not really getting that pregnancy glow - to be honest, I many times have a pregnancy scowl. Is this normal?

I am noticing people wanting to touch (or in a few cases are actually touching) my stomach. Which to be honest, I don't even always let Trevor do. It's funny. This is probably good preparation for realizing my body is not my own.

I am hearing the following often:
"Oh, you're pregnant?! I didn't want to ask, but I was kind of wondering . . ." Admittedly, my first thought after hearing this is, "Um, how long have you been wondering?" Yes, I'm glad I'm showing. And yes, I'm vain and look forward to being past the chubby stage and on to the no-doubt-she's-prego-round-belly.

"I can't believe how BIG you're getting." Again, yes I'm glad people are engaging me in my pregnancy. And yes, I'm ever vain.

I am experiencing some nightmares, mostly dealing with breastfeeding (or more like, not feeding) my baby.

Pretty uplifting thoughts, right? Well, there are PLENTY of positives, too . . .

I am growing! Like, I am actually starting to look pregnant! There IS a baby in there.

I am crying for joy a lot. Or crying at songs. I really don't mind crying, in fact I rather like it.

I am feeling less a sense of fear than I did before, thank God.

I am less concerned about gaining weight and worry less about body image than I thought I would. Bring it on!

I am learning a lot about breastfeeding, which has all of a sudden become a big deal for me. As in, I feel very impassioned that I have to breastfeed, no matter what.

I am increasingly thankful for Trevor's support and encouragement and understanding.

Will I look back at all these "I ams" someday and laugh at myself (notice the me, me, me . . . I have a feeling that will change too!)? Of course. Engulfed in sleep deprivation and diapers, none of these things will matter. And yet, I am just reveling in this journey, this stage of thinking about/praying for/loving this baby that we can't even see yet. Life is a miracle (sniff sniff!).

The past week has been filled with memorable times - last weekend my youngest bro-in-law was here and we had a great time introducing him to the finer parts of Minneapolis. Like eating enchiladas in our dining room and learning how to play Dutch Blitz and re-watching various parts of ridiculous movies. Add in a viewing of 7 Pounds (disturbing), lunch at Chipotle, more Dutch Blitz. Well, it was basically the perfect weekend - thanks T, for coming to stay with us!

On Shrove Tuesday (aka pancake day), we naturally ate chili and cornbread (because that's all I cook lately!). The fun part was the guests who joined us, try to follow this: it was a wife, husband, and their 9 month old baby girl. I used to babysit the husband, who is actually my brother's best friend from growing up. I mean - I could babysit the BABY of the guy I used to babysit. Life. Wow. It was so good to see what amazing parents they are, and they were filled with stories and advice - all of which we're devouring with increasing appetites.

Ash Wednesday was a reflective time. From the liturgy: "You have created us out of the dust of the earch: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Saviour."

And now Thursday - the "weather terrorists" were correct, and we got a big dump of snow - it really is beautiful. I'm finding the weather to be more tolerable when the tv and radio are off, those media are so anxiety ridden, and it's all going to happen anyway so why worry. I mean, I still worry of course, but why? I think weather is a good reminder of how out of control we really are.