Sunday, May 12, 2013

This is How it Looks

A couple things for the record book:

A couple weeks ago Trevor and I had a in-retrospect-humorous exchange. At 2:30 am. I was bleary eyed from having just been up to nurse Judah . . . and in walks Trevor to the bathroom, milk cup in hand. I was somehow coherent enough to nag Trevor with, "Did you just finish the milk? Can you not do that?!" To which he said okay, and then proceeded with his own jab, "You didn't lock the doors right". And then we went right back to sleep. It seriously makes me laugh, it was like nit-picking in our sleep. Uff da.

Did I mention before that Karis got to have a sleepover? Yes, my parents and grandma were here and Karis got to spend a Friday night at their hotel. So refreshing, in fact, I miss that night. I realized just how tense bedtime can be around here . . . we were relaxed, Judah went to bed, we started The Hobbit  (you know, watching 1/4 of a movie felt like quite the accomplishment), and even sat together on the couch. Sigh! Karis had a good time also, so sweet. She was up from 2-4am   a bit disoriented, but no worse for the wear. And my amazing parents said they actually enjoyed that middle of the night time with her. That's grandparent love and it melts my heart.

A little tangent about The Hobbit: literally just a couple hours before starting the movie, I was expostulating to Trevor about how I want to live an adventurous life - in every stage. Which, right now, involves things like skipping Karis's nap, exploring a new park, cooking a new recipe, planting a new flower, reading a different book genre, go to a museum. I'm not talking Grand Canyon hiking here, although that sounds pretty awesome also. So, watching the beginning part of this movie completely resonated with me. Bilbo is all ruffled as his house is invaded and messed up (um, how many times a day is this happening with my kids?!) and his ordered life seems to be disrupted (um, how many times do I feel like this?!). He's invited on this grand adventure, and at first digs his heels in and says "no way". And then . . . he realizes what he's missing, and he runs after the troupe to join the journey.

Well, count me in! I want to go too! That's how I feel sometimes now - let go of the details, just embrace the crazy, be thankful, live the adventure of life. This is how I feel in my lucid and awake moments.

Which leads me to evidence that I'm clearly not always lucid and awake: I did bedtime solo one night this week (which shouldn't be a big deal, but it is). At 10:10, Karis woke up and desperately wanted her daddy - so I called Trev to see how close he was getting. While on the phone, I found myself panicking, wondering, "WHERE IS MY PHONE?!". And just as I was about to tell Trevor, "I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE!", I realized that I was talking to him ON IT. Seriously?!

Uff da, as I re-read the above and try to not edit my accounts, I wonder if I'm making this all seem bad? Because, it's not bad. It's just . . . interesting. Tiring. Things I want to remember and return to once in a while to give some perspective.

And here's a little update that proves I am a complete contradiction in terms: I want adventure. But I want to go to bed. And I want my son to go to bed. And so I missed a night out with friends at a fun restaurant (I mean, seriously fun - Solera - with the best bacon wrapped figs ever and with the most amazing women ever) because I have chosen to be a completely attached parent and I'm too lazy to: find parking, cart the stroller-carseat-infant combo, only to be nursing and wearing and changing Judah.  Contradiction: I love being an attached parent and at times (mostly surrounding me being the key to his sleep) I wish I weren't so attached. Tis a season. Next year friends, please keep inviting me.

And now it's Mother's Day, and I'm so thankful. These little in-the-flesh miracles, reminders of Creation. Karis got up and was so thrilled to give me a card . . . we had brunch with family . . .  BOGO Caribou . . . Qdoba . . . non napping children . . . Trev took Karis to the park. What will make this day memorable? At bedtime, Karis looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mommy, you're the best mommy I never ever had." Ha! I trust she meant "ever", for sure melted my heart. I haven't checked yet to see if Trev put her up to it, but something tells me that one was a gift straight from her.

Also memorable for today is that Karis received communion for the first time - it was pretty spur of the moment, but felt like the right timing. We were alone in the balcony, and while the music was playing she asked if she should cross her arms when she went up (signifying receiving a blessing instead of the bread and wine). Trev and I just kind of looked at each other, and then he asked her if she thought she was ready to take communion. A beautiful memory, to watch her receive for the first time. Her heart is so pure and sincere. Oh, and an adorable thing: she calls it "community".

- "Mommy, someday Judah's going to be a daddy"
- "Mommy, look it!" (to look at anything, all day long)
- "Look, that man can't walk!" (said about, and within earshot, of a man in wheelchair at grocery store)
- "Hi guys!"(said every time she walks out to the deck . . . we think she's greeting her 'kids')
- "Mommy, can my kids talk in Judah's room?" (whispered to me while I try to get him to go to sleep)

Friday, May 10, 2013

So. Very. Everything.

I was just trying to explain to Trevor how I am basically polar opposites on every measure of everything: I am extreme introvert AND extrovert. I love to walk AND sit and do nothing. I love to eat fresh and good-for-the-body things AND I love greasy bacon and sugar in the worst way.

I LOVE my little family with a crushing intensity that can leave me breathless and cause me to melt into a puddle of pure and passionate moosh . . .  AND they can all, simultaneously, drive me to near insanity. It's at that point that I should probably haul myself to the nearest Caribou for a $3.00 bandaid to cover up the current cumulative lack of sleep. However, when that insane moment is 10:00 pm, after a day that held a stomach ache (me), no nap (Karis), and a weird bedtime (all of us) . . . I just pray for mercy.

I'm writing this in the morning hours, and I'm always amazed at how the Word comes alive because of such moments of insanity. And I will again and again and again quote from Lamentations: "Mercies are new every morning". Yes! I love mornings.

It's Friday. The sun is shining. The week was truly bright and filled with grace. Karis is delightful, Judah is squishy, Trevor is gentle and always Grace in our family. We made connections with friends, Uncle T & his girlfriend K took Karis on a walk after dinner one evening . . . Trevor went to "brews with the bros", a mom friend (with older daughters) doted on us in her home, Judah had a fabulous 4 month well child check up, a dear old friend (again, with older daughters) came over for a walk and to love on Karis. We are truly, richly, abundantly blessed. And I'm truly grateful.

And so back to polar opposites, I can be both tired-crabby AND grandiosely-grateful at the same time.

Judah updates:
- He is finding his hands, and I could probably watch this discovery for hours and hours
- He can sit in the bumbo, and is even dangerous in it already as he kicks himself up and out

- Obsession with Amelia Bedelia. We read it a few times a day and she has memorized this 60 page tome and can read it back to me with surprising accuracy
- She loves to make funny faces. And my, they are funny

So much more, but let's just post this already. Happy weekend, all . . .