But first.
Fair:
Because we could this year, we did. Usually Trev & Karis go (read: the other two nap/get a break). Glad we did, and maybe I'll go again in another 8 years. The first hour was beautifully quiet and donut laden, the next two were an increasing volume of music and smells and sights and vendors. We knocked it out in under four hours: donuts, huge slide (loved by all), pretzel, birthing barn (pig in labor: "pig-a-let!"), DNR fish pond, K-Fan, ferris wheel, caffeine, carousel (had to PRY Judah off with all of my strength), corn dog, kids karaoke viewing, hot sticky walk back to the car. Good memories, major nostalgia and missing the ND State Fair with my parents/grandparents.
Summer winding down weekends included some cousin time at the lake & a get together here with Uncle Jordan/Aunt Cassie in town (more on that later), a daddy-kid date to a birthday party for cousin Micah. We rounded out the last week of summer with a much-planned-make-up party (impetus was a long ago play date, the girls begged to put on make up and we said how about we do a make up party sometime. They didn't let us forget). The girls had a blast upstairs alone for over an hour, they came down with quite tasteful work to join the boys for pizza and outside play and pink rice krispy hearts. So sweet to watch them all make those memories together.
We threw in some play dates, a refreshing night out at Copper Hen, school orientation and a wonderful weekend distraction from visiting grandparents and a 1st birthday party for cousin Asher.
And then it happened. School:
Day before Kindergarten . . .
"I don't want to go to school"
"I'm so excited for school, I can't wait!"
"I'm going to miss you guys too much"
"I can't wait to get a break from little man!"
Morning of Kindergarten . . .
"I don't want to ever move away. I want to stay here forever and never get my ears pierced. . . unless Judah moves somewhere else, I'll go live with him"
She was up and dressed before 6am. The morning flew, we squeezed in some time together on my bed opening up her gift and cuddling - blew me away how important this time turned out, more for me than anyone I'm sure. She was all dressed in her best and cradled in my arm, I read a letter I had written a couple days earlier and it was amazing how the words that at the time just seemed normal made me choke up, and then sob just a bit. Karis is used to me being "happy sad" at different milestone-ish moments and usually just smirks at me and waits for it to quickly pass. This time was different. This time she choked up and sobbed right back, melted in further and said, "I'm gonna miss you" (I can't even stand it just writing this a week later, good grief). I will always remember that time of connection, a slice of time that will always taste sweet. And then we were okay, finished opening the book and pencil bag and gummies and went to get Judah and the morning flew in a normal-but-hyperspeed morning way - breakfast, pack snack, buckle in, go!
A not random reading at breakfast:
She walked in with her dear friend Julia (what a grace!), we found her room, her cubby. Judah had to have his little brother moment of wanting to stay in the classroom and quite flailing/screaming in my arms out the door: "Karis-EYYYYYYY! Karis-EYYYYYYY!" I so wanted to stay for the morning assembly but thought there was no way - until oh merciful pootsie was retrieved from the car and we were able to sit in the chapel and have another round of weeping trying to sing this hymn.
Judah and I met friends for park play, the hours felt slow and long at the same time . . . pick up was smooth-ish and it was so good to be together again.
In the hours after . . .
"I'm just spelt out. Do you know what that means? I'm tired from four hours of school"
"I missed you at recess, I didn't know the games they were playing. So I went and sat by Mrs. Dykstra" (said with her head in my lap - oh sweet little girl)
"I made you a Karis to have in the car while I'm not there"
At the end of the week . . .
"I wish I could just stay here with you. It's a lot of sitting"
"Do I have to go to chapel? I'm shy of sitting with someone older"
"Momma, I know some Spanish, wanna hear?"
"Music was really fun today"
Things continue to spill out about her week in excited tones, I think overall she enjoyed it and will soon settle in to this new routine. She's been refreshingly vulnerable and tender, I've soaked in these times of closeness.
And, then. Judah:
I can't even stand it. I'm writing this sentence before 5am on Thursday, Sept. 10 - Judah's first day of preschool, Karis's second day of Kindergarten. I just can't stand it. I feel like the au naturale mother from Away We Go (have you seen it?) is chiding me: "Why would you want to PUSH your child away from you?!". Judah and I have had a great week together, and I'm feeling like I simply cannot walk him into Oak Knoll with his Elmo backpack and polo shirt. I was tired of hearing myself say I need a break so decided to give myself a couple hours/week in this way and now I'm wondering WHY. Bless Trevor, he took the day off to do drop offs and pick ups (and breakfast date in between, wanted to do that forever). My little man will love playing and I can't wait to hear what he chats about.
The day ended up being salty and sweet. We all dropped off Karis and stayed for the short daily assembly. We had time to grab little man a bagel on the way to preschool. Drop off was smooth (same place Karis went, he was chomping at the bit when she went there to stay and play). But still, he looked so small when we dropped him off! He got busy with play-do and there was no looking back - "bye mommy!". The couple hours with Trev were quick, but we made the most: Tiny Diner breakfast outside, Sunstreet Breads for treats, zoned out and got sun soaked at the sculpture garden. Savored.
Wonderfully last week I happened upon a chapter in a ridiculous book I picked up at the library called Naptime is the New Happy Hour (good for a laugh). Her thoughts on preschool: "Having children changes your circumstances. Even the most self-reliant of us become vulnerable . . . don't fool yourself into thinking you can do it alone . . . I fully believe mothers, with all we give, deserve a guilt-free break as often as possible." Good words for the moment.
Because it's really for the mom:
Seriously, it is, so much for the mom. A few friends who have older kids even told me this and I was relieved to hear it's not just me. The week has been bigger than I thought - but then again, I'm gifted at making a big deal of anything. So yeah, big deals here, my little school children. I didn't have expectations for these days, and I want to capture it here for Karis and Judah to read someday.
It hit me this week why it's such a huge deal for the mom when their kids go to school. It's SCHOOL. She will be IN SCHOOL for the rest of her time in our home. Duh, right? I loved denial until now.
And then, do read this if you get a chance. Yes, yes, yes. I read this Friday night, literally after thinking about how BRAVE the kids were last week. Captured exactly my sentiments. Especially that in the grand scheme this might seem like "just school", but I so value capturing the moments, processing change, entering new chapters with a freeze frame of thoughtfulness and filtering through emotions. That's what writing is right now.
There were many moments in this week that I could've never planned or expected, I felt very taken care of. Because yes, it's the kids going off, so brave. But also, it's the moms too, so vulnerable and hopeful and happy sad.
There was the morning of and just having her melt in to me for that moment of mutual "I'm gonna miss you so much".
(She has the letter propped on her desk, and that just melts me. I recently finished reading about the 5 Love Languages of Children, so I'm in the pay attention mindset to what makes her feel loved - I think she's all of them: words of affirmation, service, gifts, touch, quality time)
Another unexpected gift was at a play group the day after K's first day - and the day before dear friend L's first day (our godson, the precious babe I watched a few times a week the first couple years of his life, who quickly became more like a sibling to Karis). His mom is the most faithful woman and a friend so dear, we had a chance to catch up and swap hearts and tears and thoughts and emotions about this new stage - wow, haven't cried with a friend that much in forever. What a unique slice in time, watching our firsts go to school, these wee big ones who have grown up together. I'm grateful beyond expression, that time of connection and mutual understanding helped put the week in its right place of processing. Some sad. Celebrating.
New season, ready or not, we are in it. It happened. I'm grateful.
And before I wrap up this post on the "new stage" here, I gotta share the joy of some other new stages - we're going to add to our niece/nephew blessings by 3 newborns next year! Two of our sisters are having babies. Wait, you think the math is off? One of them is having twins! We're over the moon excited for our sibs and their growing families, the gift of life is around us. It's been the sweetest to watch them all share the news with our kids, they (and we of course) love their cousin Courtney so adoringly and they (and we of course) look forward to knowing & loving these precious cousins .
Karis-isms:
- "I just can't wait for 4 weeks to pass!" (anticipating trip to Bis for Hope's baby shower)
- "We should play a hide the honey pot game!" (for Hope's baby shower. My little party planner!)
- "I wish the weekend would never end. I wish it could go on forever and ever. And me and Judah are going to grow up someday and I'm going to be so sad. I'll be 9, then 10 . . . "
- "Oh mommy, you just go take a rest" (read: please leave the room so I can be alone and do whatever I want. Lately said while we were watching some friends here)
- "To make matters worse, daddy was there so Judah didn't get into my little house"
- "Mom, is God IN the Bible?"
- "I wonder how Melanie is going to hold two babies?"
- "Mom, I made a carol singing map for when we go back to Bismarck for Christmas"
- "I'm ready for a moosh, momma" (what we call hugs now)
- "Where's the rest of the stuff?" (when I served only one thing at dinner without a side)
- "Momma, can I help you?" (after dinner on a night when Trev was working late. Love her)
- "Oh nooooooooooo! Judah got into my treasure spot!" (her room is a constant evolution of collections, which she tries to partition off so Judah can't reach)
- "Daddy, is it 6 yet?" (as in 6am. 6 is the new 7 these days)
- "I feel like I'm gonna have a baby, but I just have to cough!" (what?!)
- "Mom! Judah's spitting inside" (he loves to spit, such a guy)
- "Look at my pet worm! I'm naming him William Shakespeare. Can I keep him in my room?" (latest fave book Will's Quill)
Judah Jibes:
- "No mommy dance! No mommy sing!"
- "Miriam's feet in the water!" (Hug a Bible)
- "Baby has a pootsie!" (in a book)
- "Judah have ice cream cake, daddy" (they shared cake at a birthday party)
- "Read Napping House again!" (latest fave)
- "Judah have hairspray!" (indeed, he likes a squirt)
- "Judah touch fish!" (touched a lobster at Stella's)
- "Find doodle doo, get a sucker! After shopping . . . " (said while sweetly nodding his head - the tradition at Trader Joes)
- "Bye, mommy! Judah going shopping! See you later! Get blueberries!" (I think I've mentioned this one before, but his imagination just gets deeper and it's so fun to see)
- "Judah wet hair! Judah YELLOW hair!"
- "Lady Gaga!" (what he wants to chat about before bed, because it makes us both laugh. This guy loves to laugh)
- "Little man eat huge Brueggers!" (his name for the bagels)
- "Judah paint ladybug with Miss Angela. Judah play with friends" (school)
- "Mommy drops things in the house!" (all the time, I made it funny one day and he loves it)
- At bedtime when I go to cuddle in Karis's room Judah commands Trevor, "Go to sleep! Go to sleep!" and they lay on the floor together on their bellies, facing each other, and chat. It's beyond precious. What's more, when I try to do this with Judah he says in distress, "Wake up Mommy!". So unfair.
- "Treasure!" (see above, getting into Karis's space)
- "Baby eat fries!" (likes to say this before bed, I have no idea why)
- "Congratulations, baby belly!" (see above - not me, aunt Melanie & Cassie!)
- "Wear camo coat! Wear tractor coat!"
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