March Madness

The Happenings . . . 

Happenstance House Party/Ash Wednesday
The 4 year anniversary of being in our home was March 1st. We were supposed to have a family over for dinner, and we set the table in a way we rarely do. And then . . . they had to cancel last minute, as the meat was on the grill. So, we turned it into a house party! We enjoyed the carefully set table (why not do that more? It feels so good), and finishing the movie UP, which has to be a new tradition, so perfect. We're ever grateful for this home.

Another Tooth Loss
Every loss is just too adorable! This was another after-bed one and her giggles and gap mouth and sweet speaking are just too much.

Lent, in a few phrases:

Making Room - that tends to be our theme, and this year we did that by:

Fasting from health and friends
Canceling plans
Learning to not idolize plans
Gratitude

First the miracles that unfolded. Ash Wednesday found us at the service, thinking about two dear family members were facing some serious health concerns. The ashes and words were so very real that day (always are, but the feeling was tangible). And then - over the course of Lent both these concerns were lifted in truly miraculous ways. Those things marked this Lent more than anything else.

The other markers . . .from Ash Wednesday to Holy Week, one of us was ill . . . what I think was Influenza (Judah and then me), ear infection (Judah), Bronchitis (Karis and me), Strep (Trevor), sinus infection (Judah). Lent went fast! And the list of mercies was huge. Like, medical care. No hospitalizations. Pockets of health to be able to have family visit, for Karis to fully participate in Pinocchio Puppet Show preparation and performance, for lots of togetherness (I mean, spring break was sprinkled in there too and we were quite quarantined for much of it) and I think we got along pretty well.

And then the bigger things, like - not getting so attached to my plans (oh how I idolize plans). We had a date before Lent to "plan" Lent. You know, host neighbors and things like that. So, we learned some plan-letting-go (because hello, no choice. Nothing like feeling gross to take the edge off needless anxiety). I learned to deeply appreciate the connections we have, we missed being with people because it's what we do. We made room for lots of togetherness and settling into quiet rhythms here at home. And some ice cream outings too. I think the kids maybe loved when I was sick: TV, snacks, cuddles, markers to faces.

Pinocchio:
What hard work Karis's dear class put in to create their puppets, learn their lines, and perform this puppet show. Remarkable, memorable, joyful. Many grandparents were here to see her, so grateful. Trev was the puppet man and helped Karis create her Pinocchio and practice her lines.

Birthday:
Sweet weekend, donuts with my brother's family, ice cream with a cousin's family, family movie time on the couch (Moana, Sing), MIA and Red Cow with Trev's fam, so fun. Aster cafe with my mom and gma. My fave for sure was Karis's party for me - 8:20am, balloon volleyball and gifts. She gave me a box she decorated, inside was a sweet card and several books full of pictures of what we do together: reading in our reading chair, cuddling in her rocker, tucking her into bed, sitting around the table . . . we played the song You Make Beautiful Things and I felt in that moment the day could be complete.

Some bonuses to the day included coffee, leftover donuts, and finishing two amazing books (The Great Good Thing and The Road Back to You) in a quiet house in my favorite book chair, sunshine streaming in.

Baptism Birthday Burgers: 

Because it's what we do. Oh sweet child of God.

Wedding: 

Strep kept us from the overnight away we planned, We DID get to go enjoy the co-worker's wedding at Radisson Blu.

Sorta Awesomes:
Breathe easy oil diffusing

"Pride and Prejudice" Pandora station

Trying new things in the kitchen, like roasted fennel. Well, that might have been the only new thing.

Gilmore Girls. You know, the new Grey's (which I conveniently finished the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday, so I didn't "have" to give it up for Lent as planned. Hmmm.)

Bangs (thanks to M!)

Swimming lessons to prepare for summer. As expected, Karis can now swim better than me ("Mommy, that was AWESOME!"), and Judah started of very timid ("Mommy that was scary for me") and is quickly getting more comfy.

Random Reading - some quotables from Your Four Year Old, Wild and Wonderful: 
"The four year old is a funny little fellow, and if you can accept him as such, you will appreciate and enjoy him for what he is . . . for the most part we have found the boy or girl of this age to be joyous, exuberant, energetic, ridiculous, un-trammeled - ready for anything"

"there may be a strong distaste for anything that changes the mother in his eyes" (yes, like wearing my glasses, or shorts, or  . . . )

"their own buttocks are especially important to them" (he likes to stick his out and spell it: "b-u-t-t")

"if you want to know what's on your child's mind, you don't need to ask directly - just talk to him"

"our own feeling is that if the child needs the comfort of his thumb, perhaps he's lucky that nature provided this handy device for consoling oneself" (yes! I'm often saying 'it's a big scary world out there, I'm so glad you have your thumb')

"nobody will ever appreciate your humor more - so enjoy yourself while this full appreciation lasts . . . he especially appreciates it when you appreciate him"

"this is a top age for questions. Endless "whys" and "hows" are uttered partly just for the fun of keeping a conversation going . . . he also often makes extremely touching personal remarks" (yes yes yes)

Karis-isms: 
- "Mom, you can stop asking if I'm okay. I know when I'm sick, I'll tell you"
- "I think the music will do the trick" (during an insomnia morning when I offered to lay on her floor)
- "What are twinkies?" (during Calvin and Hobbes reading)
- "Mom, wanna see all the hair I've collected for my wig?"
- "Mom, did you just change subjects with Judah?" (as I tried to distract him from a very negative spin of thinking/acting. Smarty pants observant girl)
- "Oh, I hope my brain doesn't turn to mush" (a day when we watched lots of movies)
- "It's so nice I know all the rules at my age"
- "this is a movie where they believe in false gods" (watching Muana)
- "I find it kinda hard to receive compliments"
- "Come quick! You need to look at your son!" (her helping him do headstands)

Judah Jabbers: 
- "Is my machine the right noise?" (in the middle of the night)
- "You forgot to put me in my bed" (oh sensitive baby of mine, when I didn't literally plop him in his bed one night)
- "I'm making communion bread" (with kinetic sand)
- "What's silly?" (whenever we're laughing and he doesn't know what at)
- "Can you get that box eater bug?!"
- "Can I just have a teeny tiny bit?" (in the cutest voice)
- "Hey Karis, I'm spitting on your floor with milk"
- "I'm sorry for spilling water all over"
- "Oh you're a big squishy mommy"
- "Is Lukas's mommy bigger than Lukas's daddy?" (looking at a pic on the fridge where the wife was standing in the pic, dad sitting)
- "Oh, isn't he so generous?"
- "Jane Eyre is kinda serious" (we have a counting primer, so fun)
- "How did hot lunch go, Karisee?" (when she got in the car one day after school)
- "Is that a movie for older kids?"
- "When the airplane's in the sky it's small, but when it lands it's big"
- "Me and Karis are best friends"
- "Mom the house can't go to sleep, it doesn't have eyes!"
- "the black ones are rotten" (jelly beans)
- "see Momma, daddy taught me how" (to put on pajamas)

More than Pink Milk

Full February . . . started with Half Birthday

Because, why not. Funfetti cookies, fried burgers, Psalm 139 and affirmations about who she is. This night led to a very dear chat and bedtime that I'll always remember.

Memorable markers:

Two front teeth cuteness. It's SO cute. She has the perfect lisp and the gap in her smile is just the dearest thing.

Clothes making cuteness. This is her new thing, drawing clothes and now cutting out clothes for their little beanie animals (a pug and penguin). Adorbes.

Finger knitting frenzy - went through a whole skein in a couple days.

Reading. She's reading and I can just see the lights going off as she reads labels, signs, book covers. No hiding anything from this girl now, ha.

Love. She is just full of love and joy and exuberance. She is flexible, inclusive, adaptable, perceptive. Basically surpassing me in every way and I learn so much from this precious child.

Bestie. She has one. L is a kindred spirit and I remember that feeling and I'm grateful she has this gift of friendship.

Florida

Because, we were invited! We spent a week with gma N and gpa K on the beach. Oh, the beach. I can still smell the ocean and hear the waves and feel the sun and sand. I can see the sun rising and the moon setting, and Karis & Judah digging and running and discovering. It was a lovely week of togetherness, we quickly settled into a routine of pool swimming, beach combing, lunch-ing, rest-ing, adventure-ing, dinner-ing. Sprinkle in some Charlie and the Chocolate Factory reading, gma and gpa doing every bedtime . . .

Super bowl. Karis learning to swim, really swim! A trip to see the manatees that weren't there (Judah: "Where are the bananatees!?"). Stopping to see sunsets. A trip to a bird/wildlife reserve and dinner at Captiva. Day trip to see aunt K and uncle M (butterfly garden, swimming, fish dinner, cupcakes), morning speed walks on the beach, chats and coffee and dolphins (out the front door almost!). Dream like. We are deeply grateful for these memories.

Oh, and let's remember "Delta Club". Karis led a game, sparked by their Delta wing pins

And then "Toyza Hoyza", what Judah called the toy store they visited.

We bottled up lots of sunny and warm memories to last way beyond the winter months here.

Just so memorable, grateful.

Valentine's
Sunday afternoon we did our traditional run to Barnes and Noble to spend grandma/grandpa gift (My Little Pony, Thomas) and to use a gift card at Jimmy's. Yum, fun, done.

The day of Valentine's was simple and sweet, fresh biscuits and raspberry jam and purple play-doh and reading Bear Hugs and pink milk and then - well, I just fell into 1 John and then 1 Corinthians (you know, ever pursuing meaningfulness at the busy breakfast table . . . rarely works this way). And I was just really reminded, humbled, challenged to love in action and truth. Some very "duh" things, for sure, and I so need reminding: love is not a feeling. And then sister C sent an article about just that thought, that we can't rely on feelings to love well. Clearly I needed that message.

And then we listened to Love Never Fails. So good.

And then the next day at a meeting I shared all this with my coworkers and a dear friend titled this blog for me: "it's more than pink milk". So true. I didn't even cover St. Valentine - I mean, what a guy, it sounds like .

Felt like a memorable, special day of knowing Love.

More Birthday bliss

L & C turned one, how joyful to celebrate their precious lives! They did a fundraiser-open-house-party, inviting people to party and also give to Ronald McDonald house in lieu of gifts - what an awesome idea. We adore you, love to you all.

Books lately:
Karis - Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, All of a Kind Family, Beatrix Potter stories
Judah - Spaghetti & Yeti, Wonder, Wild Ideas, Hand Hand Fingers Thumb, Beatrix Potter Stories
Andrea - Present over Perfect, Your Sacred Yes, Everyone Brave is Forgiven, The Royal We, Silence, The Art of Memoir, Your Four Year Old: Wild and Wonderful
Trevor - Confessions by St. Augustine, Unfettered - short stories, Bilbo's Last Song, lots of random JK Rowling

Karis-isms: 
- "I wish we could've sat on the other side of the restaurant"
- "Mommy, watch. With a very careful gaze, please"
- "Okay Judah, let's do the feelings dance!"
- "I wonder if they have a bbq side and a dining room side. I hope we can go on the bbq side tonight" (while going to a restaurant, bbq equals bar)
- "What are you giggling about? Am I cute?"
- "I will drink the remains of my milk"
- "Mom, you're a superhero!" (after I pulled a bed out and found her toy underneath)
- She's super into My Little Pony, oh kindred spirit
- "Mom, what does 'duh' mean?"
- "Which honey are you talking about?"
- She loves to create play for her and Judah - recently making beds for their panda bears in their tree house, doing "feelings dances" after dinner, dancing to music before bed . . .
- "No mom, it's a storm trooper"

Judah-Jabbers:
- "Hey mom? Why . . . ?" (all day every day)
- "Is the bug alive or dead? Where did the bug run away to?" (still scared of bugs)
- All in one short car ride: "Why is Judah Moon's skin brown? Why do frogs croak? Why is the sky not blue today?"
- "My favorite princess is Mommy" (awwwwww)
- "Can I hug you at Karen & Martin's?"
- "What are the swimming pool and ocean doing?"
- "Why do Drewie & Melanie have two babies?"
- "Oh yeah, mommies and daddies can get bugs"
- "I NEED SOME PEANUT BUTTER!" (he rarely asks for food, but this is oft requested)
- "I HAVE TOYS IN MY ROOM!" (at bedtime, after lights out . . . rule follower, knows no toys at bedtime and so this upset him. We laughed!)
- "Everett thinks I'm cute"
- "I FORGOT TO EAT MY PANCAKES!" (on the way out of a church pancake breakfast)
- He loves to put his socks on toys . . . hilarious. Over trucks, legos, trains, animals (as gloves on their hands)

And a Happy New Year

January is behind us, the dark days feel gone (already!). I love the cozy winter days. Every year has a different flavor, here's the way this one started . . .

Why not celebrate New Year's (or, keep celebrating Judah's birthday depending on how you look at it) at MOA - I mean, everyone's doing it (read: it was wild). On the 30th We hit Crayola with the kids and met Tay/Kate and Courtney/Dara at Shake Shack. Memorable, wonderful.

Questions for reflection:
What worked this year?
What didn't work?

Having these q's in the back of my mind has helped in stepping back to both affirm all the things that are working here, and empowering to remember we can make some changes for things that aren't. So much is working, I'm grateful.

And then the irony - as I think of what works, many of the things that work are things I wish didn't work. Like weekends - what works is a fair amount of tag teaming kids . . . I wish we would be blissfully together all the time, but that's not what works. Just one example. It's been good to process - even in moments when things are sliding to the side of crazy, I can say, "This doesn't work!" and try to think about a fix (acknowledging not everything is fixable, but there's this thing about parenting that brings out problem solving muscle training).

Word for the Year:

CHEER

I don't even know why, it's just what popped up when thinking about it.

Another thought for the year:
"To Should or Not to Should - that is the question". Another just life long pondering, wanting to live out of not-obligation. Then again, there are times to "should". Hmmm.

Verse for the year: 
The wise woman builds her house (Proverbs 14:1)

Retreat/Work Weekend/Adios Mustache
Why not pack it all in. Mid January found me at a fave weekend away in WI with coworkers, listening and praying and feasting and laughing and connecting and walking across the frozen lake and wearing wool socks, doing morning yoga. It's as great as it sounds. Trev had an intense work weekend and totally rocked it, kids got to spend the weekend with gma/gpa/aunt/uncle. I always enjoy reuniting (even when it doesn't look the way I think it will - sometimes connection rejection). This time there were lots of cuddles and reading and being.

Trev went from work straight to the church so his mustache could be in the annual church video, then he came home and . . . shaved it!

Friday Fun Day
Per work weekend, Trev took a Friday off. Which I tried to not make MY day off . . . we played all morning with Judah at Modern Times Cafe, Minneapolis Institute of Art, World Market. Picked Karis up, popcorn picnic (new Friday tradition), movie dinner, ahhhhh.

Revelations from Hyperventilations
Funny how subtle feelings can be, how I stuff them without knowing. We had some house stuff going on one weekend, which I've learned is an anxiety trigger for me (the unknown, the lack of control?). And by Sunday night my breathing was shallow . . . and then pretty soon Karis was blowing into a balloon while also getting really upset at Judah and Trevor . . . and then pretty soon she was on my lap and both of us had paper bags to blow into. We prayed and breathed and got light together. It was memorable and beautiful. The victory is that I think even a year ago I might've felt guilt and/or shame at feeling anxious, concerned to set that kind of tone in our home. This time it felt natural to just be weak, to seek strength together, to seek help together, to breathe together, to know relief together. Strength in weakness felt tangible in that moment, freeing.

Books the past couple months: 
Karis - Elena of Avalor, Betsy and the Boys, Missy Piggle Wiggle, Armstrong, Sacajawea
Judah - Green Eggs and Ham, Tractor Mac, Old MacDonald had a Truck, Alfie Weather
Andrea - Four Seasons in Rome, Mr. Pettigrew's Last Stand, Flash, My Berlin Kitchen, A Man Called Ove, One Shall Chase a Thousand, Dear Sugar, The Year of Living Danishly, You are What You Love, Essentialism
Trevor - The Brothers Karamazov

Karis-isms:
- "I know that"
- "Wonder Woman doesn't believe in Jesus"
- "You got to do all these things, and grandma and grandpa lived on farms and I just feel like I'm missing out on so many things"
- "Oh, I just wish I could see those babies every day!"
- I'm amazed by her flexibility and she continues to be a joy bringer in our home and everywhere she goes. Welcome to Judah, a leader in play, sharing and teaching and loving so purely


Judah Jabs:
- "What is that man doing? Is he in a dark and spooky place? Is he dying?" (about the print in our kitchen, the traditional old man with white hair praying over a loaf of bread . . . what is it called?)
- "Are there no more spiders in my room?"
- "I got a HUGE gummy at the Mall of America"
- "Did I used to be a baby?"
- "I wanna keep mommy"
- "Kids make cars dirty"
- "Spiderman saves the day!"
- "Well, I'm a smarty pants too!"

Birthday Boy

I was thinking what a gift it is that Judah has the post Christmas birthday - the timing suits my chill, go with the flow, more introverted child. He's delighted by anything (well, at this age anyway) and was happy to own the day in his little ways . . .

I asked him questions about what he wants for his birthday, here are the answers: 
Pancakes
Brown cake
Lemonade
Sing "Hark the Herald Angels"

A Day in the Life of Judah:

As it turns out, Judah loves to narrate his day and will often tell me about his routine: "And then we . . . . ". I think this means he likes the flow. Judah loves a slowwww wake up - time in his room, just rolling around and dozing (we can watch him via video monitor. If we go in too early and interrupt his alone time, uff da). He asks right away, thumb in his mouth, sleep sack on, pootsie in hand: "What are we doing today, Momma?". I tell him, he jumps on his bed and then hops over to me to get dressed (which he can almost do by himself but I do anyway). He hops downstairs and sees what's on the table for breakfast, grazing and playing until we need to leave. Each morning has its own flow - Mondays with Karis (usually playing with friends), Tuesdays random play dates & library runs & sometimes Chick Fil A play. Wednesdays & Thursdays church play group and then work, Friday fun day. Most days we're home by noon, where Judah eats in my lap while I read to him (fave for us both). The nap timer goes off, he grabs a toy and beats me to his room and when I meet him there pretends I scared him and dissolves into giggles. He plays, rests, sometimes sleeps for a while, gets up and we hit the road to pick up Karis. He loves when I read books to him in the pick up line, and he's happy when Karis joins us for the rest of the day . . . usually home to play and rest before a short show, dinner . . . daddy takes him upstairs for "potty/jammies/teeth/Calvin & Hobbes/Bible/pray/bed". We take turns putting each kid to bed, when it's me we read a book, pray, sing Jesus Loves Me, he gives at least four rounds of "Hug! Kiss! One more!" and I say "sleep tight" and he says, "I will!". Or sometimes he beats me to it, "I'll sleep tight!"

Who Judah says his friends are:
Leah, Micah, Mitchell, Teddy

Favorite Color: 
Deep black

Favorite Books: 
Anything Dr. Seuss (Hand Hand Fingers Thumb especially)
Toy Boat
Three Little Pigs
Alfie Weather
Darth Vader and His Son (cartoon-ish - Luke is 4 in this book!)
Yeti Spaghetti


Favorite Activities: 
Rolling tractors around the ground, making roads for them
Playing in the snow, taking all his vehicles out on a parade, sledding, eating snow
Reading in my lap
Washing all his trucks in the bathroom
Playing with friends
Scented markers
Sneaking into Karis's room and messing up her stuff (and putting on her lip gloss)
Kinetic sand
Anything Karis is doing (hero worship, so adorbes)
Making cozy places
Putting dominos into socks as "presents" for others

Favorite Clothes: 
Crocodile shirt
Overalls
Superhero socks

Favorite Foods: 
Banana pancakes
Cheesy beans and peas with curry (or curry and cheese melted on anything)
Peanut butter grilled sandwiches
Raisins
Dipping anything in mustard (even almonds)
Cheesy dates
Big donuts, cake, pop rocks, m&ms

Favorite Question: 
"WHY???". To everything, all day long!

Favorite Shows: 
Sid the Science Kid, Goldie & Bear, Busy Town

Well Visit Stats: 
I'm always grateful for positive well check appointments, I really loved watching Judah this time - answering questions and engaging and pretty much wowing them with his agreeableness and sweet heart. So grateful for health. And just for fun, he's 3' 5" and 36.8lbs.

You are a Precious Child of God and He has a Good Plan for Your Life 
I'm his mom, so of course I'm going to say this guy is just so special. So full of love and life. He's coming into his own with humor and dancing and engaging and thoughtful. If Karis is hurting he is so concerned. If a character in a book looks angry he asks, "Is he rude?". He is sensitive and sweet - and can be plenty spicy too - red in the face mad if you get in his business when he doesn't want you there. He adores people and also knows when he needs his space and loves to be alone to recharge. He either wants to do everything on his own or have everything done for him. He pushes buttons and also badly wants to do what's right. He imagines and chats out loud with his toys and invents his own little games every day.

. . . This guy is so cuddly and spilling over with affection. Many times a day now he'll run up to me saying, "Huggie! Kissie!". Or, "I love you mom. I missed you mom" (if I'm ever away and come back). If I sit down on a chair, he's sure to crawl into my lap and burrow in to suck his thumb and find some rest. He goes with the flow and is mostly agreeable and happy to be exactly wherever he is. He is sincere & tender, silly & solemn.

What Karis wants to say about Judah:
This girl loves her brother. The following written by her on the computer:

judah is fun and loving and kind .

Oh Judah: 
- "Is it still my birthday, momma?"
- "It's my birthday, then it'll be Karisee's birthday in 12 days!"
- "But I just can't MOVE"  (while groaning and standing in place waiting for one of us to come to him). Oh the games.
- "I have lots of love but I can't get it out because it's way deep in. It's deep deep inside me" (in reply to Trev asking Judah to give Gpa Jim lots of love)
- "I need alone time"
- "Mom, Simon says took my special toy" (he called his friend Simon 'Simon says' on a recent play date)
- "Oh, it's okay momma. It was just a little accident. It's okay"
- "Is this steak? I love steak!"
- "Hey mommy, I listened!"
- "I do want to go to school, I promise I won't cry!"
- "Well, DADDY knows!" (when I said "I don't know" while reading a bedtime book)
- "Luke I am your father - do you have to go potty?"
- "I made 5 play dough snails and they're all going to the bathroom"
- "I like to wrap my arms around people's shoulders and give them hugs"

Memorable moment from Judah, in December: 
Recent chats with Judah end with him telling me what he's going to do, but "not youuuuuu, mom". Driving to a friend's house he saw a pond frozen over and here's what followed:
J - Mom! The pond is frozen! Me and daddy and Karis can go skating on it! But not youuuuu, mom
Me - Oh, well, what am I going to do?
J - You can do the dishes . . . and when we get back we'll have dinner.

!!!!!!!!!

The Celebrations

We started with super snowed in pancakes on paper Thomas plates, Thomas cup, Thomas balloon. Watched Finding Dory, all meat lunch, opened gifts.

He helped make a sprinkle angel food cake one day on the prairie, and family gathered to dine and sing. I loved watching him eat his cake just like a puppy, face all in.

For the first time, he caught on that one often receives more than one gift: "Where's my other present?" Yes, he's growing up.

His actual birth DAY we were driving back to Plymouth and he was in charge. I surprised the kids by getting little beanie babies in Steele (where we stop for Caribou and they always play with the beanies while we wait). He chose qdoba for lunch in Fargo, Sid the Science kid for video time when we got home, Burger King for dinner (um, big sister whispered in his ear what she was hopeful for - I totally get that, I STILL do that. Oh my girl, it's hard that little brother has a voice now!).

A couple days later we did the Crayola Experience and met fam at Shake Shack for dinner (highlight for b-day boy was the "HUGE gummy worm I had at the Mall of America!"). This covered New Year's/B-day, pretty efficient we are . . .

Happy birthday, dear son. We're grateful for your life and amazed to watch you live into the fullness of who you are.

Stolen Advent

First . . . backing up . . . pre Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving and after

Elk hunt, happened. All safe, one got an elk, all had fun, all made it home. Grandma (after a week here and a wonderful birthday weekend) drove us to Bismarck where we met Trevor.

We're grateful always to spend holidays in Bismarck - where we really just show up and stay in beautiful homes with amazing people and get fed and watch our kids have a blast. Amazing, we appreciate it more all the time.

Grandma led our very own turkey trot!

This Thanksgiving Day held sadness - my paternal Grandfather, Rodney, passed away suddenly that afternoon. We got the call late afternoon . . . and went to sit with my parents for a while, a precious memory already. I don't have many words, death does bring a new clarity to life and the days we're in right now. For me, death triggers fear (always has). Everyone processes differently as they grieve and navigate new territory of losing a loved one. We are thankful for Rodney and his legacy. The wild gift to me was that I talked to him on the phone that morning, in a flurry before getting out the door to dinner - and I can't remember if I ever ever had talked on the phone with him before? We had a nice short chat, and what peace that brings (and also some regret at how little I reached out to get to know him more). One of my lasting memories is his greeting questions was often, "Hi, whaddya know?". It's a good question, what if I would've answered more fully, or asked it back?

Rather related, as I finish this post in a haphazard way, I'm reading A Man Called Ove and this quote is one I want to plug in here to remember: "We fear it (death), yet most of us fear more than anything that it may take someone other than ourselves . . . ". True, true.

And then, Minot.
We came home for a few days and then hit the road for Grandpa's Rodney's memorial service in Minot.  Journey soundtrack included some of Grandpa Rodney's tunes, Sinatra and Sons of the Pioneers. An afternoon in Bismarck with my parents and brother's fam was a time of reminiscing and togetherness. We got to spend a bit of time on the prairie and on Saturday we stopped quickly at the Lewis and Clark Interpretive Center before settling in at Sammy's Pizza in Minot, an old family tradition. As does happen, loss brings loved ones together and it was meaningful to be with my grandma, dear cousins' families (met their babies!), uncles. The afternoon flowed beautifully with music, rememberings, readings, pictures, honoring Rodney's life. Remarkable. We moved on to a hotel, reconnecting with my grandma, aunt, uncle, cousins - meaningful, grateful, blessed. Watching the kids get comfy around this family, others love on them, inviting them into the fold, heart filling. Not to mention swimming and Karis got a sleepover with grandpa (late night watching Full House & woke him at 6!). Family is it.

And then, Stolen Advent
I think most years I have this feeling of being robbed during Advent. Craving simple, quiet, slow - and that's just not the way the season generally goes. Trying to squeeze in connecting, celebrations, gatherings, programs . . . all so wonderful, loved, intentional, wouldn't trade them. But that feeling, robbed, it's usually underlying. It had to go this year. One night we had our Life Group here and played the "greedy gift exchange" game - hilarity ensued watching the kids get into "stealing presents!". We laughed at the irony of teaching our kids to steal during the Advent season . . . but then, that week, I thought - "Yes, steal! I'm stealing Advent". And sure enough, as the days unfolded, the stolen moments piled up. Quiet moments with my kids at home. Dark night dinners. Slow evenings. A couple silent mornings, listening to choral music and feeling overwhelmed at our need for Jesus, the Gifts we're given. The waiting.

Stealing new ponderings, like the way Mary stayed with Elizabeth 3 months. Two pregnant women together for 3 months, with so much to wonder (worry?) about - what must that've been like? Also, the Wise Men, they captivated me this season. Traveling afar, rebelling, honoring, giving. I wonder what they looked like? Were they good friends? What did they talk about on their journey? Did they hold baby Jesus?

We stole back a cozy Friday night when Karis's Christmas program was moved to the afternoon on a Friday. We stole a donut date with our godchildren and their parents, so sweet. We stole a family sub-zero-Sunday date to Milton's and then drove around looking at Christmas lights - Karis: "This is the best night ever!". I thought so, too.

More stolen moments . . . SNOW/Frostbite/Fake Snow Days

It happened here and what fun. I'm all about bundling up the kids even if it's cold and sending them out for a few minutes - on the really cold days I set a timer, and one time I explained frostbite to Karis. Oops! I forgot my literal child who holds on tightly to ideas. We talk often about frostbite here now. We stole some pretend-we're-snowed-in days, slow days where the kids were able to create and flow and rest and even get a little bored. Books and popcorn by the tree. Painting. Hot chocolate. And, you know, running around inside and putting on summer clothes.

And then, Advent Nights: 
Candles & readings right before bed. The stories and wonderings and repetitions: "The people walking in darkness . . . have seen a great light!" . . . "Come, Lord Jesus, Come". The rhythm of this after dinner ritual brought calm and depth. Oh, and there was that night Uncle T & Aunt T stopped by for dessert and devotions and surprised the kids with gifts and a song/dance . . . just wonderfully stolen.

And then, Christmas: 
"On the Road Again" (Willie), "Country Road, Lead me Home" (Brandi Carlisle), "Must be Christmas" (Jim James). Our soundtrack for the week as we drove  here and there. Celebrating Grandpa Warren's 91st birthday, so much hanging out with our fave people at our fave places. Lunch with a dear cousin. Space Aliens! Church, dinners, presents! Traditions, birthday boy celebrations. Sledding for some, baby cuddles, laughs, chats, late-for-us-nights. Truly tasty, all of these things. So much so, driving back to Plymouth looking at pics and listening to "Country Road", the tears flowed. Thanks sister Cassie for the pics!

And then, a stolen favorite gift: 
Karis retelling the Christmas story before gift opening. The video will play in my memory forever. The next day, K gave us gifts she had shopped for with grandma, precious and spot on and just adorable. Love her heart.

Oh and she also went shopping with my mom to get gifts for us - so genuine and thoughtful.

Oh and there was Judah who, every time I said "Merry Christmas!" would reply, "Merry Christmas to one another!"  (the first time he said it he followed with, "What does that mean, mommy?"). Surely got it from a movie or book?

And then, stolen snowed in memories: 
What adventure to have a Christmas Bismarck Blizzard, sneaky sweet stolen moments. We packed up and unpacked and put our jammies back on and ate frozen pizza.  Watching the wind blow and snow swirl from a safe home on a hill with huge windows. North Dakota weather is unique and unpredictable (what did the pioneers do?!).

Oh, and that night Karis lost a front top tooth - many hands were in her mouth before Aunt M suggested biting into something . . . brilliant and did the trick! An apple bite and pop, it was outta there.

And then, the 12 Days of Christmas:  for future reference, I'm stealing these ideas for later years . . .

Songs & books that flavored this Advent

Wake Awake

Of the Father's Love Begotten

Wexford Carol
Once in David's Royal City

The 24 Days Before Christmas (SO good), Becky's Christmas, Amahl and the Night Visitors

Henri Nouwen's Advent & Christmas, Invention of Lefse (Woiwode)

Picture books: Christmas in the Barn, Christmas is Here, Drummer Boy, The Animals' Christmas Eve, Little Fur Tree, Story of the Candy Cane, Grandfather's Christmas Tree, Christmas in Noisy Village, Christmas in the Country, The Donkey's Dream

Book Quotables: 
From Four Seasons in Rome
"I'm thankful that everything sweet is sweet because it's finite"
"Not-knowing is always more thrilling than knowing. Not-knowing is where hope and art and possibility and invention come from. It is not-knowing, that old, old thing, that allows everything to be renewed"
"Every story seeks, in Emerson's words, 'the invisible and imponderable.'"
"To be a parent and take an occasional day off from being a parent is a special kind of joy - a lightening, a sweetness made sweeter by its impermanence"

Karis-isms
- "I'm talking in a secret burp language!"
- "If only jaquins were real!" (flying creatures in Elena show)
- "So, are you there when the women get pregnant?" (asked to my cousin, Dr. Caitlin)
- "Now THAT'S a garage dad would love to organize!"
- "Please don't write that on your blog"
- "I hope you feel better!"
- "I'm going to write a note to Santa that says 'Dear Grandma and Grandpa, Thanks for the stocking presents!' Because you know, Santa's not real"
- "No, we're not great friends - we're BFF's!" (when Trev said they are great friends)
- "Wow mom, you actually look pretty stylin'" (when I was wearing one of her winter hats)
- "You don't seem very humble about your mustache"
- "I can't sleep until my tooth comes out!" (before losing her first front tooth)
- "I just wanna cry first!" (when Trev told her to take a deep breath before they yanked her 2nd front tooth)


Judah Jabbers
- "You really hurt me, mom" (sometimes every time I simply touch him)
- "Oh, sorry 'bout that, mom"
- "Ow!"
- "You're the best cooker, mom!"
- "You're welcome mom!"
- "Mom, I prayed in my room this morning"
- "Will you stay with me mom?" (while playing with sand)
- "That's what mommy's do mom!" (when I said, "yes, I'll stay here and play in the kitchen"). "And I'll play with sand, that's what boys do!"
- "Can we finish it? Oh yeah, we can finish this one" (books)
- "Hey dad put lights all over our house, can you believe it?! It's all over our carpet!"
- "Oh, that's so grateful of you!"
- "I don't want you to speak to me!"
- "I smell bad breath. Do you have bad breath?"
- "Look at the sunset, isn't it beautiful?!"
- "Hey mom, I listened to you!" (when I called him back inside on a subzero day)
- "No, I need the light on - it's too dark and spooky in here!"
- "Someday I'm gonna grow up to be a daddy and have hot coffee!"

First Day Quotables

First day of school has already turned into first day of fall has already turned into almost Thanksgiving. Whoa . . . So, in typical bullet fashion (because, the expectation of having more time when your kid is in school . . . baloney).

The Happenings:
First Day/school pics
We had a sweet and non-emotional first day of school. Little gifts exchanged, including new music for the car ride, Rain for Roots. SO good, try it.
Karis was so excited to give Busy Town to Judah for the first day of school. Love her heart. Karis is thriving in school, learning quickly, joyfully being true to who she is. Sewing, reading, singing, adding, hot lunch on Thursdays, everything. Grateful.

Like I said, I had this idea that kid in school = more time. Ha ha ha. I've been sucked into a vortex of I don't even know what, but time definitely feels faster.

Dailyness - I love routine and we've found some good ones. Ohhh, let me remember these are some good days . . .

Mondays = ketchup and play
We most of the time run a couple errands and try to connect with friends, Karis is home these days and it's alway a marvelous way to head into the week.

Tuesdays = fabulous and full
We drop K off and go spend time with these beautiful babies and their marvelous momma! Being an aunt is such a joy, these precious littles are special and growing so fast. I'm blessed to get to see them and their mom weekly.

We pick Karis up from school and head to hip hop. She loves it! Ask her to do the coffee grinder for you sometime.

While she's there, Judah and I walk next door to McDonalds for ice cream and decaf. Oh, I love this! 

We zoom home for a quick dinner and life group. Such a beautiful time, always. These people, so vulnerable and real and redeemed and growing. Thankful for these bonds. And the kids, they have their own little time . . . the most recent play is "hot lunch" while they have snacks. Love. Life stories are shared in a safe place, prayers are offered. Oh, and there's always a question of the night - most recent, "do you have/do you want a tattoo?" One among us has one, a latin phrase that means, "and then, Heaven". It's my new favorite thing to say in my head.

Wednesdays = church-y and pancake-y
We usually either host a play group or have a work meeting at the church these days. If we're gonna make pancakes this is the day (because, waffle Wednesday, but pancakes)

Thursdays = Arboretum
This has turned into Judah's preschool with mommy. We meet different friends there to meander and get fresh air and picnic. He owns that place now and can guide us around to the fountain, the fish, the rose garden, the scarecrows, the cafeteria. I've been loving my time with just Judah, his chats are so dear to me and his independent play is pretty great too. We've been keeping his nap time and that too has been wonderment - he eats lunch on my lap and I read books to him, that's probs my fave.

Fridays = crash
Chapel day at school, Judah and I love to go in to sing, hear the recitations, the readings, the message. We often connect with friends after for some play. We are tired on Fridays and a new fave is to come home, hunker down, eat dinner in front of the tube. Ahhhhh. I don't know who enjoys it more, parents or kids.

Saturdays = work hard play hard
We do what we think needs doing, sometimes connect with family for a fire in the back, and when it works we head out for a fam date - which lately means hitting a mall to do an errand (one time Karis and I both found new super on sale bags, her a backpack and me a purse. Loved that) and then do dinner with gift cards. Sooooo satisfying. Added bonus: mall play places = me and Trev can sit and talk, it's like a date.

Recognize: matchy matchy

Sunday = zoomday
I work in the nursery, and am so thankful for this provision. The joy and peace in that place blesses me - connecting with parents, welcoming them and their precious littles. Playing, singing, reading, snacking, bubble-ing. I'm wiped when we come home and the latest fave is laying a blanket in the front and "worshiping", watching the kids bike and soaking in sunshine and resting and not going in the house until I have to.

Shorts
On about the very last day of summer, Judah decided to wear shorts. He went ALL summer in pants. Some battles are not worth fighting. He also puts on shorts when we have life group so he can match his little boy idol, Judah Moon (5yrs old)

Tree Climbing
Both kids. Love climbing.

Pillow Talk
Trying to savor these moments, there have been some tender talks  with both kids at bedtime (you know, the time of day when I'm thinking 'get me to the couch!'). Both Karis and Judah have sweet chats, I'm reminded of how we are all wired to reflect on the day - I always mean to employ the examen around here, an intentional way of naming regrets and joys, putting the day to rest and looking forward to the one ahead.

LA
Trev went from a many days work travel trip to a fun weekend trip to LA. Translate, momma tried to make it fun, there was much grace, and then completely collapsed when he got back. There was a time when Trevor left that I ran around taking care of other people - childcare, bringing meals . . . basically, giving what I wanted/needed for us. It's crazy. A couple years ago my book club dived into the Enneagram and as I continue explore my 2ness it makes sense and has been so helpful to name. Here's a basic summary of the 9 types - I dare you to read all 9 types and try to figure out yours . . .it can be humbling and so amazing at the same time. One time we read them aloud with some fam around the fire, it can be a fun common language. For kicks, here's a (really long) podcast all about it: Enneagram, this is a good one.  All this to say, life is full of learning/growing and now when Trev leaves I know better to take care of myself and my family in ways that nourish us instead of overextend. Instead of bringing meals I invite ourselves over to other people's houses, ha.

BIKES!
I left for a day-retreat (Strengths Finder - take it so we can talk about it!) when I came home both kids could ride bikes without training wheels. Rock it, Trev. We celebrated by listening/dancing to Queen and, of course, Milton's.

Bis
The hunting trip. I love how every time in our home land has its own flavor. This one was tender, as a great man passed away suddenly and his funeral was on the Saturday of our visit. He touched so many lives, including both sides of our families - parents, siblings, cousins. As death does remind us of what a vapor life is, we savor the present and think of heaven and watch the sunrise and hug a little harder. Some special moments were a cousin gathering, so many babies! Apple cider pressing, pet duck for an hour, hiking, bungee jumping (kid style) at the mall, eating fresh game, traditional pancake flipping . . . grateful.

Halloween
Cousin/sibling tradition in the making, all who are available are welcome to come eat and treat. Dads take kids, women stay in to taste their food and chat. Perfect. This year, Laura Ingalls and Cowboy Judah hee hawed their way around the cul de sac. The show stealers award went to Aunt Kate & Uncle Tay & Naomi: Daniel & The Lion's Den.

(pic not from Halloween but just seemed to fit here!)

Girls Away
Early this year, had a girls weekend in St. Paul. Relaxing, refreshing, only responsible for myself. Lovely.  I don't relax well, so this is especially needed/appreciated. Heartland, Penzeys, Cafe Latte, Mama's Happy, watching a great movie together in our jammies, lingering breakfasts at the hotel, all sorts of chats. And, getting back to my fam is always a confusing wonderment. I'm so thrilled to reconnect with them (part of the 2ness), and then connection rejection is a real thing here. So odd and both kids do it. Need me but try not to. Complex. A couple hours and we're back into the swing.

Ponderings
Digging deep, wondering, getting curious, self discovery, seeking to understand others. Thoughts are always swirling. I'm thinking about boundaries in general (even internal ones) as I am feeling . . .  like I'm not making time for some things that bring life (e.g. writing, pictures, creating). I was recently having this uncomfortable and general resentment,  it was itchy and vague and feel it towards myself at times. I feel so good at maintaining and love maintaining, but need space for creating too. The Brene Brown quote came to mind that "people with boundaries have more compassion". I have a hard time with this, I want to do it all for all people (Enneagram 2ness). Coupled with recent Strengths Finders retreat and ongoing Temperament Counseling . . . oh wow, grateful for these tools it can take forever to know ourselves and others. God has made me strongly feeling, sensitive, loving - He has made me to feel a deep need for affirmation and love - something Gerri has been gentle to remind me can only be the most deeply satisfied in God. Freedom. And growing pains too.There's something about parenting that brings so many everythings to the surface. My cousin-sister-soul-friend-counselor told me about the book The Conscious Parent, this quote makes me think of the journey we're on here: "our children facilitate our evolution. We find ourselves exposed to the truly transformative potential of the parenting journey . . . the road to wholeness sits in our children's lap . . . they become our great awakeners . . .". There is just so much to learn from these souls. And there is just so much grace for the taking, going in the right direction.

Hunting
It's coming. This week. The big elk hunt (his mustache is in prime position!). The excitement is building. And with it, the familiar anxiety. I have a terrible habit of borrowing fatigue from the next thing, living in the future. And the reality is we have much to look forward to and there is always grace for the day. Once he's gone, things always unfold beautifully and the blessings are there waiting for us. I'm truly thankful Trev has this hobby and can experience a slice of life that brings him to a beautiful place, an adventure, bonding with fam. Grateful my mom will be coming to town and that we'll be heading to Bis to reunite for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, isn't it still September?! What the?

Book news:
Karis's books: B is for Betsy, Just so Stories, Little House in the Highlands, Penny & Peter, The Sarah Witcher Story
Andrea's books: Way of the Heart, The Invention of Wings, Little Men, The Brothers K, 7 Men, Jude the Obscure, Your Seven Year Old, First Wives, Flash, Conscious Parenting
Trevor's books: I honestly don't know, probably some philosopher for book club or something
Judah's books: Goldilocks, Pumpkin Runner, Ox Cart Man, Where's My Hug?, County Fair, Busy Town, Cat in the Hat, Corgiville Fair, Pumpkin Jack, Too Many Pumpkins, Earl the Squirrel

From The Prairie Thief:
". . . Be nice for your wife to have her company too, I bet. There's nothin' beats havin' a little girl around to talk your ear off and keep you lively."

From The Invention of Wings:
". . . we're all yearning for a wedge of sky, aren't we? I suspect God plants these yearnings in us so we'll at least try and change the course of things. We must try, that's all . . . "
"I was not sorry for loving Charleston or for leaving it. Geography had made me who I was . . . "

From Little Men:
"It takes so little to make a child happy, that it is a pity in a world full of sunshine and pleasant things, that there should be any wistful face, empty hands, or lonely little hearts"

"Happy is the son whose faith in his mother remains unchanged, and who, through all his wanderings, has kept some filial token to repay her brave and tender love"

Crazy reading coincidences:
in 3 books one week (7 Men, Little House in the Highlands, An American Childhood) I read about the Revolutionary War and French and Indian War. It's always a gift to me when this happens, words are so powerful.

From Your Seven Year Old : Life in a Minor Key
"Sevens become aware of comic books" (hello, Calvin and Hobbes!)
"Sevens are aware of the passage of time as one event follows another . . . may like to plan their own days" (Karis loves time)
"May withdraw and say 'no fair'" (um, yes)
"May talk to themselves in front of the mirror"
"easily disappointed"
"in general an age of withdrawal, pulling in, calming down"
"mother is beginning to release her child, just as she is beginning to release her"
". . . also needs her mother to argue with: 'But mom, why do I have to?'"
". . . at heart their relationship is comfortable and sympathetic - enjoy doing things together, write their mothers friendly notes"
"like to help, take on routine chores"
"still quite aware they can get away with more with their grandparents than with their parents"
"less tensional outlets - with fatigue the child may pick his nose or bite his nails"
"children need limits . . . best way is to let your child know what you expect and then reinforce the appropriate behavior"
"flexibility - now and then giving in - on your part can work wonders"
- "Mom I can read!" (while picking up a Sofia book in the car and giving it a try - the light bulb went off, it was one of those moments you wait for)

Karis-isms:
- "I wish I coulda stayed longer!" (when we picked her up early on her first day of school - cautious about lingering tummy trouble)
- "I just LOVE history!"
- "Those kindergartners were just so adorable, walking in their little wobbly line!"
- "I just had the best dream! I was at the cabin with Izzy and we were flying!" (said at 4am in the bathroom, of course)
- "Oh, the Beatles are so wonderful! Certainly better than Slugs and Bugs"
- "Yeah mom, it's actually REAL. Joseph Haydn is a real composer!"
- "I'm the worm veterinarian! They have diarrhea!"
- "We're inspecting the butterfly. Its privates. Don't worry, they don't look like humans"
- "I don't understand how Jesus can be in ALL our hearts at the same time" (asked in the dark at bedtime, cuddling in her rocking chair)
- "I can't believe the Amazon is a real PLACE!" (after reading Just So Stories - before this she thought Amazon was just an online store)
- "But mommmmmmm!"
- "Can you put your glasses back on?"
- "I'm closing my store early because it's the sabbath"


Judah-jabbers:
- "Yeah mom, let's go on a worm walk and jump in puddles! Come come, Mommy!"
- "We can have ginger cookies when Karisee gets home from school?"
- "First I'll draw Samson . . . then Delilah . . . "
- "I'm so proud of Everett and his remote control car"
- "I'm gonna go play in Karisee's room!"
- "Oh, can I see the dingleberries?"
- "What's this one called?" (to every song we hear in the car)
- "Tractor, he's back!" (tree frog)
- "Can God go out of our hearts?" (WHOA. Asked at bedtime when we were talking about Jesus being in our hearts)
- "Look, there's frosting outside!"
- "I don't want to!"
- "Mommy take off your glasses!"
- "Are you just joking? Do you like joking?"
- "I'm just joking!"
- "Is it squishy?" (touching my stomach)
- "Whoa Grandma Carole, you have cool legs!"
- "Please don't scare me" (anytime we very nicely say no to anything)
- "It's life group day, Karisee!"
- "Karisee I'm talking to you! Talk to me!"
- "Thanks mom. Sorry mom. You're welcome mom"
- "And dear Lord, I pray daddy get an elk . . ."
- "Mommy what does this spell?"
- "Interesting, mom!"