As always, the below is written over the course of a month. Too much is happening to keep up with - good things, all. I keep thinking I should have more time as schedules get more predictable and I even have some quiet time when Judah naps while K is at preschool . . .
The big change around here is preschool for little Miss K, pictures below. I sure had a couple weepy moments that first day, but as I write (this sentence - the next sentence maybe written next week at this pace) she is at her 6th day and loving it. She's so "all in", the first day she found the play dough and with nail-biting intensity started to play. Even writing this makes me feel so deeply at the way she experiences life. Her joy is intense, and I so badly want to be right beside her all the time to tell her what is next, that she has so much to offer, that she is always safe. I think she knows these things, but the letting go can feel choking at times. One day last week I picked her up with a few minutes to spare, and snuck around to watch her on the playground. She was wandering around, looking nervous, biting her nails, made my heart want to collapse. I heard somewhere that having children is like watching your heart walk around, and I couldn't agree more. I know, I know, she is FINE. She's more than fine, she's 4, she's growing, she's thriving. I'm thankful. I'm also a crazy momma bear.
This week I got to go on a field trip to a nature center with her class. Precious moments to have "special time" with Karis, which ended at Target where she got to pick out lunch and eat it in the cart where Judah is usually perched. We both loved it all.
And really, the irony is that I look forward to this quiet time so much and then the moment I drop Karis off I can't wait to pick her up.
And thus, my time is drawing to a close and I'm going to hit that "publish" button. Because, really, I typed all the above sentences in one sitting, and that is something! And there is so much more to reflect on, every day the thoughts swim in my mind . . . thoughts about connecting with my children & husband, the importance of family, what grace means, what self-care looks like, how to chill out and just enjoy these days.
(an addendum before "publish" - heard this song on the way home from picking up Karis today. She was playing peek-a-boo with Judah and making him laugh like crazy. Listening to the lyrics flooded my heart with thanks and my eyes with tears: "You make beautiful things . . . out of the dust . . . you make beautiful things . . . out of us". I often feel unworthy to be the mother of these beautiful children, God does indeed make beautiful things out of us, out of the dust. I'm grateful and humbled every day).
Karis-isms: - During her rest time a few weeks ago I heard her open the door and say, "Well, I'm looking for my mommy, but she's not here yet . . . I drew her a picture . . . ". Sure enough when I went up there was a picture. So cute. Today she went into her imaginary world for a while and I have a lot of fun trying to enter it and engage her that way. I tell her all about my wonderful daughter Karis, and she gets a silly smile on her face.
- "I remember when I was still sleeping and Judah kissed me on my ear! That was the best part of my day" (said at bedtime after the first day of preschool. Precious)
- "Mark & Christina's baby is going to ride in my limo!" (long story for another post about recent adventrues)
- "T-O-L-O-M-A . . . " (Karis pretends to spell things - taking a cue from us as we spell many words around here now)
- "When will it be morning time?" (said to Trev many nights before bed, this girl wants to soak in every minute of every day. Inspiring. And tiring.)
- "I'm Princess Paris! Come to my princess dinner and dessert . . . " (pronounced "pair-EES"). Pictures to follow in the next post - such a hoot, she really went into character - and had us all following her around the back yard in pretend play. Precious.
- "Mommy! That looks really nice, with that tea there and stuff" (as I was setting up to host book club. Which as it happens, I never actually told her was here . . . all happened during sleeping hours)
- "How old are you?" (asked at least ten times a day. Also asked of anyone who comes over)
- "I love my brother. Are we going to keep him?"
- "When are we going to move?"
- "Wind, be quiet! Okay, you can go sit over there and pray either out loud or in your heads"
- "When I go to preschool, you get to have special time with Judah" (this always makes me sad, even though I think it's a benign and objective statement. I'm often concerned that she thinks I'm always with Judah, he receives so much from me right now. Such is the sibling situation, though, and we're all learning and growing)
Judah updates:
- Too many to count . . . growing, changing, sleeping, eating, moving, laughing, observing, engaging
- He can grab and stuff puffs and other small things and put them into his mouth (this also goes for very miniscule non-food items such as leaves and twigs)
- Crawling ALL OVER. Love how he's exploring his little world
- Goes to sleep by himself (sucking his thumb) at every sleep time (even bed time). And sleeps a lot - 9-10:30am, 1-3pm, 7pm-7am. Wow, these babies and their development is so fascinating
- Loves to grab Karis's hair
- Kicks his legs furiously, when you pick him up or when he's on his back or on his belly or in the bath. He is a vigorous kicker and it's hilarious
In reading:
Verses that keep coming up in reading/reflecting:
Psalm 16:8 "I keep my eyes always on the Lord, with Him at my right hand I will not be shaken"
Deuteronomy 11:19 "Teach God's ways to your children. Talk about them when you're sitting at home, when you're out walking, at bedtime, before breakfast . . . "
A blog post that I almost sent to everyone I love to say "please read this to understand me".
Read this to "electronically meet" one of my dearest friends/sisters/kindred spirits
From Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris:
"Marriage is eternal, but it's also daily, as daily and unromantic as housekeeping"
"Paradoxically, human love is sanctified, not in the height of attraction and enthusiasm but in the everyday struggles of living with another person. It is not in romance but in routine that the possibilities for transformation are made manifest. And that requires commitment."
"If they (anyone dealing with routine and demanding tasks) are wise, they treasure the rare moments of solitude and silence that come their way, and use them not to escape, to distract themselves with television and the like . . . "
"The capacity for trust that begins in such ordinary encounters, as between a mother and child, can come to have deep religious significance, not only for ourselves, but for the entire community of faith".
From Ex Libris by Ann Fadiman (ended up loving this book):
"Their selves were on their shelves" (talking about her parents)
Karis's faves lately:
Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel
Let's Make a Joyful Noise
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
3 Little Kittens
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