On Lent and Reading

It's a bullet and list-y kind of time of life here . . . and so . . . the long and short of things

Lent: 

I do so love this season - winter into spring, darkness into light, death into resurrection.

The liturgy our children's Pastor put together for families has been a semi-fixture of our days. The child starts by saying "Create in me a clean heart, o God" and everyone else replies, "and renew a right spirit within me".

Lent becomes a time of digging deep for me - of looking inside, at how my actions and attitudes need cleaning up. I've been aware this particular season of God's gentleness and grace as He does this work from the inside out. Random verses and books (not coincidences, mostly passages from Anne Lamott's Small Victories, and Gladys Hunt's Honey for a Woman's Heart) met me over and over, and over and over with things I needed to hear and process. About identity in Christ, about forgiveness and grace and growth and eternity. I'm so grateful. And so very much in process, always. That's life, right? I did also sneak in a viewing of Chocolat, a favorite and so seasonally appropriate.

I also feel this nudging and awareness of what I'm thinking about . . . and trying to refine those thoughts. It's liberating that we can actually choose our thoughts, and how that can change feelings/attitudes/actions. Ironically, I've been learning a lot from my kids - sometimes I can suggest a new thought and send them in better directions, so clearly I can do this for myself too.

To send us into hopefully thoughtful places, we've been doing a lot of Pray as you Go . . . (although I usually only half listen while getting breakfast ready). And plenty of Fernando Ortega and Sarah Reeves. "Sing to Jesus" moved me to tears this morning at the Palm Sunday service, as they changed the banners to red and I couldn't help but remember it really is my sin that put him there. As we enter Holy Week, I pray for the right balance of repentant reflection with hope and victory and the joy of the end of the story. What wondrous love is this, oh my soul.

The happenings: 

- Pope clan gathering in Alex: sweet winter getaway, the first of its kind of just the parents/sibs/spouses. Memorable moments included a time of blessing, water park, lots of hanging, Karis soaking in puzzle and reading time, Judah eating all of Cassie's food while sitting her in lap, walleye dinner,  coffee talks.

- Cousins couples weekend: dear sister cousins and their sig others camped out on our main floor for a quick weekend (what sports!) and we loved doing life with them. They loved on the kids, read books, did puzzles, took Karis out for lunch (and she helped them shop, of course!), broke bread together many times. Snuck in a trip to Glam Dolls too, always fun to share our faves with fam. So grateful to see their couple-selves, strong relationships and honoring and respectful and loving and inspiring.

- 2nd Anniversary of living in our home: why not celebrate? Papa Murphy's and "happy bummer weird" about moving. That moving day was so overwhelming for me, it's a welcome feeling that we're settled and sleeping and just here. SO THANKFUL for this home. And for all the help getting here, and for the moving day (one of the bright spots was whisking the kids away to Mel's, who helped settle me down and get Karis a nap and just keep us company. Life saver). Also memorable, Debbi Jo unpacking my kitchen and short-sheeting our bed (along with her hub). Yes, grateful.

- Flying parties: sometimes to the tune from Peter Pan, "We Can Fly!". Captivating. Hilarious. Get the wiggles out goodness.

- 60th b-day party: what joy to celebrate with family! Kirk E is worthy of a weekend party, we met in Alexandria and he and Nancy planned the time beautifully (not to mention laboriously, so much prep to spoil us all for this occasion): togetherness, table talks, a little sledding adventure, rest, a Tinkerbell movie, a little Sequence playing and some home cooking. Happy Birthday to You, what a gift you are.

- 30th b-day party: My lil brudder turns 30 in April and his wife threw an amazing and wildly successful surprise party for him. For me and Trev, it was a true treat to leave at bedtime (went well, even - thanks neighbor Chelsea). We loved hanging with framily, and seeing Drew literally blown over when the big surprise happened. Many came to honor his life, and I know why and am so grateful for his life (and really, M, what a gift and he is a lucky guy)

- 33rd b-day week: Whoa, it was a week, turns out I'm really a seasoned stretch it out celebrator. Some fancy Groupon dinners . . . a delightful one with D & M, then our first fam of four fancy outing to Lord Fletchers. The eve of the day we loved having dear Auntie Amy, her mom Ruth & Aunt Dar here for Jets, what bliss to be with an old and dear friend. Being known by family and friends is the greatest gift always. Icing on the cake are things that make me feel so understood: lip gloss & scarf, words of affirmation and beautiful cards, fancy thank-you notes, macaroons, tea. I feel so grateful. Time with friends, traditional Potbelly dinner with fam. So much sweet, thick icing! And then making pudding and watching American Tale with Karis - throwback. A highlight was facetime with my parents, and having Karis open and claim my gifts . . . magic bullet, lovely purse, new polish pottery plates - more and more I think birthdays are for the parents, who nourished and continue to pour into my life. I'm beyond blessed by their celebratory ways. Tulips and words from Trevor, my treasure. Ever patient and kind, generous and good. You know your getting older when your birthday gifts to yourself are quality fish oil, a parenting book, and re-opening the extra holes in your ears (was so funny to watch Karis be surprised that they existed. I was surprised they still opened). I really do love getting older.

- Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe puppet show: Karis is captivated! The 1st grade class at her next school put on the production (she had some friends in the performance). We listened to the story over lunch time for a couple weeks, and now Trev's reading it out loud at night. Ahhh, love it.

Why Read (and how it affects my writing . . . and why write): 

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I read and write. The reasons are endless, and I believe both things are just a big part of who God has made me. I love words in all ways - spoken, written, sung, sighed, exclaimed. We all have different passions, and I'm thankful to be hopefully living into them more and more, leaving behind the "shoulds" and embracing the inspiration instead. And as often happens, many "not coincidental" readings have put into words some of what I feel/think/believe/live.

"Words name things. Words open up our imaginations. We clothe our experiences in words and save them. I can transcend myself with words and attempt to let you into my personal world, telling you who I am - and you can do the same with me. All of which makes the world more habitable and less lonely"

"When what I read is good prose or good poetry, it affects my own use of words. More than that, it makes my spirit soar. The right use of language is a gift for the heart."

"I read as a way to work through problems in life; celebrate my joys; for enjoyment, entertainment, because I love beauty. I read to savor my memories."

". . . God seems to know just where I am. It's amazing the way just the right book comes into my life at just the right time. These so-called happenstances, which are probably heaven sent, are often life changers. Sometimes the right books stimulate new devotion, new resolve, new ways to think . . ." (the irony is how much HER book is doing that all for me as I read it. I feel that I owe her a heartfelt letter of thanks for articulating so many things in my heart/mind)

And then there's this excellent blog post by a dear woman in our church.

Sometimes I write because, as Elizabeth Goudge says in The Joy of the Snow, "something has to be done to ease the pressure of certain types of joy". This has rarely been more true than in this season of motherhood. Writing is the way my heart speaks and expresses and captures.


Some other recent quotes: 

"The greatest battles battles of life are fought daily in the silent chambers of the soul" (David O. McKay, quotes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families)

Life gives us disappointment . . . something hurts us, we feel let down. If we nurture our pain, disappointment pushes us down another step. I know of only one remedy, and that is to 'offer the sacrifice of praise,' to discipline ourselves to thankfulness for all that is good in our lives. It takes a decision." (from Honey for a Woman's Heart)

From Anam Cara:
". . . there is a place where our vanished days secretly gather. The name of that place is memory . . . "

From The Joy of the Snow (seemed so apt for the Lenten season):
"Yet in the practice of a strict discipline of penance there is joy. There are few joys so great as the joy of a sense of forgiveness and without a sense of sin one cannot know it."

From Something Beautiful for God (a book about Mother Teresa, this quote is a part of her 'way of love' and really made me think of parenting):
" . . . make me appreciative of the dignity of my highest vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience"

From 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families:
"True humor involves willpower in making the choice to develop a humorous mind-set - to not be reactive, to not be overwhelmed"

similarly, from Joy of the Snow:
"A thread of comedy seems to be twisted into everything which happens to us but the ability to find it requires a corresponding ability not to take oneself too seriously . . ."

Some Karis & Judah books:

The Wind in the Willows

The Story of Easter (such excellent explanations of old traditions that we practice today)

Chronicles of Narnia

For Judah, anything resembling Cinderella (!!!!), including a Valentine's Day book, Each, Peach Pear Plum, and picture albums. On the opposite side of the spectrum, he loves anything with trucks and carries around Little Blue Truck, Good Night Good Night Construction Site. Also anything with monkeys or gorillas.


Karis-isms:

- "I'm playing store! This chair is a hundred dollars. Judah is one dollar"
- "I know! How about we have a 'mommy doesn't work' day?!"
- "Judah, you look like Luke Skywalker!"
- "Judah, can you just stay a better forever?!" (she's heard that one once or twice about herself)
- "I have my secret scroll now"
- "Well, this is the only today we have!" (she's heard that once or twice also)
- "Judah, we're not mad at you, we're just trying to help!"
- "Dear Lord, I pray you'd give Grandpa Kirk a really special birthday and that he'd get lots of cards"
- "I think God is really powerful to change the time and make it lighter when we go to bed"
- "Drew you should go boo Melanie and gleek on her to wake her up!"
- "Mom I saw the moon and there was a cross in it.  I think that's a sign that Easter is coming!"
- "I saw flowers coming down the wall when I was waking up, it was like being greeted by a dream!"
- "Well, you don't see that everyday!"
- "But mooooooommmmmm, I'm not ready for him to go to a big boy bed,  he's not that age!" (I AGREE!)
- "Does anyone want to come to my hair salon?"
- "Daddy, it looks kind of nice to be sick. You just get to lay in your bed all day. You should put your headphones in and just watch a movie" (couldn't have said it all better myself)
- "Do all Trevors start with 'T'?"
- "In the middle of the night I peeked out my window at midnight and saw the big dipper!"
- "I thought I was going to sneeze and then I threw up! I don't think this is my weird for the day, I think it's my bummer" (Um, this at 10pm after a Jets pizza party here. Oh Jets we love you and now we also question how much you love us)
- "Ya-hooooo!" (fave exclamation lately)
- "I hit my head on Judah's brain"
- "Mommy, should we drive you crazy?!" (said while in the car cart at Cub - double meaning that she's unaware of)
- Her most recent creation was an elaborate "theater" in the backyard, made out of huge snow balls. It was impressive.
- She loves to rearrange the toy room, usually involves creating cozy corners
- "Adults know more about kids than kids know about adults" (so true, perceptive daughter)
- "It's a lot of work looking out for eggs. You have to take really good care of them" (dyed Easter eggs from preschool)
- A seemingly simple but meaningful trait I notice lately about Karis (that can get lost in the daily-ness) - she is brimming over with love. She loves so purely, and I'm humbled by her heart. She is incredibly perceptive to those around her, concerned and attentive and caring.


Judah updates:

- He melts and runs to me if Trev is firm with him. When I'm firm, he laughs
- "Bow!" (rainbow)
- "Moooo!" (moon)
- "Gum!"
- "Bus!" (I swear he can say this 1000 times in one car ride)
- "Fries!"
- "Lilla!" (translate: Read Goodnight Gorilla RIGHT NOW!"
- "Dah-doh!" (translate: donut)
- "Tuh-tuh" (turtle)
- "Sarah! April!"
- "Joooo" (juice)
- "Fly!"
- "On!"
- "Again!"
- "Bie-buh" (Bible)
- "Salsa!"
- "Bear!" (translate: Read Brown Bear Brown bear RIGHT NOW)
- "Cuh-luh!" (translate: get me crayons and paper)
- signs please and says "peeeee" in the sweetest voice
- Dances like a crazy man to select songs: "We are the Dinosaurs Marching" and "I Know a Chicken" (both by Laurie Berkner)
- Recent "things of the day": his bus, drinking out of an empty spice container, carrying around toy hot dogs and french fries (he loves to gather several small things and carry them around - even does this when we go to friends' homes), putting on an apron, playing with his cars and trucks, chucking hard objects around
- "Co-luh!" (when he wants to color, which he does love)
- "Ahhhm" (arm, which fascinates him since they're being unveiled after a long winter
- "Boaaaat" (for sled)
- "I pad! Hi i pad!" (while at the apple store with Aunt Debbie)
- "Bookie!" (lots of things have "ie" on the end of them now)
- For about a day he called his pootsie blanket his "poopie". Now it sounds like "poooh-thus". He knows when he needs it, that little square thing and a hug is such a calming thing in his life right now.
- "Rocking!" (loves to rock)
- "Hi, Jesus!" (while we listen to "Give me Jesus" in the car)
- He recently found a packet of kleenex and brought it to me saying, "Kleenex!". Then took out all the tissues and started blowing his nose
- "Poopy!" (yes, while he poops or telling me afterward)
- "Knock knock!"
- "Jesus!" (as in, play the "Give me Jesus" song in the car. And he sings along and it about converts my heart to a melty puddle)
- "Bye _________" (the best transition thing for Judah is to say "bye" to things, which he'll now do on his own)
- "I walk!"
- "Num!" (food)
- "Carry you?" (translate: please carry me down the stairs)
- "Fast!" (in the car)
- "Rocking!" (in the rocker)
- "Cook, cook, cook!"
- "Kitty!" (right before bed, wants to say goodnight to the kitties in his Tiny Bear Bible)
- "Fly! Fox! America!" (all songs in the car)
- "Karis's" (said with lispy s's, pointing out and then grabbing her special things)
- Whenever we talk about the church nursery, he exlaims "Edee! Snack!" (Edith is his fave person there, and he does love cheerios)
- His fave dinner routine is the climb into Trevor's lap (or other people if we're with company) and eat his food
- He climbed out of his crib one afternoon . . . ruh roh. And then never again, I think it frightened him! But now he does play what I call "pootsie games" at sleep times. This involves throwing his pootsie out of his crib and calling "Mama!"
- He started finding comfort in Karis's lap, so precious. He went to her during a play center circle time and crawled on her lap while they played a name game. And at home he'll crawl into her lap and ask her to read a book to him, or randomly give her a hug. Their delight is so mutual (and when you add my delight, the good feelings really flow here)
- His emotions and tantrums are even-ing out (well, at least at the time of this writing), but he can still be our owly up and down little guy - he can scream and turn red in a flash
- Judah continues to be our cozy cuddler, who finds comfort with a big hug when he's hurt, burrows his entire being into you as he lays his head on your shoulder. Something I've noticed is how already he tried to be tough, his face while trying not to cry all while curled in my lap just about breaks my heart. He thinks about people all the time and often will say the names of a couple people right before I put him in his crib. Oh melty man.

Forgot to include this in the last post - this was the day after my ladies' weekend

The simple things in life, cookies while riding in the cart, "driving me crazy"

"cook cook cook!"

The Truly Magical Kingdom

Imagine . . . Karis knows Disney is "out there", but not TODAY. We get her up at 4:30 am and the adventure begins! Minnie Mouse socks and a backpack full of Disney stickers, journal, and other random things that likely just weighed her down . . . chatting and fresca and cookies and most importantly, sitting by grandma - plenty to do on the flight to the dream destination.

It was a true treat to all be on the same airplane, everyone did great and even Judah relaxed between Trev and me for a fair amount of the flight. Van retrieval was smooth and soon we were on our way to Bahama Breeze and lunch outside. Ahhhh, glorious outside. Settling into the lodgings, a walk with my mom followed by a chat by the pool, pizza at the on-grounds restaurant . . . a relaxing start to the time. Kids slept well in the same room, memorable was Karis slipping out to tell me, "Mom, I think Judah pooped". After we got that taken care of, sleep was swift.

First full day, Magic Kingdom. Magic! I had goosebumps walking in and strolling down "main street" and watching Karis's eyes pop out of her head. A few rode the carousel and a couple figured out the Fast Pass situation. We strolled around, rode the magic carpets, had lunch "American Tale" old west style, saw Jasmine, walked through the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse, had the most magical wait for the Peter Pan ride (huge favorite for many), rode the teacups (a couple queasy riders will remain unnamed), rode Dumbo, sailed through It's a Small World, met Ariel in her grotto, had snacks at Gaston's Tavern, danced with Micky & friends, met Tinkerbell (loved her! She greeted Karis by saying, "Karis, that means Grace! But I bet you already know that"). I will recall one overwhelming moment - walking around crowded Magic Kingdom with plugged ears felt a little out of body and I had a moment where I thought, "There is no where to hide": it was in the bathroom, in a stall, and the flushing of 20 commodes was so incredibly constant that I wondered if there was anywhere to go for quiet? Yes, I have introvert moments to the extreme at times. Irrelevant to this recounting but there it is. Dinner was grab and go yummy vittles on the "dock" outside at the Key West Lodge (our accommodations, perfect place for our crew).

Second full day, Epcot. So super. Love that place. Had a blast with grandma, grandpa and the kids going to see Nemo (where a ride was broken, "Crush the turtle got stung by a jellyfish!"), through Journey of Imagination, lunch in Mexico, meeting Mulan in China, gelato in France, meeting Snow White, catching a glimpse of Mary Poppins, strollering napping Judah, cronuts on the way out. Also on the way out was a memorable moment when Judah peed all over me - because of my ignorance about swim diapers. Hello, they are not supposed to absorb water and they do NOT work in a pinch when you run out of regular diapers. Noted. Dinner at Downtown Disney was fabulous and included Irish dancers that were so captivating. Trev and I rushed melting Judah on a bus back for bed while the others took the boat, fun for all.

Third full day, Hollywood Studios. We were there before they opened and zoomed to the Frozen Sing Along - fun for all, plenty of clean adult jokes to keep every age engaged. Then the girls split off to see a Little Mermaid Show, which ended up being much talked about later by Karis: "She got LEGS! Isn't it magical?!". Sure enough, Ariel got legs right there on stage. Then the girls took a bus to the much anticipated Princess Breakfast at the Grand Floridian. I think it was the most impressive to the adults: the best meal (steak and eggs for breakfast, sure thing!). Karis enjoyed it too, got her pic taken with all the princesses, enjoyed Mickey Mouse waffles and then was quite languishing by the end - coming down with a cold, needed rest. So back to our Key West place for some rest, and a walk to the pool, pizza in the room, SuperBowl viewing and early bed for kids (guys got a spot at ESPN where they stayed until the half, so perfect).

Fourth full day, Animal Kingdom. Arrived when it opened and we found our first ride, A Bug's Life. There was a warning that it could be scary for little children . . . sure enough, Karis wanted to leave shortly after it started, and good thing because the others said it got worse . . . Trev, the kids and I found Mickey & Minnie and had a sweet fam photo op. We went on to enjoy more coffee, the safari, a train ride, and then: THE YETI RIDE. I was so excited for this and it didn't disappoint! With some wise eyes on the weather, we grabbed lunch and started packing up right before a deluge. After some gift shop shelter, we made a go for the bus and ended up having a quiet afternoon in the room before heading to the "Boardwalk" for dinner . . . a relaxing pace for the last night there. Back home for some Grandma book bringing/Aunt Melanie reading of Brave Irene and Ferdinand and kid-bed-timing and chatting together. So many precious moments of connecting, so wonderful to be away all together.

Going home day, a normal morning in the room before packing into the van, where Judah so wisely said: "All done. Home". Crazy! We had a smooth journey back. Memorable to me was Judah finally falling asleep on me, and then the drink cart coming by . . . he slept for about 30 seconds. When we got in our car he zonked out, which was such a treat because there happened to be a snow storm and it took about 90 minutes to get home - part of which Karis watched the Little Mermaid video (thank you, Aunt Melanie!) about 30 times. We enjoyed our traditional Qdoba pick up (complete with duo kid meltdown when we didn't stay to eat it there)and an early bedtime.

In a word, the Disney experience was magical. There's just something about that place, the vision that Disney must have had and the legacy that lives on. I totally "drank the kool aid", as they say. I think we all did, and found it so very tasty and satisfying. All in. Loved it, every ride and character and meal and night and morning and interaction and the sunshine and the overpriced coffee and sing along and mermaid getting legs and . . . let's go back someday. I see the value in the togetherness of a place like that, the shared memories and experiences and decisions you make together and bus ride and navigating and following and savoring and watching the kids and everything. And really, especially watching the kids, Karis was at the peak perfect age for imagination and also obsession with princesses. Judah just went with the flow and learned all about princesses and Pooh and rides and that you can thrive on french fries and squeeze applesauce. A Magical Kingdom, in so many ways.


Karis-isms:
- "But mommy, I'm still tired!" (with a smirk on her face, at 4:30. Such a joke-ster)
- "I should be asleep but I'm getting on an airplane!"
- "I see the Pom Pom trees!"
- "This Disney world is so Disney Worldy"
- "She's not as I remembered!"
- "She got legs! It's magic!" (while at a Little Mermaid re-enactment show)
- "Can I have a sword for my little brother" (at a princess breakfast, sweet girl)
- "Maybe we should should just sneak around this place" (at the Grand Floridian)
- "Drewy wasn't sure if the princesses were real. They are real"
- "Can we go to a park that's not a Disney park?"
- "Speaking of Sofia" (pretty sure we weren't speaking of her, she said this totally out of the blue and it was hilarious in the moment)
- "I begged grandma for another bagful of cotton candy but she wouldn't let me"
- "I got to spy Rapunzel's tower first!"
- "We saw Gaston's Tabernacle!" (supposed to be tavern)
- "Belle said waffles are the Beast's favorite!"
- "Snow White called Judah 'prince Judah!'"
- "I can't believe we got to go in Ariel's grotto!"
- "I can't tell you my wish or it won't come true!"
- "My favorite was the Peter Pan ride. How did they do the hat shadows on Grandpa's head?"

Judah jibes:
- He LOVED all the fountains, fans, and buses
- He loved to be carried around and was in a huge "ba ba" phase of pointing to things and saying "ba ba" until the person would name what he was wanting to name
- He pushed through like a champ, remained mostly healthy and happy with a lack of naps and diet of applesauce and french fries
- "I got you!" (a game he and grandma played)
- "Two!" (loved to name things in twos - fans, especially)
- "Cheek!" (while pointing to his cheeks and wanting me to name them)
- "Ride!" (he loved them more than I thought he would)
- "Nemo!"
- "All done. Home" (said in the van on the way to the airport. Scary appropriate timing!)
- Our fam of four slept in one room and Judah conveniently fit in the closet, where he loved banging the doors open and shut as a pre-sleep wind down
- The last couple days were super "mommy don't leave the room". I can tell him about that someday when he doesn't want me to hug him in public

Big people quotes and thoughts: 
- Trev called Drew one night while on a jog where he had discovered a "no close pool". Lost in translation, Drew thought he was excited to report a "no clothes pool"
- Sleep now, giggle later. Inside joke, I guess
- I am in awe of K & N's pure joy and generosity brought us all together in beautiful ways. They lead with grace, set the tone of making the most of the day (even when that meant a relaxing afternoon in the room) and making every moment count
- Oh thank you Grandma Nancy for taking Judah out of the room when he got owly, mother's intuition to help her daughter, I'm grateful
- Dittos to Grandpa Kirk carrying Judah around when he could see my arms sagging
- I'm grateful for Aunt Melanie, who held Karis's sneezed in hand for a couple days straight and jiggled Judah and just adds a delightful dynamic to the family
- And of course for Uncle Drew and his willingness to play hide and seek, set up Sofia for Karis, and talk endlessly about princesses
- Oh Trev, such a sport pushing the stroller, enjoying the ride sidelines when he wasn't up for getting sick on teacups, and keeping track of kids while I avoided getting trampled by the Yeti
- But mostly, just the amazing memories to last forever, irreplaceable, valuable, thankful

Calming the Storms (that aren't even there)

Happy Valentine's Week . . . do you like Valentine's? My mom always made the day special and yummy and fun, so I've always seen it as more of a friends and family holiday. Around here at the moment, it means princess Valentine's for Karis's preschool class, ordering this book for the kids (it's such a winner, adorable rhymes and full of animals for Judah), writing a card and watching an anime movie for Trev, and BOGO Qdoba (a long standing tradition). And jello jigglers in heart shape, the fave tradition of Karis. We also snuck in a donut/coffee delivery to cousins Lee & Caroline and their baby Asher, and an afternoon outing to Barnes and Noble ("choo choo" said Judah, anticipating the trains). And all the way to Qdoba (over and over and over), "Bo-bo!"

But, how is it February, and for journal purposes I've not even recorded Christmas? The memories remain, just yesterday Karis was reminiscing about Christmas: "It's my favorite holiday. I love being in Bismarck, and celebrating baby Jesus, and all the special meals, and presents!" We did have a delightful Christmas season. And then the year started off with many beautiful bangs . . .

The Happenings:
- New Year's - on the eve, cousins and their baby came over for apps and the game "Love Letters" (oh, fun). Per tradition, we were snoozing by 10:30. On the day, Grandma & Grandpa Pan arrived for a couple days of random fun and a pizza party, dinner at Freehouse, some errand running and sale grabbing.

- Friend visit - the Schunk family stayed here mid week on their way back to IA, and we loved getting to know Malachi (he is delicious) and catch up with these fab friends. Most delightful was watching Karis school Jacob in all things princesses. He was a captive audience and her joy was complete.

- Mid winter visits - Grandma and Grandpa Pope arrived for a weekend of catching up around meals and mall walks and dress shops and power walking and Judah-in-arms-dancing. And celebrating Grandma Jim's 94 birthday, wow.

- Trev's company party - Uncle Drew graciously came over for the dinner hour and beyond so Trev and I could go to his company holiday party together at Radisson Blu. Super fun to meet his people and enjoy the atmosphere together (and play black jack together in an effort to win more raffle tickets).

- Retreat - the Children's Leadership Team that I'm (so thankfully and humbly as the nursery coordinator) a part of at church had our annual prayer/work retreat in Amery, WI. It was powerful in ways I can't even give words to. The vision for the children at our church, for the calling on their lives - I'm grateful my children can be part of this village. On top of the quiet, the candles, the intention, the togetherness of these 6 inspiring women - our lovely leader cooked every meal and nourished us heart and soul and body.

- Pope sibling Christmas date night - J & C came and we celebrated Christmas as siblings, a dinner out at Red Stag and evening hang here (added bonus, the sitter put the kids to bed successfully, so great). Love those people, the gals had fun ribbing the guys and sharing stories of socks everywhere and also their endearing qualities.

- Disney! - its own post coming soon, but was so epically wonderfully magical and memorable. Deserving of its own page, for sure.

- Christmas gift retreat - I can hardly manage to share this, it was so over the top, undeserved, once in a lifetime, pinch me is this happening. A few husbands got together and planned a weekend for a few wives. They even created a web site, made a puzzle and gave us each a piece to figure it out . . . this was back in December. The web site unfolded a girls' weekend away to downtown Mpls (perfect distance!) and gave us plenty to look forward to. We all eagerly anticipated the time together (half the fun is talking about and planning such things), and the drama the week before involved lots of "My son just threw up/I have pneumonia/my daughter has an ear infection . . ." So, we were thrilled when the plan was indeed carried out. We walked around practically pinching ourselves as we lingered at Glam Dolls, Mpls Institute of Art, French Meadow, lounged in our motel room, walked across the street to the Melting Pot for dinner, to a town car (!!!!!!) to the Guthrie. Thoroughly loved A Midsummer Night's Dream. Thoroughly loved descending the escalator to our waiting towncar (!!!!). Back to the hotel where we were surely the only ones retiring at midnight - the place was hopping. Slept in until 6:30 (that is not sarcastic), lounged and ate leftover donuts and departed for our 90 minute massages (crazy!), to Dagby's for burgers, to the mall for errands, to Caribou to decompress before re-entry. It was amazing and I don't take even a second of it for granted. Nor do I take my fam for granted - it was bliss to be back together, even though Judah was climbing me like a monkey and melted for 2 days every time I left his sight.

Of course, when the cat's away, the mice will play - the kids and Trev had a great time going to Edinborough indoor park with friends, the library, Little Caesars in front of Cinderella. Trev is an amazing father and I know he enjoyed having the children to himself for a bit.

Recent learnings: 

I've been reading over and over in every form possible (board books, Karis's books, my Book) about Jesus calming the storm. And I know, I know - there are no storms here to be seen. BUT, at times there are waves. The recent one was another round of being sick here right before our vacation. Judah was out of his gourd miserable, Trev was working most evenings, and the night before we flew I ended up with plugged ears and an earache (which might seem silly - but my eardrum popped on a flight in college and it was the worst pain ever and I now live in fear it will happen again. So this random plug/pain was incredibly stormy in my little lake here). I just felt this call to trust, trust, trust. In the little things. In the big things. To be calm, to ride the wave, to know God cares. That's the feeling that remains (because even as I write this I can hardly recall the waves). Indeed, my waves are small. God cares.

I just not-coincidentally  read from Bittersweet (Shauna Niequist):
"The most important thing I learned (about waves) is this: if you try to stand and face the wave, it will smash you to bits, but if you trust the water and let it carry you, there's nothing sweeter. . . I know that to another person my difficult season would have been a walk in the park, and that all over teh world, people suffer in unimaginable ways and manage far worse than my own little list. I was miserable because I lost touch with the heart of the story, the part where life always comes from death. I love the life part . . . I failed to live with hope and courage and lived instead a season whining, self indulgence, and fear . . .I began to live a much smaller story, and that story was only about me. I wanted an answer, a timeline, and a map."

Random thoughts:

This happened to me . . . thankfully caught it, but wow my reaction was very similar to the author's. Not a lot makes me angry, but this, this makes me livid. Enough said.

Loving this blog that focuses on reading aloud (some dear, book club friends were recently featured on a podcast here).

And need to state again, it's not all roses. The moods of a 2 year old and trying to keep the waters calm inside and outside (of me), to set the tone of our home in the midst of busy seasons, to create an atmosphere of creativity yet instilling boundaries. I find parenting to be fully engaging of every part of my being - I often get the urgent sense of "this is the only today we have!". Trying to be our best without striving for perfection, all the fruits of the spirit, giving time and attention to marriage. Well, Lord help me, always.

Something I'm trying to do daily is "love with my eyes". Give my attention, be intentional in the words I say and how I say them, to get down to Karis's level, to enter her world. It's a choice, every day. Because so often, inside I am yearning for: quiet. to get something done. to do nothing at all. to control anything. The moments are rich, the highs are high, the dips feel low at the time but in retrospect not a big deal . . . the growth is significant.

Recent reads (me): 
- They Came Like Swallows
- 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
- Hands Free Mamma
- Beyond the Bedroom Wall
- Far from the Madding Crowd
- Bittersweet
- Understanding Betsy (a children's book that Karis wasn't interested in but is drawing me in)
- Joy in the Snow

Recent reads and "stuff" (Trev):
- I'm Ok, You're Ok
- Antigone
- (listening) to Bob Dylan's latest album with some music-y friends
- going by a friend's invitation to a T-wolves game and enjoying the view from a suite
- visiting Buster's, an old fave, in honor of a good friend's birthday
- re-igniting P90x3

Redent reads for Karis. Who no, doesn't read, so I am continuing to savor our cuddles together while perusing beautiful children's literature together: 
-  The Josefina Story Quilt
- My Island Grandma
- The Smartest Bear and his Brother, Oliver
- Nate the Great (audiobook)
- Charlotte's Web
- Jack (we love Tomie DePaola books and this new one is a winner)
- Peter Pan


A couple book quotes:

From Beyond the Bedroom Wall (a meaningful read for me - I had the author as a teacher for a few classes in college and he truly poured into my life and writing with encouragement and critique)
"There was such a rush and array of detail to daily life (to say nothing of the eternity of detail inside your mind), when your life was divided among husband and children and housework and keeping peace and social obligations and relatives and friends and the community, that there seemed no time of room left for the form there was (in a past age of time). The particular mind."

From Hands Free Mama
"Let joyful imperfection be the chorus of our lives"

I've been amazed and loving lately how the random books I'm reading are hitting the spot - in heart ways, but also in Holiday ways. One took place at Christmas during Christmas (Goudge), New Year's when it was New Year's (Woiwode), one mentioned Epiphany at Epiphany (I forget which book), and just today Hands Free Mama shared a story about Valentine's Day. It's the little joys for me (obviously).

Also this week I read from The Joy of the Snow, and this quote was so refreshing and reminded me or Judah: "Then (when the author was young) in company with all children and most dogs, I thought snow the wonder of the world. The snow-light filling the house with magic as the white flakes drifted down in windless silence . . . how could snow not be one of the wonders of the world?" And indeed, one of the memories from this winter I want to savor is him watching/seeing snow and in his sweet exuberance, saying "snooooow!"

Karisms:

- "I kinda like boys. I don't know why? Maybe it's for their looks or just how they are" (AHHHHH????!!!)
- "I know you just can't marry a man you just met. You have to have lots of dates before you get married" (while talking about Frozen)
- "I wish me and Judah were triplets! Then we could wear the same things every day" (after reading Flicka, Ricka, & Dicka)
- "Daddy, come here at once!"
- Latest imaginary play is house and library
- "Momma, I have an idea. Someday we should stay up all night and sleep all day"
- "Okay momma, Judah and I went to the market upstairs to buy a fat pig, but it wasn't there so I got a barbie and Judah got crayons"
- "And the internet just brought us Cinderella like a flash!"
- "We're going to the GYM!" she was elated to go to open gym at a local place, ran for two hours straight and I look forward to her (hopefully) trying out lessons next season
- "Let's pull up the Grandma Carole chairs!" (love those chairs)
- "Well, I'm just kind of nervous for Valentine's Day. You know, all that pink . . . "
- She continues to set up picnics, play library, work on letters, talk endlessly about princesses and their palaces, and adores Judah completely



Judah updates: 
- Says "cookie" as "CAH-coo"
- "Ahhhh-nie!" (Annie, the sweet woman who watched the children during a meeting I have once a month)
- "Da-da!" (said while pulling into the garage and seeing Trev's picture as "Tobias" up on the wall)
- New-ish words are "Elmo! Noah! Home. Hat. Hot. Puffball. Cheerio. Slide. Hot dog. Cinderella. Duck. Happy. Got you."
- Points to his diaper and tries to say "di-pa" when he needs it changed
- He can point to, recognize, say: "Anna, Elsa, Cinderella (Yella!)"
- Knows what he wants in such an intense way. We call him our "Owly baby" (he loves the book Owl Babies and can say it clearly)
- He's started engaging with/playing along with other kids at play places/play groups. Especially boys just older than him, he cracks up and chases them endlessly
- Signs and says "please" in a sweet way (but of course always always needs to be reminded)
- "Two!" He loves things in twos and names them quite accurately
- "Nose! Toe!" he loves to name toes, especially on the little dog he's taken to carrying around
- "Down!" again, quite accurately
- "Bo-bo!" (his way of saying Qdoba)
- Had his 2 year well check and is almost 3 feet tall and 28 pounds. While taking blood, the nurses said, "Wow, haven't had one like him in a while". The guy is strong.
- "Tea!" he discovered the tasty beverage and loves it
- "Cah-ee" while pointing to my coffee mug
- "Eee-deee!" for Edith, his favorite friend at church
- He loves his crib and wants to lay there endlessly. I'm pretty sure he wakes up earlier than we think and just enjoys some quiet time there. When we do go get him, he wants us to just be in there with him and wails when I try to pluck him out of his haven
- "No, no, Noah!" easy to say and one of his fave books
- "Puh-bah!" for puff ball, a great love of his
- Dinner time is colorful, lately he wants out of his high chair and climbs into Trev's lap to see what tasty offerings he might have

Turning Two

Well, I'm seeing that we definitely have a "Christmas baby", as it's taking me this long to write about his birthday, and also took me until this week to feel my usual grief that "My baby isn't a baby anymore!". It hit me on Wednesday, this feeling of . . .  remembering his birth and all the stages between then to now. Judah's name means "Praise", and do we ever praise God for this precious life that we get to watch, nurture, enjoy, and shepherd.

We celebrated the day (our first day back after Christmas) by doing things Judah loves: french toast waffles, dressed him in his best comfy duds, the nursery kids sang to him, nap time bliss, Eden Prairie Center for play and Potbelly's by a fireplace (one of his fave things lately, fireplaces), home for birthday cake ice cream and the opening of and dancing to the new Okee Dokee Brothers CD. I think it was a Judah tailored day and we soaked in the celebratory mood.

One of my favorite things was how sweet Karis was to him all day - attentive to his wants, trying to make the day special for him. She loves her little brother tremendously and says at least a few times a day, "I'm so thankful I have a little brother!"

I've been updating his baby book and it's always amazing to re-live the memories of his birth, and I can't believe he's 2.

And boy is this guy 2. As I write this today (after composing in my head for weeks) I'm exhaling after a day of my boy coming up to me repeatedly with things in his mouth that shouldn't be there, needing every crayon broken (his new thing), pleading (read: screaming) to listen to "Opera Singer" one more time in the car. Oh my healthy, vibrant, personality plus little son. I do love him. I do love how well he sleeps.

A day in the life of Judah right now:

He wakes up around 7 (although he's getting up earlier lately), happy and raring to go. When I go into his room he's usually looking out the window while clutching to his pootsie. He'll now join me in singing "Rise and Shine!", and then wants me (and Karis) to name everything in his room, he says "baba!" while pointing to: noise machine, heater, humidifier, pooh bear, window, diaper . . . I get him dressed and we head downstairs where he often wants to be held while I get breakfast ready - or we sit down to read from his Hug a Bible for a bit (Daniel and the lions always the favorite, or any story with birds). Play, breakfast (loves frozen blueberries, yogurt with applesauce and oatmeal, french toast, egg puffs). Play (with Karis of course) . . . the morning flies with little people playdates while K is in school, he loves to drop her off and pick her up (and visit the slide and waterfountain in the hallways, and on special days the fish in her classroom) and we do enjoy the quality time together.

Home for some dancing and lunch, whisk away to nap - he often sleeps from 12:30 - 3 (it's awesome). Up for play, bundle up and go outside, sometimes a play date or errand, bang on the piano, melt down and get into trouble, pull stools up to the counter to try to get a treat, scoot around on his scooting toys, color or eat crayons, slap his sister when frustrated, give her hugs to make up (by burrowing his head into her shoulder), name the people on our fridge (Mee mee! and Marco are faves) and just do what toddlers do. He follows Karis and adores that girl like no other.

Trev gets home at 6 for dinner, and he runs to "dada" (finally stopped calling him "mama" just last week). We eat, and then he scurries up with big sister to get his gummies, dance around and enjoy some time with daddy (read: momma gets some quiet . . . for a few minutes, until he scampers back down the steps yelling "Ma maaaaaa!" and then runs to my arms with a huge smile, bright eyes, and gigantic giggles. I love this routine. We go back up together and lay on our bedroom floor for some Big Picture Story Book Bible, prayer for baby bellies and friends (while he climbs all over Trevor).

I bring him to his room for what has become a sweet bedtime routine: rock and read I Love You Through and Through (where he loves to point to his hair and eyes when we come to that part) and then read-sing a sweet little You Are My Sunshine book that he loves. He started singing along. Then he turns toward me and while rocking and eye gazing we sing Jesus Loves me Together - he loves to get to the "so", he can say that. His little singing voice and expressive eyes and pure joy. I could take this for many more years and hope it's so.

He's still attached to his beloved "pootsie" blanket, sucks his thumb to sleep (but not often at other times, unless he's insecure and uncertain). He's gentle and loves babies: "Baby!" and will often give them sweet hugs and get so excited.  When he hears music his eyes light up and shoulders start to shimmy. He loves hamburgers. He points out birds and dogs with enthusiasm. He is joyful and exuberant, cautious and observant, focused and intense in his own ways. His eyes are so beautiful and speak of zest and spunk, depth and calm.

People - you know it's not roses, right? It's easy to write this in baby-book fashion, for the sake of progeny. Also, the deep thoughts and time to write don't often coincide these days. Thanks for staying with me. I wonder what I'll think years down the road reading this? I would imagine I'll miss these days, and probably think they were relatively uncomplicated and completely fleeting.

A recent relevant quote: 

From Beyond the Bedroom Wall (Larry Woiwode):
(talking about memories of this character's children) ". . . whole seasons of and aspects of her children, that their lives as a whole were lived within such short and brightly illuminated early years . . ."

Judah at 2:

- Loves to color
- Loves to break crayons in half (and if he can't break it, wants you to)
- New love is chapstick, and not just any kind. It has to be pink (as in Minnie Mouse or Starburst). I call it his precious
- When you ask how old he is, he'll answer "two" and try to hold up a couple fingers
- Loves vacuums, needs to be held while I use it and crawls up me like a monkey who can't get high enough. He's hilarious. We happen to see a lot of vacuums around and he has to point and name each one.
- Says "no" when I try to sing and dance
- Points to his diaper and say "da pa" and have me say "diaper"
- When he hears the word "popsicle", he wails until he gets one (which is a problem when there aren't any, and Karis decides to say the word)
- His name for popsicle is "pah-skah"
- When he does have a popsicle, he loves to do "cheers" with Karis
- When he has anything that Karis has, he loves to do "cheers" (says "choo!" while bumping items)
- New words: "on, ham, pizza, coat, mall, snow, hot, hat, home"
- LOVES, HAS to have "Cake" on in the car. The song "Opera Singer" in particular
- Has started marching, and wants me to say "marching" while he does it
- Sings "Jesus Loves Me" at bedtime (in his own language, of course). It's the best, he's on my lap and we make eye contact and he rocks back and forth while facing me in my lap and I look forward to this every day and will always treasure the memory
- Lately he thinks every building is a mall: "Maaaaahhhh!" is exclaimed in the car often
- He pulls stools up to whatever surface he sees something of which he's not supposed to have
- He shakes his head to say 'no'
- He makes "ee ee ee" monkey noises while scratching his armpits
- He loves his boots, all boots, putting on boots and walking around the house (his, Karis's, mine, Trevor's)
- He knows where to go for the cookie at Cub: "cu-cuh!"
- I caught him one morning wearing Karis's socks on his hands and scrubbing the toilet. Why did I not get a picture?!
- He is often peeking out of the window from his crib when we go get him



Karis-isms (can't not write about this girl even in Judah's birthday post):

- "Well you know it's your responsibility to figure these things out" (when I was asking her opinion of what we should do to make Judah's birthday special for him)
- "Daddy, can you put on black metal?" (music the kids enjoyed carseat-dancing to on the trip to ND)
- "How about you get a cheap one at Target? That's not too much moneys" (when talking about getting a seat cover for Judah)
- "Well, it's kind of complicated with my slippers" (while carrying a laundry basket)
- "P.S. - we're out of straws"
- "She'll be coming around the cul-de-sac whens she comes . . . " (sung while pushing Judah around in a chair)
- "Oh mom, you'll feel better after a good night of sleep"
- "Let's play freeze tag in the cul-de-sac!" (so fun)
- "You have to hold your breath when we enter the neighborhood until we get to the garage!" (a game she likes to play)
- "Let's not talk about that, let's talk about princesses" (said to our friend Jacob, who asked her about princesses. Professor Karis gave a wonderful informative lecture, very memorable)
- "Let me whisper something into your ear" (the new thing)
- "Oh boy, I'm gonna sleep like a log tonight!"
- "Judah, let's have a block party!" (literally, with blocks)
- "So momma, is a mango an animal?"
- "Well, I want Judah to get what he wants, but it's just so complicated" (when talking about Judah wanting to break her crayons)

budding musician

do we look like we just returned from some long travels? 

cheers!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a thick mustache!

Merry 6th Day of Christmas, by now . . .

I can't help but write down a quote from Pilgrim's Inn that beautifully captured Christmas with children (the reading of which coincided crazily with Christmas, I was blessed):

"And as it turned out, Christmas was for all of them, the grownups as well as the children, a day of sheer delight, one of those magical times that are not forgotten while life lasts, a time when it seems as though nothing can go wrong . . .

" . . . but it was the children who mattered. It was the children who were the point of it all . . . "

The Advent Post that is "la" instead of "blah"

The Happenings:

Elk hunting . . . . success! We all survived, except for one Elk (good job, Drew!)

Lefse making . . . helped make Elk hunting a success, we loved our week in Bis with lots of family - including a cousin-night with lefse and meatballs.

Thanksgiving-ing . . . always delightful and we love the traditions. I don't know many people who just get to show up with their kids and contribute only noise and messes (delight and entertainment and joy too, I know). We are so blessed.

Duck hunting . . . where they didn't even really hunt ducks, but carried on a 14 year (or something like that) tradition of camping out in Bismarck (at a house) and watching their mustaches grow. And then shaving them off (yay!).

Cousin-weekend-ing . . . which made the duck hunting weekend so fun for me and the kids. What a treat to have extended time with my sister-cousins. Staying up late, and watching them play with the kids endlessly and getting to actually talk. What a treat.

Old Fashioned Christmas-ing . . . while the cousins shopped, sister Kate came over to watch Frozen (for the first time in forever!) and then go with us to an Old Fashioned Christmas. Lo and behold, we got to meet 3 reindeer, be by a bonfire, listen to a choir sing carols and play on a sweet playground. SCORE.

De-mustache-ing . . . it happened. I love kissing Trevor's smooth face.

Well-seek-ing and cuddling . . . lots of ickie sickies here. Judah's feet didn't hit the ground for a full two days, and by some grace of God I really savored getting to call off life to hunker down with my littles. Karis got it next, and I sure did enjoy those cuddles too. Memorable is how jealous they each are of my lap. I'll take it.

Water park-ing . . . Judah got better just in time for us to carry out our Christmas celebration plan to go with friends to Waterpark of America. A winner for sure, maybe a tradition (please Groupon do that one again). Memorable was that Karis wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole, so my vision for togetherness and fun was re-adjusted. Also Judah lost it every time I handed him to Trev. I did manage to go down all the big ones, with glee. And Karis had a blast, so fun to watch her joy.

More Lefse making . . . thanks to Stevie & Debbie, Karis got to roll some more and make marvelous memories dancing around to Chipmunks Christmas music. They topped off the time by gifting her with a belly button thrower, a huge hit.

Pizza party-ing . . . some more festive family time with an out of town aunt and uncle, and nearby cousin/wife/baby Asher. Love.

Christmas Program-ing . . . with our dear little daughter as Mary! What a special honor for her to represent this beloved mother. I thought we might have some stories from this one, but wouldn't you know - she put on her dress without a fuss, and said on the way there: "Momma, at first I was shy to be Mary, but now I'm just really excited!". Despite being tired and recovering from a nasty cough, she was so precious and sweet. She was especially tuned in to Judah, waving to him and whispering to Joseph while pointing out Judah to him. Sweet memories.

Engagement-partying-Dinky-towning-Lights-Looking . . . our last day in MN before traveling we got to go to a friend's engagement party at a quaint spot by the river, then hit up Potbelly's in Dinkytown and swung around Hopkins looking at ridiculous lawn/light displays. Memorable.


Some quotes I'd like to remember from past months' readings . . .

St Teresa of Avila
Let nothing upset you, 
Let nothing startle you, 
All things pass;
God does not change, 
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing. 
God alone is enough. 

From Pilgrim's Inn: 
"Holding a child in your arms gives you much the same feeling as pushing your fingers down into the earth when you were gardening, or having your horse nuzzle the palm of your hand for sugar. Quite suddenly you felt that your life was not an isolated thing, but existed in all other lives, as all other lives existed within yours. There wasn't anything anywhere to which you could say, 'We don't need each other'"

"You could awaken response in children just by giving them love, she'd found, like putting baking powder into a cake"

From Happier at Home:

"Yet even though I stood in my own kitchen, with my family in the next room . . . suddenly I missed them terribly"

"It's hard, so terribly hard, to please yourself"

"I thought how breathtaking, how fleeting, how precious was my ordinary day. Now is now. Here is my treasure."


From A Year of Biblical Womanhood (by Rachel Held Evans)

"The Proverbs 31 woman is not a star because of what she does but how she does it - with valor. So . . . . do what you do with valor"

"It has to get messy before it gets clean"

"It's not what we wear but how we wear it . . . and like clothing, modesty fits each woman a little differently"

"Okay, I'm going to just come right out and say it: A lot of women secretly dislike Christmas. Oh, don't get me wrong, we love the picturesque moments. . .  we just hate the anxiety disorder we developed while attempting to produce it. By the time December 25 rolls around we're all out of fight. Drained of our humanity, we have more important things to attend to: dishes, returns, disappointed family, and a mild addiction to whatever holiday-themed coffee product we were pumping through our systems that year"

Hinging on that last quote, I have to say with joy that this year I have prayed (and seem to have received the ability, not always by my own effort) to keep the simple choice in whatever is in front of me - no gingerbread rolling (just dough making, and friends rolled!), no significant crafts except what Karis requests (painting baby cribs with fun glittery paint, playing with dried beans and coloring them as her "treasures", drizzling chocolate and sprinkles on pretzels, making tons of coffee filter snowflakes), very little coupon/deal grabbing urgency. Staying home more and cuddling up instead of trying to do all the festive things to offer around here (which sound fun, but just not right for these ages/stages). I'm grateful. I've mostly been able to replace the hurry with reading with Karis by the Christmas tree, lighting the Advent wreath candles at dinner, not seeing events/ideas as "all or nothing". Some is okay.  It's liberating to be "enough". We've had fun thinking of gifts and the joy we can find in giving people things that bring them delight, talking about the gifts God has given us that we can share, small ways we might show love to those around us every day. My year for the word is/was "present" and I hope this is so in the final days of this year.


Advent listenings and readings: 

"Prepare the way of the Lord" has been our focus

This broadcast had me choking up while driving around one morning with Judah

This friend's blog  I find myself re-reading, trying to soak in her beautiful memories and wisdom

This book has been so meaningful during the past few weeks and will carry on into the 12 days of Christmas/Epiphany

This Advent song

a quote from St Teresa of Avila
Let nothing upset you, 
Let nothing startle you, 
All things pass;
God does not change, 
Patience wins all it seeks
Whoever has God lacks nothing. 
God alone is enough. 

As I write this paragraph at the day of hitting "publish", today's Advent reading was about Mary - which means we're getting so very close to Christmas. Karis and I sat down to read Christmas in the Barn and I found myself a puddle of tears through most of it. I was remembering what it felt like to have my children on my chest right after they were born, and was wondering what it felt like for Mary? To hear the angel, to trust and grow large with baby and then give birth. What was it like to be His mother? She treasured all those things in her heart.

I hope to remain present and treasure many things in my heart the coming days. Karis and Judah are at such sweet, special, hilarious, wondrous ages and I know we'll look back on "these days" before long - and with longing.

Karis's Christmas books (many of which have made me cry and helped center me on the reason for this season. In fact, it's been my favorite part of Advent . . . Karis now looks up at me with any pause to see if I'm crying. The STORY is just so powerful, and beautiful when explained in so many creative ways in children's literature):

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey
An Orange for Frankie
The Year of the Perfect Christmas Tree
A Charlie Brown Christmas
The Christmas Tapestry
The Christmas Eve Ghost 
Great Joy

Karis-isms:
- "Well, I'll just sit here and figure out life"
- "I love being busy!"
- "I love being at my grandmas' houses because they let me do whatever I want"
- "Mommy, did the governor say we can't go outside in this weather?"
- "Judah, hugs not shoves!"
- "No way, Jose!"
- "Grandma knows what you don't like, because she's your mom!"
- "Well, there's not enough time to work and play!"
- "Let's just enjoy the drive"
- "Momma, you can't LIE about the fire!" (said when I told Judah the fire didn't work at the grandparents' home)
- "The Mexican citizens!" (mimicking NPR, seconds of listening before I switched the station)
- "Momma, is the Governor's rule to be quiet during naptime? I know it's his rule to be quiet late at night"
- "So daddy, [some friend of ours] want to go to college, so they're putting coins in a deer and then they bring it to the bank. Hey daddy, should I go to college?" (we ended up deciding she could live here and go to college. HA)
- "Judah, I don't have time to answer your questions right now" (I swear I've never said this!)
- "Judah, let's go take care of our pet flies!" (that were in the bathroom. How?!)
- "Daddy, what did you get an award for? Did you win money?!"
- "Mom, I'm giving Judah Epiphany gifts for his room!" (a drawing of a Christmas tree and a spice bottle filled with small jewelry-making pieces)
- "Kids kinda are in the mood of getting things more than sending things" (!!!!)
- "Momma, do artichokes make you choke?"
- "On the twelfth day of Christmas, my grandma gave to me" (she was serious)
- "I'm having my suck vitamins" (cough drops)
- "Mommy, when I was 3 years old, at rest time I used to sneak . . ." (and then she goes on to confess all sorts of things she did during rest time when such a thing existed)


Judah Updates:
- We were at Trader Joe's one morning after preschool drop off and Judah got so excited and kept telling me "Ee-ah! Ee-ah!" and then peeking his head around a corner. Sure enough, his sweet friend Liam was there with his mom (my friend) Nina. Judah recognizes his friends now and gets so excited to see them (just like his sister)
- He walks up to garbage cans and says "Ishhhh"
- When we get ready to go anywhere he says, "Go, go, go!"
- He loves to say "ho, ho, ho" (his mouth makes the perfect "o" shape)
- He loves vacuums
- He needs all the lights on
- He cannot help but jive to music
- We think he said "Hi daddy" when Trev walked in the room
- He's starting to enjoy books, especially ones with dogs or birds in them
- The best transitional term for Judah is for him to say "Bye!" to things he can't/shouldn't have
- The tantrums have lessened, he's mostly a jolly little fellow
- I love watching this guy run around the yard in his snowpants
- He loves to turn his noise machine on, and has started carrying it around and lovingly placing cloths and wipes over it. I love watching his little mind work
- He loves the snow and being outside, he'll come find me to put his gloves back on if they fall off
- "Hugs not shoves" continues to be something we teach around here, but Judah practices "shove, then hug". It's actually kind of cute, and also quite frustrating
- He loves to "name" everything in his room when he wakes up (which means pointing to them and saying something and waiting for us to say what it is): noise machine! humidifier! monitor! noise machine! light! diaper!
- He loves to put on his boots and walk around (sometimes just one boot and then limps around)
- He likes to sit on things and scoot on the floor
- He traded toothbrushes for water bottle caps and fuzz balls and chap sticks
- He loves apricots and saying "ah-cah"
- He loves to color and lately insists on having the crayons broken in half (???? Funny human being)

Gearing up for some sliding

Judah's roughest day, he couldn't stay awake

Ironic to meet sven 30 minutes after watching Frozen

Apprentice

4 stellar generations

The one that didn't get away

Mary & Bright

Getting suckers while I paid on an errand to our fave restaurant

Life Metaphors (or something like that)

Security in Security Blankets
A horrible thing happened about a month ago: we lost the "back up pootsie". Judah has two security blankets, literally called "pootsies" (made my a lovely woman in ND, given to Karis by my mom when she was a baby - HOW Judah attached to them, I cannot recall, but they are vital for his comfort and sleep). They are adorable and soft and the perfect rectangular size for bringing around. We keep one in the car and one in the house. I searched high and low: grocery store, park, people's homes, library and church lost and found. Finally I just contacted the lovely lady and had a fabulous Facebook conversation with her about my desperation to get MORE POOTSIES PLEASE! She was so understanding (I'm not the first in this situation), she made more and sent them right away. I should've known, my son is smarter than that and screamed in disgust when I handed him the fresh pootsie (slightly different color but same pattern, size, feel). Seriously?!

Karis and I made a master plan to wash them and sleep with them and wear them in for Judah. We each had one. They are delicious. Our plan didn't work.

So it really all got me to thinking - how much security I put in his security blanket! I felt so unsafe with only one Pootsie. It became our "precious" around here, obsessive tracking, leave it in the house (which meant some sad car rides). Pleas to Judah to please love the new pootsies (hello, I spent a silly amount of money on them!). Not a great feeling.

Wouldn't you know, last weekend Trevor PULLED THE POOTSIE OUT OF HIS COAT POCKET. Like a magician. I was having a grumpy morning, but THE PRECIOUS WAS BACK! I was too relieved to even be the least bit upset that the pootsie was in his pocket the WHOLE TIME.  What a day maker. True feelings, how ridiculous. However, Judah melted right into his old pootsie with equal joy and relief. And so, we feel secure again.

Hmmmm.


Stripping down to build up
Our demolished, bare bones basement has me thinking about how to make something beautiful it has to be stripped down. Aren't we like that too? Before we can be formed into our truest selves, we have to know the foundation and sometimes it's messy work. And slow. And costly. And in the end, rewarding. And always in progress.

Speaking your own language that is understood by only one other person (maybe two if you count your big sister)
I wrote this sentence well over a week ago, and now I don't know what I was thinking. I vaguely remember wanting to hold in memory the feeling of being so wonderfully tied to Judah - this sweet feeling of being the one to spend so much time with him and understand him so well. To be a student of his ways and development and words, what an honor! I love looking into his eyes and trying to figure out what he's trying to tell me. He still loves to be held and he'll often turn my face towards him, and then point and "tell" me what he's trying to communicate. He loves for us to name things for him, he'll hold something up and say "eh" until we tell him exactly what he's holding. Oh Judah.


Just a family story
I referred to this in the last post. It involved Karis explaining to her friend in the nursery why she had chocolate on her shirt "So, my mommy was frustrated and she threw a granola bar" (in my defense, I tossed a granola bar, and my frustration was at Trevor, not my children - and THAT is a whole other post, as I really was able to pinpoint some things that were helpful in marriage growth!). Anyway, I laughed and thought: "How do I handle this? I do not want Karis to think we hide things, because we don't. I will tell anyone the granola bar story. But, there is a time and a place - I think that's called discretion? Oh sweet 5 year old, full of grace and transparency. I love her.


The Happenings: 

- Norwex party . . . turns out I like Norwex, had a fun and chill party here. Also turns out that the hostess benefits are awesome as long as 1 person from your party books a party. Now I see how these businesses keep going, I'm in the middle of going against my nature to gently pressure friends to host one. =)

- Trevor's mustache . . . yes, it's a happening all itself. I call it my third child, it receives affection and attention, is talked about and much loved by Trevor. I do not love the mustache but I do love how happy it makes him.

- Halloween . . . family pizza party here with cousins and aunts and uncles, so much fun! Halloween memories for me include cousins coming and going, my parents opening their home with joy for a get together. It was wonderful to be with them and to watch everyone delight in the kids and make connections. Karis canvassed the neighborhood with her dear friend Lucy

- Halloween dressing up . . .  I'm learning that K doesn't like dressing up. It was a crisis before her school party - one that I prayerfully navigated and am thanking God for. I wanted to understand and help her, also knew she was going to have to work it out herself. She decided (after many ideas tossed around and plenty of materials) to be "sunset shimmer" (My Little Pony). Hilariously and wonderfully it was the exact outfit she often wears to school. What is so awesome is how confident she was in her costume - I received reports of her being the first to speak into the mic at the assisted living home and tell everyone about her costume. I'm so proud of/grateful for her confidence and her imagination. 

- Baptism birthday . . . again, a tradition I remember from childhood when my parents would light my baptism candle at dinner. Karis requested "burgers on daddy's grill, because he makes the best burgers with seasoning". We loved celebrating her, reading her verses from Psalm 139, looking at pictures from that special day five years ago. 

- Daylight Savings time . . . makes the days eternal for parents with little ones. I suppose some day I might relish the extra hour. Thankfully the kids have been chipper in the mornings and seem to love playing in the near dark on the deck before dinner.

- Mice . . . Trevor checks his traps every night. He goes to the basement, head lamp firmly attached and a huge smile on his mustached face. I think he loves to torture me as I wait in suspense upstairs and tell him NOT to tell me if there are any caught - but then he tells me if there aren't any caught, which means that if he doesn't tell me it's "clean" then I know there is a dead mouse that he'll bring up after I go to bed. I finally asked him that if he needs to talk about mouse hunting he should maybe call a friend. 

Karis-isms:
- "Sometimes Mary doesn't want me to sit at her table" (I asked if that made her sad - it made ME devastated to hear this) . . . "Don't worry, mom! I trust her judgement" (my heart is breaking as I write this)
- "I'm waiting for my daddy. Is he at the Norwex party?" (said to cousin Caroline from the top of the stairs . . . while I was hosting a party)
- "Daddy, we need to pray for mommy at the T-rex party, that she would have confidence, grace and love"
- Goes around singing "Tis a gift to be simple, tis a gift to be free . . . "
- "Mommy, I ate a jawbreaker, and it didn't even break my jaw!"
- "Bird nests are like hospitals for momma birds"
- "Mommy, how to birds get out of their . . . wait, how do birds get INTO their shells?!" (ask your dad at dinner tonight)
- "These milk duds taste DELICIOUS!" (said through a mouthful)
- "Momma, why is it so DARK?!"
- during "work time" one day (i.e. I email and she does crafts before we cuddle with books in the afternoon) she created a hilarious game called "Go the Cobweb". We played it. She won.
- She's super into playing house, and also set up a delightful "garage sale" in our back yard.
- "Mommy, is it a WHOLE moon?!"
- "I'm drawing Armstrong in outer space"

Judah updates:
- He says "mmm-mmm" with a sweet inflection when he likes eating something
- He loves rocks, and picks some up outside every time we go in to get K from school
- He loves to dig in dirt. And then smear it all over his face
- He says "mmm" when he thinks something tastes good
- He can point to and kind of say "mustache" (Trevor loves this more than you can imagine)
- He lately goes to the very edge of the driveway, looks right at me and says "Nnnno!"
- He goes around doing anything he should not do and says, "Nnnnno!" This includes but is not limited to: hitting me, hitting Karis, opening the garbage door, climbing on the table, climbing on top of the piano . . .
- He is still my squishy little cuddle man, and sometimes comes up for a hug in the middle of play
- He loves to wrestle and be tickled
- He still has a "thing of the day". Always different, you never know what it's going to be (less and less it's a toothbrush - recently it's been a jar of sprinkles, toy spoons, or medicine dispensers)

Baptism memories with 2 outta 3 Godfathers

Sunset Shimmer

another baptism memory, washed in the water . . . sealed with cross

This is one of my very favorites. Judah gets busy to work, and his objects of play are always changing. I wonder what he's thinking? 

The baptism burgers on daddy's grill were satisfying to this dear girl