Sum-sum-summertime

The new norm, catch all bullet point highlight journal. Every summer week seemed to have it's own flavor, each delish in its own way . . .  the overall word for summer: satisfying . . . 

Friends 
Oh this was a wonderful and memorable week. Thank you R family for staying with us and making so many memories. Clearly Karis's sobbing after you left was a clear indication of how much we adore your family. Please come again.
Oh this family, we still miss them. We entered a week of play with their girls, catching up, hanging out, connecting and church-ing a little. So grateful.

Maria Von Trapp said it well: " . . . and that is the ingredient absolutely necessary for good parting: that you will be missed afterwards"

Vikings
That's all. We went to the stadium on a Saturday morning because we had tickets - Karis maybe said it best: "This isn't what I expected", as we were corralled and herded like cattle up escalators, through halls and down again. Glad we did it.

How I feel About Summer - stated by Maria Von Trapp: 
". . . as it went on, we got more and more tired, but we learned that one can be happily tired, and the element of happiness can outweigh that of tiredness"

"One of the greatest elements of human life is the ability to make plans. Even if they never come true - the joy of anticipation is irrevocably yours. That way one can live many more than just one life."

Speaking of Maria, Karis loved asking me every morning, "What happened in Maria today?". So fun to share reading with her.

Birthday

Maybe the longest ever. Here is a stream of consciousness record of events: early birthday dinner with the Pandolfo's at Old Spaghetti Factory, so special. Karis even dressed up for the occasion, and she was immeasurably delighted that we started eating at 7pm (a dream for her, so sweet). Gma and Gpa took her cake shopping, so sweet (literally, love it), and an afternoon of watching Boxcar Children with them all cuddled on the couch. Made a Barbie cake together, shared it with Life Group one night, neighbor friends the next night. A picnic with friends. The day of: you are special plate, opening new music and book and your "palace pets card" (you had seen at a store and loved it so much - had to splurge), cinnamon toast crunch, listening to Slugs and Bugs in the car on the way to church and me having an "I am so blessed to be Karis's mom" blubber session after which Karis just hugged me with an understanding smile. Many friends singing to her at KidsCAN.  Mommy saying "yes" all day on her birthday. Grilled cheese, corn on the cob and raspberries for lunch, Boxcar Children reading, pink macarons together on the deck at your birth time (2:14!), Strawberry Shortcake watching, visiting our neighbor's garden, dinner at Milton's. Saturday mom-daughter mall date to spend birthday money (Disney Store), browse and have lunch. Sunday bbq here with birthday buddy Steve and all the fam. Fancy late twinkle light dinner at French Meadow with Aunt Kate. Splash pad delightful Dierker date. A birthday bbq on the prairie with the Popes/DeKreys. Karis girl, you are soooooo loved. Soooooo grateful for your life, Karis Carole.

Karis - your name means grace and you live that word every day of your life. You are a joy bringer, you are exuberant and full of zeal for life. Every day is an adventure for you, you rejoice in every new chance to live life to the fullest. You are true, honorable, thoughtful, compassionate. You are a teacher, you guide your brother through the days and want to share all your wisdom with him. You love to listen to music and books and drawing in the morning while waking up (you rise and shine early), you adore mornings playing with friends, afternoons cuddling up with me reading Boxcar Children, making "stations" behind the rocker in your room (right now it's a school for your American Girls). You have ND in your blood, you love wandering in the valleys and exploring the prairies. You have a curious spirit and the questions you ask make me ponder myself and remind to have great wonder at the world around me. You love learning what words mean. You are a cat girl - you collect stuffed cats and when you can wish anything you wish for cats. You narrate the day to your brother and you are so kind to let him into your moments and days. You are helpful and always looking for ways to bless others. You are bright and tender and sensitive and spirited and deep.

Quotables: 

Loving If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name (thanks, NR, for recommending!)
"Having a sick child helps make warriors out of ordinary parents"

"There is more than just a bit of the divine in food gathering and preparation. We are all domestic goddesses"

"There is no secret to being in that first percentile, that minority of couples who stay together for life. It's as simple, and as complicated, as keeping that look in your eyes" (If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name)

"To be afraid and to be brave is the best courage of all . . . " (Courage of Sarah Noble)

Peter Pan-ing
"Only adults weep with joy. Children don't. They haven't learned how rare moments of true happiness are" (If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name)

Karis and I shared one of those eternal moments about a week before her birthday. She came into Judah's room while I was getting him up and dissolved into a puddle on my lap: "I don't want to turn 7, I just want to stay 6!". Oh boy, that was out of nowhere. And I was totally not up for it. So I sincerely prayed for patience and wisdom . . . we made it downstairs and sat at the table and got curious together about her feelings. I could see the relief in her eyes to be able to just pour it out, a moment I'll always remember (and I sure hope I can seize these moments as a habit). She was able to articulate, "It's like when you're at Disney World and you just want to stay there forever". Oh! Isn't that so true. We talked about how much of the world and life we'd miss if we stayed in Disney . . .  if we stayed the same age. Memorable moment, and I needed to hear those words for myself. Because really, getting older is mysterious at any age (and yes, I have the happy sad moments when my kids get older too).

Harvest
"Here you go, mommy, here's a tomato for you!" (said by Farmer Judah, who correctly picks the tomatoes and so proudly brings them right to me - instead of squishing them, which I know he'd rather do). Most satisfying were the big yellow tomatoes and also the cucumbers we got from 2 little seeds planted in a barrel. Karis tends to the flowering cucumbers with care, she is loving watching them grow. Judah had a streak of putting on winter gear, ready for fall my boy.

Old Letters
One night Trev stayed up late organizing/scanning/tossing, he left some old letters for me to find on the counter the next morning. Oh wow. We wrote soooo many letters. One of my new thoughts was, I wonder if our kids will read them someday? It was humbling/refreshing to read some of my thoughts, and some of Trev's too. We've grown up together in so many ways, discovering more of who we are and hopefully helping each other.

KidsCAN
We were all all in for the week of "creativity camp" - the focus was Kingdom of God and all the children entered in their areas of dance, puppets, drama, art, media. Their hard and joyful work was inspiring to watch. My 4th year as snack lady was satisfying - shopping for/prepping/serving/cleaning up snacks for 100 each day was . . . rewarding, connecting, tiring. What I love about this job is the random kitchen conversations, and also getting to chat with the kids while they munch. Judah made a little neighborhood, Karis created a church out of scraps with care and intention, she danced with spirit and played the role of being literally lifted up in a time of need. Doing that week together is like a little camp experience for us, so bonding and powerful. And exhausting, just saying. We were tired (or I was, anyway).

From the mouths of former coworkers
We met Trev and his fabulous former coworker Rupa for lunch a while ago and I ended up having a side convo with her that I want to remember. We were talking about knowing our husbands for so long and I ended up saying, "Yeah, when you're so young when you get together you change so much . . . " And she looked at me gently and inquisitively challenged, "Do you really think you've changed?" And it surprisingly didn't take long for me to reply that no, I don't think I've probably changed much, I just keep learning more about my core, being more comfortable with who I am and living into that. The idea/thought probably came more quickly as a result of recent Temperament Counseling (it's been wonderful) that we've been digging into. Just a swirling thought.

Broken Week
Perfect timing, which seems odd to say and is true. We called the week off, hunkered down and loved being home while Karis weathered strep throat (again) like a champ. She was clearly in pain and laid around for 3 days, and didn't complain. Which to me is wild. We cuddled and read and Judah pulled around a blanket and pillow saying, "I'm sick too!" and laid by Karis. He was concerned, adorable. He was also tricked into thinking "painting the deck" with water was awesome, so Karis and I could cuddle outside while he got some fresh air and "worked". Wed. night Trev went to bed at 6 and staved off whatever he felt was coming on . . . by Thursday all were well . . . Trev came home for a run and walked back in the door . . . limping. Bad. My internal dialogue went something like, "Okay, practice compassion. Fake it till you make it. This really sucks". I mean really, I felt awful for him and I also wondered what this would mean as caretaker. And here's what I remembered: I love to take care, I love to be needed. So in those moments there's a sense of purpose and clarity, which makes the days paradoxically peaceful. That and Karis and Trevor don't complain when they're not feeling well, it's crazy. I learned a lot from them.

Here's what I also thought about that week: I'm happy to meet needs, AND I have to trust others to tell me exactly what they need. I'm responsible for what other's ask - and yes, I can guess too and meet needs ahead of asking, but you get what I'm saying.

Here's what I also thought about that week: we are just practicing here. This kind of "broken week" is easy peasy. We will heal. Quickly. So blessed.

Because also in this week, 3 of our loved ones ended up in the ER for various reasons. And that put things into perspective, and also made our hands feel a little tied here - how to help in this season?

Bis BeeBop
We did our summer trip to Bis and fit it all in with lots of family time, tradition keeping, memory making, cousin-shower-helping-attending. New to this trip was getting to be there with my bro and his family, special. And watching all the growing babies in our lives that live in Bis, love love love.

Mother/Daughter Retreat (including the wish)
A book club I've been in since K was born just had a mother daughter retreat - love doing these girl-y things with K. Looking back, I think the evening was a little overwhelming for us both - new territory, lots of people. Some vulnerable things happened too, one of the games was a "human wheelbarrow" relay and my little K had a really hard time finishing it. She powered through and seemed okay, it just brought back memories for me of not loving games like that! We had a time of affirmation where the moms went around and talked to each girl about what makes them special. Beautiful - and also, maybe overwhelming at the time. I wanted to just cuddle K, I've noticed in those situations she needs space, wants to be right by her friends . . . the talks/cuddles come later.
We ended by crushing swedish crackers in our hands (if it breaks in 3 pieces, your wish comes true). Karis's wish: "That I would have 2 cats". HA

Run the Race
All summer the "Kids of the Cross" did  a Run the Race theme during their time together. They learned about different people from the Bible and there was a "p" word for every week: pursue, persevere, proclaim, partner . . . Trev even talked one week about "Pursue". Super fun, they did exercises, skits, memorized and on the last summer Sunday all ages were invited to run a race. The course was mapped out at a nearby park and there was picnic-ing too. The preschoolers did a 1K (which turns out, is kind of long!). Judah ran the whole thing, skipping all the way - Karis went and helped him find the finish line, precious. Karis ran the entire mile and put into practice persevere - I was holding an arrow to show the way towards the end and she was saying, "It's so painful!". When she crossed the finish line she quickly cheered on the ones who were left to cross the line. Memorable day.

Random Faves
Our rhythm this summer was to have full mornings, usually connecting with friends/playing/small adventures - lunch with Judah in my lap reading picture books out loud to both - Judah's beloved nap (K and I "work", read, rest, she watches a little show ((often Strawberry Shortcake)) while I get Judah up and rock/read to him for a while - play in the back until bath/dinnertime. After dinner, Trev has been reading Calvin and Hobbes to the kids all cuddled up in our bed So simple and yet the days flew by. I join after dinner cleanup to enjoy a couple comic strips, devotions, bed - we each take a kid to bed, rotating which one each night. It's been sweet, I forget how quickly these little routines fade and morph, savoring this one.

Back to School-not-perfect-pajama-day
Per usual, I'm writing piece by piece in the morning hours, when it's easy to recall all the glorious moments. Plenty of real life here, lots of it. This week I had planned some smashing end of summer fun - zoo, parks, pajama day, oh my. Tummy troubles hit for dear K, Trev had to work at our rental every night (oh my word, rock star dude - so glad to be doing what I'm doing) . . .  minor hiccups for sure . . .   And still - plenty of bad attitudes (me most of all), humbling hours, regrets, all of it. Life. Mistakes. Learning. It's the week before school and I have this familiar anxious feeling, the one where I start doing crafts that end up looking like Judah did them. I want to do everything and then get hyper and then tired. The new phrase here is to "get curious" about these feelings, which helps.

Wrapped it Up
Summer, that is. At the lake, so glad we could get outta town to end the summer - Karis continued tummy troubles and the weather was just right for being both inside and outside = breaking bread together (including with my college bestie and her fam who passed through), I loved a bike ride with my dad and coffee date with my mom and happy hour with my hub and a meal out with all and laying on the grass and watching Trev rocked the paddle board & kayak, all went on a boat ride, watched Minions, DK lit firecrackers, K made everyone s'mores. Precious, sweet, memorable.

Books
Karis - Courage of Sarah Noble, Betsy & Tacy Go Over the Hill, Boxcar Children, Just So Stories
Andrea - In This House We Will Giggle, The Real Thing, If You Lived Here I'd Know Your Name, The Brothers K, How We Love, The Kitchen House, Coming Clean, Way of the Heart, Invention of Wings
Judah - Hazel's Amazing Mother, Little Blue Truck, The Wind Blew, Little Engine That Could
Trev - Paradise Lost, Macbeth, The Name of the Wind, The Range Wars of the West

Karis-isms:
- "Yeah I like Chuggington better than Thomas - there's no potty talk"
- "Momma, Judah knows how to spell b-u-t-t. And guess who taught him? Me!"
- "Momma, look, there's a rabbit sleeping on the rocks. Or . . . it might be dead"
- "Hey Jude. You pretty little boy" (said while watching a movie and Judah was climbing all over us)
- "I LOVE when you do things like your parents did" (said on a recent sick day)
- "Oh I definitely don't want to sign up to do what they're doing!" (while watching Olympic gymnasts)
- (while pushing Judah on the swing) "Guess what Judah? Mommy's reading a book about Maria from the Sound of Music and guess what, Judah? The dad DIES!"
- "It's kinda handy having a mom!" (indeed!)
- "Momma, guess what?"
- "I'm in so much PAIN!" (said while she turned the corner I was manning while running the mile race)
- "Yeah, we like to keep traditions as much as we can" (after going to the fair)
- "Oh right, probiotic helps your guts!"


Judah Jabbers:
- "I eat train poop! It tastes like cookie powder!"
- "Can I have a birthday toooooo???"
- "I say cookie powder to the rescue!"
- "It's Barack Obama's birthday!"
- "Love you Barack Obama Momma!"
- "I blow a candle and make a wish and it comes true!" (from Birthday for Frances)
- "We played a game. Mr. Fox, Mr. Fox, what time is it? Five o' clock!"
- "We played a game. Yeah. Duck, duck, duck!"
- "I played with my friends at KidsCAN. Yeah. I held Liam's hand" (oh, he has sweet friends!)
- "Watch this!"
- "Chuggington . . . " (sings the theme song)
- "Du du du du du du . . . batman!" (I sing this when I see his batman underwear and now he mimics. Ha)
- "Oh you were a little girl and then you grew up to be a princess? Noooo, you didn't!"
- "It's my fave"
- "I wanna huggie" (oh, love this)
- "I had dinosaurs in my room last night!"
- "My owie went to a healing place!"
- "Karisee, go get dressed!"
- "Yeah, I AM a book boy!"
- "Is it going to be dark soon?" (almost always asks this when I put him to bed).
- "Make sure there aren't any flies in my room!" (he woke up at 11:15 one night sobbing because he thought he saw a fly)

Ketchup

The catch all ketchup post, summer's a flyin':

Fancy Family Dinner
Because, we had gift cards, Because, our children will SIT through a dinner out now. Score! Winner dinner.

Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing
Oh children literature, you speak to me. This page fed my soul on a recent afternoon.

First week of summer/annual night away-at-home/last week of School
Besides some vision migraines (goodness, I thought I was enjoying the week and doing well?! Body said, um no, sorry, you're stressed) we soaked in the last week of school: class girl playdate, Shakespeare Faire (yes, that's how they spell it). Sweet times. Oh, and Memorial Day weekend our kids went to the lake and we picked them up a day later . . . spent our away at home time at temperament counseling, Tay's birthday party and Trev going on an 8 mile run at 10pm. Because, that's what he does.

Reunion/getaway
"Being in a new place helps break the stiffness of the daily grind . . . " (from Happy Wives Club)
Left early the day after school ended for Park Rapids, the annual reunion and extended vacation. Love! Good times, laughs and my fave: Elodie cuddles. Oh that girl, she is precious and snuggly and sleepy and sweet. Loved getting to know her better. Time with "Izzy", headwaters of the Mississippi, girls' coffee date, boat ride to watch a baby loon on its mother's back, ice cream shop, dining together, celebrating 60th birthdays. Terrific togetherness.

"Camping" & Twin Time
With the Dierkers. We are so thankful the invite us to invade their camping space, go swimming, do dinner over the fire . . . thanks, framily and Happy Birthday dear Eliza! I left early to go hang with my bro and his darling children. Oh those babies, heart melty-ness all the time. Being an aunt is such bliss.

12 on the 12th

Wedding Anniversary, that is. Our usual dinner out to Pig ate My Pizza, always satisfies. The day of we did a pizza picnic with the kids, just right. Karis so gets me and gave me the gift of asking every so often that day: "And what were you doing right now?". Yes, reminisce with me! Thankful for this covenant commitment, we're learning more about each other always and growing up together during each new life season.

And because I want to remember:

Lovely intersection of fact and fiction, our anniversary weekend I was in the middle of Joy Comes in the Morning, reading the story of the beginning of a marriage and their reminiscing of coming together . . . helped me get into that nostalgic mode of remembering with joy the journey we've been on so far.

And then fact and nonfiction, I started Happy Wives Club and she nailed it:
"He loves me far more than I have earned. His nature is so much better than mine, and I feel as though I will never compare. I've always known this. What I work so hard to accomplish in my personal life comes with great ease in his . . . "

"creating a happy marriage starts with choosing the right spouse"

"no one is perfect and we all have work to do. Onward . . ."

And then that night my dear sister friend A sent a quote she heard from a priest about marriage - he was speaking to a couple celebrating 70 years. Wow.

And weeks later (but still in June) from So Many Africas:
"We all come to each other the same way, clear and wrapped onto the styrofoam try of our own past. There is such ignorance in young marriage. We think we see, but there are clear layers still to be unwrapped"

Swimming Lessons
Karis passed, I was so thrilled to watch her progress. And crazy randomly ended up meeting some new friends . . . the only other mom in the bleachers was there with her 3 1/2 year old son, watching her olders swim. Kindred spirits, had some great talks, Judah and his buddy played with cars, and we all celebrated graduation swimming-ending-success with McDonald's ice cream.

Cousin Stay & Father's Day
Super summer weekend, got to have dear cousin A and C here for an evening on the deck (they jump roped with the kids); the next day had Father's Day here, great grilling and convo with some in town fam. We celebrate you, Trevor - oh wise and gentle and kind father you are. I love watching the kids pummel you when you get home, cuddle with you (and Calvin & Hobbes) before bedtime, Judah mowing the lawn with you, Karis crawling up on your lap, your Sunday dates with her to read. You enter their world with understanding and compassion, you rock it with ease.

Grandma Camp
Super. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. The best. Middle of the week, Alexandria, Gma N and Great Gma C. A fave memory, Judah looking at us downstairs and saying, "I have to go upstairs and play with Grandma Carole!". We relaxed, the kids swung, went to the beach to "swim" (read: me watching everyone else do things - mom refresh), grandmas' brought the vittles and the care and the laughs.

Potty Training Party
It happened. Judah Rudah just needed a chance - a couple weekend days sticking close to home,  lots of juice, birthday suit, potty chair in the kitchen, with daddy here to lead the process (you rocked it, Trev!). I made the plan, prepped my team, blocked off the weekend and . . . by noon on Saturday (note: I was gone part of the morning and for most of the accident time) Judah totally got the hang and ever since has only had a few accidents. We tried to make the weekend fun so had friends over to grill and took a "wear underwear and see if this works" trip to see those cute cousins. If you want the dirty details, this dude does 2 right when he wakes up, in his diaper. Not worried. Yay for waiting until 3.5yrs!

Second Tooth
It happened. Sunday night of the all-eyes-on-Judah potty party weekend. Sweet little lady padded down after being tucked in: "Um, I think I need to lose this tooth?" So Trev stuck his fingers on that wiggly thing and yanked it. And, it was the sweetest thing. K and I cuddled on the couch waiting for the blood to stop flowing, she chatted, she got our full attention, we made a forever memory. Grateful.

Homeschool Preschool
Pretty random, usually happens on our rare "nothing" days . . . Karis takes the lead. A fave was the letter "V", we did a volcano, a nature walk, painted pinecones. Ahhhh, summer.

July 4th
Stars and Stripes and church outside by a lake and kids tubing with Trevor and relaxing and laughing and Karis making the traditional "happy birthday America cake" and togetherness. A fave was watching the sunset on the dock with my parents and Karis and glimpsing a few fireworks - Karis (probably for the last year the wool will cover her eyes) thought she got to see the finale. Which in a way, breaks my heart and in a way melts it.

Night Away-at-Home/Mommy Vacation/Gparent Camp
Always hard to leave, always good. Trev and I came back here and the kids stayed at the lake for another full day-o-fun: park, DQ, petting zoo, Peanuts movie. Love. Trev worked and I - I will tell you what I did. I rested and read great books and watched an awesome movie and I enjoyed the sound of silence.

Read this and then understand why I don't feel bad about that:
"Like every mother on the planet, from the moment my first baby entered the house, I stopped getting real sleep. Motherhood means I'm always a little bit awake, a little bit alert at all times. One eye open." (from Year of Yes)

Only when my littles are out of my orb can I fully relax - and then I have no choice, I crash. I will say I'm working on doing little refreshes throughout the day . . .  and you know I'm grateful for this life and these precious ones that are in my care. I'm also to a fault "all in", not a relaxed person by nature and . . . growing, always growing.

Oh, and then I picked up Trev and we went to our special spot, Bar La Grassa and then we zoomed home to beat a storm - stopped on the way to get ice cream and Star Wars. So fabulous. And then next morning my house got clean, which truly was so fun. And then . . .

Staycation
Twins game, so fun

And Disney Store for kids and haircuts for ladies and no cooking . . .

And then the Pope clan continued the party with fun gatherings here there and everywhere: literally here, Tay/Kate's, fun restaurants, and a wedding reception at the Arboretum that was totally unique and wonderful. We're so thankful for so much amazing family who come here to spend time with us.

Trev's Birthday
Not exhausting! Perhaps he figured me out, that making a big deal of birthdays brings me joy and makes me really tired. So we spread out the celebration (I am a Pandolfo, you know, and love this part of my fam!) . . . I gave my full attention to watching the latest Star Wars, rented Guardians of the Galaxy for evening viewing (not full attention from me), root beer floats, the day of he got a card and his favorite powerade and gum and a coupon for a Saturday of me joining in organizing the basement. He lit up. Ha! Karis made him ginger cookies and the kids wrote cards and "hid" them in the mail box. He came home early to kayak with Judah and then we did a fam of four dinner at Milton's (great success, kids sat and were so distracted by the surroundings they barely talked). Trev, we adore you and love exactly who God has made you. Wise and humorous and adventurous and rational and renaissance man and music loving and sci-fi devouring and faithful and committed and loving and gentle and . . . thank you for sharing your life with us. We celebrate you!

Reality
Things are real here, people. I'm writing the good stuff. If you're reading this and thinking . . . "must be nice". IT IS. I'm deeply grateful for this season and I'm trying to live it to the fullest. AND there is zero perfect here. Note that I write this during my happy time - early in the morning. Coffee. Podcast (Sorta Awesome, you have to try). Have you heard the term "Threenager?" It's a thing and it stretches me to new heights of self control (or lack thereof, depending on the day). I'm thinking once again about needs - what do we REALLY all need, so we can live and grow together in the fullest way possible.

Quotables:

Clara from Lonesome Dove said it well: "That's progress . . . Rome wasn't built in a day". HA

(referring to the boy she's raising as her own) "I won't have him spitting out food . . . the reason men are awful is because some woman has spoiled them. Martin's going to learn manners if he learns nothing else"

Unrelated to Clara also said it well:
"I got to have sweets, at least," she said, eating a piece of of cake before she went to bed, or again while she was cooking breakfast. "Sweets make up for a lot".

Amen, sister Clara.

Pay Attention
Oh books, oh the Word. Always wild. Two books, one morning, same verse referenced (So Many Africas and The Story of the Von Trapp Family)
"And the Lord said to Abram: Leave thy country and thy people, go out of thy father's house and come into the land which I shall show thee"

And then, again, in two places in one morning, Psalm 31:24
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord"

Amen


Books: 
Judah - Country Mouse, City Mouse, Red is Best, Alexander and the Terrible . . . , Birthday for Frances, Thomas (old school - 1980's version), Miles of Smiles
Karis - Betsy Tacy & Tib, Kirsten, Kit, Boxcar Children, Cody and the Mysteries of the Universe, Ramona and her Father
Trevor - The Trail Wars of the West, 
Andrea - Present, Rising Strong, Joy Comes in the Morning, Happy Wives Club, Lessons from Madame Chic, So Many Africas, Astonish Me, Raising Kids up Without Tearing them Down, The Story of the Von Trapp Singers, Year of Yes

Karis-isms:
- "Ahhhhhh mommy! We're going on our first midnight errand to see Uncle Stevie!" (really just an impromptu after dinner meet up . . . 6:15 pm to be exact)
- "Ohhh look that other fish is coming, he must be jealous!"
- "I was just too tempted, Mommy, I cut a piece of my hair" (I think I suspect why - we had just that afternoon looked at pics of her haircut that resulted from her cutting her own hair)
- "Momma, is it Midsummer Night's STREAM or DREAM? . . . .oh, I thought it was STREAM?"
- "I'm going to be really sad when school is over"
- "I wanna be a teacher someday. A kindergarten teacher"
- "Is that your blog?"
- "I wish on a day like this people could just be naked" (when it was 90 degrees and humid and yuck)
- "Is Marco a boy or a girl? How can you tell?"
- "Momma, is there a only a daddy longlegs or are there mommy longlegs too?"
- "Oh no, you have to make sure they're all getting some!" (while feeding goats at the petting zoo)
- "Momma, it's kind of disgusting, but we got to see a bug go 2"
- "Food trucks aren't my favorite . . . I like to have a roof over my head when I'm eating" (I laughed so hard)
- "Whyever in the world can't Grandpa Kirk come with Gma?"

Judah Jabbers:
- "Thank you for the day!"
- "I want french fries and chicken hands!" (at a restaurant, after I had asked if he wants chicken fingers or a cheeseburger)
- "I just took him apart - I made him die!" (talking about an inchworm)
- "Mommy get new hair!" (said in tone that meant - Mommy your hair looks different please put it back the old way)
- "We're having life group tonight? I'll play with my friends! Judah Moon, Evangeline Moon, and also might there, baby Bella!"
- "I'm wearing conductor pants!"
- "I'll be the conductor! Joshua can ride the caboose!"
- "I'm playing Bob Dylan!" (when he got K's mp3 player to turn on)
- "Yes, Karisee can borrow it for a few minutes!"
- "Is daddy lawn mowering? Is he trimmering?"
- "WHERE'S DADDY!!!!????"
- "We're going camping?" (yes Judah, you can think that we are camping when we simply visit friends at their campsite)
- "Read with two hands, mommy!" (Karis was always like this also at his age, funny)
- "I love daddy. He's my favorite"
- "Well sure, you bet I can!" (when K asked for his help with something)
- "I'll potty train after 5 naps!"
- "WHERE'S KARISEEEEEEEEE????!!!!!"
- "WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"
- "I have to go potty!"
- "I don't WANT to!"
- "Excuse you, mister!" (while trying to get past me in the kitchen)
- "Are you Judah's daddy?" (said to Trev)
- "Let's read 'Chumbo Bar'!" (what he calls Birthday for Frances, because they talk about a chumbo bar lots)
- "Are we going to have dinner at hotbelly's?"
- "Let's get more bananas to make banana pancakes! And we can listen to the song . . ." (one of our new fave breakfasts, thanks to Uncle J!)

&

We use this calendar around here, and do our best to follow the rhythms of the church year. Not a new thing for us, but for some reason this year I was shocked when we flipped from Lent (long) to Holy week (short), to the next page . . . the Easter season - so many tiny little boxes filled the page of that season: March 27 - May 17. Longer than Lent, even! I felt a lightness, Easter had just begun. And I also wondered, now what?

Our Lent theme was "Make Room" - it felt purposeful, tangible, hopeful. It was a beautiful season for our family. And then all of a sudden, Easter, a long season. And I found myself thinking, "I know how to DO Lent, but Easter? How to celebrate beyond marshmallow peeps and caramel rolls and bells and Easter egg hunts and . . .

I'm careful to not make light of Jesus' words "it is finished" -  and yet I couldn't help but think that phrase with some things right around Easter time:

Lent

Easter itself (but not - because it's a long season, wow)

War & Peace (epic! Loved it so much, had a bonding discussion/Russian themed dinner with the gals with whom I read . . . momentous)

Downton Abbey (groan, I know. But really - we savored watching together. And now it's over, sniff)

No tech time morning/evening

Yes, some smallish things but really when added up - we made room. I felt a very hopeful emptiness. And again I couldn't help but merge these seemingly trivial things with the reality of our faith - I found my mind picturing the empty tomb. And I thought how very hopeful emptiness can be, even in our own daily lives. The emptiness from can be room for new, or simply space for quiet.

From Make Room (best Lent picture book ever, imho): 

"We have made time. 

We have made space.

We have made room. 

We are ready now. 

We are different." 

So, we kept making room during Easter - some spring cleaning, keeping our afternoons as simple as possible, staying off the computer morning to naptime. Joy! And yet, still felt a bit aimless. And hopeful emptiness. 

In preparing for a meeting and giving the reflection at the beginning, I realized we made room for a word around here, one that I thought might frame our Easter season: AND. 

&

It's just this thing in my head and heart right now - everything can be both things. AND. &&&&&. So, I tried to celebrate Easter by using & more. Not an original thought AND one that is helping me frame life here.

Joy & Pain - they live together, side by side. And isn't that Easter? Death AND resurrection.

I've Seen Fire & I've Seen Rain
(what I thought when discovering our first tulip - the only one - on the same day we told Karis about Grandma Linnie's death)

Laughter & Crying
I feel this sometimes, how laughter can turn into crying or vice versa, and saw it unfold when we told Karis about Linnie . . .  it was a brisk afternoon and Trevor came home early. We were all in the back, and we lit a fire and sat down around it and just told her. She got a laugh-y kind of look on her face and then just started bawling. It was so tender and memorable, and it helped us to hold her and cry ourselves (I may have had the laugh-y face first too?)

Wild & Wonderful
Examples - me going to purchase a car by myself with two kids
bedtime - wind up and wind down
this stage of life in general - joyful and tiring

The happenings during the Easter season, lots of &: 

Grandma times
We got some good grandma time on her way out of town after being with Lexie & Calvin . . . Milton's, Sunstreet Cafe, Bachman's, picking up Karis. The next week we all hit the road for the cabin and settled in for sunshine sprucing up (I did not partake in sprucing, but I did enjoying watching and doing some kitchen things. And yes, laying on the couch. Uff da, lazy mom needs her afternoon quiet worse than Judah needs his nap). Lovely time together, Trev and I also snuck in a date. Grandmas and Grandpas work hard and play hard, always stunning to me.

Spring Concert
My fave part, watching Karis sing with abandon/pure joy/worship "This is My Father's World". Melting momma for sure. I'll never forget her face, sincere and exuberant. The whole hour was full of wonderful music and sweet faces of all ages. Much hilarity.

Celebrating Linnie
Profound, beautiful, memorable. Trevor, Judah and I went to say goodbye to Linnie the Friday before she died (thinking that the last memory Karis had of her was so sweet, so went while she was in school - something I now regret). She passed peacefully, with her husband and one of her sons by her side. The week leading up to her memorial service was more intense than we expected - Trevor was in and out, he did a wonderful job entering into feeling and processing and grieving while helping with the bulletin, slide show, writing his remembrance speech. Me and the kids had quiet times that week and the phrase kept running through my mind that "Heaven feels close". In a most refreshing way. We had talks about death and heaven and how it's so hard for those who are left here to miss the ones whose bodies are gone and spirits are soaring. Even Judah would ask, "Is Linnie all done dying?" and big sister hopped in with the matter of fact way that children are so good at, "No Judah, Linnie is dead, she already died!". Again, laugh-y cry. Meaningful was an immediate family dinner to share stories and put together picture boards. The visitation was special, so many came to show their love of Linnie. The kids brought great joy. My brother and his family came, which was such a gift - one of the babies' first outings, and it meant so much to us. The next day Trev and Karis left early for the committal at Fort Snelling - it sounded majestic, a gorgeous spring morning, Trev sang/played guitar for "Be Thou My Vision". Judah and I met them at the church, the service was one of the most unique and honoring I've seen - it was real, Trevor and Uncle Steve talked about Linnie's real life with honor and humor and tenderness. I appreciate the way Trev took time - made room - to grieve, to feel, to remember. His remembrance talk was from his heart, his pure and genuine heart.

I was struck by God's care for each person's grieving process. Personally, I had a quiet evening reading some life stories Linnie wrote . . . the feelings and tears were able to flow in those solitary moments. A play date one morning that tender week with two dear friends offered a place to talk - and one randomly gave me a CD that I ended up listening to on the literal hours of driving that came that week of to and from different events. Grateful. Trev, Judah and I had a Friday morning breakfast date, Judah made jelly trains and Trev and I got to really talk and process together. I treasured all the time I got to have with my children, this was our first season of grief as a family of four and I felt so carried.

The evening after the funeral we acknowledged that sometimes you just need a treat: McDonalds was needed. And that night we learned that we can all hold it together for so long and then . . . well, Karis went to bed okay and then soon was crying with thoughts about death - meaningful to my momma's heart was a long time rocking in the dark, praying for peace, proclaiming victory over death. So grateful. Same for Judah, only his wake up and rocking and praying time was at midnight. I will always remember. We needed those moments. It was (is) an honor to celebrate Linnie's beautiful and real life.

(Early) Mother's Day
- Cheers! One of my besties and I celebrated ourselves a few days early at Milton's
- Karis was ever sweet, I found a note on my nightstand Saturday evening, treasure

- We had an early celebration (the best way!) with momma Nancy and Grandma Carole & DK here Saturday . . . played outside, grilled, dessert and gifts on the deck. So special!
- Trev is always so honoring, love you dude

Baptisms of Lexie & Calvin
Oh precious lives, children of God. The service was beautiful and what an honor to be godparents, to know them and pray for them and watch them live into the fullness of who they are created. The celebration with all sorts of family, so memorable and special. We love these little ones to the moon (and their parents, too!). Special to the weekend was dinner with our families of four together the Friday before, and a bigger fam dinner the Monday after. Lots of memory making. Heart soars on wings of gratitude.

Gma Carole here
We had a super week with Grandma Carole, many memorable and treasured and bonding moments. The Dunn Brothers house for Mother's Day coffee on the way to the baptism service. IKEA, Judah and me meandered with her, and she made hilarious people watching comments. Original Pancake House and Van Maur and Trader Joes (with Judah while K was in school), she and Karis had the cutest afternoon while Judah napped - lunch, movie, sewing, Old Maid, chasing and giggling. Adorable. Some of my most cherished childhood memories are with my grandma, so watching Karis make her own, elated. We savored dinner at Ruby Tuesday. Next day some department store shopping, Milton's eating with Grandma Nancy, they went flower shopping and poof - time flies.

Bismarck Baby Trip!
It's been a huge gift to my momma's heart to watch Karis love babies! She adores them all and gets a look of pure joy when holding her cousins. We loved having a day with Elodie, she is captivating and we can't wait to get to know her better soon at "the reunion" and whenever we can gather. Baby Lila is already 5 months and is one of the most joyful bundles I've met. Baby Jeron at 2 weeks old slept and melted into nap cuddles in whomever's arms he landed. Miraculous creations. I'm grateful for our moms who welcome others into their home when we're back, make bountiful meals and create space for togetherness. Huge thanks. Again, heart soars. So high. This was the quickest of trips, always wish we had more room for connecting with friends . . . soon, I hope.

Bedtime chats
This is the new thing when I put Karis to bed. Lights out. Chat. About highs of the day, what we're eager for the next day, and whatever else spills out of that tender heart. Such as, "Mommy, did you ever go trick or treating with a pillow case? What were you for Halloween?". Oh pillow talk, so dear.

Temperament Counseling - we're doing it together after attempting over a year ago . . . loving this, a fun and real way to dig deep and learn and grow together. Illuminating.


The reading quotables: 
From The Scent of Water (Elizabeth Goudge knows exactly where I am at all times - it's bizarre)
"Don't stay up late. When you come up so late, and wake me just when I've got off, I can't sleep again for hours . . . " (a couple in the book was having wife woken by husband stuff going on . . . same thing here, uff da. They ended up figuring it out, we slowly are too)

"Like the very old, the very young were ageless in their unself-consciousness" (I'm continually in awe of the parallels between the young and the old)

". . . with God's help you can command your will when you can't command your feelings. Wish us, feelings seem to be important, but He doesn't appear to agree with us"

"For love alone doesn't doesn't go far enough, it must be charged with understanding"

"Nothing is ever over, you thread things on your life and think you've finished with them, but you haven't because it's like beads on a string and they come around again"

"hope, when deliberately opposed to despair, was one of the tough virtues"

"it had been stripped from her mind the comfortable delusion that she was a martyred woman"

"we grow, mercifully, and growth is just awareness of more and more"


Reading lately:

Karis - Children of Noisy Village, Pippi Goes on Board, Ada Byron Lovelace and the Thinking Machine, What are We Going to do About Alice, Beezus & Ramona (audio), Samantha, Boxcar Children, Old Mother West Wind (with Trev at bedtime), we went on a presidential streak of great pic books and she really loved them
Judah - Rosie's Walk, Boo & Baa Have Company, Waiting, The Wonderful Things You Will Be ("The Balloon Book), Wherever you Are My Love Will Find You, The Doorbell Rang, Amos & Boris, Treasure Hunt, Dogger, Little Red Caboose, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Trevor - Chaucer Troilus & Chresyda, The Annals
Andrea - Scent of Water, This is the Story of a Happy Marriage, A Year in Provence, Lonesome Dove, Found, Life in Motion, Make Room for What You Love, Life in Motion, Presence

Trevor-ism: 
- "Come see how cute we are!" (I loved this so much - said while they cuddled on the couch watching Daniel Tiger. Oh melt my heart and why didn't I get a pic)

Karis-isms:
- "Mom, I had that feeling inside, I feel bad for how I acted about wearing a coat, I'm sorry"
- "Mom I just found my new habit! Sucking my hair!"
- "Mommy, that looks like so much fun to go on a midnight errand!" (watching Taylor & Bob go to Target when we left family dinner at Tay/Kate's house - we have big plans for a midnight errand with Aunt Kate this summer)
- "I wanna just go play so I can forget about being sad"
- "No Judah, I didn't say tractor, CHAPTER!"
- "Judah that's potty talk, you shouldn't say that! Go in the bathroom to say that!"
- "Dad, Lexie needs her pacifier" (said confidently and correctly)
- Quote from a recent school narration about math terms (her teacher pulled me aside laughing about this one):
"Weight - A weight is one of the things that sometimes you use for exercise. Big heavy circles meet at a line. The line connects the circles together. Usually you hold the line up and see if you can do it. Most children cannot do it very well. it is much too heavy and much too well for children to do. Grownups can do it quite easily. Especially men. That is a weight"

- "Mommy, my eyes are GREEN! I have Rapunzel eyes!"
- "Did you used to feel like that?"
- "You gotta be careful of children by tools - you left your tools out!" (to Trev)
- "So momma, you know that day the girls came over? It seems like the grownups always just want to connect and then the kids don't get to hold the babies for very long"
- "Judah want to go to a fancy house? Daddy's taking his clothes to GLORIA'S house. She has velvet rugs and splendid parlors! Mommy, does Gloria have maids?" (this is the sweetest seamstress we love, a woman in her 70's who works out of her home in our neighborhood)
- "Daddy, who's more famous - Bob Dylan or Prince?"
- "Look, Prom is here!" (while at a restaurant)
- "Oh Daddy, I still don't get it! Please just tell me when I'm sixteen or something" (when explaining the concept of buying things from Amazon)


Judah Jibes:
- "Is it tasty?"
- "Blow up a new balloon?" (new after nap tradition)
- "Pop the balloon!" (before dinner tradition)
- "Play with red play dough?"
- "Mommy balloon changed voice?" (yes, I sucked helium out of a balloon and talked to him)
- "Are you having fun? I'm having fun!"
- Judah's side of the conversation me and Judah had on the deck one morning: "I'm sitting in my poop. It's tasty. Yeah. Judah eat his poop? No? Judah get sick and go to the hospital?" (I didn't even suggest the hospital thing, ha!). Hard laughter, I felt it a pity no one was there to enjoy it with me
- "I have nothing. Not a sucker" (as I hear him sucking on something while sitting on the upstairs landing, out of sight of his momma)
- "Can I have some brussels sprouts, mommy?" (said in the sweetest and most sincere voice - hilarious! The boy who won't eat fresh fruit and doesn't love vegetables)
- He loves reading Amos & Boris (which makes Karis groan, when I first read it to her, she bawled because Amos & Boris have to part ways at the end)
- "Can I smell your coffee, daddy?"
- "Wait for me, Karisee!"
- "Is Grandma Linnie all done dying? Is she okay?"
- "I'm a fireworker!"
- "I'm gonna be a BIG farmer! Yeah!"
- "Are we having a jammie day?"
- "Ruby Poop Ball" (new game after going to Ruby Tuesday. Goodness)
- "Yup" (answer to most things, really cute)
- "Can I see my poop? NOOOOOOO underwear! I want a new diaper!"
- "Hi momma" (Love the way he says this when he comes downstairs after brushing his teeth)
- "Mommy, can I have my work book?" (big blue Busy Town Book About Everything)
- "I need a new bandaid!"
- "I wanna cuddle!" (ME TOO, so convenient)