Segreto Ingrediente

I've been wanting to do some Mother's Day reflecting, so here's what was and is on my mind - because I do want to capture/record/journal our most marvelous Mother's Day to date.

First, I think it be an at-times awkward holiday. Many people miss their moms, don't have moms, want to be a mom. I want to be with my moms, but I'm here and I'm a mom. It feels weird to celebrate me, but I want to acknowledge the day and give thanks . . . and really, I'm a mom because of my kids, so is the day about my kids? But then that's kind of awkward/ironic, because (and I've polled some friends on this) at this stage sometimes what moms need on Mother's Day is to be alone for a while. Add to the irony that at later stages moms are missing their (adult) kids and would do anything to be with them. Well, anyway. It's a day, it's past, but for me worth processing a little.

And then there's this thing about expectations/needs/wants (sometimes not known until too late, or known and not expressed . . . both dangerous recipes for disappointment and angst. Also a conversation theme among friends after the day). We did find as our good literary friend Strega Nona says, the "segreto ingrediente" this year: celebrate early. A day early. It was bliss. We went to Penzeys (thanks to my parents) and to Mill Valley Kitchen (thanks to my parents-in-law). We were together, we were out, I was not cooking, the day was gorgeous. We came home, Trev & Karis made and gave me terrariums. So crafty! And then Sunday could just be Sunday - Karis went to a friend's birthday party and while Judah (and Trev) napped I watched part of Anna Karenina. Then we established a new traditions: steak and sweats (pants). Just all, sensational. I am humbled to be able to be a mother, a day to celebrate it sometimes seems like "Well yeah, this is hard" and other times like "Why do I get to do this?".

3 Words?
I read an article lately that asked some "famous" mothers several questions, one being: what 3 words would your kids use to describe you. I've been thinking about this one, more in terms of what words I hope would be used . . .

Visit to Linnie
Judah and I loved a little visit to Grandma Linnie to her care center . . . joined by Aunt Debbie & her friend Val. It was so memorable, watching Judah interact as we painted her nails and chatted. Linnie was hilarious, and kept asking who "that little girl belongs to". Sweet memories.

Discipline?
Just saying, Judah needs some. And I've been reminded about our responsibility as his parents to give that gift to him - it feels so different (everything does) than with Karis. I keep reading in Proverbs about the topic (discipline your son and he will bring you peace - just to name one) and it makes me feel . . . like I need extra doses of wisdom right now.

Donut Duck!
We call her Donut Duck (Karis's name, the flavor sometimes changes) and she lives in a barrel planter right outside our front door. It's crazy, and I'm so thankful she chose that spot to lay her 6 eggs. We discovered 3 of them Mother's Day weekend, saw 3 more several days later. And now even when she's gone (which is rare) we can't even see the eggs because her down is covering the nest so fully. So beautiful. I've given much thought to her innate devotion to nurturing her chicks. We wonder what she thinks about all day, if she gets bored? We hope to be here when they hatch (um, we hope they hatch). Donut is extremely tame, we come and go and talk to her and she just sits there. Devoted.

Can't not think of them
My kids. That's it. I explained this to Trevor - the inability to tune them out even when he's with them here and "in charge". When they are in my orb or even out of it, they are on my mind and in my heart. It's the most all consuming thing I've ever experienced, pretty amazing. And also, constricting. But always, grateful.

Speaking of Trevor 
As I write this, Trev is reading to me from The Onion, ridiculous stories about motherhood, such as: "Mom was so sad she ordered just pizza for dinner". Some are funny. Although for full effect, I would recommend calling Trev and having him read them to you.

Other thoughts to capture that might as well insert here:

Like a Yeti
I recently showed to Karis (via youtube) the "Yeti ride" at Disney World (my fave) . . . and we got to talking about Yetis. She wanted to know what they're like. In explaining this hilarious fictitious creature I found myself using Judah as an analogy. It went something like this and came out of nowhere: "It's like when Judah is freaking out - we know that Judah is actually a very kind, fun, wonderful little creature. But sometimes, he gets so frustrated and feels things so strongly and just doesn't know what to do with his feelings . . . well, I think the Yeti is like that. He's really a very lovely creature, he's just scared and acts out in ways that seem scary." Something like that. Basically silly BUT helped me to remember to laugh and to understand my 2 year old (um, and anyone at any year old, right? Please, right?).

Children's Prayer
Luke 11:9-10
I could spend a lot of time writing on this, but I'll summarize and say I've been so humbled in how I think about prayer . . . by my faithful, wise, wonderful teacher Karis. Before the children's prayer service many weeks ago she asked, "Mommy, will this be a fun meeting?" and I hemed and hawed and basically said, "No! We're praying, this is serious and sacred". Uff da, I was so put in my place as the time was so full of joy and laughter - isn't that so what we learn from children? He asks the children to come to Him, He accepts all offerings and I know He loves their joy and exuberance and energy as they pray. I've also been reminded listening to Karis's askings ("Dear Lord, I pray we'd find Wally and get a lolly . . . " and other such requests). Yes, God wants us to ask. He tells us to ask (verse referenced above). So, I'm trying to pray more like Karis. Yesterday it was, "God, I pray that Judah would have a happy wake up and a calm morning". And I'm thanking Karis often for teaching me how to pray.

Extremely random:
Trevor and I recently enjoyed this article, as we do love our 7pm kids in bed here! No judgement for anyone else AT ALL, but this has worked for us, mostly because we get some time together at night . . . trying to grow in flexibility always and I know kids can bend (even when sometimes their moms seem stiff. Ummmm, me).

Some mom quotes from recent reads:

From the Kevin Leman (he is hilarious) book First Time Mom:
"What you have to capture as a parent is your child's heart. You've got to know your child's heart, help train your child's heart, protect your child's heart, listen to your child's heart. Spend the early years enjoying each other's company and use that time to capture your child's heart."

From The Count of Monte Cristo
" . . . however all other feelings may be withered in a woman's nature, there is always one bright smiling spot in the desert of her heart, and that is the shrine of maternal love."

From Mom . . .  and Loving It
"Moms have experiences every day that make them want to rejoice - or pull their hair out . . . we live so constantly with moments that are out of our control . . . "

From Surprised by Motherhood
". . . mothers never want it to be over. Even the hard stuff. They want it to stop. They may want to find room to breath, to weep, to panic. But they don't want it to end - this delivering, shaping, cheering, loving, bringing life into the world."


Karis-isms:
- "Where's my little cereal with rice krispies and cream half drunk up?" (her version of what Pa in the Little House books calls Laura when he gets home)
- "Ooohhh, momma - the rules are to cheat!"
- "I wish I was four, it's so much simpler!"
- "Well, why not?" (in a positive way, like - hey, let's go for it!)
- "I drew a Yeti!" (she did, it was very yeti-ish)
- She recently got at the library the DVD Donald in Mathmagic Land. It's adorable - old, hilarious, she loves it and so do I. It ends with talking about "the Creator" and so she says, "Mom, so really, this movie is all about God!"
- My little helper girl's new routine is to water flowers/plants outside right after lunch -then she spends a good 15 minutes giving her feet a bath. I love it
- Books: Stuart Little, Thy Friend Obadiah, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, Little House on the Prairie, Betsy Tacy
- "Well, those grandma's really stocked up my treat stash!"
- "It's a block party!"  (said while Judah dumped all his blocks into the trampoline)
- "Momma look, this is the part where he plays chest!"
- "Oh don't worrry, mom - that won't happen for a long time!" (when I was lamenting the speed of their growing up)
- "I hope this turns out how I'm hoping it will" (isn't that such a life long lesson?)
- "Mommy, I think soon we should train Judah for the potty! For now I think we can just hold him over the toilet"
- "It's a sweatshirt, you sweat in it!"
- "Mommy, does the girl have to be younger than who she marries?"
- "No Judah, my name is Karis! But you can call me Mommy" (HA!)
- I'm daily in awe of her love, so attentive and kind and care-taking of all around her
- She loves finding inchworms in the backyard, then making little "homes" for them in plastic cups . . .  securing saran wrap with hair bands and poking the wrap with toothpicks so they can breathe



Judah Jibes:
- "Pretty flower!"
- "Church. Uppa Ava. Cheerios. Sing"
- "Uppa!" (pick me up, please - Karis said this too!)
- "Gummy time!"
- "Cozy sleep sack"
- "Mary Poppins" (loves the book, that was my mom's when she was young)
- "Orange shirt" (loves colors)
- "Play pirates!" (game with daddy after dinner)
- "Mermaid book!" (loves looking at the Hans Christian Andersen version of Little Mermaid)
- "Toot!" (after he toots and then explodes into giggles. Must be inherent - studies should be done on this phenomenon)
- "Help you?" (translate: help me - he's getting so good at asking for help instead of melting into frustration)
- "Hi Judah!" (sometimes even whispered - when he wants you to look at him. And we say it all the time . . . )
- "Su-per-maaaaaaaannnnn!" (which is how I carry him downstairs. More correctly, how I get him to happily be carried downstairs)
- "Hooray (insert: mommy, Judah, daddy . . . )!"
- "Put it on!"
- "Tea time! Treat!"
- "Duck is sleeping! Eggs!"
- "Bye, Chocolate Donut" (the duck)
- "Peek a Boo!" (while bringing Karis the book Peek-a-Boo, to read to him)
- "Read mouse!" (I Love You, Mouse)
- "Play, Caleb! New friends!"
- "Uppa Julia!" (loves being lifted by our little friend Julia)
- "More more more! Little Guy! Little Guy's Daddy!" (while bringing the book More More More to anyone to read)
- "So funny!"
- "Go to sleep!" (while assuming his sleep position - bottom up and arms all cozy at his sides). Said anytime I even slightly reprimand him
- "Green button! Yellow button!" (said while pointing to the big dots on his pootise blanket)
- "Go go bananas! Slice bananas!" (part of Karis's dance class routine that he loves)
- Judah still loves to process his day when he goes to sleep and I still savor those moments of eye to eye focused "conversation" - "Play daddy. Gentle friends. Play Cisco! Play Simon! . . . "
- I never tire of watching Judah form words, so carefully concentrating and sputtering out exactly what he's trying to say

Needy

"She thought to herself, 'This is now'. She was glad that the cosy house, and Pa and Ma and the firelight and the music, were now. They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now. It can never be a long time ago."
- last page of Little House in the Big Woods

". . . she felt as if it would be a greater relief to remain quietly at home, entirely free from any responsibility whatever, and so to rest her mind and heart in a manner which she had not been able to do for more than two years past . . . It was astonishing, almost stunning, to feel herself so much at liberty; no one depending on her for cheering care, if not for positive happiness . . . she might be idle, and silent, and forgetful - she might be unhappy if she liked . . . "
- from North and South, thoughts of the character Margaret

I remember beginning many a paper in high school and college with quotes - and these recent ones above seem so apt. As I type (this exact sentence, because I'm sentence by sentence these days). The first from Laura, well of course. NOW. Live NOW. This is our only today. The second - well, I will take these few Saturday morning moments. The tradition is for Trev to sleep in and then I eventually brew his coffee and Judah carries it up to daddy. Oh yes, so dear these days are. I'm also at this moment listening to a "relaxing" playlist Trev compiled. I love my music man.

The following 2 paragraphs are early morning stream of consciousness from a few days ago . . .

It's well into May, and my true confession is: our air conditioning is on. I always resolve not to do that, and then . . . Judah's monitor tells me the temp in his room (weird) and when it crept up to 79 despite all efforts to cool the upstairs. Well, can you tell how guilty I feel about this? There are better things to feel guilty about.

But why feel guilty? I just re-read The Gifts of Imperfection, what a refreshing reminder of so many things I need to hear. A couple recent quotes that are running through my head: the author says that so many times she thinks in her head, "It would feel so good to freak out right now! But, will that make anything better? No". I for sure recited that in my head when driving in awful traffic and listening to the kids have their own freak out in the back. Oh adulthood, how much there is to learn. I'm reminded it's not by my strength that I can grow in love and all those luscious fruits of the spirit (peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control, humility, love . . . ). Another line, so simple and helpful: listen to music, dance, laugh. YES. All these things. They happen naturally around here, it's amazing what miracles happen when we turn on music in the morning. I've been pulling up some old tunes, like "How Bizarre" &  "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" - Karis grins when I dance while putting on my make up and I'm sure she'll join soon enough. I tried Ace of Base's "The Sign" until I realized how not worthy the lyrics are of my 5 year old's ears. Friends, any recommendations for uplifting, silly, marvelous music? Please, send songs my way!

On my mind and heart lately is the topic of needs. We all have needs. We're created with needs. But what do we REALLY NEED? And as a mother/wife I feel the responsibility of discerning everyone's needs - so we're not just spinning our wheels, so we're living abundantly (nothing like a ton of self pressure, right?). I do really have a renewed desire, though, to be attuned and wise and - present - to the needs of myself, my husband, my family. What does Karis need when she's moping? What does Judah need when he's freaking? What do I need when I feel like freaking?! What does Trevor need when he comes home from work? A couple Saturdays ago I clearly remember thinking I needed to get errands done, and then it hit me that I really needed a friend. As it happened, poof, Anne texted an invite to the park where we were headed anyway. Lately I need to clean out drawers, color with Karis and daily have Crio Bru (you should try it). Always I need Grace upon Grace. Anyway, I'm enjoying these thoughts, they seem purposeful in this season.

Keeping it real here, oh how I mess up in meeting needs! The most humbling thing happened when picking up Trev from his Lasik surgery. I felt overwhelmed in the moment (why?!), and he hadn't even had the surgery and . . . well, let's use Trevor's word and say it was legendary. Legendary. Enough to send me to a sad and reflective and repentant place - that has led to refreshment and vigor and life, gratitude for Trevor and a reminder of being there for him in every possible way in word and deed (as much or more as it's so natural to be there for my children).

I find it terribly difficult to receive unmerited favor that is grace, yet easy to live with regret. But to give grace, I have to receive it. That was a huge part of the Holy Week lesson for me, that continues into this Easter season (50 days of Easter on the calendar here!) - receiving forgiveness is as necessary as giving it, both are vital and linked. Grace upon Grace. I'm so grateful.

Oh, and by the way, click here for Grace - by U2. 

Happenings/Recent Routines:

• Little Brother's Big Birthday: Drew, happy birthday! We loved time in Excelsior with him, Mel, Kirk & Nancy. So grateful for that guy's life
• Easter: beautiful! Early service worship/nursery, home for Easter Egg hunt, pork roast, macaroons. He is Risen
• Gale Woods Farm/Basement "work": Trev and Andy hit the basement while Beth & I took the kids to Gale Woods. So unfair, right? The kids and I even hit up a huge home book sale in Minnetrista on the way, at a beautiful farm house. We left Gale Woods happy and tired, and grilled out later with that dear framily that the Dierkers are to us
• Fine Dining Club: every other week we have a new tradition of meeting Lee/Caroline/baby Asher at local "fine dining establishments". That's right, Culver's, QDoba, Potbelly's, Rusty Taco. Divine, delish
• Local Pope Gal Dinner: at Pizza Lola with Debbie & Kate. Loved it, all
• Okee Dokee Concert: with friends, at Orchestra Hall. So super. The kids perhaps loved best the parking ramp ride
• Prayer night for children: at our church, they happen a few times a year and this was the first that children were invited to come and receive prayer - based on 1 Samuel 3:9-10. A separate post, I was completely humbled
• Concert night: Sister Cassie came to town to see one of her faves, Lord Huron. So, sister Kate and I joined, and my what fun. I do try to step out of my comfort zone once in a while, and how perfect this was. First Avenue, crushed like sardines, great music, felt inspired/refreshed, got to think and zone out and just enjoy art with lovely ladies
• Tickle book: Ten Tiny Tickles is what we often do when we come downstairs for the morning - smooshed onto a chair and going through the tickles
• "Tell me something I don't know": a new game Karis and I play . . . sometimes on the way home from school. Stemmed from Karis saying, "Mommy, I ALREADY KNOW that!". So, this is a friendly way to dispel . . . 
• French Park outing & Pizza/movie Saturdays: enough said, so simple and sweet
• Grandpa Camp: loved having Grandpa Kirk here for a week of ins and outs, Tea Tuesday (and toaster oven, ha), elk burgers, local library (to read Barbie books!) & Lunds, coloring, hanging
• Lasik surgery: despite my wife fail, the surgery was a great success. AND we got to watch the entire thing, on a screen. One of my first thoughts was how much I truly love Trevor's eyes. One of my second thoughts was how freaky it was
• Grandma/pa Pope visit: Trev's parents stopped by while Trev was recovering, such a gift to us (literally - the kids colored and played with sand toys beautifully the next morning). So good to be with them as I felt quite weirded out with Trev mummified in bed with wacky goggles and vicadin haze
• Guys weekend in NE: Trev joined my dad/bro for the Berkshire Hathaway Shareholders event. Sounded sensational, bonding, so glad they could go together
• GrandmaS Camp: my mom and grandma came to keep me and the kids company while the guys were away, what memories we made. Hours in the back yard playing with a bubble mower, following Karis's imagination in "restaurant & grocery store", dining delights (Jets, OPH, Copper Hen, Glam Dolls, Snuffy's - we know how to pack it in!). Karis spent afternoons with them out and about, I rested. We all soaked in every minute of the weekend

Recent Reads:
This is US
Going Over East
Mountain 2 Mountain
The Heart of the Home
North and South
Positive Discipline
Parenting the Wholehearted Child
Positive Discipline
Nurture Shock
The Reading Promise

Trevor's Reads:
He continues to follow his book club's quite rigorous schedule - including Meno, Aristotle, Plato, Herodotus and other such books that I would probably never choose. It's fun to listen to his thoughts

Karis & Judah's books:
Little House in the Big Woods
Peter Pan
Chrysanthemum
Mr. Putter & Tabby
Hug a Bible
Robots
Peek a Boo
Five Little Monkeys

Karis-isms:
- "Judah can do plies!" (dance move - indeed!)
- "Look mom, we're doing the sprinkler!" (dance move, indeed!)
- "Mommy, the birds keep flying in the sky but none of them are coming to eat!" (her birdfeeder obsession is adorable)
- She lately loves to put Judah in her old flower girl dresses
- "We're playing boarding dance class. It's when Judah lives here and only goes  home for holidays"
- "Judah, wanna go see your . . . " (Said as I needed to change his diaper. I'm not going to go there right now, but yes, we talk about anatomy these days)
- "Well, sometimes I have two feelings. Like, it was funny and I didn't like it at the same time" (oh wise soul)
- "Momma, I have to say, I really like things with pockets"
- "It was neat that the kids got to have stones"
- "I mowed it" (as in, ate quickly)
- "When I go grow up, first I want to be a cello player in a concert. THEN I want to be a cheerleader."
- "Judah, let's loosey do!" (as in do-si-do, but not)
- "This is so satisfying. Mom, what does satisfying mean?"
- (to aunt Cassie) "This music makes me want to dance on my bottom"
- "I really love being my brother's sister. I also really love being a girl" (after I told her I love being her mommy, and also being Trevor's wife)
- "Mommy, even though this is just for kids, I'm going to let you have some" (talking about her blueberry tea)
- Her latest tick is to cough lightly or blow on her hands. And burping. Always fascinating to me (if not a little . . . concerning? Aggravating?)
- "It knocked the wind right out of my leg!"
- "This sweatshirt is growing out of me!"
- "Mommy, a duck planted her nest in our flower pot! There are yellow eggs!"
- Karis continues to live her name, "Grace". We do have our moments, of course, but really - I adore this girl

Judah jibes:
- "Park the car!" (first 3 word sentence)
- "Hi Katherine!" (a friend who was here for dinner, who he now talks about daily. Hello, new babysitter!)
- "Narnia! Caspian!"
- "Meat!"
- "Bookie! Crayonie! Pootsie!" (everything near and dear to Judah still has "ie" on the end)
- "Phone-ie!" (as in, his little phone. Which I thought was a cute addiction until I realized . . . he is carrying around his phone like an appendage, just like his parents).
- "Bless you!" (said so appropriately)
- "Thank you!" (mostly appropriately)
- "NO NO NO NO NO" (to everything. but only to me)
- "Yup!"
- "Hi Judah!"
- "Donuts. Mmmmmm."
- "Yummy!"
- "Wash your hands!"
- "Garbage. I throw away"
- "2 grandmas!"
- "Tic tacs!" (a recent thing of the day)
- "Grocery store!"
- "Bamma!" (word for "grandma")
- "yoga!"
- "Pocket!" (in which to put rocks)
- "I got it!"
- "Kare-ith? Kare-ith? There she is!"
- "litt-ul man"
- "nap!"
- "Hi home!"
- "home pootsie!" (because it is indeed different than the "car pootsie")
- "blue sky"
- "yellow crayon" (his fave)
- "tic tacs!"
- "Lady Gaga!" (a clip they watch with daddy, LG singing some Julie Andrew's songs at the Oscars. Oh my)
- "Running!"
- One morning he kept his sleep sack on for over an hour and managed to put on Karis's crocs, pad around the house, and have an epic tantrum
- Before bed he usually wants to talk about someone he saw/played with that day, such as "Cisco. Gentle, Cisco. Friend."
- When he wakes up, he often asks for Trev with hope, "Daddy, working?"
- He goes rigid and turns red when he forcefully says "NO!". This is a great alternative to hitting his sister, which also happens at times
- He still mooshes, loves to sit and look at books, dance, giggle hilariously, and run
- Basically, Judah is talking, listening, understanding, growing up TOO FAST. Loving most minutes

On Lent and Reading

It's a bullet and list-y kind of time of life here . . . and so . . . the long and short of things

Lent: 

I do so love this season - winter into spring, darkness into light, death into resurrection.

The liturgy our children's Pastor put together for families has been a semi-fixture of our days. The child starts by saying "Create in me a clean heart, o God" and everyone else replies, "and renew a right spirit within me".

Lent becomes a time of digging deep for me - of looking inside, at how my actions and attitudes need cleaning up. I've been aware this particular season of God's gentleness and grace as He does this work from the inside out. Random verses and books (not coincidences, mostly passages from Anne Lamott's Small Victories, and Gladys Hunt's Honey for a Woman's Heart) met me over and over, and over and over with things I needed to hear and process. About identity in Christ, about forgiveness and grace and growth and eternity. I'm so grateful. And so very much in process, always. That's life, right? I did also sneak in a viewing of Chocolat, a favorite and so seasonally appropriate.

I also feel this nudging and awareness of what I'm thinking about . . . and trying to refine those thoughts. It's liberating that we can actually choose our thoughts, and how that can change feelings/attitudes/actions. Ironically, I've been learning a lot from my kids - sometimes I can suggest a new thought and send them in better directions, so clearly I can do this for myself too.

To send us into hopefully thoughtful places, we've been doing a lot of Pray as you Go . . . (although I usually only half listen while getting breakfast ready). And plenty of Fernando Ortega and Sarah Reeves. "Sing to Jesus" moved me to tears this morning at the Palm Sunday service, as they changed the banners to red and I couldn't help but remember it really is my sin that put him there. As we enter Holy Week, I pray for the right balance of repentant reflection with hope and victory and the joy of the end of the story. What wondrous love is this, oh my soul.

The happenings: 

- Pope clan gathering in Alex: sweet winter getaway, the first of its kind of just the parents/sibs/spouses. Memorable moments included a time of blessing, water park, lots of hanging, Karis soaking in puzzle and reading time, Judah eating all of Cassie's food while sitting her in lap, walleye dinner,  coffee talks.

- Cousins couples weekend: dear sister cousins and their sig others camped out on our main floor for a quick weekend (what sports!) and we loved doing life with them. They loved on the kids, read books, did puzzles, took Karis out for lunch (and she helped them shop, of course!), broke bread together many times. Snuck in a trip to Glam Dolls too, always fun to share our faves with fam. So grateful to see their couple-selves, strong relationships and honoring and respectful and loving and inspiring.

- 2nd Anniversary of living in our home: why not celebrate? Papa Murphy's and "happy bummer weird" about moving. That moving day was so overwhelming for me, it's a welcome feeling that we're settled and sleeping and just here. SO THANKFUL for this home. And for all the help getting here, and for the moving day (one of the bright spots was whisking the kids away to Mel's, who helped settle me down and get Karis a nap and just keep us company. Life saver). Also memorable, Debbi Jo unpacking my kitchen and short-sheeting our bed (along with her hub). Yes, grateful.

- Flying parties: sometimes to the tune from Peter Pan, "We Can Fly!". Captivating. Hilarious. Get the wiggles out goodness.

- 60th b-day party: what joy to celebrate with family! Kirk E is worthy of a weekend party, we met in Alexandria and he and Nancy planned the time beautifully (not to mention laboriously, so much prep to spoil us all for this occasion): togetherness, table talks, a little sledding adventure, rest, a Tinkerbell movie, a little Sequence playing and some home cooking. Happy Birthday to You, what a gift you are.

- 30th b-day party: My lil brudder turns 30 in April and his wife threw an amazing and wildly successful surprise party for him. For me and Trev, it was a true treat to leave at bedtime (went well, even - thanks neighbor Chelsea). We loved hanging with framily, and seeing Drew literally blown over when the big surprise happened. Many came to honor his life, and I know why and am so grateful for his life (and really, M, what a gift and he is a lucky guy)

- 33rd b-day week: Whoa, it was a week, turns out I'm really a seasoned stretch it out celebrator. Some fancy Groupon dinners . . . a delightful one with D & M, then our first fam of four fancy outing to Lord Fletchers. The eve of the day we loved having dear Auntie Amy, her mom Ruth & Aunt Dar here for Jets, what bliss to be with an old and dear friend. Being known by family and friends is the greatest gift always. Icing on the cake are things that make me feel so understood: lip gloss & scarf, words of affirmation and beautiful cards, fancy thank-you notes, macaroons, tea. I feel so grateful. Time with friends, traditional Potbelly dinner with fam. So much sweet, thick icing! And then making pudding and watching American Tale with Karis - throwback. A highlight was facetime with my parents, and having Karis open and claim my gifts . . . magic bullet, lovely purse, new polish pottery plates - more and more I think birthdays are for the parents, who nourished and continue to pour into my life. I'm beyond blessed by their celebratory ways. Tulips and words from Trevor, my treasure. Ever patient and kind, generous and good. You know your getting older when your birthday gifts to yourself are quality fish oil, a parenting book, and re-opening the extra holes in your ears (was so funny to watch Karis be surprised that they existed. I was surprised they still opened). I really do love getting older.

- Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe puppet show: Karis is captivated! The 1st grade class at her next school put on the production (she had some friends in the performance). We listened to the story over lunch time for a couple weeks, and now Trev's reading it out loud at night. Ahhh, love it.

Why Read (and how it affects my writing . . . and why write): 

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I read and write. The reasons are endless, and I believe both things are just a big part of who God has made me. I love words in all ways - spoken, written, sung, sighed, exclaimed. We all have different passions, and I'm thankful to be hopefully living into them more and more, leaving behind the "shoulds" and embracing the inspiration instead. And as often happens, many "not coincidental" readings have put into words some of what I feel/think/believe/live.

"Words name things. Words open up our imaginations. We clothe our experiences in words and save them. I can transcend myself with words and attempt to let you into my personal world, telling you who I am - and you can do the same with me. All of which makes the world more habitable and less lonely"

"When what I read is good prose or good poetry, it affects my own use of words. More than that, it makes my spirit soar. The right use of language is a gift for the heart."

"I read as a way to work through problems in life; celebrate my joys; for enjoyment, entertainment, because I love beauty. I read to savor my memories."

". . . God seems to know just where I am. It's amazing the way just the right book comes into my life at just the right time. These so-called happenstances, which are probably heaven sent, are often life changers. Sometimes the right books stimulate new devotion, new resolve, new ways to think . . ." (the irony is how much HER book is doing that all for me as I read it. I feel that I owe her a heartfelt letter of thanks for articulating so many things in my heart/mind)

And then there's this excellent blog post by a dear woman in our church.

Sometimes I write because, as Elizabeth Goudge says in The Joy of the Snow, "something has to be done to ease the pressure of certain types of joy". This has rarely been more true than in this season of motherhood. Writing is the way my heart speaks and expresses and captures.


Some other recent quotes: 

"The greatest battles battles of life are fought daily in the silent chambers of the soul" (David O. McKay, quotes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families)

Life gives us disappointment . . . something hurts us, we feel let down. If we nurture our pain, disappointment pushes us down another step. I know of only one remedy, and that is to 'offer the sacrifice of praise,' to discipline ourselves to thankfulness for all that is good in our lives. It takes a decision." (from Honey for a Woman's Heart)

From Anam Cara:
". . . there is a place where our vanished days secretly gather. The name of that place is memory . . . "

From The Joy of the Snow (seemed so apt for the Lenten season):
"Yet in the practice of a strict discipline of penance there is joy. There are few joys so great as the joy of a sense of forgiveness and without a sense of sin one cannot know it."

From Something Beautiful for God (a book about Mother Teresa, this quote is a part of her 'way of love' and really made me think of parenting):
" . . . make me appreciative of the dignity of my highest vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience"

From 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families:
"True humor involves willpower in making the choice to develop a humorous mind-set - to not be reactive, to not be overwhelmed"

similarly, from Joy of the Snow:
"A thread of comedy seems to be twisted into everything which happens to us but the ability to find it requires a corresponding ability not to take oneself too seriously . . ."

Some Karis & Judah books:

The Wind in the Willows

The Story of Easter (such excellent explanations of old traditions that we practice today)

Chronicles of Narnia

For Judah, anything resembling Cinderella (!!!!), including a Valentine's Day book, Each, Peach Pear Plum, and picture albums. On the opposite side of the spectrum, he loves anything with trucks and carries around Little Blue Truck, Good Night Good Night Construction Site. Also anything with monkeys or gorillas.


Karis-isms:

- "I'm playing store! This chair is a hundred dollars. Judah is one dollar"
- "I know! How about we have a 'mommy doesn't work' day?!"
- "Judah, you look like Luke Skywalker!"
- "Judah, can you just stay a better forever?!" (she's heard that one once or twice about herself)
- "I have my secret scroll now"
- "Well, this is the only today we have!" (she's heard that once or twice also)
- "Judah, we're not mad at you, we're just trying to help!"
- "Dear Lord, I pray you'd give Grandpa Kirk a really special birthday and that he'd get lots of cards"
- "I think God is really powerful to change the time and make it lighter when we go to bed"
- "Drew you should go boo Melanie and gleek on her to wake her up!"
- "Mom I saw the moon and there was a cross in it.  I think that's a sign that Easter is coming!"
- "I saw flowers coming down the wall when I was waking up, it was like being greeted by a dream!"
- "Well, you don't see that everyday!"
- "But mooooooommmmmm, I'm not ready for him to go to a big boy bed,  he's not that age!" (I AGREE!)
- "Does anyone want to come to my hair salon?"
- "Daddy, it looks kind of nice to be sick. You just get to lay in your bed all day. You should put your headphones in and just watch a movie" (couldn't have said it all better myself)
- "Do all Trevors start with 'T'?"
- "In the middle of the night I peeked out my window at midnight and saw the big dipper!"
- "I thought I was going to sneeze and then I threw up! I don't think this is my weird for the day, I think it's my bummer" (Um, this at 10pm after a Jets pizza party here. Oh Jets we love you and now we also question how much you love us)
- "Ya-hooooo!" (fave exclamation lately)
- "I hit my head on Judah's brain"
- "Mommy, should we drive you crazy?!" (said while in the car cart at Cub - double meaning that she's unaware of)
- Her most recent creation was an elaborate "theater" in the backyard, made out of huge snow balls. It was impressive.
- She loves to rearrange the toy room, usually involves creating cozy corners
- "Adults know more about kids than kids know about adults" (so true, perceptive daughter)
- "It's a lot of work looking out for eggs. You have to take really good care of them" (dyed Easter eggs from preschool)
- A seemingly simple but meaningful trait I notice lately about Karis (that can get lost in the daily-ness) - she is brimming over with love. She loves so purely, and I'm humbled by her heart. She is incredibly perceptive to those around her, concerned and attentive and caring.


Judah updates:

- He melts and runs to me if Trev is firm with him. When I'm firm, he laughs
- "Bow!" (rainbow)
- "Moooo!" (moon)
- "Gum!"
- "Bus!" (I swear he can say this 1000 times in one car ride)
- "Fries!"
- "Lilla!" (translate: Read Goodnight Gorilla RIGHT NOW!"
- "Dah-doh!" (translate: donut)
- "Tuh-tuh" (turtle)
- "Sarah! April!"
- "Joooo" (juice)
- "Fly!"
- "On!"
- "Again!"
- "Bie-buh" (Bible)
- "Salsa!"
- "Bear!" (translate: Read Brown Bear Brown bear RIGHT NOW)
- "Cuh-luh!" (translate: get me crayons and paper)
- signs please and says "peeeee" in the sweetest voice
- Dances like a crazy man to select songs: "We are the Dinosaurs Marching" and "I Know a Chicken" (both by Laurie Berkner)
- Recent "things of the day": his bus, drinking out of an empty spice container, carrying around toy hot dogs and french fries (he loves to gather several small things and carry them around - even does this when we go to friends' homes), putting on an apron, playing with his cars and trucks, chucking hard objects around
- "Co-luh!" (when he wants to color, which he does love)
- "Ahhhm" (arm, which fascinates him since they're being unveiled after a long winter
- "Boaaaat" (for sled)
- "I pad! Hi i pad!" (while at the apple store with Aunt Debbie)
- "Bookie!" (lots of things have "ie" on the end of them now)
- For about a day he called his pootsie blanket his "poopie". Now it sounds like "poooh-thus". He knows when he needs it, that little square thing and a hug is such a calming thing in his life right now.
- "Rocking!" (loves to rock)
- "Hi, Jesus!" (while we listen to "Give me Jesus" in the car)
- He recently found a packet of kleenex and brought it to me saying, "Kleenex!". Then took out all the tissues and started blowing his nose
- "Poopy!" (yes, while he poops or telling me afterward)
- "Knock knock!"
- "Jesus!" (as in, play the "Give me Jesus" song in the car. And he sings along and it about converts my heart to a melty puddle)
- "Bye _________" (the best transition thing for Judah is to say "bye" to things, which he'll now do on his own)
- "I walk!"
- "Num!" (food)
- "Carry you?" (translate: please carry me down the stairs)
- "Fast!" (in the car)
- "Rocking!" (in the rocker)
- "Cook, cook, cook!"
- "Kitty!" (right before bed, wants to say goodnight to the kitties in his Tiny Bear Bible)
- "Fly! Fox! America!" (all songs in the car)
- "Karis's" (said with lispy s's, pointing out and then grabbing her special things)
- Whenever we talk about the church nursery, he exlaims "Edee! Snack!" (Edith is his fave person there, and he does love cheerios)
- His fave dinner routine is the climb into Trevor's lap (or other people if we're with company) and eat his food
- He climbed out of his crib one afternoon . . . ruh roh. And then never again, I think it frightened him! But now he does play what I call "pootsie games" at sleep times. This involves throwing his pootsie out of his crib and calling "Mama!"
- He started finding comfort in Karis's lap, so precious. He went to her during a play center circle time and crawled on her lap while they played a name game. And at home he'll crawl into her lap and ask her to read a book to him, or randomly give her a hug. Their delight is so mutual (and when you add my delight, the good feelings really flow here)
- His emotions and tantrums are even-ing out (well, at least at the time of this writing), but he can still be our owly up and down little guy - he can scream and turn red in a flash
- Judah continues to be our cozy cuddler, who finds comfort with a big hug when he's hurt, burrows his entire being into you as he lays his head on your shoulder. Something I've noticed is how already he tried to be tough, his face while trying not to cry all while curled in my lap just about breaks my heart. He thinks about people all the time and often will say the names of a couple people right before I put him in his crib. Oh melty man.

Forgot to include this in the last post - this was the day after my ladies' weekend

The simple things in life, cookies while riding in the cart, "driving me crazy"

"cook cook cook!"

The Truly Magical Kingdom

Imagine . . . Karis knows Disney is "out there", but not TODAY. We get her up at 4:30 am and the adventure begins! Minnie Mouse socks and a backpack full of Disney stickers, journal, and other random things that likely just weighed her down . . . chatting and fresca and cookies and most importantly, sitting by grandma - plenty to do on the flight to the dream destination.

It was a true treat to all be on the same airplane, everyone did great and even Judah relaxed between Trev and me for a fair amount of the flight. Van retrieval was smooth and soon we were on our way to Bahama Breeze and lunch outside. Ahhhh, glorious outside. Settling into the lodgings, a walk with my mom followed by a chat by the pool, pizza at the on-grounds restaurant . . . a relaxing start to the time. Kids slept well in the same room, memorable was Karis slipping out to tell me, "Mom, I think Judah pooped". After we got that taken care of, sleep was swift.

First full day, Magic Kingdom. Magic! I had goosebumps walking in and strolling down "main street" and watching Karis's eyes pop out of her head. A few rode the carousel and a couple figured out the Fast Pass situation. We strolled around, rode the magic carpets, had lunch "American Tale" old west style, saw Jasmine, walked through the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse, had the most magical wait for the Peter Pan ride (huge favorite for many), rode the teacups (a couple queasy riders will remain unnamed), rode Dumbo, sailed through It's a Small World, met Ariel in her grotto, had snacks at Gaston's Tavern, danced with Micky & friends, met Tinkerbell (loved her! She greeted Karis by saying, "Karis, that means Grace! But I bet you already know that"). I will recall one overwhelming moment - walking around crowded Magic Kingdom with plugged ears felt a little out of body and I had a moment where I thought, "There is no where to hide": it was in the bathroom, in a stall, and the flushing of 20 commodes was so incredibly constant that I wondered if there was anywhere to go for quiet? Yes, I have introvert moments to the extreme at times. Irrelevant to this recounting but there it is. Dinner was grab and go yummy vittles on the "dock" outside at the Key West Lodge (our accommodations, perfect place for our crew).

Second full day, Epcot. So super. Love that place. Had a blast with grandma, grandpa and the kids going to see Nemo (where a ride was broken, "Crush the turtle got stung by a jellyfish!"), through Journey of Imagination, lunch in Mexico, meeting Mulan in China, gelato in France, meeting Snow White, catching a glimpse of Mary Poppins, strollering napping Judah, cronuts on the way out. Also on the way out was a memorable moment when Judah peed all over me - because of my ignorance about swim diapers. Hello, they are not supposed to absorb water and they do NOT work in a pinch when you run out of regular diapers. Noted. Dinner at Downtown Disney was fabulous and included Irish dancers that were so captivating. Trev and I rushed melting Judah on a bus back for bed while the others took the boat, fun for all.

Third full day, Hollywood Studios. We were there before they opened and zoomed to the Frozen Sing Along - fun for all, plenty of clean adult jokes to keep every age engaged. Then the girls split off to see a Little Mermaid Show, which ended up being much talked about later by Karis: "She got LEGS! Isn't it magical?!". Sure enough, Ariel got legs right there on stage. Then the girls took a bus to the much anticipated Princess Breakfast at the Grand Floridian. I think it was the most impressive to the adults: the best meal (steak and eggs for breakfast, sure thing!). Karis enjoyed it too, got her pic taken with all the princesses, enjoyed Mickey Mouse waffles and then was quite languishing by the end - coming down with a cold, needed rest. So back to our Key West place for some rest, and a walk to the pool, pizza in the room, SuperBowl viewing and early bed for kids (guys got a spot at ESPN where they stayed until the half, so perfect).

Fourth full day, Animal Kingdom. Arrived when it opened and we found our first ride, A Bug's Life. There was a warning that it could be scary for little children . . . sure enough, Karis wanted to leave shortly after it started, and good thing because the others said it got worse . . . Trev, the kids and I found Mickey & Minnie and had a sweet fam photo op. We went on to enjoy more coffee, the safari, a train ride, and then: THE YETI RIDE. I was so excited for this and it didn't disappoint! With some wise eyes on the weather, we grabbed lunch and started packing up right before a deluge. After some gift shop shelter, we made a go for the bus and ended up having a quiet afternoon in the room before heading to the "Boardwalk" for dinner . . . a relaxing pace for the last night there. Back home for some Grandma book bringing/Aunt Melanie reading of Brave Irene and Ferdinand and kid-bed-timing and chatting together. So many precious moments of connecting, so wonderful to be away all together.

Going home day, a normal morning in the room before packing into the van, where Judah so wisely said: "All done. Home". Crazy! We had a smooth journey back. Memorable to me was Judah finally falling asleep on me, and then the drink cart coming by . . . he slept for about 30 seconds. When we got in our car he zonked out, which was such a treat because there happened to be a snow storm and it took about 90 minutes to get home - part of which Karis watched the Little Mermaid video (thank you, Aunt Melanie!) about 30 times. We enjoyed our traditional Qdoba pick up (complete with duo kid meltdown when we didn't stay to eat it there)and an early bedtime.

In a word, the Disney experience was magical. There's just something about that place, the vision that Disney must have had and the legacy that lives on. I totally "drank the kool aid", as they say. I think we all did, and found it so very tasty and satisfying. All in. Loved it, every ride and character and meal and night and morning and interaction and the sunshine and the overpriced coffee and sing along and mermaid getting legs and . . . let's go back someday. I see the value in the togetherness of a place like that, the shared memories and experiences and decisions you make together and bus ride and navigating and following and savoring and watching the kids and everything. And really, especially watching the kids, Karis was at the peak perfect age for imagination and also obsession with princesses. Judah just went with the flow and learned all about princesses and Pooh and rides and that you can thrive on french fries and squeeze applesauce. A Magical Kingdom, in so many ways.


Karis-isms:
- "But mommy, I'm still tired!" (with a smirk on her face, at 4:30. Such a joke-ster)
- "I should be asleep but I'm getting on an airplane!"
- "I see the Pom Pom trees!"
- "This Disney world is so Disney Worldy"
- "She's not as I remembered!"
- "She got legs! It's magic!" (while at a Little Mermaid re-enactment show)
- "Can I have a sword for my little brother" (at a princess breakfast, sweet girl)
- "Maybe we should should just sneak around this place" (at the Grand Floridian)
- "Drewy wasn't sure if the princesses were real. They are real"
- "Can we go to a park that's not a Disney park?"
- "Speaking of Sofia" (pretty sure we weren't speaking of her, she said this totally out of the blue and it was hilarious in the moment)
- "I begged grandma for another bagful of cotton candy but she wouldn't let me"
- "I got to spy Rapunzel's tower first!"
- "We saw Gaston's Tabernacle!" (supposed to be tavern)
- "Belle said waffles are the Beast's favorite!"
- "Snow White called Judah 'prince Judah!'"
- "I can't believe we got to go in Ariel's grotto!"
- "I can't tell you my wish or it won't come true!"
- "My favorite was the Peter Pan ride. How did they do the hat shadows on Grandpa's head?"

Judah jibes:
- He LOVED all the fountains, fans, and buses
- He loved to be carried around and was in a huge "ba ba" phase of pointing to things and saying "ba ba" until the person would name what he was wanting to name
- He pushed through like a champ, remained mostly healthy and happy with a lack of naps and diet of applesauce and french fries
- "I got you!" (a game he and grandma played)
- "Two!" (loved to name things in twos - fans, especially)
- "Cheek!" (while pointing to his cheeks and wanting me to name them)
- "Ride!" (he loved them more than I thought he would)
- "Nemo!"
- "All done. Home" (said in the van on the way to the airport. Scary appropriate timing!)
- Our fam of four slept in one room and Judah conveniently fit in the closet, where he loved banging the doors open and shut as a pre-sleep wind down
- The last couple days were super "mommy don't leave the room". I can tell him about that someday when he doesn't want me to hug him in public

Big people quotes and thoughts: 
- Trev called Drew one night while on a jog where he had discovered a "no close pool". Lost in translation, Drew thought he was excited to report a "no clothes pool"
- Sleep now, giggle later. Inside joke, I guess
- I am in awe of K & N's pure joy and generosity brought us all together in beautiful ways. They lead with grace, set the tone of making the most of the day (even when that meant a relaxing afternoon in the room) and making every moment count
- Oh thank you Grandma Nancy for taking Judah out of the room when he got owly, mother's intuition to help her daughter, I'm grateful
- Dittos to Grandpa Kirk carrying Judah around when he could see my arms sagging
- I'm grateful for Aunt Melanie, who held Karis's sneezed in hand for a couple days straight and jiggled Judah and just adds a delightful dynamic to the family
- And of course for Uncle Drew and his willingness to play hide and seek, set up Sofia for Karis, and talk endlessly about princesses
- Oh Trev, such a sport pushing the stroller, enjoying the ride sidelines when he wasn't up for getting sick on teacups, and keeping track of kids while I avoided getting trampled by the Yeti
- But mostly, just the amazing memories to last forever, irreplaceable, valuable, thankful

Calming the Storms (that aren't even there)

Happy Valentine's Week . . . do you like Valentine's? My mom always made the day special and yummy and fun, so I've always seen it as more of a friends and family holiday. Around here at the moment, it means princess Valentine's for Karis's preschool class, ordering this book for the kids (it's such a winner, adorable rhymes and full of animals for Judah), writing a card and watching an anime movie for Trev, and BOGO Qdoba (a long standing tradition). And jello jigglers in heart shape, the fave tradition of Karis. We also snuck in a donut/coffee delivery to cousins Lee & Caroline and their baby Asher, and an afternoon outing to Barnes and Noble ("choo choo" said Judah, anticipating the trains). And all the way to Qdoba (over and over and over), "Bo-bo!"

But, how is it February, and for journal purposes I've not even recorded Christmas? The memories remain, just yesterday Karis was reminiscing about Christmas: "It's my favorite holiday. I love being in Bismarck, and celebrating baby Jesus, and all the special meals, and presents!" We did have a delightful Christmas season. And then the year started off with many beautiful bangs . . .

The Happenings:
- New Year's - on the eve, cousins and their baby came over for apps and the game "Love Letters" (oh, fun). Per tradition, we were snoozing by 10:30. On the day, Grandma & Grandpa Pan arrived for a couple days of random fun and a pizza party, dinner at Freehouse, some errand running and sale grabbing.

- Friend visit - the Schunk family stayed here mid week on their way back to IA, and we loved getting to know Malachi (he is delicious) and catch up with these fab friends. Most delightful was watching Karis school Jacob in all things princesses. He was a captive audience and her joy was complete.

- Mid winter visits - Grandma and Grandpa Pope arrived for a weekend of catching up around meals and mall walks and dress shops and power walking and Judah-in-arms-dancing. And celebrating Grandma Jim's 94 birthday, wow.

- Trev's company party - Uncle Drew graciously came over for the dinner hour and beyond so Trev and I could go to his company holiday party together at Radisson Blu. Super fun to meet his people and enjoy the atmosphere together (and play black jack together in an effort to win more raffle tickets).

- Retreat - the Children's Leadership Team that I'm (so thankfully and humbly as the nursery coordinator) a part of at church had our annual prayer/work retreat in Amery, WI. It was powerful in ways I can't even give words to. The vision for the children at our church, for the calling on their lives - I'm grateful my children can be part of this village. On top of the quiet, the candles, the intention, the togetherness of these 6 inspiring women - our lovely leader cooked every meal and nourished us heart and soul and body.

- Pope sibling Christmas date night - J & C came and we celebrated Christmas as siblings, a dinner out at Red Stag and evening hang here (added bonus, the sitter put the kids to bed successfully, so great). Love those people, the gals had fun ribbing the guys and sharing stories of socks everywhere and also their endearing qualities.

- Disney! - its own post coming soon, but was so epically wonderfully magical and memorable. Deserving of its own page, for sure.

- Christmas gift retreat - I can hardly manage to share this, it was so over the top, undeserved, once in a lifetime, pinch me is this happening. A few husbands got together and planned a weekend for a few wives. They even created a web site, made a puzzle and gave us each a piece to figure it out . . . this was back in December. The web site unfolded a girls' weekend away to downtown Mpls (perfect distance!) and gave us plenty to look forward to. We all eagerly anticipated the time together (half the fun is talking about and planning such things), and the drama the week before involved lots of "My son just threw up/I have pneumonia/my daughter has an ear infection . . ." So, we were thrilled when the plan was indeed carried out. We walked around practically pinching ourselves as we lingered at Glam Dolls, Mpls Institute of Art, French Meadow, lounged in our motel room, walked across the street to the Melting Pot for dinner, to a town car (!!!!!!) to the Guthrie. Thoroughly loved A Midsummer Night's Dream. Thoroughly loved descending the escalator to our waiting towncar (!!!!). Back to the hotel where we were surely the only ones retiring at midnight - the place was hopping. Slept in until 6:30 (that is not sarcastic), lounged and ate leftover donuts and departed for our 90 minute massages (crazy!), to Dagby's for burgers, to the mall for errands, to Caribou to decompress before re-entry. It was amazing and I don't take even a second of it for granted. Nor do I take my fam for granted - it was bliss to be back together, even though Judah was climbing me like a monkey and melted for 2 days every time I left his sight.

Of course, when the cat's away, the mice will play - the kids and Trev had a great time going to Edinborough indoor park with friends, the library, Little Caesars in front of Cinderella. Trev is an amazing father and I know he enjoyed having the children to himself for a bit.

Recent learnings: 

I've been reading over and over in every form possible (board books, Karis's books, my Book) about Jesus calming the storm. And I know, I know - there are no storms here to be seen. BUT, at times there are waves. The recent one was another round of being sick here right before our vacation. Judah was out of his gourd miserable, Trev was working most evenings, and the night before we flew I ended up with plugged ears and an earache (which might seem silly - but my eardrum popped on a flight in college and it was the worst pain ever and I now live in fear it will happen again. So this random plug/pain was incredibly stormy in my little lake here). I just felt this call to trust, trust, trust. In the little things. In the big things. To be calm, to ride the wave, to know God cares. That's the feeling that remains (because even as I write this I can hardly recall the waves). Indeed, my waves are small. God cares.

I just not-coincidentally  read from Bittersweet (Shauna Niequist):
"The most important thing I learned (about waves) is this: if you try to stand and face the wave, it will smash you to bits, but if you trust the water and let it carry you, there's nothing sweeter. . . I know that to another person my difficult season would have been a walk in the park, and that all over teh world, people suffer in unimaginable ways and manage far worse than my own little list. I was miserable because I lost touch with the heart of the story, the part where life always comes from death. I love the life part . . . I failed to live with hope and courage and lived instead a season whining, self indulgence, and fear . . .I began to live a much smaller story, and that story was only about me. I wanted an answer, a timeline, and a map."

Random thoughts:

This happened to me . . . thankfully caught it, but wow my reaction was very similar to the author's. Not a lot makes me angry, but this, this makes me livid. Enough said.

Loving this blog that focuses on reading aloud (some dear, book club friends were recently featured on a podcast here).

And need to state again, it's not all roses. The moods of a 2 year old and trying to keep the waters calm inside and outside (of me), to set the tone of our home in the midst of busy seasons, to create an atmosphere of creativity yet instilling boundaries. I find parenting to be fully engaging of every part of my being - I often get the urgent sense of "this is the only today we have!". Trying to be our best without striving for perfection, all the fruits of the spirit, giving time and attention to marriage. Well, Lord help me, always.

Something I'm trying to do daily is "love with my eyes". Give my attention, be intentional in the words I say and how I say them, to get down to Karis's level, to enter her world. It's a choice, every day. Because so often, inside I am yearning for: quiet. to get something done. to do nothing at all. to control anything. The moments are rich, the highs are high, the dips feel low at the time but in retrospect not a big deal . . . the growth is significant.

Recent reads (me): 
- They Came Like Swallows
- 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
- Hands Free Mamma
- Beyond the Bedroom Wall
- Far from the Madding Crowd
- Bittersweet
- Understanding Betsy (a children's book that Karis wasn't interested in but is drawing me in)
- Joy in the Snow

Recent reads and "stuff" (Trev):
- I'm Ok, You're Ok
- Antigone
- (listening) to Bob Dylan's latest album with some music-y friends
- going by a friend's invitation to a T-wolves game and enjoying the view from a suite
- visiting Buster's, an old fave, in honor of a good friend's birthday
- re-igniting P90x3

Redent reads for Karis. Who no, doesn't read, so I am continuing to savor our cuddles together while perusing beautiful children's literature together: 
-  The Josefina Story Quilt
- My Island Grandma
- The Smartest Bear and his Brother, Oliver
- Nate the Great (audiobook)
- Charlotte's Web
- Jack (we love Tomie DePaola books and this new one is a winner)
- Peter Pan


A couple book quotes:

From Beyond the Bedroom Wall (a meaningful read for me - I had the author as a teacher for a few classes in college and he truly poured into my life and writing with encouragement and critique)
"There was such a rush and array of detail to daily life (to say nothing of the eternity of detail inside your mind), when your life was divided among husband and children and housework and keeping peace and social obligations and relatives and friends and the community, that there seemed no time of room left for the form there was (in a past age of time). The particular mind."

From Hands Free Mama
"Let joyful imperfection be the chorus of our lives"

I've been amazed and loving lately how the random books I'm reading are hitting the spot - in heart ways, but also in Holiday ways. One took place at Christmas during Christmas (Goudge), New Year's when it was New Year's (Woiwode), one mentioned Epiphany at Epiphany (I forget which book), and just today Hands Free Mama shared a story about Valentine's Day. It's the little joys for me (obviously).

Also this week I read from The Joy of the Snow, and this quote was so refreshing and reminded me or Judah: "Then (when the author was young) in company with all children and most dogs, I thought snow the wonder of the world. The snow-light filling the house with magic as the white flakes drifted down in windless silence . . . how could snow not be one of the wonders of the world?" And indeed, one of the memories from this winter I want to savor is him watching/seeing snow and in his sweet exuberance, saying "snooooow!"

Karisms:

- "I kinda like boys. I don't know why? Maybe it's for their looks or just how they are" (AHHHHH????!!!)
- "I know you just can't marry a man you just met. You have to have lots of dates before you get married" (while talking about Frozen)
- "I wish me and Judah were triplets! Then we could wear the same things every day" (after reading Flicka, Ricka, & Dicka)
- "Daddy, come here at once!"
- Latest imaginary play is house and library
- "Momma, I have an idea. Someday we should stay up all night and sleep all day"
- "Okay momma, Judah and I went to the market upstairs to buy a fat pig, but it wasn't there so I got a barbie and Judah got crayons"
- "And the internet just brought us Cinderella like a flash!"
- "We're going to the GYM!" she was elated to go to open gym at a local place, ran for two hours straight and I look forward to her (hopefully) trying out lessons next season
- "Let's pull up the Grandma Carole chairs!" (love those chairs)
- "Well, I'm just kind of nervous for Valentine's Day. You know, all that pink . . . "
- She continues to set up picnics, play library, work on letters, talk endlessly about princesses and their palaces, and adores Judah completely



Judah updates: 
- Says "cookie" as "CAH-coo"
- "Ahhhh-nie!" (Annie, the sweet woman who watched the children during a meeting I have once a month)
- "Da-da!" (said while pulling into the garage and seeing Trev's picture as "Tobias" up on the wall)
- New-ish words are "Elmo! Noah! Home. Hat. Hot. Puffball. Cheerio. Slide. Hot dog. Cinderella. Duck. Happy. Got you."
- Points to his diaper and tries to say "di-pa" when he needs it changed
- He can point to, recognize, say: "Anna, Elsa, Cinderella (Yella!)"
- Knows what he wants in such an intense way. We call him our "Owly baby" (he loves the book Owl Babies and can say it clearly)
- He's started engaging with/playing along with other kids at play places/play groups. Especially boys just older than him, he cracks up and chases them endlessly
- Signs and says "please" in a sweet way (but of course always always needs to be reminded)
- "Two!" He loves things in twos and names them quite accurately
- "Nose! Toe!" he loves to name toes, especially on the little dog he's taken to carrying around
- "Down!" again, quite accurately
- "Bo-bo!" (his way of saying Qdoba)
- Had his 2 year well check and is almost 3 feet tall and 28 pounds. While taking blood, the nurses said, "Wow, haven't had one like him in a while". The guy is strong.
- "Tea!" he discovered the tasty beverage and loves it
- "Cah-ee" while pointing to my coffee mug
- "Eee-deee!" for Edith, his favorite friend at church
- He loves his crib and wants to lay there endlessly. I'm pretty sure he wakes up earlier than we think and just enjoys some quiet time there. When we do go get him, he wants us to just be in there with him and wails when I try to pluck him out of his haven
- "No, no, Noah!" easy to say and one of his fave books
- "Puh-bah!" for puff ball, a great love of his
- Dinner time is colorful, lately he wants out of his high chair and climbs into Trev's lap to see what tasty offerings he might have

Turning Two

Well, I'm seeing that we definitely have a "Christmas baby", as it's taking me this long to write about his birthday, and also took me until this week to feel my usual grief that "My baby isn't a baby anymore!". It hit me on Wednesday, this feeling of . . .  remembering his birth and all the stages between then to now. Judah's name means "Praise", and do we ever praise God for this precious life that we get to watch, nurture, enjoy, and shepherd.

We celebrated the day (our first day back after Christmas) by doing things Judah loves: french toast waffles, dressed him in his best comfy duds, the nursery kids sang to him, nap time bliss, Eden Prairie Center for play and Potbelly's by a fireplace (one of his fave things lately, fireplaces), home for birthday cake ice cream and the opening of and dancing to the new Okee Dokee Brothers CD. I think it was a Judah tailored day and we soaked in the celebratory mood.

One of my favorite things was how sweet Karis was to him all day - attentive to his wants, trying to make the day special for him. She loves her little brother tremendously and says at least a few times a day, "I'm so thankful I have a little brother!"

I've been updating his baby book and it's always amazing to re-live the memories of his birth, and I can't believe he's 2.

And boy is this guy 2. As I write this today (after composing in my head for weeks) I'm exhaling after a day of my boy coming up to me repeatedly with things in his mouth that shouldn't be there, needing every crayon broken (his new thing), pleading (read: screaming) to listen to "Opera Singer" one more time in the car. Oh my healthy, vibrant, personality plus little son. I do love him. I do love how well he sleeps.

A day in the life of Judah right now:

He wakes up around 7 (although he's getting up earlier lately), happy and raring to go. When I go into his room he's usually looking out the window while clutching to his pootsie. He'll now join me in singing "Rise and Shine!", and then wants me (and Karis) to name everything in his room, he says "baba!" while pointing to: noise machine, heater, humidifier, pooh bear, window, diaper . . . I get him dressed and we head downstairs where he often wants to be held while I get breakfast ready - or we sit down to read from his Hug a Bible for a bit (Daniel and the lions always the favorite, or any story with birds). Play, breakfast (loves frozen blueberries, yogurt with applesauce and oatmeal, french toast, egg puffs). Play (with Karis of course) . . . the morning flies with little people playdates while K is in school, he loves to drop her off and pick her up (and visit the slide and waterfountain in the hallways, and on special days the fish in her classroom) and we do enjoy the quality time together.

Home for some dancing and lunch, whisk away to nap - he often sleeps from 12:30 - 3 (it's awesome). Up for play, bundle up and go outside, sometimes a play date or errand, bang on the piano, melt down and get into trouble, pull stools up to the counter to try to get a treat, scoot around on his scooting toys, color or eat crayons, slap his sister when frustrated, give her hugs to make up (by burrowing his head into her shoulder), name the people on our fridge (Mee mee! and Marco are faves) and just do what toddlers do. He follows Karis and adores that girl like no other.

Trev gets home at 6 for dinner, and he runs to "dada" (finally stopped calling him "mama" just last week). We eat, and then he scurries up with big sister to get his gummies, dance around and enjoy some time with daddy (read: momma gets some quiet . . . for a few minutes, until he scampers back down the steps yelling "Ma maaaaaa!" and then runs to my arms with a huge smile, bright eyes, and gigantic giggles. I love this routine. We go back up together and lay on our bedroom floor for some Big Picture Story Book Bible, prayer for baby bellies and friends (while he climbs all over Trevor).

I bring him to his room for what has become a sweet bedtime routine: rock and read I Love You Through and Through (where he loves to point to his hair and eyes when we come to that part) and then read-sing a sweet little You Are My Sunshine book that he loves. He started singing along. Then he turns toward me and while rocking and eye gazing we sing Jesus Loves me Together - he loves to get to the "so", he can say that. His little singing voice and expressive eyes and pure joy. I could take this for many more years and hope it's so.

He's still attached to his beloved "pootsie" blanket, sucks his thumb to sleep (but not often at other times, unless he's insecure and uncertain). He's gentle and loves babies: "Baby!" and will often give them sweet hugs and get so excited.  When he hears music his eyes light up and shoulders start to shimmy. He loves hamburgers. He points out birds and dogs with enthusiasm. He is joyful and exuberant, cautious and observant, focused and intense in his own ways. His eyes are so beautiful and speak of zest and spunk, depth and calm.

People - you know it's not roses, right? It's easy to write this in baby-book fashion, for the sake of progeny. Also, the deep thoughts and time to write don't often coincide these days. Thanks for staying with me. I wonder what I'll think years down the road reading this? I would imagine I'll miss these days, and probably think they were relatively uncomplicated and completely fleeting.

A recent relevant quote: 

From Beyond the Bedroom Wall (Larry Woiwode):
(talking about memories of this character's children) ". . . whole seasons of and aspects of her children, that their lives as a whole were lived within such short and brightly illuminated early years . . ."

Judah at 2:

- Loves to color
- Loves to break crayons in half (and if he can't break it, wants you to)
- New love is chapstick, and not just any kind. It has to be pink (as in Minnie Mouse or Starburst). I call it his precious
- When you ask how old he is, he'll answer "two" and try to hold up a couple fingers
- Loves vacuums, needs to be held while I use it and crawls up me like a monkey who can't get high enough. He's hilarious. We happen to see a lot of vacuums around and he has to point and name each one.
- Says "no" when I try to sing and dance
- Points to his diaper and say "da pa" and have me say "diaper"
- When he hears the word "popsicle", he wails until he gets one (which is a problem when there aren't any, and Karis decides to say the word)
- His name for popsicle is "pah-skah"
- When he does have a popsicle, he loves to do "cheers" with Karis
- When he has anything that Karis has, he loves to do "cheers" (says "choo!" while bumping items)
- New words: "on, ham, pizza, coat, mall, snow, hot, hat, home"
- LOVES, HAS to have "Cake" on in the car. The song "Opera Singer" in particular
- Has started marching, and wants me to say "marching" while he does it
- Sings "Jesus Loves Me" at bedtime (in his own language, of course). It's the best, he's on my lap and we make eye contact and he rocks back and forth while facing me in my lap and I look forward to this every day and will always treasure the memory
- Lately he thinks every building is a mall: "Maaaaahhhh!" is exclaimed in the car often
- He pulls stools up to whatever surface he sees something of which he's not supposed to have
- He shakes his head to say 'no'
- He makes "ee ee ee" monkey noises while scratching his armpits
- He loves his boots, all boots, putting on boots and walking around the house (his, Karis's, mine, Trevor's)
- He knows where to go for the cookie at Cub: "cu-cuh!"
- I caught him one morning wearing Karis's socks on his hands and scrubbing the toilet. Why did I not get a picture?!
- He is often peeking out of the window from his crib when we go get him



Karis-isms (can't not write about this girl even in Judah's birthday post):

- "Well you know it's your responsibility to figure these things out" (when I was asking her opinion of what we should do to make Judah's birthday special for him)
- "Daddy, can you put on black metal?" (music the kids enjoyed carseat-dancing to on the trip to ND)
- "How about you get a cheap one at Target? That's not too much moneys" (when talking about getting a seat cover for Judah)
- "Well, it's kind of complicated with my slippers" (while carrying a laundry basket)
- "P.S. - we're out of straws"
- "She'll be coming around the cul-de-sac whens she comes . . . " (sung while pushing Judah around in a chair)
- "Oh mom, you'll feel better after a good night of sleep"
- "Let's play freeze tag in the cul-de-sac!" (so fun)
- "You have to hold your breath when we enter the neighborhood until we get to the garage!" (a game she likes to play)
- "Let's not talk about that, let's talk about princesses" (said to our friend Jacob, who asked her about princesses. Professor Karis gave a wonderful informative lecture, very memorable)
- "Let me whisper something into your ear" (the new thing)
- "Oh boy, I'm gonna sleep like a log tonight!"
- "Judah, let's have a block party!" (literally, with blocks)
- "So momma, is a mango an animal?"
- "Well, I want Judah to get what he wants, but it's just so complicated" (when talking about Judah wanting to break her crayons)

budding musician

do we look like we just returned from some long travels? 

cheers!