Mother's Day

I feel like there are a lot of unexpressed expectations for Mother's Day . . . and always so much to think about. The "Prayers of the People" this morning acknowledged that the day is a blessing to celebrate and yet for so many can be one of grief. So many who want to be moms, or have lost their mothers, or have a disrepaired relationship . . . well, there are a range of emotions for many.

The closing of the prayers this morning was this:
"O God, you have prepared for those who love you such good things as surpass our understanding: Pour into our hearts such love towards you, that we, loving you in all things and above all things, may obtain your promises, which exceed all that we can desire"

Loved that. I think Mother's Day for many can bring to the surface some hearts' desires. I love the reminder that God's promises fulfill all of them (although maybe not in the way or timing we would choose).

Something else I've been talking about with friends and seems to be a theme is the thought of expectations on Mother's Day (I think expectations for any "holiday" can be an good thing to explore and discuss). I want to not expect much, but there is still this weight of expecting . . . something. Except, I don't always even know what? Just a thought to throw out there.

One more Mother's Day comment: I adored this blog post, it made these feelings of "YES" rise up in my soul and I have to record it here if only so I can come back and look at it from time to time. This mother thing can feel weight-y if I let it . . . such a precious child of God entrusted to my care, such responsibility.  And yet, we are both God's.

Karis is keeping things light and busy around here, I'm so thankful to be able to learn more about who she is every day. She is a character! I'm learning that she loves to explore wherever we are, and one sure way to do that is to wield the phrase: "I have to go potty". That way, she knows she can at least check out the bathroom. Nine times out of ten, she'll just sit there and giggle and survey her surroundings without a single tinkle. It cracks me up.

I love the way she says, out of the blue, in a deep and drawn out voice, "Mommmmmaaaaa". Still my heart.

I treasure the way she adores Trevor, follows him around in the yard, came in one night because she needed "garden gloves" (pink winter gloves) to match his (his were not pink).

I enjoy watching when she sees people she loves, she gets so excited that she can't contain herself and has to run all over the place and put on a little show.

Out of nowhere today she said to Lukas, "Bless your heart!". ! Oh my goodness, I melted! Seeing what a good reaction the phrase got, she starting "Bless your heart" to everything: me, her shoes, her dresses . . .

Picture from Easter, close enough to Mother's Day . . . 

May Day

May Day, defined (by wikipedia):
1 - an emergency procedure word used internationally as a distress signal in voice procedure radio communications
2 - an ancient northern hemisphere spring festival and usually a public holiday; it is also a traditional spring holiday in many cultures

I have some great memories of filling up (and receiving) dixie cups full of sugar-y stuff on sunshine-y May 1sts. Karis and I had fun ringing a few bells today.  

Last week we had a hosting high as we welcomed some dear people into our home. First, M & C joined us for a weekend that ended up feeling like a staycation to us: walks, bakeries, coffee, bookstores, simple meals, and neglected housework. Staying up past our bedtime, talking, laughing, encouraging. A beautiful boost to our routine days. 

Then my dad was here for a couple days, and we had a refreshing time with him: a dinner of "small plate" offerings from Trader Joes, he chased Karis around "the field", chatting till bedtime in the basement, lunch on the patio of a favorite cafe. It was sweet, when we dropped him off for the meetings that brought him to this area, Karis said, "Grandpa has to go back to grandma." Yes, Karis, indeed.  

Switching gears to random reflections: 

Trevor and I love to tell people about Karis's elaborate bedtime routine. It's about twenty steps long and at least that many minutes. However, we just realized that when one of us is gone, bedtime is lickity split. I had this moment of realization that her long bed-time is really created  by Trevor and me, we really savor that time of connection among the three of us and I think we prolong the event ourselves and Karis just goes along with it. It's precious that we can create routines together and make memories in the daily-ness of life.

We came across a verse this week that I thought was so appropriate: "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). BE STILL. Lately, Trevor and I have been talking about how hard it is for us to just stop. We like to be busy, get things done, see people, go places. Mostly we're okay, but we're both trying to examine what balance looks like in our family.

Our Reading Rainbow lately:
Karis's latest faves are Animal Babies, Hand Hand Fingers Thumb, A is for Annabel, Nursery Rhymes, Ferdinand the Bull, Blueberries for Sal. 


I've been enjoying some riveting reads that leave much to contemplate: The Gifts of Imperfection, Anna Karenina, China Road, My Life With the Saints, Dallas & The Spitfire, Simplicity Parenting.


Things you might hear Karis say this week:
- "Ohhhh yeahhhh" (said just like Trevor says it, hilarious every time)
- "No mommy do morning devotions! No mommy read Rhyming Bible" (what is it that is so intrinsic to want to do anything but read the Bible sometimes?! I'm trying to make it as fun as possible!)
- "No mommy ________" (talking, putting my hair up, putting on a sweatshirt . . . anything.)
- "What IS that one?"
- "No way!"
- "Mommy sit RIGHT HERE!" (I am mandated to do many things throughout the day)
- "You so goofy girl" (a rendition of what when we call her a goofy girl)
- "Watch ride in an automobile?" (latest fave youtube Sesame Street video)
- "Go to lake! Be so tall!" (referencing walking on a block wall on a trail by a lake last weekend)
- "Actually. Exactly" (two of her new favorite words)
- " (insert name of any of Karis's friends coming over) NOT gonna take the bike away" (um, a little possessive of her bike!)
- "Bye ______, say hi to _________!" (she knows who goes in pairs and if one person is missing she makes sure to tell the present person to say hi to the absent one. She is a parrot, I didn't realize how often Trevor and I do this until Karis picked up on it. It's way cuter to hear it from her than us!)
- "Keep in my bed a little longer" (I've said it before, this family enjoys their sleep)

Assembly required

Karis picked out her outfit this morning and said, "My May Day dress!"

A not to do list

I stumbled on this blog post a while ago, and I just loved the idea of it . . . making a "not to do" list! I need that in my life. So many things I'd love to do, but just aren't part of who I am. Interestingly, most of the ones on this author's list would be on mine too. Gardening always comes up this time of year. April showers bring may flowers, but those flowers seem to need to be planted first! I so badly want to be a gardener, but besides putting tomatoes and cucumbers in containers and planting my annual pots I just can't bring myself to figure anything else out. So, I just might have to add expanding my gardening skills to my "not do do list".

Add to it: sewing. baking things with yeast. deep cleaning my house every season. doing piles of art projects. keeping up photo albums. creating homemade cards.

Note: I do still want to try these things . . . which leads me to my other revelation lately that I can get discouraged and even debilitated by all or nothing thinking. I have to bake ALL our bread or not try at all. I have to have a HUGE garden or not do one at all. I have to sew EVERYTHING in our house or not even take the machine out of the box. I have to clean out ALL the drawers or not even start. I have to do a craft with Karis EVERY day or not do any at all.  It's been illuminating and also freeing to realize I can just attempt some things and if they flop, whatever. Actually, this isn't a new thought to me, I just seem to forget my struggle with this and need to come back to practicing a balanced approach. Life is too short for such black and white thinking.

Another phrase that keeps going through my mind is one from my cousin (who is graduating this month with a master's in counseling): "Don't get so excited!". Ha! Isn't that the best?

- Outside yesterday I was standing with my hands on my hips and one foot out. Karis walks right beside me and imitates my pose. We were laughing so hard.
- At dinner one night she had to eat her taco just like Trevor, bunching up her tortilla and stuffing it into her mouth. Also had to eat dinner right beside Trevor yesterday.
- In her bath she has taken to pouring and serving "tea". So fun. She also loves to wash her little people with her washcloth.
- Before her nap one day she had to remove her socks, open the door and put them in the hallway.
- I love watching Karis talk on her "phone" (a calculator). She can be overheard nodding her head and saying, "So. Okay? Yeah? Sounds good."
- Or watching her with Lukas or her babies, saying, "You okay? Ohhhh."
- Or when she meets people and shakes their hand while saying, "Nice to meet you".
- When our neighbors get home, she watches them (read: stares) until they get out of their vehicle. Then says, "Welcome home!" and runs in circles around a tree in our backyard.
- Tickle monster is a new favorite. She curls her index finger, waves it in the air, gets a surprised look on her face, says, "tickle monster gonna get _____", and tickles whoever is in sight.
- "We'll do that soon. Later."Written down just doesn't capture how convincingly she says this . . . to an array of things (like, watch youtube, eat candy, go somewhere she wants to go).
- "Laura book - see the cheese?". There is one page on one of the "Little House adaptation" books that shows Laura, Mary & Ma making cheese . . . Karis loves this page.

Easter celebrations

(written Easter Sunday) Well, our home is home again - we were so thankful to welcome Trevor back on Friday afternoon. I just love that fresh-off-a-trip buzz, it seems like even after interminable travel and extreme exhaustion there is this vibe of excitement and relief and reunion. It brought back memories of when I used to travel (in my former life) and I guess I felt I could experience the adventure vicariously through Trevor. He had a tremendous trip, he said it went from one highlight to the next (except for the parts that he didn't feel well . . . which wasn't too often, thankfully).

I found an analogy for how I deal with Trevor being gone for any extended amount of time: I'm like a baby in daycare - I remember reading about how infants in daycare will often hold it together the whole day, they play and are happy and interact. Then the parents pick them up, and the babies sometimes fall apart. Well, I don't think I quite fell apart when Trevor got back, but I definitely crashed. I think I was on high all week, and then he got back and I felt so wiped out.

Trevor was doing so great he made it to Good Friday, Easter Vigil, Easter Sunday service, one birthday party, and a dinner out.  We enjoyed the start of catching up, it's hard to know where to begin.

Easter memories from this year:
- "No picking my nose in church" To which I say, "Good idea". This was Karis's temptation all through the Good Friday service. Shockingly, she really seemed in tune to the somber nature of the service and was quite observant. Most meaningful to this momma was walking to the cross with her, kneeling beside her, praying with her for repentance, renewal, rightness with God through the Cross. Then receiving a special blessing from our pastor. Later before bed, Karis was practicing kneeling. 
- "Your Grace is Enough . . . " Karis sings this along with Larry the Cucumber as we drive in the car. Cutest thing I ever did hear.
- "Bones!" For some reason, during the Easter vigil on Saturday, this is the one word from the many, many readings that Karis latched on to and said over and over.
- "Emerson getting baptized!" Karis has a fascination with her friend Emerson and she was enthralled watching him get baptized at the vigil
- "I have candy, I have candy!" said while dancing up and down our walkway outside after discovering some Easter eggs from the neighbors on our way to the car on Sunday morning. After church she ate some of the chocolate and made the most hilarious little slurping noises
- When I went up to read prayers of the people Sunday morning, Karis started screaming/crying. Trev took her to the basement where not even pretzles or snacks would calm the poor girl . . . oh Karis. I forgot to explain I'd be doing that, not sure if an explanation would have helped? Also not sure if I'll be asked to do prayers of the people again!
- "I want nappers!" said through tears an hour before naptime. She is still sleeping as I write this three hours later, I think Easter is tough on toddlers (at least it is when you go to two evening services that make for late bedtimes . . . but I think so worth it to have her there experiencing it all with us . . . )
- Trying on shoes at DSW. Yes, we went to DSW in the afternoon - didn't you? Karis found some hilarious bright pink-and-orange heels (women's size, of course) and tried them on
- "Christ is Risen!" (hard to decipher, but said with zeal)

Home

It's been a significant week in our little world here. Our little family of three took some much-anticipated adventures. Around the world. Trevor to China (so amazingly thrilling, I wonder about a hundred times a day what he's doing, seeing, experiencing, thinking). Karis and I took this chance to vacation in Bismarck, our favorite place to find refreshment and encouragement. To laugh and lounge and think and connect. It's simply the best, full of history, memories, family, beauty. Every corner, every road, every landmark has meaning. Karis is starting to make lasting memories in my hometown, and I just know that Bismarck will forever be a special place in her life.

I'm thinking about home tonight, I just watched a movie where the characters are on a journey to find the perfect home to raise their yet-to-be-born daughter.  I love the characters' search for home, their reflections on life, their perspectives on parenthood, reflections of memories from childhood. Most powerful to me this time was the reminder that (cheesy as it may sound) home is where your heart is, where memories are, where memories can be made. I feel so thankful to have many homes . . . pieces of my heart deposited in different places, in different houses, with different people. As I sit here and miss Trevor in the home we share, I'm remembering with gratitude that he is an integral part of the heartbeat of this home (read the Karis-isms to see that she realizes this also).

And this Holy Week (well, any week really) it is good to acknowledge that ultimately, Heaven is home. C.S. Lewis is known for writing about the concept of joy and of yearning - that the joy we experience in life offers fleeting glimpses of the deep ache in our heart that only Heaven can fill.  That we yearn for constant joy, that we yearn for "something more", and that hole in our heart has only one place to find fulfillment. A good reminder for me as Lent draws to a close.

Speaking of Lent, this blog post is one I found to be so full of truth. I have blamed my lack of Lenten discipline this year on the weather (so unseasonably warm), but really this sense of lack is a reflection of what Lent IS. It's not about me, my efforts, my striving. It's God, grace, growth.

From the mouth of my babe lately:
- "Uppa daddy" (when seeing him on skype - so beautiful)
- "Go see daddy in computer?"
- "Go see daddy in picture!" (when looking at pictures of him)
- "Daddy's home!" (said with a hopeful note in her voice whenever we're driving home - you notice the theme here, she misses her daddy)
- "I have nails!" (painted nails continue to be a hot topic)
- "Bear. Scary" (my dad had a bear hide in the garage that she saw right before we left . . . she continues to process that experience)
- "Can you believe it?!" (I must say this a lot)
- "Remember that one?" (again, I say this often, Karis says it when she finds an old toy or book that we haven't used in a while)
- "I had fun with my cousin Courtney" (precious)
- "Go the fun way?!" (with pleading in her voice, asking to go around the block to the alley when we arrive home - as opposed to going straight to the alley. Why?)
- "Lukas don't take away my bike!" (said with a fierce voice and stern expression)
- " (insert dog name) not going to jump on Karis"
- "What IS it?" (pointing to anything she can't identify - latest fascination was the air freshener contraptions in some of the commodes in Bismarck)
- "Come on in!" (when she sees neighbor Bonnie anywhere near our house)

I write all these down, and I fervently hope that I can always remember her voice and inflections and expressions while she says all these things - the girl is chock full of personality and cracks me up all the time.

This pic would make more sense if you could see that she is eating dinner at her picnic table.

Party on . . .

I feel like I better devote a post to: turning 30. It's really been a blast turning 30, something about having a decade change made me want to plan things to make it memorable. So, we've enjoyed merging old traditions with new . . .

- Trev gave me a big cookbook, The Best Recipes in the World,  and we're really, really going to try to start choosing recipes to cook together (sometimes, at least)
- "Free" birthday dinners from Noodles and Ruby Tuesday
- Not free birthday dinner out with friends. Part of my "growing up" and celebrating 30 was to meet 2 dear couples at a favorite restaurant, Sunsets. Sans kids. Actually, a couple of the kids played together here with a precious youth group girl and had a blast. Karis was literally pushing me out the door, physically and verbally: "Leave mommy!" while shoving my legs
- Re-watching Chariots of Fire, which is my birthday movie. Such a reminder of passion and purpose in life
- Re-reading of Psalm 139
- Anticipating being in Bismarck soon . . . it's been so fun to look forward to that time with family and friends

I'm thankful for the traditions of celebrating life, for the intentional time to honor the breath that God has given me. I also think it's important to celebrate my parents on my birthday (Karis, if you are reading this when you are 13 or 18 or 30, you should steal this idea from me). They make life so special and memorable and celebratory, thanks dad and mom.

There are so many things I thought I'd have figured out by now . . . but I feel like I've been gently reminded lately that life really is all about growth. Learning, being shaped and molded and refined. At any age.

Another theme of birthday thoughts is to live in each moment, to be present. To enjoy the good moments, learn from the not-so-good, to be mindful of the moments (and not regret or worry about it when I'm not). Some people seem to do all this naturally, I am not one of those people.

And of course, grace. Grace really does cover all - the times of refinement, the ones where I lose sight of the moment.

Some birthday surprises included:
- Waking up to a front yard full of forks that spelled "Happy 30th Andrea". I still don't know who the culprit is, but I LOVE them!
- Just before breakfast, Karis ran to my legs, gave me a huge hug and said "I love you soooo much!". She has never ever done this before, and I feel like God was speaking through her. I cried.
- Some dear neighbors brought over bread, not even knowing it was my birthday. The mid-morning chat over tea was very refreshing

We are almost partied out here - I think Trevor is slightly relieved that my birthday is over. Our last event was meeting friends for a casual dinner at Chatterbox (Karis is starting to say "Go get dinner at restaurant! Sorry dear, back to home cooking tomorrow).

Things to learn from children's books

Karis's books are like friends to us, I'm savoring these days when she backs up onto my lap or cuddles with me on the couch (sometimes with her arm around me, precious!) to page through her favorite books. Reading about Corduroy and her delight when he goes up the escalator, I discover the beautiful story of friendship.  Always Room For One More reminds me about the desire to open our home with such an attitude. Angus and The Ducks makes me want a Scottish Terrier. More More More encourages me to tickle Karis's belly button and scoop her into my arms. Knuffle Bunny is always good for a laugh and makes me thankful for my in-home washing machine and dryer. Barnyard Dance makes me think of square dancing and completely cracks me up as I watch Karis stomp around. The Foot Book is surprisingly helpful in teaching Karis about her left and right feet. Winter Days in the Big Woods (a Little House adaptation) is helpful in establish the proper work for each day. If you read Love You Forever twice a day, it won't make you cry (well, not every time, at least).

I finished Kisses From Katie last week - lots to think about. As I had the fleeting thought of turning on our air conditioning several times the past days (weak, I know), I thought of Katie who lives in Uganda and adopted 14 girls at the age of 19 and has rats her in house and the hugest heart and incredibly inspiring life story. You should read it. 

What really impresses me in reading news this week is that Trevor finished Les Miserables. He says it was completely worth it and so I'm tempted to start.

What you might hear through the open screen door this week:

- "You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around . . . " (said by me, not Karis. Karis just laughs, which is why I do it)

- "Wear this to nappers?!" (with a note of exclamatory pleading that expresses her desire to wear whatever it is she is wearing to her nap or bedtime - one time she was running around with nothing on and grabbed her skin while saying this)

- "Honey?" (again, pleading exclamation, part of her bedtime routine still involves eating honey even when there is no cough. To do this, Karis climbs into her high chair and happily sips on her spoonful of sweet stickiness)

- "Go to Belle's house! Make Lefse! Have fun with Erika!" (yup, we made lefse. Karis ate a whole round of raw dough and also some chocolate pudding, all while wearing her chosen outfit: an adorable vintage Polly Flanders dress that is at least a size too small but oh so perfect)

- "Happy day Mommy!" (a couple former coworkers took me out for dinner, Karis loved the candle. I loved the triple chocolate)

- "Eat smoothie in my elephant cup" (because that is where smoothies belong)

- "Go potty! Mommy already showered. Get dressed! I pick outfit. Go to kitchen" (phrases said within 30 seconds of being up in the morning)

- "Pinky!" (a pink ball from the dollar bin at Target, the latest fave that goes everywhere we do)

- "French toast Friday!" (yup, a tradition)
- "I had a good day" (said on our way home Sunday night after seeing Aunt Cassie, melted our hearts)
- pretending she's going to the airport to pick up Cassie: "Bye momma! I'm going to airport pick up Cassie! I be back soon!"
- "Read it fast! Sing it fast!" (everything with Karis is FAST, a lot like her dad)
- "Go to restaurant. Cheeseburger!" (because that is what one eats at any restaurant, right?)
- "I have happy day mommy on my fingers!" (i.e. she got glitter on her fingers from some wrapping paper on the gift Trev gave me)