Rewind and fast forward

Rewind to over a MONTH ago (?!?). Tempus fugit, as they say.

- In late February, we were blessed to bring our youth group on a weekend retreat. We spent the weekend at a beautiful farm where we learned together about (and practiced) spiritual disciplines. We also goofed off, played games, talked a lot, made necklaces, played tons of "Ninja", had a Sunday morning service, and got to know each other better. These youth give me such incredible hope for the future, it's a joy to know them and learn from them.

I hope Karis is as amazing as these girls when she's a teenager

(I mean, she will be, but I'm just trying to say these girls are amazing!)

- In early March Karis and I, along with our good friends Beth and Lukas (8 weeks old at the time) trekked to Bis for a few days of lotsa family and friend time. It was SUCH an amazing trip in so many ways! To travel back with Beth, with whom I graduated from high school, was a crazy rewind feeling . . . we graduated from high school ten years ago and now we're neighbors and have babies and go to the same church. My heart runneth over. The few days there were filled with grandmas & grandpas, cousins, and friends. Karis loved all the attention, she's our little extrovert - she'll smile at anything, like she's begging to be looked at, talked to, smiled at. Also special during this trip was celebrating my dad's --th Birthday! We even had a little date, we went to a cute drug store, a used book sale, and a local bakery. Love of books and reading are things I'm increasingly thankful that my dad and I share - he is ever and always the most amazing father I could ever think to pray for and I thank God for him always.

3 generations . . .

A girl after her tech-y grandpa's heart . . . playing with (trying to eat)

his i-touch (or whatever it's called)

- In mid March we started having little Lukas join us here a couple days a week while his momma gets back into work and school. He is a beautiful boy and makes our days so much fun. Karis is sharing mom pretty well and seems to think Lukas is a very fascinating toy. I can't wait to see them interact more and more.

10 week old Lukas, 7 1/2 month old Karis. Yes, they are the same size!

- We went another place with Karis that I wouldn't bring my kids to: Buster's on 28th, a fun local restaurant/bar on the "south side" of town. There were two babies at our table and one 38 week pregnant friend. We celebrated life and can't wait until said friend welcomes her little girl whose due date is tomorrow! Babies, babies, babies . . . everywhere, babies. I love it!

- We had some crazy play dates with lots of babies. The biggest is pictured here, babies from 10 weeks to 10 months were represented. What a gift to be surrounded by such happy and healthy children. God's goodness surrounds us.

Karis is the smallest, but not the youngest! She's my little bean.

Fast forward to TODAY:

- "They say it's your birthday, na na na na na na, well it's my birthday tooooooo, na na na na na na na" (you know that Beatles song, right?). I'm not usually one to say "it's my birthday", but hey, it IS and I'm really loving it! I'm feeling pretty contemplative today, remembering a year ago when Karis was kicking away in my tummy, not even knowing yet that she was a girl - reading my birthday psalm (as in, the psalm I read every birthday) and thinking of the life growing inside me:

Psalm 139: 13 - 16

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I always like to remember and celebrate my parents on my birthday. I wouldn't be here without them! Thank you, mom and dad, for being the most amazing parents, for teaching me how to celebrate life (on birthdays and all days) and for loving me always.'

What am I doing today, you ask? Redeeming lots of free goodies - Caribou, Noodles, Coldstone. Some Dutch Blitz with Trevor and my bro. Maybe a movie. I'm excited.

- One more rewind, to almost ten years ago: I have Beth's copy of our senior year yearbook here to peruse. Oh my gosh, looking through the pages and pictures brings back a mix of memories and emotions. So much has happened since then, and I feel so much the same and yet so much different (deep thought, right? Ha. It's all I can muster for now and don't feel like going into details).

- Fast forward: Karis's latest and greatest milestones - sitting up pretty well, saying "da da da da da da" (um yeah, Trevor LOVES this), squealing when Trevor walks in the door (yes, Trevor LOVES this), putting her fingers in her mouth and moving them around while "talking" which results in a hilarious sound (you can do this yourself too, you know, to see what I'm saying. Try it. It's funny). She's snorting and makes funny faces and noises. She loves my water bottle. She loves to eat anything I give her (lately, avocados, bananas, pears, sweet potatoes, and potatoes). She is trying to pull herself up onto her knees (might she crawl soon?). She loves to sit in the glider rocker in the nursery, kick her legs, and then giggle when she makes the chair move. She goes down wonderfully for naps. She kicks in her crib, sometimes in her sleep - lifts up both legs and just bangs them right back down. She also does this on the floor and on the changing table - we have a kicker. She gets up about twice a night. She is the happiest baby I've ever seen and brings joy and life wherever she goes. She is a gift.

Oh man, melt my heart.

Lovin' the laundry basket. I can't wait until she can fold clothes.

I am going to teach her very young.

Oh the places we'll go . . .

Oh yes, the places we'll go with Karis.

Oh yes, the places we have already gone with our dear daughter. From Bozeman to Bismarck, South Carolina to South Minneapolis, this little girl has a good start on her traveling repertoire.

Oh the places I would never take her if she had any awareness of where we actually were.

Indeed, during the past months I've been to places where I've walked out saying, "That was good, but I wouldn't take my kid there." Of course, I did take my kid there. One such place was Margaritaville (during our trip to South Carolina) - something about the simulated hurricane with a massive bottle of something or other descend from it made me think, "Huh, this is fun and interesting, but I wouldn't take my kid here." Then there was this movie we went to a couple weekends ago (um, can I say how wonderful and normal and exhilarating yet relaxing it was to sit down in a theater and watch an entire movie?!?) . . . I left the theater (feeling triumphant in getting back to an activity I'd been missing these past months) saying to my family, "That was good and worth watching. But I'd never take my kid there." Hmmm, except I did take my kid there.

Do I need to stop going to these places with Karis? I'm starting to wonder.

And then there are the places we want to go, but just can't quite get to. The church nursery, for example. I helped prepare a dinner at our church last weekend and was totally prepared both mentally and physically to bring Karis to the nursery for the evening. I even pumped a bottle (and I really dislike pumping), optimistic that Karis would indeed take it (I mean, she'll sip water from my water bottle now, why not take yummy milk from a fun bottle!). I started the meal prep with Karis and a good friend for company. I had it all mapped out: I nursed her, Trevor arrived and got Karis to take a nap in her carseat: the perfect recipe for a good nursery drop off! Trevor dropped her off as the meal prep ramped up (read: need to get lots of food hot at the same time). Just as the dinner was about to start, a dear nursery worker walked into the kitchen, Karis in one arm and diaper bag in the other. Bottle attempt = no-go. Extreme sad crying = yup. Poor girl! To be honest, it was kind of sweet. But to be also honest, I had a job to do and I really couldn't tend to her, and Trevor was getting ready to "host" a "newlywed game" section of the evening so he couldn't either.

Time for a tangent: there are a few reflections I'd love to remember about that evening at church. The event was a kind of Valentine's dinner at our church, and it turned into an evening to remember for many reasons. There was the meal, the prep and delivery for which I felt quite responsible, and thus quite perfectionistic/anxious about. Turns out that doing something like that is kind of like giving a speech in that I've been replaying everything that could have been better. That said, I've been challenging myself to let go of those things and to focus on what went well - AND to focus on the evening as a whole, which was so meaningful and memorable. There was the sweet Karis nursery strike that turned into a beautiful site - since neither of her parents were available to console her, she got passed around a bit. At one point I walked out and saw her in the arms of a father to 3 children who I know but don't know well - it was one of those moments of feeling so at home in our community and so thankful for the love and support and care that everyone has for each other. I will always treasure that memory of seeing Karis calm in his arms and the way he let his dinner get cold just so I could run around and get more hot food on the table and so Trevor could go put on a hilarious 3 piece suit and grill married couples about their spouses. That sweet picture of true community is what I'll remember (as I try to forget the weak coffee I made and the fact that there was no pepper to be found to season the potatoes and broccoli).

Okay, back to the places we've gone. Well, recently we were blessed to go meet Karis's newest little friend, Lauren. The day we did this happened to be Karis's 6 month birthday, and there happened to be a whole lotta little girls around (it's actually a group of us that try to meet weekly - 4 moms, 5 daughters, and one little boy who is in the oven). They even sang "happy birthday" to Karis, it was a good little party.

Oh the places we went a couple weekends ago when my parents came to visit. Karis got to dine at her favorite restaurant, Lucia's (it's the one we were supposed to visit with the above ladies the day Karis was born). Trader Joe's, Potbelly's, The General Store, Caribou (her other favorite), uncle Drew's, Open Door church, and driving all around town - Karis does incredibly well on these adventures and is such a flexible little girl.

And though little girl she is, she is also growing and developing like crazy. Karis loves to reach for anything she can get her hands on - earrings, hair, water bottles, glasses, her feet, your face, your clothes, literally anything. She's still smiles like crazy at just about anything, and she most recently has discovered how much fun it is to stick out her tongue and even roll it. What will be next?

Here's our little Valentine. Trevor and I had fun taking her to her 6 month pictures and then out for coffee in honor of the holiday. I had fun reminiscing about V-days growing up and how my parents always made it a fun day with dinner and little gifts (more specifically, socks - my mom always gives me a pair of V-day socks, and this year Karis got some too!)

Here's Karis in an outfit I wore as a 4 month old

Sacred Influence

So I'm reading this book called Sacred Influence. Remember how I've learned to never say never or always? Well, before becoming a mom I always said I would always be a wife first and foremost (and I do believe that loving Trevor well is one of the most loving things I can do for my daughter and will make me a better mother). Then I became a mother. My body no longer feels like it's my own (because I'm a nursing mother). My sleep is irregular, I'm hormonal, and oh yeah - I'm completely smitten with Karis. I would do anything for that girl, seeing her makes my face light up and I talk to her with a song in my voice. Let's juxtapose this to when I see Trevor, let's say after work: my voice does not have a song, I maybe smile but definitely do not light up, and as far as doing anything for Trevor . . . well, I put food on the table and right when he's done very often ask him to do things for me.

Back to Sacred Influence - while the pages are lending good reminders and encouragement about the important role that wives play in their husband's lives, the author is largely addressing women whose husbands are angry or lazy or unfaithful. Here's the thing: the book doesn't address how to cope with the nearly perfect husband! (ha ha). I say that kind of for real, but mostly kidding and with a HUGE amount of gratitude to God for gifting me with Trevor's love and his heart. Trevor is still smitten with me (and he is with our daughter too, of course!), he lights up when he sees me and he talks to me with complete kindness. I've never once doubted his love and I am humbled by his example of faith in action through his character and convictions and attitudes. Having an almost perfect husband does pose its own frustrations, BUT what a blessing compared to the alternative. I love you, Trev.

Needless to say, having Karis has changed our marriage, as I expected it would. Being parents has deepened our bond for sure as we're committed together to seek her best interest and to love her in the best ways we know how. But to be honest, it's been a struggle for me to prioritize Trevor and our marriage. And I've come to see that struggles are okay, and having to be intentional and having to try is okay too, even good. There's so much more to say that I'm going to stop right here for now! I'm thankful. I'm trying. Life is good.

Just for fun, here's a recent real-life story of my awesome wife-ness:

I get a text from Trevor telling me he has been invited to go to Alaska in late July or early August. I sent him 3 texts in reply, as follows . . .

1. Um, money?

2. That would be Karis's birthday.

3. What do I get to do?

Trevor sent this in reply:

I laughed out loud really hard. The pastor who did our premarital counseling said that our biggest conflict would be that I am off the charts subjective and Trevor is off the charts objective. When he told us that almost 6 years ago we left the session and I over-reacted and cried (proving his point that I am subjective). He was sooooo right.

In recent our-family news, we've had a memorable second half of January. We went to South Carolina with my parents and brother for a few days of fun in the sun (except for the dreary days, but those were cozy and warmer than here so it didn't really matter). We realized that "packing light" has a new meaning to us: 1 huge suitcase, two big backpacks, carseat and stroller. We felt like minimalists shlepping all those things around. Anyways, we had a tremendous trip with hanging out, enjoying the sea breeze, eating, touring a vineyard (and doing some wine tasting), walking through a huge sculpture and "low country" garden, and being entertained by Karis. Karis went to the ocean for the first time, although I can't say she saw it since she was snoozing the whole time. And oh yeah, Krispy Kreme. SC has Krispy Kreme! I know, it doesn't take much to please, right? Speaking of shlepping things around, I'll always remember one of our Krispy Kreme stops (there were only two, in case you're wondering) when we took up two tables and a booth with our donuts, coffee cups, changing "stuff" for Karis, her diaper bag, ourselves . . . stuff, stuff, stuff. It's unavoidable and really funny. Ah, Krispy Kreme, I think Karis loved it (maybe it has to do with the "K" connection?). Karis was quite the terrific traveler and we're thankful for all the memories we were able to make there (in South Carolina, not just at Krispy Kreme!).

This picture cracks me up, Karis watching us all drink wine. At what point do we need to not do such things in her presence?

We got home and were glad to welcome Trev's parents for a few days - Karis just loved seeing all her grandparents in such a short amount of time. Our little girl seems to be quite the extravert, smiling at anyone who looks her way and charming family and strangers alike. She soaks in all the sights and sounds, she's more alert and interactive all the time. She's rolling over more consistently, making new noises, playing with her feet, loves to suck on her toys (and anything else she can manage to get to her mouth).

AND, Karis is 6 MONTHS OLD. I can't believe it. People always say how fast it goes, but MAN it goes fast. I'm mindful lately of her wonderful health, her growth, her emerging personality. We are blessed, and she is a blessing to so many with her joy and smiles and coos and cuddles. Oh baby girl, you're not going to be a baby for much longer . . .

Baby crazy!

True confession: I was never really a baby person. I mean, I loved getting to see people's babies and was always excited for families to welcome their babies to the world. But to be honest, when I'd find myself in the room with a baby, I was never the one to rush over and beg to hold him/her. In fact, I probably often had the thought, "I hope they don't ask me to hold their baby." Mainly because they seemed so fragile and, well, scary. I mean, what if I held them wrongly? What if they started crying in my arms?

Since Karis's arrival, all that has changed. I am crazy for babies! And it just so happens there is baby crazy-ness all around these parts. I've visited 3 new babies in just the last ten days, and with each one I am so excited to hold them and rock them and cuddle them. I can see why people keep wanting to have more, there's something just so precious about newborns in their helplessness and their cries and their sleeping and their movements and stretches and smells. I thank God for the health of all these recent babies in our friends' lives, and it's been the greatest joy to watch many of our close friends enter the realm of parenthood. So yes, welcome to the world all you little babies. And dear Karis, thank you again for changing my life in so many ways - you continue to amaze me!

This new year has been off to a fun start, as I wrote last time, beginning with a weekend spent with all Karis's godfathers. I relish watching them talk to her, ask to hold her, laugh with her, and play with her. She loves their attention!

Last week we had a blast seeing some old friends (who I stayed with in Germany almost 3 years ago!). Thank you, S & Z for stopping by, playing with our girl and giving us lots of laughs. Please move back here!

Trevor started a new addition to our nighttime routine with Karis, singing and playing guitar to her (adorable!). Speaking of Karis . . . she is becoming the most smiley and joyful baby I know. It's like she just can't beam bright enough, sometimes it looks like her face must hurt from straining to express her feelings. And then my face starts to hurt from smiling back at her. Our days are so fun as she discovers the world more every day, taking it all in with her big eyes and moving limbs. Lately when I hold her on my lap, she'll crane her neck back to look me in the eyes - this little lady loves to be looked at. She's also doing what appear to be push ups when she's laying on her tummy. Strong girl! We're also certain that she's working on some teeth - she chews on anything she can grab (including our fingers, and it hurts!). I always try to imagine what things are like for Karis in her day, the funny feelings she's experiencing in her gums, what she might be thinking when she wakes up from a nap, what it must mean to her to be looked and talked to and held. I am a blessed momma to receive her smiles and cuddles and coos. And Trevor is such a good dad, and the truly an amazing husband (hopefully also another post later).

In random personal-journal-type recordings, I just finished reading Jane Eyre for what must be about the 7th time . . . the story and Jane's character was better than ever. There's nothing like the feeling of digging into an old familiar book. As corny as it sounds, when I read Jane Eyre, I feel like I'm sitting in a living room with an old friend.

I'm also enjoying a simple but refreshing book called What Kids Need Most in a Mom. I appreciate reminders and insights into the many facets of motherhood, from creativity to identity to mom-guilt to the healthy-ness of having outside interests from the home. Being home lends itself to the temptation to making my world very small (and often selfish). Some other reading is helping me remember the world at large: Exodus, a historical fiction about the struggle for a Jewish homeland in Israel. I'm horrified to read about the events of World War 2 and the century old persecution of Jewish people. Yes, my life is simple and it is very good and I try to not take that for granted.

Karis's life seems pretty simple too - here's a picture of her in an outfit I wore as a baby. I think she likes it!

I hope to write more about this in a separate post, but baby matters on my mind lately are: schedules and food. I'm developing some opinions about each of them, and it's been good to discern what works for our family (haven't started food but will probably start soon, and don't seem to be on much of a schedule and am trying to rest in that).

Speaking of small world/big world, I've been watching the news reports today about the earthquake in Haiti, and I'm reminded of the fragility of life and the precious gift that each day is. May all those affected by this great tragedy find some kind of rest and peace in the midst of chaos and devastation.

Making lists checking them twice

Some recent baby's firsts:

• Meeting my BF from college, Rachel. We had such a wonderful time hanging out here for a couple days before heading to NoDak for Christmas. It's becoming a wonderful tradition to pick Rachel up from the airport and eventually end up dropping her off at her home that's on the way to our's. I'm ever thankful for her dear friendship.

• Christmas. Trevor and I had a blessed time celebrating Christmas with our precious Baby K and lots of family. The week flew by with special meals, a beautiful Christmas Eve service, lots of visiting and running around. And sleepless nights, to be honest - poor girl seemed to know that in her crib she was not, and many nights I was up out of bed close to a dozen times to comfort her back to sleep. Ah, Karis - when I wake up in the morning the nights don't seem so bad. But in the middle of the night I feel I may be going a little crazy. And then I comfort myself with a piece of chocolate, which seems to help. When that doesn't help, I admit that I sometimes elbow Trevor - which of course doesn't help anything except that I feel I have companionship in the sleeplessness (especially doesn't help anything because Trevor falls right back asleep. Bless his heart, of course!).

• Rolling over. What a fun sight to see! We all crammed around Karis and watched her ever so gracefully turn from her belly to her back, and are continuing to love watching her discover her rolling potential.

• Exersaucer experience. In this contraption, I feel we got to see Karis's full and unbridled energy potential. I think I'm up for it, and it's fun to watch her kick her legs and bat at (and try to suck on) the contraptions within her reach.

• Bumbo sitting time. All these contraptions and places to put Karis are wonderful. They are also completely taking over our house. Not that we seem to mind . . .

A recent first for Andrea:

• I rear-ended someone this week. Thankfully it was just a fender bender and no one was hurt, but . . . one of my new year's resolutions is to not talk on my cell phone while driving. I wish I could say this is an easy thing to do, but it's definitely going to take some discipline. This accident was a good reminder to slow down, focus, pay attention to what's before me - driving, yes, but in a litany of other areas as well.

Some New Year's celebrations and resolutions (which I really feel a need for this year!):

• First, some New Year's Eve memories: We enjoyed watching "Lord of the Beans" Veggie Tales movie (gift to Trev from his college roommie!). Karis apparently wanted to ring in the new year as well, she had a pretty tough time going to bed! New Year's day Trevor and I headed to a mall for a walk and then to get some Caribou. I think we intended to talk about goals and such, and we did get as far as resolving to read (together) the 1 year Bible. I'm already a day behind (I think he is, too). Anyone care to hold us accountable to this resolution? We also loved having all of Karis's godfathers (i.e. our brothers) in town for the New Year's weekend. We're so blessed by their love for Karis, I appreciate how they ask to hold her, the way they talk to her and always include and acknowledge her. What a loved little lady!

• I was trying to explain to Trevor (during our New Year's Caribou date) that I really feel I need to "try harder" this year. I started listing things, like try harder to have quiet devotional time every day. Try harder to be the wife I know Trevor deserves. And then at one point, I said I need to try harder to relax. Hmmmm, a little ironic, huh? I laughed a bit at said irony, but it's left me thinking. Can the two exist together, or do I need rather to resolve to receive the grace that is mine for the asking - grace to make mistakes (of which I make many), to be an imperfect wife and mother. So maybe I need to also try harder to receive grace, and maybe that grace will cover all. Well, I know it will cover all, it's the receiving it that can be hard. May 2010 be a year of grace. And trying harder. Probably both at the same time . . .

One year ago

Exactly one year ago we were packing up and getting ready to head home for Christmas. Exactly one year ago there was a snow storm hitting our area. Exactly one year ago we were rescuing stranded friends from the airport.

Exactly one year ago I took this little test that you can't really pass or fail unless you're hoping for a certain outcome. The outcome is measured only in positive and negative. I was indeed hoping, so I did indeed pass the test. Exactly one year ago (at 5:30 am!) Trevor and I found out that Karis was growing inside of me. Thank you, Lord, for the best Christmas present we've ever received.

I'll always remember yelling, "Trevor!" . . . who rushed out of bed to join me in the bathroom (where he assumed I was sick because he already had a hunch I was pregnant). We stared at the plus sign on the stick on the floor and then rejoiced.

Exactly one year ago we were thanking God, and we're thanking Him still for Karis's precious life.

New things

Such an original title for this blog post, right? I, as usual, am trying to not let the hustle and bustle of this time of year distract me from the really important, lasting things (like writing, spending quality time with people, focusing on the REAL reason for the season). As usual, I'm struggling, but finding some good victory along the way in letting things go (as in, no Christmas card, no birth announcement - shame on me! - little cleaning, using lots of gift bags so I don't have to wrap presents, ha!). I am struck of course that a year ago I was intentionally not writing a Christmas card because I felt that nothing significant had really changed/happened over the past year. Little did I know . . .

This Advent season has been precious as I look at Karis and realize that Jesus was a baby. He was every bit as dependent and helpless and beautiful and growing and, well, everything baby, as Karis is. And to think of Mary! How wise of her to "treasure up all these things and ponder them in her heart." (Luke 2:19) Having a baby really can change one's perspective on so many things.

Some new tricks from Karis:

• She is grabbing things and bringing them to her mouth - I'm thinking maybe she's ready for a "blankie"!

• She is BUSY. Always moving, sucking on her fingers and fists, kicking, looking around.

• This weekend Trevor belched quite loudly, which caused Karis's face to scrunch up which then turned into a full-on wail. It happened twice, and as not fun as it is to hear her cry we couldn't stop laughing. I think we have a very well mannered and polite girl on our hands.

• Karis continues to be my funny honey. She just cracks me up! The way she sticks her tongue out when she smiles, the coos and little giggles she offers (she even smiles in the middle of crying sometimes). She loves to be looked at, talked to, and to look at and talk to people.

• Karis is wearing cloth diapers. Yup, we actually had four months worth of diapers given to us that recently ran out, so it seemed like a logical time to start. So far, so good - I'm even a little self-competitive about it, seeing just how exclusively I can use the cloth. i.e. I'm trying very hard to use them at all times except for when Karis is with a sitter or during nighttime.

In other random news, Trevor and I had our fourth and so far most successful date this past Sunday. We reminisced about the previous five Christmases we've shared during our marriage, we're blessed with many memories and we look forward to "baby's first Christmas" in less than two weeks.

There's so much more, but my bed beckons me. It says, "Andrea, your baby is asleep so you should be too . . . " Okay, okay, I'm going!