Midsummer Night's . . . Reality

Catching up . . . 

Some happenings:

Youth Group-ing - it was a highlight of early summer to reconnect with some of our former youth-groupers. Who as it turns out, are all now old enough to enjoy going out for an adult beverage, which is so crazy to me. What amazing young woman, and so beautiful to watch their lives unfold, to vicariously experience their adventures and wide eyed dreams.

Kids CAN-ing - our church's VBS, this week was a full one for all and we loved every minute. I am the long standing snack lady, a position I enjoy tremendously. It's amazing to watch everyone work with their gifts to bless the children. The children are beyond amazing, watching their joy and creativity and confidence and growth . . . as they partook in music, drama, dancing, story-telling . . . doing real things at tender ages, such a profound opportunity.

Concert-ing - at the end of the KidsCAN week I left the kids at dinnertime to meet Trev at his work rooftop summer party. Beautiful view and loud music, it was a treat to be with him. We then met D & M at Loring Pasta Bar to hang out and then go to a My Morning Jacket concert together. I greatly enjoyed about half of the concert (and not necessarily the beginning or end half- just overall half). I woke up with a bad cold the next day, so I'm wondering if part of some moments of misery was that . . . anyway, so glad to have gone and watch Trev rock out and to experience it (because it WAS an experience) with D & M, who we love so much. I woke up feeling like, "Did that happen?"

4th of July-ing - we hit the lake for a couple days and loved every minute. Highlights were Karis baking a "flag cake" with gma (her cutting and serving was the sweetest thing). Watching The Sound of Music (deserving of its own post, I'm quite obsessed with it at the moment and completely inspired by Maria). Boating to Zorbaz for pizza.  Kayak (Trev and Judah), paddleboat. Smoke bombs and snake thing-ys (???) in the driveway. Karis getting to watch fireworks for the first time (in her pj's, precious).

Trevor birthday-ing - I think we celebrated in Pandolfo style quite well and stretched it out. Dinner with my fam at the Smack Shack. I rarely get him a gift and this year sprung for a kindle (after hearing him say once in a while, "I think you should have a kindle". Which I took to mean he wanted one. Twas true).  We stayed up late to watch The Kingsman (bizarre), he got a Saturday at home to do what he wanted, Pizza Luce with neighbor friends on THE day, a late week date at Milton's and then he went with his cousin Lee to see Ant Man (uff da). He wrapped it up just this week by spending some birthday money on digital copies of Star Wars. Oh Trevor, I do love who you are - it's a treasure to get to know you and be on this journey by your side. Your character and sincere heart and kindness and humor speak volumes to all.

Duluth wedding-ing - we got there mid morning on a Saturday and hit the harbor with grandparents and great-grands. Togetherness, climbing up a huge boat, resting for hours in the hotel room (ahhhh, lovely),  being with friends and family at the Glensheen mansion for the Storslee wedding and reception. Karis says her favorite part was watching a ton of TV in the hotel room. I would add the gorgeous scenery, fab family, catching up with the Storslees. I did notice Karis's self awareness, she didn't want to dance (was "shy"). She's growing up so fast . . . Judah on the other hand had a ball and went out dancing on Trev's shoulders. We also did a family breakfast the next morning as an early b-day celebration for Karis - joy to watch her munch a choc chip cookie with whip cream before her syrup soaked sprinkle pancakes.

Neighborhood walks - The kids and I have spent some after-naptime walking a loop in the neighborhood (to be honest, inspired by Maria) that brings us to a meadow and winds back home. One day we saw a doe and then sang "Doe a Deer" the rest of the way home - Judah now begs (demands): "Mommy, run, sing!" when we get to a certain part in the walk. Where did Maria find all that energy?

Camping-without-camping - oh thank you dear Dierkers for letting us completely mooch off your genuine camping trip. We visited them at Baker Park Reserve in time for a walk through the woods to a beautiful beach/lake, swam, hiked back for fire building & dinner/dessert roasting. They are so generous and inclusive. Memorable was watching Trevor eat smores (fun to watch the kids too).

Not doing anything organized, planned, or adventurous - at the beginning of summer I get this familiar feeling of "should we get ourselves 'in' things or just take it as it comes". It's an uncomfortable place sometimes, and then I remember how usually I'm glad when we can come and go as we please. I did envision some exploring of museums and farther-away parks and splashpads, but it turns out the back yard sprinkler and time with neighbors and friends has been the best rhythm. I do have that "school is coming" stirring, mostly excited and a little bit devastated.

Recent Relevant Quotes:
From Anna Hibiscus (so delightful):
"It's not good to be alone . . . we have to help each other. A husband and three children is too much for one woman alone" (HA!)

"Grandmother and Grandfather had lived so long, they had become so wise and so calm that anybody who was with them was happy to accept their last word on everything."

"'What are you talking about, Anna Hibiscus?' her mother said, cross and tired. . . Uncle Tunde heard. He saw Anna's tears. Uncle Tunde had not been cooking all afternoon, and he was not so tired." (SO TRUE).

From Better than Before:
"In the chaos of everyday life, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters, and I can use my habits to make sure that my life reflects my values."

From an old Reader's Digest:
" . . . while I wait to make a grand heroic gesture, I should just stick to the small inconveniences that let me share in life's inevitable, occasional calamity."

" . . . the volume of words a baby hears in the first few words of his life is even more vital to brain development than scientists had first thought. By the time their kids are three, some parents have spoken 30 million more words to them than others have." (I laughed inside, between me/Karis/Trev - Judah should be in good shape)

Random Musings:

I long ago discovered that I am here for GIVING hugs, not receiving them. But wow, I've come to appreciate random hugs from Karis and Judah. Karis's arms wrap around my front and her head buries into my stomach . . . Judah sneaks up behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders - or sometimes he hugs my face. I want to remember these moments.

You can often find us post nap coloring with sidewalk chalk in front (they have the most fun coloring their legs, arms, and faces), then tromping to the back to make and play with mud - they are so happy doing this, and it's hilarious to watch. When they're done, inside for baths and sometimes a quick "Cosmic Kids Yoga" (adorable to watch them do this) youtube video while I get dinner on the table. Trev walks in about 6, we eat, they go upstairs for "TWO GUMMIES!" and I clean up and listen to the thumping upstairs until it's time for devotions in our bedroom and then tuck-ins. I love these rhythms, and the kids do too.

We've had some uncomfortable play dates lately that have sent me to a thinking and praying place, wondering how much to hover/how much to let kids be kids and work things out. We (moms) can only hover for so long, pretty soon these precious littles will be in school and having more private play dates and - well, I want to be wise in shepherding but also understanding and empathic of everyone's feelings, and help these sweet hearts navigate the world of feelings and interactions and the meaning of friendship. As always, I can go to serious places quickly and so my challenge is to go this new road with a light heart.

Things you might hear me saying lately: "I love who God has made you". "I apologize and I will try to slow down more this time". "I love uppa Judah. Yes, let's go to the rocking chair." "Time for splish splash and Lion song!" (transition from mud time to bath time). "No thank you. All done". "Popsicle stays outside".

As I hit "publish" right now . . . Judah greeted us this morning (for the first time) by opening his door and saying "hi Mommy!". Which means, games are changing for a crib crawler outer. It was followed by an hour meltdown - it is so hard for this guy to wake up. Oh these ages and stages.

Karis-isms: 
- "Look mom, we're walking the plank!" (chair cushions)
- "I call the cushions toast. They look like toast"
- "It's so much fun having a brother!"
- "Mommy, my neck feels heavy" (after I told her that I had a neck ache. Uff da)
- "Judah, you have flowers growing where your mouth should be!" (when he stuck flower stickers over his mouth)
- "Judah, will you play with me forever and ever?"
- "You know what we're pretending to be? S'mores. So the marshmallow runs into the graham cracker with this pillow" (while insanely running with Judah around the house)
- "Mom, you have triangle head. And you look like a boy"
- "Well, you sure did pick a difficult spot to put your mower!"
- "Was this your idea (qdoba) so you didn't have to make dinner?"
- "Happy half-birthday to you . . . this chocolate cake is good for you . . . "
- "So daddy, me and mommy have a plan: we're going to have Grandma Nancy potty train Judah"
- "Mommy, thanks for getting me this! You don't shop for me very often!" (the Rosetta t-shirt I got her . . . months ago, that she didn't like but now does)
- "I'm making company dolls. They're to keep people company" (she's been making paper dolls during rest time, adorable)
- (on a recent drive back from the lake): "Well hey there Mr.! Wanna eat some potato chips on this hot summer day?" "Judah, here use my foot as a phone! Put it up to your ear!"
- "I'll gladly sew bonnets and shawls and dresses for the [porcelain] dolls when I have my own sewing kit"
- "Lauren's a double mommy, because she has a baby in her belly"
- "This is so interesting!" (said while sitting on my lap at an Arbonne party)
- "Luke Skywalker made some hasty decisions, which is why Princess Laia is in charge"
- "Well, when they cut out your moles I'm going to go look at the fish [I then explained I'll go see the derm by myself] Okay mom, just make sure you bring a sucker back"
- "It's good in its own way" (referring to homemade popsicles)
- "I can hear your heartbeat" (said while cuddling at bedtime)
- "Daddy, it was a baking day"
- "Mommy, Judah's picking the green tomatoes" (oh brother, literally)
- "Mommy, are you so surprised that you snore?"
- "Well, kind of like how you like basements, daddy just likes to sleep on floors" (true, true)
- (in tears one Sunday night) "I don't want to grow up, I want to stay five forever . . . I won't be able to cuddle with you anymore!" (oh sweet Karis! Did we ever have a good cuddle after that)
- "Mom, my meatball is wet" (um, that's called gravy)

Judah Jibes:
- "Head and toes!" (fave song lately)
- "Popcorn plant!" (whenever he sees plants in a store)
- "Jeffe! Rupa! Elevator! Pretzels, hold them" (recent visit to Trev's office)
- "Daddy in water. Towel" (at the lake, when Trev was putting the canopy up - Judah was very concerned)
- "Chin up!" (when in the bath, washing hair)
- "So fast!"
- "Snack-a-lady"
- "Concert!" (correctly used while listening to fabulous music at KidsCAN - aka VBS at our church)
- "Mommy get it!"
- "Q-doba"
- "My morning jacket"
- Judah's thoughts on Barbie: "Pretty!" . . . ."Barbie, poopie. Take off diaper?" (while turning her upside down) !!!!!!!!
- "Why not?!" (my phrase to the kids when they were playing with mud)
- "Break-a-fast outside!"
- "CHOC-O-LATE DONUT!" (said angrily while he had a maple and his friend Ted had a chocolate. He later pushed Ted to the ground. Please help)
- "Napping House!" (a latest fave book)
- "Sit like big-a-boy"
- "No carrots!
- "Let's do that"
- "Letter book!" (Chicka Chicka Boom Boom)
- "Deer home"
- "Egg in there" (in  his french toast - my kids loathe eggs)
- "Grandma do it!"
- "Lion!" (when he spotted a big labradoodle dog)
- "Ha ha ha song! Karis turn it on!" (a new fave)
- "So fresh!" (phrase he picked up when gma got him out of the bath)
- "Little man clean carpet - vacuum!"
- "Han Solo. Princess Laia. Boat!" (reading a Star Wars board book)
- "On the table!" (during bedtime routine - wants his milk to be placed there)
- "No feet Marco" (as in, don't kick Marco)
- "Cat, twinkle star!" (please read Pete the Cat)
- "Mommy sit table!" (sit at the table while I dance - please don't join me dancing)
- I'm still savoring our bedtime chats (Judah now turns around after reading "by you" - sitting beside me - and says "chat". And then eventually he burrows his head into my shoulder and I tell him what I love about him and pray for his night - it's amazing how he relaxes into this, such a gift)
- "Huge!"
- "Have huge date" (as in the food)
- "Caroline sad. Joshua fall down" (after a play date . . . I was amazed that he was paying attention to those details and included them in his pre-nap chat)
- "Judah pooping"
- "Judah's school. New friends. Sucker picnic!" (registering Judah for a couple hours a week at Karis's "old" school and then eating suckers at a nearby park)
- "Courtney, Judah back to bed" (neighbor girl while babysitting - had the wisdom to see Judah wasn't quite ready to get up from his nap and so put him back to bed successfully)
- "Cosmic kids YOGAAAAAAAAAA!" (a sometimes tradition while I make dinner)
- "Daddy, go to sleep!" (their little lay-down routine while I'm tucking Karis in)
- "Go help you mommy" (translates, please help)
- "Eeeewwwwey bathroom!" (our name for port-a-potties)
- "Careful, Karis!" (said while she was going in a porta potty!)
- "Other one boat" (or, other one anything - his way of saying "another", I think)
- "See Kate, Taylor's new house"
- "Beetle up there!" (took me too long to figure this one out as he peered up at an outdoor window . . . turns out it was "BEES" - finally understood AFTER he got stung. Poor guy)
- "Hi mail man!"
- "Construction!"
- "Sing letters!" (sing the "ABC's" after reading Chicka Chicka Boom Boom)
- "Soooo many boat motors!" (continues to be obsessed with boats)

Rooftop party

My gardener loves to harvest tomatoes and assemble apps 

So gratifying to watch things grow. Next year we'll plant something they actually like eating

Right before leaving for fireworks. I just love this memory

Elvenses. Or, 11:11

We just wrapped up "Two Elevenses" around here (Hobbit term, anyone? Technically, it's supposed to be tea-time. For purposes here, it's just a significant number of our recent happenings). And 11:11 is my and Trev's "number",  and thus below is the usual random for-the-record-account.

First Elevenses - 11 Years of Marriage: 

My parents gifted us early with our first night away from both kids - I don't know who had the most fun (well, probably Karis, because that's just who she is). Judah waved as they drove away and Trev and I settled in easily to a Saturday to ourselves. I think we made the most of it, and it was a special day that I want to remember . . . in the afternoon (nap time, of course) I watched Railway Man and was completely riveted - perfect to pull me back to a place of perspective after what was an intense internal week. I do love intense movies, and this true story was superb. Trev got stuff done (which he loves) and we came together at 3 to meander around until our dinner res at 5. We enjoyed a slow stroll around Loring Park (oh, Trev is always trying to get me to just stroll) and then a climb up Gold Medal Park.

We looked out over the river and I realized that so many years ago we would find a spot to look out over the Missouri River - what different landscape we're gazing at now.

Bar La Grasa did not disappoint, it was a special spot to split a well prepared meal - including ramps! Which might sound funny, but to me was significant because this wild onion was a fab feature on one of our fave shows, A Chef's Life. The meal ended with a bite of chocolate and limoncello, and I even left with a souvenir -  when we got to the car I was clutching a  cloth napkin.

And since we didn't have to get home, we hit Spyhouse - and in true make-our-day-way ran into a former high school classmate. Crazy. Trev's dessert request was pb oreos, so to Cub we went and then home to enjoy them (and for Trev a pipe) on the deck. Oh, and Trev exercised some of his ND roots and set a live trap hoping for some raccoons. We watched the 100 Foot Journey and called it a very good day.

Backing up, the day began early in the morning reading a reflection about "seeking Treasure" - which was meaningful to me because of the long and funny history of "Treasure Trevor". I had hoped we would just have some light hearted fun, and we really did. In fact, I felt SO light hearted, I wonder  how I can bring that spirit into the dailyness?

Sunday I still woke up early (not by choice, body clock is pretty routine and stubborn). The house was so quiet . . . . so, we went for second breakfast (Hobbits, people) to Milton's before heading to church. Where, another random run-in - a gal walked into the bathroom and we had that awkward "I know you from somewhere" minute before realizing she used to work with Trev.

We soaked in the hands free time and then hit the road, grabbing some grub from Whole Foods on the way. Listened to podcasts and rested while driving to the lake - and had a sweet reunion with our fam and a wonderful night catching up with my parents. Grateful for all.


Second Elevenses - 11 Days out of town but at home still: 

The next week Karis wrapped up her ballet session, we caught up with a former youth grouper of mine, and packed the and hit the road (sounds so easy, right? It wasn't. Judah has a sensor for when stuff has to get done and was a melty mess). First stop, Park Rapids for the yearly DeKrey reunion (which to Karis translates: weekend playing with cousin Isabel!). They made the most of the time, including a "make up pajama private fashion show", going to town with their grandma's for some window shopping, and just general togetherness. Trev and I (with Judah) stuck close to the cabin to mingle and meander and rest. We do so love the tradition of that weekend together with so much fabulous family.

The kids and I made the trek to Bismarck on Sunday (with Cassie's company until Fargo, phew), and loved a stop at Heidi's house to see her and her baby belly, some Wendy's, some Steele, and collapsed in "BIS-A-MAAARCK" (for which Judah screamed many times along the way - and when we went over the big hill, the scream turned to delight and he seemed to really understand we'd arrived. We later realized that he thinks my parents' home is Bis-a-marck. We hunkered in for a week of many things and I love thinking about it all, a sweet way to kick off the summer:
- Park Rapids reunion, so grand. As I expected, I barely saw Karis (off with sweet cousin Isabel), I stayed within 50 feet of our cabin the entire time, and we had a sweet time of connecting with lots of fam. The big bummer is that Grandpa Warren wasn't feeling well to be there, he and Eileen and Aunt Karen were so very missed.
- The drive back to Bis was smooth, with a stop at Heidi's house and Wendy's and Steele. Judah tantrumed for "BIS-A-MARCK!" much of the way. And then fell asleep for a bit and all was well. For the first time he fully joined in the rejoicing when we went over the big hill and could see the city
- Park play, walks to "Eagle Ridge" (where Karis loves to visit a toy that is perched on an evergreen), delicious homemade delights from Nancy, lots of grandpa around, evenings on the deck watching the prairie sky, pheasant peering. These things accented our days.
- Memorable to Monday was Karis getting quite sick just as we entered Great Grandma Eileen's home. Picture puke everywhere, Karis crying (poor girl!), Judah yelping "Uppa mommy!" while I tried to manage the situation. One of those moments that is so ridiculous that it's actually memorable in the moment it's happening
- Connecting with a high school and college friend, pizza party with cousins, hanging with Gma Carole . . . Karis got to go to an eye appt. with her grandmas - and then Space Aliens and a manicure (while I sprawled out in front of cable tv while Judah slept)
- A stroll down memory lane for me after a haircut with some Cafe Aroma and a drive by the river
- Visiting April's house (and Kitty!) with Bearcat donuts (all such bliss for Judah)
- The amusement park and KFC (huge highlight for all)
- A delightful day on the prairie with the Popes with tractor rides and nap strikes and Little House on the Prairie and piano music
- Trev arrived late Friday night . . .Saturday we visited cousin Sarah at her new home and very redemptively got to meet her 6 ducklings (our dear Donut Duck disappeared on the reunion weekend)
- Wedding date! Trev and I went to Jenny Storslee's wedding while the kids played the afternoon and night away with my folks. Good for all
- Reconnecting as a fam of four: we stopped off in Alexandria for a night and enjoyed some park play, Zorbaz, and I watched Trev watch The Great Outdoors for the very first time. Hilarious from many angles.

And not to be neglected for history's sake is Trev's side of the week's story: work really hard at our rental, get pretty sick and stay in bed for a couple days, work really hard at work, work really hard at the rental, meet friends at Pizza Luce, pack, drive to Bismarck and pull in really late and meet best friend for Perkins and pipes. Oh that guy, I'm grateful.

And for the record, hindsight 20/20, I wish I could fully relax, let the kids be wild, take Judah to quiet whenever he needed it (but then again - how to instill that "you're not the center of the universe" value? The balancing act leaves me wobbly at times). A friend reminded me that "I'm the mom", and that maybe letting loose entirely just isn't my job right now.

2nd Anniversary (kind of like second breakfast, very Hobbit-ish): 

And like a book end to this, our "real" anniversary was yesterday and it felt surprisingly special - I don't know HOW people remember this day, but we received some touching texts and cards, which I don't take for granted and reminds me that our journey is so very strengthened by our loved ones.

The day began early with what I knew would quickly be a memorable story - 3:30am, I hear Trev getting his graham crackers and milk . . . then I hear him going into Karis's room. So I got up to see what the deal was, and he was in her rocking chair eating his snack. I guess he's been doing that for years, but seeing it for the first time was a little odd. We laughed in the morning (not at 3:30am). The day continued to be memorable by smoking Karis's lunch in the microwave (uff da). Later the kids had a blast with the neighbor girls (and even had an artistic greeting for us, picture below) while we savored some Pig Ate My Pizza (such a great place). Low key, wonderful. For the record, I don't know if we usually get gifts, but this year Trev got sweatpants and I got coffee. It's so good to learn and grow together. Watched The Grand Budapest Hotel (totally Trev's humor). Why not celebrate, right? I'm so grateful.

Quotables:
From Rilla of Ingleside (so very delightful, this book):
(Rilla writing in her diary) "I like to write a few personal things in this blessed old book that might not be exactly what I'd want my children to read. I feel that I shall be a far greater stickler for propriety in regard to them than I am for myself!". . .

"I don't go about quoting Jims's speeches to all I meet. I just enshrine them in this old hotch-potch of a journal!"

"The joy of last night and today has been so great that it seemed half pain - as if our hearts weren't  big enough to hold it" (read this shortly after a Proverb that I paid special attention to: "Even in laughter the heart may ache". Isn't that so true? I find that feeling to be a frequent one in parenting)

From Farmer Boy (passage read on our final stretch of drive back to Plymouth - Trev and I had a good laugh):
"Mothers always fuss about the way you eat. You can hardly eat any way that pleases them"

From Mom . . . and loving it
"[Marriage] is a huge undertaking, something we must grow into . . . "

From Proverbs (read literally hours after telling my family that I planned to increase my smiling in the coming week):
15:13 - "A happy heart makes the face cheerful"
15:30 - "A cheerful look brings joy to the heart"

And then, this song. I quite bawled the first time I listened, it just opened a well - shortly after Karis came down bawling because she hit her head, and then just after that Judah bawled because it was time for bed and the chapstick had to go night night. It was kind of a memorable moment of all just having a good cry (I don't think Trevor joined the bawl fest).


Karis-isms:
- "I think the toenail polish will stay on my toes longer because my mouth can't reach them"
- "I have an Elsa piggy bank!"
- "At the amusement park, I had a corn on the dog!"
- "Mom, I think you should turn on your windshield wipers. And your lights, all the other cars have their lights on."
- "Mom, you have a lot of pimples. And moles"
- "So, what does this sticker say? (pause) "Oh, so mom, they made this in China"
- "Mom, you have triangle head"
- "Why are you wearing those funny looking pants?"
- "Mom, Judah's talking bathroom talk"
- "Mom, don't pick all the bay-lea" (she means basil - she loves to eat it from the plant)
- "Not at all . . . of course not" (in reply to such questions as, "Do you want x/y/z" or "Do you have to go to the bathroom" or . . . oh Karis)
- "I'll have it all, in fact!"
- "Daddy, what does replaceable mean?"
- "Judah how about we play book out camp out?" (putting books in the trampoline and sitting together)
- "Mommy, I really want that white horse!" (stereotypes continue to come true)
- "Daddy, chew with your mouth closed" (Trev used the opportunity to instruct that it's not okay to say that to anyone outside our family)
- "So, Pa must be older than daddy because Pa can make things out of wood"
- "Let's make stacked pancakes!"
- "I think the magician learned his magic tricks at Disney World"
- "Judah was a reindeer in Drewie and Melanie's wedding" (HA!)
- "Can you do a downward dog?" (she means underdog)



Judah Jibes:
- "Elmo's song! Read it!"
- "Rocking chairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" (while leading me by the hand to the rocking chair - this happens when his introverted self needs alone time. I would melt, but it usually means ending a conversation with someone . . . which is of course ok, but . . . )
- "Hold it! Stroller! Push Karis!"
- "Park! Stephanie!"
- "Heidi's house!"
- "In the train! Hold tickets!"
- "Play Cisco!" (said every single sleep time and often when he wakes up. Oh he loves his friends)
- "Bis-a-maaaaaaaarck!"
- "Play few more minutes!"
- "Take turns. Karis's turn"
- "Share. Judah's turn" (said so earnestly, nodding his head expressively as if trying to talk himself into sharing. I melt)
- "Soccer ball!"
- "Curly hair" (while pointing to his hair and addressing a random stranger at Chick-fil-A)
- "Marsh-a-mallow", "Pic-i-nic", "Duck-a-ling, "Pic-a-ture" "Choc-o-late" (everything has 3 syllables, love it)
- "Eliza, birthday party, pic-i-nic!"
- "Big wet kiss! Big hug!"
- "In the boat. Jordan's boat. Cassie's boat"
- "April, kitty! Donuts!"
- "No change diaper" (which means he needs it changed)
- "Hold tickets. Fried chicken." (reminiscing about amusement park)
- "Wave to mommy"
- "Wheels on bus!"
- "Chapstick, bed"
- "Baby Asher. Lee. Caroline. Mmmm, mmmm"

Segreto Ingrediente

I've been wanting to do some Mother's Day reflecting, so here's what was and is on my mind - because I do want to capture/record/journal our most marvelous Mother's Day to date.

First, I think it be an at-times awkward holiday. Many people miss their moms, don't have moms, want to be a mom. I want to be with my moms, but I'm here and I'm a mom. It feels weird to celebrate me, but I want to acknowledge the day and give thanks . . . and really, I'm a mom because of my kids, so is the day about my kids? But then that's kind of awkward/ironic, because (and I've polled some friends on this) at this stage sometimes what moms need on Mother's Day is to be alone for a while. Add to the irony that at later stages moms are missing their (adult) kids and would do anything to be with them. Well, anyway. It's a day, it's past, but for me worth processing a little.

And then there's this thing about expectations/needs/wants (sometimes not known until too late, or known and not expressed . . . both dangerous recipes for disappointment and angst. Also a conversation theme among friends after the day). We did find as our good literary friend Strega Nona says, the "segreto ingrediente" this year: celebrate early. A day early. It was bliss. We went to Penzeys (thanks to my parents) and to Mill Valley Kitchen (thanks to my parents-in-law). We were together, we were out, I was not cooking, the day was gorgeous. We came home, Trev & Karis made and gave me terrariums. So crafty! And then Sunday could just be Sunday - Karis went to a friend's birthday party and while Judah (and Trev) napped I watched part of Anna Karenina. Then we established a new traditions: steak and sweats (pants). Just all, sensational. I am humbled to be able to be a mother, a day to celebrate it sometimes seems like "Well yeah, this is hard" and other times like "Why do I get to do this?".

3 Words?
I read an article lately that asked some "famous" mothers several questions, one being: what 3 words would your kids use to describe you. I've been thinking about this one, more in terms of what words I hope would be used . . .

Visit to Linnie
Judah and I loved a little visit to Grandma Linnie to her care center . . . joined by Aunt Debbie & her friend Val. It was so memorable, watching Judah interact as we painted her nails and chatted. Linnie was hilarious, and kept asking who "that little girl belongs to". Sweet memories.

Discipline?
Just saying, Judah needs some. And I've been reminded about our responsibility as his parents to give that gift to him - it feels so different (everything does) than with Karis. I keep reading in Proverbs about the topic (discipline your son and he will bring you peace - just to name one) and it makes me feel . . . like I need extra doses of wisdom right now.

Donut Duck!
We call her Donut Duck (Karis's name, the flavor sometimes changes) and she lives in a barrel planter right outside our front door. It's crazy, and I'm so thankful she chose that spot to lay her 6 eggs. We discovered 3 of them Mother's Day weekend, saw 3 more several days later. And now even when she's gone (which is rare) we can't even see the eggs because her down is covering the nest so fully. So beautiful. I've given much thought to her innate devotion to nurturing her chicks. We wonder what she thinks about all day, if she gets bored? We hope to be here when they hatch (um, we hope they hatch). Donut is extremely tame, we come and go and talk to her and she just sits there. Devoted.

Can't not think of them
My kids. That's it. I explained this to Trevor - the inability to tune them out even when he's with them here and "in charge". When they are in my orb or even out of it, they are on my mind and in my heart. It's the most all consuming thing I've ever experienced, pretty amazing. And also, constricting. But always, grateful.

Speaking of Trevor 
As I write this, Trev is reading to me from The Onion, ridiculous stories about motherhood, such as: "Mom was so sad she ordered just pizza for dinner". Some are funny. Although for full effect, I would recommend calling Trev and having him read them to you.

Other thoughts to capture that might as well insert here:

Like a Yeti
I recently showed to Karis (via youtube) the "Yeti ride" at Disney World (my fave) . . . and we got to talking about Yetis. She wanted to know what they're like. In explaining this hilarious fictitious creature I found myself using Judah as an analogy. It went something like this and came out of nowhere: "It's like when Judah is freaking out - we know that Judah is actually a very kind, fun, wonderful little creature. But sometimes, he gets so frustrated and feels things so strongly and just doesn't know what to do with his feelings . . . well, I think the Yeti is like that. He's really a very lovely creature, he's just scared and acts out in ways that seem scary." Something like that. Basically silly BUT helped me to remember to laugh and to understand my 2 year old (um, and anyone at any year old, right? Please, right?).

Children's Prayer
Luke 11:9-10
I could spend a lot of time writing on this, but I'll summarize and say I've been so humbled in how I think about prayer . . . by my faithful, wise, wonderful teacher Karis. Before the children's prayer service many weeks ago she asked, "Mommy, will this be a fun meeting?" and I hemed and hawed and basically said, "No! We're praying, this is serious and sacred". Uff da, I was so put in my place as the time was so full of joy and laughter - isn't that so what we learn from children? He asks the children to come to Him, He accepts all offerings and I know He loves their joy and exuberance and energy as they pray. I've also been reminded listening to Karis's askings ("Dear Lord, I pray we'd find Wally and get a lolly . . . " and other such requests). Yes, God wants us to ask. He tells us to ask (verse referenced above). So, I'm trying to pray more like Karis. Yesterday it was, "God, I pray that Judah would have a happy wake up and a calm morning". And I'm thanking Karis often for teaching me how to pray.

Extremely random:
Trevor and I recently enjoyed this article, as we do love our 7pm kids in bed here! No judgement for anyone else AT ALL, but this has worked for us, mostly because we get some time together at night . . . trying to grow in flexibility always and I know kids can bend (even when sometimes their moms seem stiff. Ummmm, me).

Some mom quotes from recent reads:

From the Kevin Leman (he is hilarious) book First Time Mom:
"What you have to capture as a parent is your child's heart. You've got to know your child's heart, help train your child's heart, protect your child's heart, listen to your child's heart. Spend the early years enjoying each other's company and use that time to capture your child's heart."

From The Count of Monte Cristo
" . . . however all other feelings may be withered in a woman's nature, there is always one bright smiling spot in the desert of her heart, and that is the shrine of maternal love."

From Mom . . .  and Loving It
"Moms have experiences every day that make them want to rejoice - or pull their hair out . . . we live so constantly with moments that are out of our control . . . "

From Surprised by Motherhood
". . . mothers never want it to be over. Even the hard stuff. They want it to stop. They may want to find room to breath, to weep, to panic. But they don't want it to end - this delivering, shaping, cheering, loving, bringing life into the world."


Karis-isms:
- "Where's my little cereal with rice krispies and cream half drunk up?" (her version of what Pa in the Little House books calls Laura when he gets home)
- "Ooohhh, momma - the rules are to cheat!"
- "I wish I was four, it's so much simpler!"
- "Well, why not?" (in a positive way, like - hey, let's go for it!)
- "I drew a Yeti!" (she did, it was very yeti-ish)
- She recently got at the library the DVD Donald in Mathmagic Land. It's adorable - old, hilarious, she loves it and so do I. It ends with talking about "the Creator" and so she says, "Mom, so really, this movie is all about God!"
- My little helper girl's new routine is to water flowers/plants outside right after lunch -then she spends a good 15 minutes giving her feet a bath. I love it
- Books: Stuart Little, Thy Friend Obadiah, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, Little House on the Prairie, Betsy Tacy
- "Well, those grandma's really stocked up my treat stash!"
- "It's a block party!"  (said while Judah dumped all his blocks into the trampoline)
- "Momma look, this is the part where he plays chest!"
- "Oh don't worrry, mom - that won't happen for a long time!" (when I was lamenting the speed of their growing up)
- "I hope this turns out how I'm hoping it will" (isn't that such a life long lesson?)
- "Mommy, I think soon we should train Judah for the potty! For now I think we can just hold him over the toilet"
- "It's a sweatshirt, you sweat in it!"
- "Mommy, does the girl have to be younger than who she marries?"
- "No Judah, my name is Karis! But you can call me Mommy" (HA!)
- I'm daily in awe of her love, so attentive and kind and care-taking of all around her
- She loves finding inchworms in the backyard, then making little "homes" for them in plastic cups . . .  securing saran wrap with hair bands and poking the wrap with toothpicks so they can breathe



Judah Jibes:
- "Pretty flower!"
- "Church. Uppa Ava. Cheerios. Sing"
- "Uppa!" (pick me up, please - Karis said this too!)
- "Gummy time!"
- "Cozy sleep sack"
- "Mary Poppins" (loves the book, that was my mom's when she was young)
- "Orange shirt" (loves colors)
- "Play pirates!" (game with daddy after dinner)
- "Mermaid book!" (loves looking at the Hans Christian Andersen version of Little Mermaid)
- "Toot!" (after he toots and then explodes into giggles. Must be inherent - studies should be done on this phenomenon)
- "Help you?" (translate: help me - he's getting so good at asking for help instead of melting into frustration)
- "Hi Judah!" (sometimes even whispered - when he wants you to look at him. And we say it all the time . . . )
- "Su-per-maaaaaaaannnnn!" (which is how I carry him downstairs. More correctly, how I get him to happily be carried downstairs)
- "Hooray (insert: mommy, Judah, daddy . . . )!"
- "Put it on!"
- "Tea time! Treat!"
- "Duck is sleeping! Eggs!"
- "Bye, Chocolate Donut" (the duck)
- "Peek a Boo!" (while bringing Karis the book Peek-a-Boo, to read to him)
- "Read mouse!" (I Love You, Mouse)
- "Play, Caleb! New friends!"
- "Uppa Julia!" (loves being lifted by our little friend Julia)
- "More more more! Little Guy! Little Guy's Daddy!" (while bringing the book More More More to anyone to read)
- "So funny!"
- "Go to sleep!" (while assuming his sleep position - bottom up and arms all cozy at his sides). Said anytime I even slightly reprimand him
- "Green button! Yellow button!" (said while pointing to the big dots on his pootise blanket)
- "Go go bananas! Slice bananas!" (part of Karis's dance class routine that he loves)
- Judah still loves to process his day when he goes to sleep and I still savor those moments of eye to eye focused "conversation" - "Play daddy. Gentle friends. Play Cisco! Play Simon! . . . "
- I never tire of watching Judah form words, so carefully concentrating and sputtering out exactly what he's trying to say

Needy

"She thought to herself, 'This is now'. She was glad that the cosy house, and Pa and Ma and the firelight and the music, were now. They could not be forgotten, she thought, because now is now. It can never be a long time ago."
- last page of Little House in the Big Woods

". . . she felt as if it would be a greater relief to remain quietly at home, entirely free from any responsibility whatever, and so to rest her mind and heart in a manner which she had not been able to do for more than two years past . . . It was astonishing, almost stunning, to feel herself so much at liberty; no one depending on her for cheering care, if not for positive happiness . . . she might be idle, and silent, and forgetful - she might be unhappy if she liked . . . "
- from North and South, thoughts of the character Margaret

I remember beginning many a paper in high school and college with quotes - and these recent ones above seem so apt. As I type (this exact sentence, because I'm sentence by sentence these days). The first from Laura, well of course. NOW. Live NOW. This is our only today. The second - well, I will take these few Saturday morning moments. The tradition is for Trev to sleep in and then I eventually brew his coffee and Judah carries it up to daddy. Oh yes, so dear these days are. I'm also at this moment listening to a "relaxing" playlist Trev compiled. I love my music man.

The following 2 paragraphs are early morning stream of consciousness from a few days ago . . .

It's well into May, and my true confession is: our air conditioning is on. I always resolve not to do that, and then . . . Judah's monitor tells me the temp in his room (weird) and when it crept up to 79 despite all efforts to cool the upstairs. Well, can you tell how guilty I feel about this? There are better things to feel guilty about.

But why feel guilty? I just re-read The Gifts of Imperfection, what a refreshing reminder of so many things I need to hear. A couple recent quotes that are running through my head: the author says that so many times she thinks in her head, "It would feel so good to freak out right now! But, will that make anything better? No". I for sure recited that in my head when driving in awful traffic and listening to the kids have their own freak out in the back. Oh adulthood, how much there is to learn. I'm reminded it's not by my strength that I can grow in love and all those luscious fruits of the spirit (peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control, humility, love . . . ). Another line, so simple and helpful: listen to music, dance, laugh. YES. All these things. They happen naturally around here, it's amazing what miracles happen when we turn on music in the morning. I've been pulling up some old tunes, like "How Bizarre" &  "Tonight's Gonna Be a Good Night" - Karis grins when I dance while putting on my make up and I'm sure she'll join soon enough. I tried Ace of Base's "The Sign" until I realized how not worthy the lyrics are of my 5 year old's ears. Friends, any recommendations for uplifting, silly, marvelous music? Please, send songs my way!

On my mind and heart lately is the topic of needs. We all have needs. We're created with needs. But what do we REALLY NEED? And as a mother/wife I feel the responsibility of discerning everyone's needs - so we're not just spinning our wheels, so we're living abundantly (nothing like a ton of self pressure, right?). I do really have a renewed desire, though, to be attuned and wise and - present - to the needs of myself, my husband, my family. What does Karis need when she's moping? What does Judah need when he's freaking? What do I need when I feel like freaking?! What does Trevor need when he comes home from work? A couple Saturdays ago I clearly remember thinking I needed to get errands done, and then it hit me that I really needed a friend. As it happened, poof, Anne texted an invite to the park where we were headed anyway. Lately I need to clean out drawers, color with Karis and daily have Crio Bru (you should try it). Always I need Grace upon Grace. Anyway, I'm enjoying these thoughts, they seem purposeful in this season.

Keeping it real here, oh how I mess up in meeting needs! The most humbling thing happened when picking up Trev from his Lasik surgery. I felt overwhelmed in the moment (why?!), and he hadn't even had the surgery and . . . well, let's use Trevor's word and say it was legendary. Legendary. Enough to send me to a sad and reflective and repentant place - that has led to refreshment and vigor and life, gratitude for Trevor and a reminder of being there for him in every possible way in word and deed (as much or more as it's so natural to be there for my children).

I find it terribly difficult to receive unmerited favor that is grace, yet easy to live with regret. But to give grace, I have to receive it. That was a huge part of the Holy Week lesson for me, that continues into this Easter season (50 days of Easter on the calendar here!) - receiving forgiveness is as necessary as giving it, both are vital and linked. Grace upon Grace. I'm so grateful.

Oh, and by the way, click here for Grace - by U2. 

Happenings/Recent Routines:

• Little Brother's Big Birthday: Drew, happy birthday! We loved time in Excelsior with him, Mel, Kirk & Nancy. So grateful for that guy's life
• Easter: beautiful! Early service worship/nursery, home for Easter Egg hunt, pork roast, macaroons. He is Risen
• Gale Woods Farm/Basement "work": Trev and Andy hit the basement while Beth & I took the kids to Gale Woods. So unfair, right? The kids and I even hit up a huge home book sale in Minnetrista on the way, at a beautiful farm house. We left Gale Woods happy and tired, and grilled out later with that dear framily that the Dierkers are to us
• Fine Dining Club: every other week we have a new tradition of meeting Lee/Caroline/baby Asher at local "fine dining establishments". That's right, Culver's, QDoba, Potbelly's, Rusty Taco. Divine, delish
• Local Pope Gal Dinner: at Pizza Lola with Debbie & Kate. Loved it, all
• Okee Dokee Concert: with friends, at Orchestra Hall. So super. The kids perhaps loved best the parking ramp ride
• Prayer night for children: at our church, they happen a few times a year and this was the first that children were invited to come and receive prayer - based on 1 Samuel 3:9-10. A separate post, I was completely humbled
• Concert night: Sister Cassie came to town to see one of her faves, Lord Huron. So, sister Kate and I joined, and my what fun. I do try to step out of my comfort zone once in a while, and how perfect this was. First Avenue, crushed like sardines, great music, felt inspired/refreshed, got to think and zone out and just enjoy art with lovely ladies
• Tickle book: Ten Tiny Tickles is what we often do when we come downstairs for the morning - smooshed onto a chair and going through the tickles
• "Tell me something I don't know": a new game Karis and I play . . . sometimes on the way home from school. Stemmed from Karis saying, "Mommy, I ALREADY KNOW that!". So, this is a friendly way to dispel . . . 
• French Park outing & Pizza/movie Saturdays: enough said, so simple and sweet
• Grandpa Camp: loved having Grandpa Kirk here for a week of ins and outs, Tea Tuesday (and toaster oven, ha), elk burgers, local library (to read Barbie books!) & Lunds, coloring, hanging
• Lasik surgery: despite my wife fail, the surgery was a great success. AND we got to watch the entire thing, on a screen. One of my first thoughts was how much I truly love Trevor's eyes. One of my second thoughts was how freaky it was
• Grandma/pa Pope visit: Trev's parents stopped by while Trev was recovering, such a gift to us (literally - the kids colored and played with sand toys beautifully the next morning). So good to be with them as I felt quite weirded out with Trev mummified in bed with wacky goggles and vicadin haze
• Guys weekend in NE: Trev joined my dad/bro for the Berkshire Hathaway Shareholders event. Sounded sensational, bonding, so glad they could go together
• GrandmaS Camp: my mom and grandma came to keep me and the kids company while the guys were away, what memories we made. Hours in the back yard playing with a bubble mower, following Karis's imagination in "restaurant & grocery store", dining delights (Jets, OPH, Copper Hen, Glam Dolls, Snuffy's - we know how to pack it in!). Karis spent afternoons with them out and about, I rested. We all soaked in every minute of the weekend

Recent Reads:
This is US
Going Over East
Mountain 2 Mountain
The Heart of the Home
North and South
Positive Discipline
Parenting the Wholehearted Child
Positive Discipline
Nurture Shock
The Reading Promise

Trevor's Reads:
He continues to follow his book club's quite rigorous schedule - including Meno, Aristotle, Plato, Herodotus and other such books that I would probably never choose. It's fun to listen to his thoughts

Karis & Judah's books:
Little House in the Big Woods
Peter Pan
Chrysanthemum
Mr. Putter & Tabby
Hug a Bible
Robots
Peek a Boo
Five Little Monkeys

Karis-isms:
- "Judah can do plies!" (dance move - indeed!)
- "Look mom, we're doing the sprinkler!" (dance move, indeed!)
- "Mommy, the birds keep flying in the sky but none of them are coming to eat!" (her birdfeeder obsession is adorable)
- She lately loves to put Judah in her old flower girl dresses
- "We're playing boarding dance class. It's when Judah lives here and only goes  home for holidays"
- "Judah, wanna go see your . . . " (Said as I needed to change his diaper. I'm not going to go there right now, but yes, we talk about anatomy these days)
- "Well, sometimes I have two feelings. Like, it was funny and I didn't like it at the same time" (oh wise soul)
- "Momma, I have to say, I really like things with pockets"
- "It was neat that the kids got to have stones"
- "I mowed it" (as in, ate quickly)
- "When I go grow up, first I want to be a cello player in a concert. THEN I want to be a cheerleader."
- "Judah, let's loosey do!" (as in do-si-do, but not)
- "This is so satisfying. Mom, what does satisfying mean?"
- (to aunt Cassie) "This music makes me want to dance on my bottom"
- "I really love being my brother's sister. I also really love being a girl" (after I told her I love being her mommy, and also being Trevor's wife)
- "Mommy, even though this is just for kids, I'm going to let you have some" (talking about her blueberry tea)
- Her latest tick is to cough lightly or blow on her hands. And burping. Always fascinating to me (if not a little . . . concerning? Aggravating?)
- "It knocked the wind right out of my leg!"
- "This sweatshirt is growing out of me!"
- "Mommy, a duck planted her nest in our flower pot! There are yellow eggs!"
- Karis continues to live her name, "Grace". We do have our moments, of course, but really - I adore this girl

Judah jibes:
- "Park the car!" (first 3 word sentence)
- "Hi Katherine!" (a friend who was here for dinner, who he now talks about daily. Hello, new babysitter!)
- "Narnia! Caspian!"
- "Meat!"
- "Bookie! Crayonie! Pootsie!" (everything near and dear to Judah still has "ie" on the end)
- "Phone-ie!" (as in, his little phone. Which I thought was a cute addiction until I realized . . . he is carrying around his phone like an appendage, just like his parents).
- "Bless you!" (said so appropriately)
- "Thank you!" (mostly appropriately)
- "NO NO NO NO NO" (to everything. but only to me)
- "Yup!"
- "Hi Judah!"
- "Donuts. Mmmmmm."
- "Yummy!"
- "Wash your hands!"
- "Garbage. I throw away"
- "2 grandmas!"
- "Tic tacs!" (a recent thing of the day)
- "Grocery store!"
- "Bamma!" (word for "grandma")
- "yoga!"
- "Pocket!" (in which to put rocks)
- "I got it!"
- "Kare-ith? Kare-ith? There she is!"
- "litt-ul man"
- "nap!"
- "Hi home!"
- "home pootsie!" (because it is indeed different than the "car pootsie")
- "blue sky"
- "yellow crayon" (his fave)
- "tic tacs!"
- "Lady Gaga!" (a clip they watch with daddy, LG singing some Julie Andrew's songs at the Oscars. Oh my)
- "Running!"
- One morning he kept his sleep sack on for over an hour and managed to put on Karis's crocs, pad around the house, and have an epic tantrum
- Before bed he usually wants to talk about someone he saw/played with that day, such as "Cisco. Gentle, Cisco. Friend."
- When he wakes up, he often asks for Trev with hope, "Daddy, working?"
- He goes rigid and turns red when he forcefully says "NO!". This is a great alternative to hitting his sister, which also happens at times
- He still mooshes, loves to sit and look at books, dance, giggle hilariously, and run
- Basically, Judah is talking, listening, understanding, growing up TOO FAST. Loving most minutes

On Lent and Reading

It's a bullet and list-y kind of time of life here . . . and so . . . the long and short of things

Lent: 

I do so love this season - winter into spring, darkness into light, death into resurrection.

The liturgy our children's Pastor put together for families has been a semi-fixture of our days. The child starts by saying "Create in me a clean heart, o God" and everyone else replies, "and renew a right spirit within me".

Lent becomes a time of digging deep for me - of looking inside, at how my actions and attitudes need cleaning up. I've been aware this particular season of God's gentleness and grace as He does this work from the inside out. Random verses and books (not coincidences, mostly passages from Anne Lamott's Small Victories, and Gladys Hunt's Honey for a Woman's Heart) met me over and over, and over and over with things I needed to hear and process. About identity in Christ, about forgiveness and grace and growth and eternity. I'm so grateful. And so very much in process, always. That's life, right? I did also sneak in a viewing of Chocolat, a favorite and so seasonally appropriate.

I also feel this nudging and awareness of what I'm thinking about . . . and trying to refine those thoughts. It's liberating that we can actually choose our thoughts, and how that can change feelings/attitudes/actions. Ironically, I've been learning a lot from my kids - sometimes I can suggest a new thought and send them in better directions, so clearly I can do this for myself too.

To send us into hopefully thoughtful places, we've been doing a lot of Pray as you Go . . . (although I usually only half listen while getting breakfast ready). And plenty of Fernando Ortega and Sarah Reeves. "Sing to Jesus" moved me to tears this morning at the Palm Sunday service, as they changed the banners to red and I couldn't help but remember it really is my sin that put him there. As we enter Holy Week, I pray for the right balance of repentant reflection with hope and victory and the joy of the end of the story. What wondrous love is this, oh my soul.

The happenings: 

- Pope clan gathering in Alex: sweet winter getaway, the first of its kind of just the parents/sibs/spouses. Memorable moments included a time of blessing, water park, lots of hanging, Karis soaking in puzzle and reading time, Judah eating all of Cassie's food while sitting her in lap, walleye dinner,  coffee talks.

- Cousins couples weekend: dear sister cousins and their sig others camped out on our main floor for a quick weekend (what sports!) and we loved doing life with them. They loved on the kids, read books, did puzzles, took Karis out for lunch (and she helped them shop, of course!), broke bread together many times. Snuck in a trip to Glam Dolls too, always fun to share our faves with fam. So grateful to see their couple-selves, strong relationships and honoring and respectful and loving and inspiring.

- 2nd Anniversary of living in our home: why not celebrate? Papa Murphy's and "happy bummer weird" about moving. That moving day was so overwhelming for me, it's a welcome feeling that we're settled and sleeping and just here. SO THANKFUL for this home. And for all the help getting here, and for the moving day (one of the bright spots was whisking the kids away to Mel's, who helped settle me down and get Karis a nap and just keep us company. Life saver). Also memorable, Debbi Jo unpacking my kitchen and short-sheeting our bed (along with her hub). Yes, grateful.

- Flying parties: sometimes to the tune from Peter Pan, "We Can Fly!". Captivating. Hilarious. Get the wiggles out goodness.

- 60th b-day party: what joy to celebrate with family! Kirk E is worthy of a weekend party, we met in Alexandria and he and Nancy planned the time beautifully (not to mention laboriously, so much prep to spoil us all for this occasion): togetherness, table talks, a little sledding adventure, rest, a Tinkerbell movie, a little Sequence playing and some home cooking. Happy Birthday to You, what a gift you are.

- 30th b-day party: My lil brudder turns 30 in April and his wife threw an amazing and wildly successful surprise party for him. For me and Trev, it was a true treat to leave at bedtime (went well, even - thanks neighbor Chelsea). We loved hanging with framily, and seeing Drew literally blown over when the big surprise happened. Many came to honor his life, and I know why and am so grateful for his life (and really, M, what a gift and he is a lucky guy)

- 33rd b-day week: Whoa, it was a week, turns out I'm really a seasoned stretch it out celebrator. Some fancy Groupon dinners . . . a delightful one with D & M, then our first fam of four fancy outing to Lord Fletchers. The eve of the day we loved having dear Auntie Amy, her mom Ruth & Aunt Dar here for Jets, what bliss to be with an old and dear friend. Being known by family and friends is the greatest gift always. Icing on the cake are things that make me feel so understood: lip gloss & scarf, words of affirmation and beautiful cards, fancy thank-you notes, macaroons, tea. I feel so grateful. Time with friends, traditional Potbelly dinner with fam. So much sweet, thick icing! And then making pudding and watching American Tale with Karis - throwback. A highlight was facetime with my parents, and having Karis open and claim my gifts . . . magic bullet, lovely purse, new polish pottery plates - more and more I think birthdays are for the parents, who nourished and continue to pour into my life. I'm beyond blessed by their celebratory ways. Tulips and words from Trevor, my treasure. Ever patient and kind, generous and good. You know your getting older when your birthday gifts to yourself are quality fish oil, a parenting book, and re-opening the extra holes in your ears (was so funny to watch Karis be surprised that they existed. I was surprised they still opened). I really do love getting older.

- Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe puppet show: Karis is captivated! The 1st grade class at her next school put on the production (she had some friends in the performance). We listened to the story over lunch time for a couple weeks, and now Trev's reading it out loud at night. Ahhh, love it.

Why Read (and how it affects my writing . . . and why write): 

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I read and write. The reasons are endless, and I believe both things are just a big part of who God has made me. I love words in all ways - spoken, written, sung, sighed, exclaimed. We all have different passions, and I'm thankful to be hopefully living into them more and more, leaving behind the "shoulds" and embracing the inspiration instead. And as often happens, many "not coincidental" readings have put into words some of what I feel/think/believe/live.

"Words name things. Words open up our imaginations. We clothe our experiences in words and save them. I can transcend myself with words and attempt to let you into my personal world, telling you who I am - and you can do the same with me. All of which makes the world more habitable and less lonely"

"When what I read is good prose or good poetry, it affects my own use of words. More than that, it makes my spirit soar. The right use of language is a gift for the heart."

"I read as a way to work through problems in life; celebrate my joys; for enjoyment, entertainment, because I love beauty. I read to savor my memories."

". . . God seems to know just where I am. It's amazing the way just the right book comes into my life at just the right time. These so-called happenstances, which are probably heaven sent, are often life changers. Sometimes the right books stimulate new devotion, new resolve, new ways to think . . ." (the irony is how much HER book is doing that all for me as I read it. I feel that I owe her a heartfelt letter of thanks for articulating so many things in my heart/mind)

And then there's this excellent blog post by a dear woman in our church.

Sometimes I write because, as Elizabeth Goudge says in The Joy of the Snow, "something has to be done to ease the pressure of certain types of joy". This has rarely been more true than in this season of motherhood. Writing is the way my heart speaks and expresses and captures.


Some other recent quotes: 

"The greatest battles battles of life are fought daily in the silent chambers of the soul" (David O. McKay, quotes in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families)

Life gives us disappointment . . . something hurts us, we feel let down. If we nurture our pain, disappointment pushes us down another step. I know of only one remedy, and that is to 'offer the sacrifice of praise,' to discipline ourselves to thankfulness for all that is good in our lives. It takes a decision." (from Honey for a Woman's Heart)

From Anam Cara:
". . . there is a place where our vanished days secretly gather. The name of that place is memory . . . "

From The Joy of the Snow (seemed so apt for the Lenten season):
"Yet in the practice of a strict discipline of penance there is joy. There are few joys so great as the joy of a sense of forgiveness and without a sense of sin one cannot know it."

From Something Beautiful for God (a book about Mother Teresa, this quote is a part of her 'way of love' and really made me think of parenting):
" . . . make me appreciative of the dignity of my highest vocation, and its many responsibilities. Never permit me to disgrace it by giving way to coldness, unkindness, or impatience"

From 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families:
"True humor involves willpower in making the choice to develop a humorous mind-set - to not be reactive, to not be overwhelmed"

similarly, from Joy of the Snow:
"A thread of comedy seems to be twisted into everything which happens to us but the ability to find it requires a corresponding ability not to take oneself too seriously . . ."

Some Karis & Judah books:

The Wind in the Willows

The Story of Easter (such excellent explanations of old traditions that we practice today)

Chronicles of Narnia

For Judah, anything resembling Cinderella (!!!!), including a Valentine's Day book, Each, Peach Pear Plum, and picture albums. On the opposite side of the spectrum, he loves anything with trucks and carries around Little Blue Truck, Good Night Good Night Construction Site. Also anything with monkeys or gorillas.


Karis-isms:

- "I'm playing store! This chair is a hundred dollars. Judah is one dollar"
- "I know! How about we have a 'mommy doesn't work' day?!"
- "Judah, you look like Luke Skywalker!"
- "Judah, can you just stay a better forever?!" (she's heard that one once or twice about herself)
- "I have my secret scroll now"
- "Well, this is the only today we have!" (she's heard that once or twice also)
- "Judah, we're not mad at you, we're just trying to help!"
- "Dear Lord, I pray you'd give Grandpa Kirk a really special birthday and that he'd get lots of cards"
- "I think God is really powerful to change the time and make it lighter when we go to bed"
- "Drew you should go boo Melanie and gleek on her to wake her up!"
- "Mom I saw the moon and there was a cross in it.  I think that's a sign that Easter is coming!"
- "I saw flowers coming down the wall when I was waking up, it was like being greeted by a dream!"
- "Well, you don't see that everyday!"
- "But mooooooommmmmm, I'm not ready for him to go to a big boy bed,  he's not that age!" (I AGREE!)
- "Does anyone want to come to my hair salon?"
- "Daddy, it looks kind of nice to be sick. You just get to lay in your bed all day. You should put your headphones in and just watch a movie" (couldn't have said it all better myself)
- "Do all Trevors start with 'T'?"
- "In the middle of the night I peeked out my window at midnight and saw the big dipper!"
- "I thought I was going to sneeze and then I threw up! I don't think this is my weird for the day, I think it's my bummer" (Um, this at 10pm after a Jets pizza party here. Oh Jets we love you and now we also question how much you love us)
- "Ya-hooooo!" (fave exclamation lately)
- "I hit my head on Judah's brain"
- "Mommy, should we drive you crazy?!" (said while in the car cart at Cub - double meaning that she's unaware of)
- Her most recent creation was an elaborate "theater" in the backyard, made out of huge snow balls. It was impressive.
- She loves to rearrange the toy room, usually involves creating cozy corners
- "Adults know more about kids than kids know about adults" (so true, perceptive daughter)
- "It's a lot of work looking out for eggs. You have to take really good care of them" (dyed Easter eggs from preschool)
- A seemingly simple but meaningful trait I notice lately about Karis (that can get lost in the daily-ness) - she is brimming over with love. She loves so purely, and I'm humbled by her heart. She is incredibly perceptive to those around her, concerned and attentive and caring.


Judah updates:

- He melts and runs to me if Trev is firm with him. When I'm firm, he laughs
- "Bow!" (rainbow)
- "Moooo!" (moon)
- "Gum!"
- "Bus!" (I swear he can say this 1000 times in one car ride)
- "Fries!"
- "Lilla!" (translate: Read Goodnight Gorilla RIGHT NOW!"
- "Dah-doh!" (translate: donut)
- "Tuh-tuh" (turtle)
- "Sarah! April!"
- "Joooo" (juice)
- "Fly!"
- "On!"
- "Again!"
- "Bie-buh" (Bible)
- "Salsa!"
- "Bear!" (translate: Read Brown Bear Brown bear RIGHT NOW)
- "Cuh-luh!" (translate: get me crayons and paper)
- signs please and says "peeeee" in the sweetest voice
- Dances like a crazy man to select songs: "We are the Dinosaurs Marching" and "I Know a Chicken" (both by Laurie Berkner)
- Recent "things of the day": his bus, drinking out of an empty spice container, carrying around toy hot dogs and french fries (he loves to gather several small things and carry them around - even does this when we go to friends' homes), putting on an apron, playing with his cars and trucks, chucking hard objects around
- "Co-luh!" (when he wants to color, which he does love)
- "Ahhhm" (arm, which fascinates him since they're being unveiled after a long winter
- "Boaaaat" (for sled)
- "I pad! Hi i pad!" (while at the apple store with Aunt Debbie)
- "Bookie!" (lots of things have "ie" on the end of them now)
- For about a day he called his pootsie blanket his "poopie". Now it sounds like "poooh-thus". He knows when he needs it, that little square thing and a hug is such a calming thing in his life right now.
- "Rocking!" (loves to rock)
- "Hi, Jesus!" (while we listen to "Give me Jesus" in the car)
- He recently found a packet of kleenex and brought it to me saying, "Kleenex!". Then took out all the tissues and started blowing his nose
- "Poopy!" (yes, while he poops or telling me afterward)
- "Knock knock!"
- "Jesus!" (as in, play the "Give me Jesus" song in the car. And he sings along and it about converts my heart to a melty puddle)
- "Bye _________" (the best transition thing for Judah is to say "bye" to things, which he'll now do on his own)
- "I walk!"
- "Num!" (food)
- "Carry you?" (translate: please carry me down the stairs)
- "Fast!" (in the car)
- "Rocking!" (in the rocker)
- "Cook, cook, cook!"
- "Kitty!" (right before bed, wants to say goodnight to the kitties in his Tiny Bear Bible)
- "Fly! Fox! America!" (all songs in the car)
- "Karis's" (said with lispy s's, pointing out and then grabbing her special things)
- Whenever we talk about the church nursery, he exlaims "Edee! Snack!" (Edith is his fave person there, and he does love cheerios)
- His fave dinner routine is the climb into Trevor's lap (or other people if we're with company) and eat his food
- He climbed out of his crib one afternoon . . . ruh roh. And then never again, I think it frightened him! But now he does play what I call "pootsie games" at sleep times. This involves throwing his pootsie out of his crib and calling "Mama!"
- He started finding comfort in Karis's lap, so precious. He went to her during a play center circle time and crawled on her lap while they played a name game. And at home he'll crawl into her lap and ask her to read a book to him, or randomly give her a hug. Their delight is so mutual (and when you add my delight, the good feelings really flow here)
- His emotions and tantrums are even-ing out (well, at least at the time of this writing), but he can still be our owly up and down little guy - he can scream and turn red in a flash
- Judah continues to be our cozy cuddler, who finds comfort with a big hug when he's hurt, burrows his entire being into you as he lays his head on your shoulder. Something I've noticed is how already he tried to be tough, his face while trying not to cry all while curled in my lap just about breaks my heart. He thinks about people all the time and often will say the names of a couple people right before I put him in his crib. Oh melty man.

Forgot to include this in the last post - this was the day after my ladies' weekend

The simple things in life, cookies while riding in the cart, "driving me crazy"

"cook cook cook!"

The Truly Magical Kingdom

Imagine . . . Karis knows Disney is "out there", but not TODAY. We get her up at 4:30 am and the adventure begins! Minnie Mouse socks and a backpack full of Disney stickers, journal, and other random things that likely just weighed her down . . . chatting and fresca and cookies and most importantly, sitting by grandma - plenty to do on the flight to the dream destination.

It was a true treat to all be on the same airplane, everyone did great and even Judah relaxed between Trev and me for a fair amount of the flight. Van retrieval was smooth and soon we were on our way to Bahama Breeze and lunch outside. Ahhhh, glorious outside. Settling into the lodgings, a walk with my mom followed by a chat by the pool, pizza at the on-grounds restaurant . . . a relaxing start to the time. Kids slept well in the same room, memorable was Karis slipping out to tell me, "Mom, I think Judah pooped". After we got that taken care of, sleep was swift.

First full day, Magic Kingdom. Magic! I had goosebumps walking in and strolling down "main street" and watching Karis's eyes pop out of her head. A few rode the carousel and a couple figured out the Fast Pass situation. We strolled around, rode the magic carpets, had lunch "American Tale" old west style, saw Jasmine, walked through the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse, had the most magical wait for the Peter Pan ride (huge favorite for many), rode the teacups (a couple queasy riders will remain unnamed), rode Dumbo, sailed through It's a Small World, met Ariel in her grotto, had snacks at Gaston's Tavern, danced with Micky & friends, met Tinkerbell (loved her! She greeted Karis by saying, "Karis, that means Grace! But I bet you already know that"). I will recall one overwhelming moment - walking around crowded Magic Kingdom with plugged ears felt a little out of body and I had a moment where I thought, "There is no where to hide": it was in the bathroom, in a stall, and the flushing of 20 commodes was so incredibly constant that I wondered if there was anywhere to go for quiet? Yes, I have introvert moments to the extreme at times. Irrelevant to this recounting but there it is. Dinner was grab and go yummy vittles on the "dock" outside at the Key West Lodge (our accommodations, perfect place for our crew).

Second full day, Epcot. So super. Love that place. Had a blast with grandma, grandpa and the kids going to see Nemo (where a ride was broken, "Crush the turtle got stung by a jellyfish!"), through Journey of Imagination, lunch in Mexico, meeting Mulan in China, gelato in France, meeting Snow White, catching a glimpse of Mary Poppins, strollering napping Judah, cronuts on the way out. Also on the way out was a memorable moment when Judah peed all over me - because of my ignorance about swim diapers. Hello, they are not supposed to absorb water and they do NOT work in a pinch when you run out of regular diapers. Noted. Dinner at Downtown Disney was fabulous and included Irish dancers that were so captivating. Trev and I rushed melting Judah on a bus back for bed while the others took the boat, fun for all.

Third full day, Hollywood Studios. We were there before they opened and zoomed to the Frozen Sing Along - fun for all, plenty of clean adult jokes to keep every age engaged. Then the girls split off to see a Little Mermaid Show, which ended up being much talked about later by Karis: "She got LEGS! Isn't it magical?!". Sure enough, Ariel got legs right there on stage. Then the girls took a bus to the much anticipated Princess Breakfast at the Grand Floridian. I think it was the most impressive to the adults: the best meal (steak and eggs for breakfast, sure thing!). Karis enjoyed it too, got her pic taken with all the princesses, enjoyed Mickey Mouse waffles and then was quite languishing by the end - coming down with a cold, needed rest. So back to our Key West place for some rest, and a walk to the pool, pizza in the room, SuperBowl viewing and early bed for kids (guys got a spot at ESPN where they stayed until the half, so perfect).

Fourth full day, Animal Kingdom. Arrived when it opened and we found our first ride, A Bug's Life. There was a warning that it could be scary for little children . . . sure enough, Karis wanted to leave shortly after it started, and good thing because the others said it got worse . . . Trev, the kids and I found Mickey & Minnie and had a sweet fam photo op. We went on to enjoy more coffee, the safari, a train ride, and then: THE YETI RIDE. I was so excited for this and it didn't disappoint! With some wise eyes on the weather, we grabbed lunch and started packing up right before a deluge. After some gift shop shelter, we made a go for the bus and ended up having a quiet afternoon in the room before heading to the "Boardwalk" for dinner . . . a relaxing pace for the last night there. Back home for some Grandma book bringing/Aunt Melanie reading of Brave Irene and Ferdinand and kid-bed-timing and chatting together. So many precious moments of connecting, so wonderful to be away all together.

Going home day, a normal morning in the room before packing into the van, where Judah so wisely said: "All done. Home". Crazy! We had a smooth journey back. Memorable to me was Judah finally falling asleep on me, and then the drink cart coming by . . . he slept for about 30 seconds. When we got in our car he zonked out, which was such a treat because there happened to be a snow storm and it took about 90 minutes to get home - part of which Karis watched the Little Mermaid video (thank you, Aunt Melanie!) about 30 times. We enjoyed our traditional Qdoba pick up (complete with duo kid meltdown when we didn't stay to eat it there)and an early bedtime.

In a word, the Disney experience was magical. There's just something about that place, the vision that Disney must have had and the legacy that lives on. I totally "drank the kool aid", as they say. I think we all did, and found it so very tasty and satisfying. All in. Loved it, every ride and character and meal and night and morning and interaction and the sunshine and the overpriced coffee and sing along and mermaid getting legs and . . . let's go back someday. I see the value in the togetherness of a place like that, the shared memories and experiences and decisions you make together and bus ride and navigating and following and savoring and watching the kids and everything. And really, especially watching the kids, Karis was at the peak perfect age for imagination and also obsession with princesses. Judah just went with the flow and learned all about princesses and Pooh and rides and that you can thrive on french fries and squeeze applesauce. A Magical Kingdom, in so many ways.


Karis-isms:
- "But mommy, I'm still tired!" (with a smirk on her face, at 4:30. Such a joke-ster)
- "I should be asleep but I'm getting on an airplane!"
- "I see the Pom Pom trees!"
- "This Disney world is so Disney Worldy"
- "She's not as I remembered!"
- "She got legs! It's magic!" (while at a Little Mermaid re-enactment show)
- "Can I have a sword for my little brother" (at a princess breakfast, sweet girl)
- "Maybe we should should just sneak around this place" (at the Grand Floridian)
- "Drewy wasn't sure if the princesses were real. They are real"
- "Can we go to a park that's not a Disney park?"
- "Speaking of Sofia" (pretty sure we weren't speaking of her, she said this totally out of the blue and it was hilarious in the moment)
- "I begged grandma for another bagful of cotton candy but she wouldn't let me"
- "I got to spy Rapunzel's tower first!"
- "We saw Gaston's Tabernacle!" (supposed to be tavern)
- "Belle said waffles are the Beast's favorite!"
- "Snow White called Judah 'prince Judah!'"
- "I can't believe we got to go in Ariel's grotto!"
- "I can't tell you my wish or it won't come true!"
- "My favorite was the Peter Pan ride. How did they do the hat shadows on Grandpa's head?"

Judah jibes:
- He LOVED all the fountains, fans, and buses
- He loved to be carried around and was in a huge "ba ba" phase of pointing to things and saying "ba ba" until the person would name what he was wanting to name
- He pushed through like a champ, remained mostly healthy and happy with a lack of naps and diet of applesauce and french fries
- "I got you!" (a game he and grandma played)
- "Two!" (loved to name things in twos - fans, especially)
- "Cheek!" (while pointing to his cheeks and wanting me to name them)
- "Ride!" (he loved them more than I thought he would)
- "Nemo!"
- "All done. Home" (said in the van on the way to the airport. Scary appropriate timing!)
- Our fam of four slept in one room and Judah conveniently fit in the closet, where he loved banging the doors open and shut as a pre-sleep wind down
- The last couple days were super "mommy don't leave the room". I can tell him about that someday when he doesn't want me to hug him in public

Big people quotes and thoughts: 
- Trev called Drew one night while on a jog where he had discovered a "no close pool". Lost in translation, Drew thought he was excited to report a "no clothes pool"
- Sleep now, giggle later. Inside joke, I guess
- I am in awe of K & N's pure joy and generosity brought us all together in beautiful ways. They lead with grace, set the tone of making the most of the day (even when that meant a relaxing afternoon in the room) and making every moment count
- Oh thank you Grandma Nancy for taking Judah out of the room when he got owly, mother's intuition to help her daughter, I'm grateful
- Dittos to Grandpa Kirk carrying Judah around when he could see my arms sagging
- I'm grateful for Aunt Melanie, who held Karis's sneezed in hand for a couple days straight and jiggled Judah and just adds a delightful dynamic to the family
- And of course for Uncle Drew and his willingness to play hide and seek, set up Sofia for Karis, and talk endlessly about princesses
- Oh Trev, such a sport pushing the stroller, enjoying the ride sidelines when he wasn't up for getting sick on teacups, and keeping track of kids while I avoided getting trampled by the Yeti
- But mostly, just the amazing memories to last forever, irreplaceable, valuable, thankful