Judah is ONE (and then some)

Well, this is over 2 months late, it's been in progress since January. It feels like January here because we have snow mountains everywhere we look . . . no complaints, just saying. AND, I LOST about 1/2 of what I wrote . . . which is . . . so frustrating. Anyway, marching on. You'll have to live (rather, I will have to live) without the paragraphs of Judah updates I'd been thoughtfully compiling. Grrrrr. Not to mention, his birth story, which to me was artfully composed and I'm just not sure I can get it back. I will try. And I guess I will learn to hit "publish" faster next time!

Read on for some Judah updates, his birth story, and some classic Trevor stories . . .

My baby is ONE. Actually, my baby is over 14 months old. WHAT?! He is coming into his own, changing in so many amazing ways, lighting up the room and giving my legs and arms a complete workout every day (as his sister gives my brain and heart a complete work-over every hour, but that's its own post). This is a sweet season of life, and I do try to grasp those moments in memory of every stage and new "thing".

I can say with confidence (and a shadow of guilt) that this baby/child thing is way easier and more enjoyable the second time. You want to be held all day? Sure, I'd love to! Some nights are rough? No prob, tomorrow is a new day. You used to love bread and now you hate it? No problem, let's find something different.

We had a blast celebrating Judah's 1 year birthday right after Christmas with a "Lion of Judah" party. He sampled the cake but mostly just loved crawling around and trying to figure out what I kept putting on his head (see below).

We are beyond blessed by his precious life, sweet spirit, marshmallow mellowness. Judah, your name means "praise" and we praise God for every day that we get to spend knowing you, loving you, shepherding you, enjoying you, holding you, feeding you, walking you, watching you, savoring you.

Judah updates . . . 

- He loves for Karis to "walk" him around the house
- He "walks" around furniture like crazy, and sometimes walks around on his knees
- He melts into my arms and turns my heart to moosh
- He loves to be carried around, while sucking his thumb and watching the world go by (but if you try to sit, he squirms out of your arms)
- He loves to eat things from a fork or spoon
- He seems to love the color red
- He sleeps like a champ
- He lights up around Karis, and seems to say some version of her name
- He adores dogs, and says "wuh-wuh" and jolts his entire body
- He says "mama" and I melt
- He says "dada" adoringly and I melt
- He says "upf" as he pulls on my pant legs and I melt
- He loves our afternoon "Frozen dance parties"
- He can climb like crazy, onto chairs and other furniture
- He can zoom up the stairs like nobody's business
- He loves his thumb and pootsie blanket
- He prefers certain books, and flips them to the back every time
- He loves to put things on his head (food, washcloths, toys) and he cracks himself up when he does this
- He waves by just lifting one arm in the air
- He sometimes waves with his wrist
- He makes eyes at (and plays peek-a-boo) with anyone who will look at him when he's riding in a shopping cart
- He has "clever handwork" (according to Trevor), touching faces and eyes
- He adores his daddy'
- He loves to pound on the piano
- He loves to put things into things (balls into buckets, things like that)
- He goes and gets his stuffed puppy when you say "woof woof"
- He often cries when I leave
- He rides well in the car
- He likes to crawl around with anything in his hand, pushing the object ahead of him
- He goes by the nicknames "squishy", "Judah-rooda", and "Little"

And now, Judah's birth story . . . 

The eve of his birth found us scurrying around the cities looking at homes with my brother. A storm was a brewing outside, it was cold and dreary, which I think is how I felt too.  I'm sure we went home to scrounge leftovers from Christmas dinner. I'm sure I was crabby and tired. I'm sure I went to bed early. I remember being anxious about the "when's and what if's" of Judah's birth arrival. I remember my cousin was supposed to stay with us on her way through town (ironically, she was in town when K was born) but she passed through to beat the storm.

I remember waking up at 4:30am with an oddly familiar feeling of my water breaking. No, that can't be it, go back to sleep. Oh, there it is again, yes my water broke. Lay in bed and google search: "it can take several hours for strong contractions to start".

4:40am,  contractions are strong and 7 minutes apart. Call brother.

Call midwife. Wait for midwife to call back. Have more strong contractions.

Call midwife again. Call brother again. Midwife calls back, it's my favorite midwife. YAY, she might deliver my baby. Midwife: "I am so, so, so sorry to tell you this" (I'm thinking she's going off her shift) "but we're full. Our sister hospital is full. We have to divert you to Fairview at U of M. But don't worry, I know the midwives there, you'll be in great hands! I told them you go fast, they'll be ready."

Excuse me?! We now have to drive across town, in a snowstorm, in heavy labor to a place we've never been. Okay, here we go.

5:00am, shower, wait for brother (bless you, brother!)

5:30, write Karis a note. Bawl my eyes out: "I'm not going to get to see my baby girl before I meet my new baby! Life is going to change . . .

5:45, hit the road Jack. Drive in snow, contract often, shoot off texts to friends and family. Get excited.

6:15, Trevor pulls up to the hospital and ditches his car to escort me to the maternity ward. Limp through the mostly quiet halls in (wet) capri sweatpants and winter coat. Refuse offers for wheelchair. Receive sympathetic looks from people on the elevator.

Trevor: "Can I go move my car?"
Me: "I think so, but hurry!"

6:30, they're ready for me and I get to the room right away, meet the lovely midwife Ann and nurses (2 of them, both named Mary). I get down to business on my hands and knees on the floor.

6:40, Trevor returns.
6:42, Trevor leaves to get coffee (see below stories for more info on this)
6:55, Trevor returns with coffee and helps me answer all the registrar's bazillion questions (they needed every single piece of info from me for their records, good grief)

Labor, labor, labor. Talk to nurses. Go to the bathroom. Watch Trevor drink his coffee. Labor, labor, labor.

8:40, feel sick, start sweating, say "I think I'm in transition!". Midwife confirms: "Get her on the bed!". Enter MORE nurses, another midwife for a shift change . . . none of whom I can see because I'm still on my hands and knees with my head in a stack of pillows.

Experience pain like I've never felt (ring of fire "rings true").  Push a couple times, think, "I cannot push any more".

Trevor tells me I then said, "THIS IS IT!", and it was - JUDAH, THERE YOU ARE!

Yes, it was fast. Yes, it was a bit furious. Yes, it was one of the best moments of my life. Yes, I am crying as I write this.

Judah came to my chest and the world disappeared. My mellow man melted into me and my life will never be the same because he is in it. We nursed, he got his vitals and first bath (no crying - mellow man). Trevor continued to sip his coffee.

The nurses and midwives were stunning, they basically left me alone and I felt like I might as well been in a cabin in the woods (well, until I needed stitches). I'm so grateful, so, so, so, so grateful.

The rest of the day was a blessed blur (see below for some Trev stories). Brother brought Karis, be still my soul to watch her hold her brother! She still loves to talk about that day: "I woke up and when I said 'mommy, mommy' DREW came in! I got a lot of bacon, we watched Goofy, and painted!". Not to mention, he took her to MOA, slept at our house, took her to Chipotle. Oh brother, thank you. And oh Melanie, we missed you but were so glad to come home and see you the next day, the way you mooshed Judah and loved on him . . . thank you.

And Trevor, you are my rock and my knight, and all around the best friend and husband and father and I can't imagine these memories without you there in each one.

We savored those first family visits: Uncle Drew with Karis, Aunt Debbie, Uncle Taylor.

We savored the delights of unlimited hospital cafeteria goodies.

We slept (by "we", I mean Trevor).

We got poked and prodded (by "we", I mean me and Judah).

We got told by a night-nurse (by "we", I mean me): "You're nursing him too much, he'll think you're his pacifier and you'll get exhausted". Maybe true, but I sure didn't care.

We wanted to get home as soon as possible (Karis, we missed you so much!), and the next day was full of all those lovely tests and requirements, and strange looks of "WHY do you want to go home so fast?!".

All the good memories rise to the top, the ones of night sweats, sitz baths, and other things too private to write . . . well, those memories do fade. I guess that's why people keep having children, right?!

We got home with 30-hour-old Judah just after K went down for her nap, we slept (by "we", I mean Trevor and Judah), Melanie mooshed on Judah. We got Pizza Luce and were elated to welcome Jordan and Cassie for a birthday party. Cassie mooshed on Judah and I'm sure Trevor made everyone else hold him.

We celebrated New Year's at home (of course), we relished the visits and spoilings from parents and friends (oh that blissed state of the "newborn excuse" for letting everything go - cooking, cleaning, leaving the house).

And oh yeah, then we decided to go ahead and try to get a new house. Thanking God today for all these massive blessings, and praying to be aware of generous with the responsibility of it all.

So, after "re-writing" after all that, I'm now watching Trevor and Karis tromp around in the snow in our backyard, listening to stellar Pandora station, thankful for the chance to re-live everything again during this quiet hour. It all works out.

Some humor . . . 

A friend recently sent me a link to "things husbands pull while their wives are in labor", and wouldn't you know, Trevor "pulled" 3 of them (one of them at both births). Read on . . . 

There was when Karis was born . . .  I'm having contractions on top of each other, and think I have to use the bathroom, but really what was happening was that I needed to start pushing. There was no midwife in the room, I stumble in complete pain to the bathroom, and Trevor decides he needs to go get a cup of coffee! At which point I screamed, "I can't not push!" and within 15 minutes we met Karis. There was also that part where he got a migraine the first day we were home with her (bummer dude, birth is legitimately hard on the hubs!).

In labor with Judah, Trevor (remembering the coffee he DIDN'T get before K was born) left to get coffee pretty much right after we got to the room. This was when we were at a new hospital (our hospital was full and so we were diverted to somewhere we'd never been) and I was on the floor working through contractions AND trying to answer the millions of questions from the registrar. So, he sipped his coffee while helping me answer the questions. 

But the BEST was that after Judah was born, we moved to our overnight room . . . I'm in a wheelchair, holding Judah . . . we get to the room and Trevor finds the roll-away cot, collapses, and says, "I'm EXHAUSTED!". Yes, I had just given birth and was, let's say, not feeling very comfortable in that wheelchair. 

THEN, after a very full night of sleep that night (I know because I was UP and watched him sleep!), he woke up the next morning: "My back is KILLING me". 

Oh Trevor, I'm laughing as I write this. I'm glad for the stories, I love who you are. 

I love being on this family journey with you, Trevor - and with our children. 

First comes Marriage, then comes . . . ???

This month has been busy and blessed, I can hardly keep track of the stories and events. This post will be dedicated to the theme of weddings - in chronological order. And the updates and Karis-isms at the end are already dated, I started writing this over 2 weeks ago . . .

Karis's Wedding:

Karis had a play date with her "besties" one Tuesday afternoon, during which she and Everett somehow decided to get married. As it happened, Everett and Marissa were due to come over for dinner the following day, so Karis decided that would be a great day for the wedding. I had no idea what we were in for when she laid out the wedding clothes the night before (flower girl dress for her, white polo shirt for Everett). The next morning began a full day of wedding planning, which involved:

- Washing hair with mommy's shampoo
- painting fingernails during Judah's morning nap
- Bringing the clothes downstairs
- Decorating the family room
- Setting out the Bible and arranging a sitting stool for "Pastor Trevor"
- Planning the wedding feast (buttered noodles, donut holes for dessert)
- Choosing a dance song ("Little Drummer Boy")
- Making the toy room the "golf course" (reception location)
- Choosing me to be the bridesmaid and photographer, Marissa to be the flower girl
- Making a bouquet
- Setting the table

For real, this was an all day, all-consuming world of imagination. Sadly, I didn't properly prepare Karis that Everett might not be as excited as she was . . . and so when he arrived, she asked over and over if he was ready to get married and he was more into the stuff in the toy room. I did corral the kids to the "fireplace altar" for a quick ceremony that involved singing the doxology and then shuffling everyone to the wedding feast.

To be honest, I could tell Karis was sad. She was quiet that night and didn't talk anymore about the wedding. Sigh, how I wish I could protect her always.

She does often say now, "Marissa says I'm her best friend, and Everett says he loves me". It's such a joy to have friends with whom there is mutual admiration, between moms and dads and kids. We are blessed.

A few weeks later, out of the blue, Karis informed that "Mom, singing one song is NOT a ceremony". There is no fooling this girl.

Brother's Engagement: 

Not even 3 days later, we were thrilled to celebrate Uncle Tay & Aunt Kate's engagement! What a gift to have a growing family in such beautiful ways. Trevor and I snuck out after the kids were in bed to attend the surprise engagement party at Pracna on Main. Besides me forgetting my ID, the night was magical, young love is so invigorating and it was a gift to watch their two worlds get together and share the joy. Kate, we're so excited for you to be a Pope.

Which leads to . . .

Flower Girl (to be or not to be, that is the question): 

We were blessed to have most of this area's family join us to watch Karis's preschool Christmas program. Adorable, of course. But relevant here is this: after the show, Karis found us all and was clearly a bit overwhelmed. Kate and Tay pulled Karis aside, knelt down, presented her with flowers and asked her to be their flower girl. Karis - repeatedly - answered "no". Oh goodness. What?! She loves being a flower girl, and even coyly asked Kate the weekend before if she has one (you know, "not that I want to be it or anything - just wondering"). !!!!! Komplicated Karis, as my mom says.

And one more event to record, before the Christmas and Birthday Boy post to follow . . .

Girls'/Guys' Weekend:

Trev and Drew headed to ND for a mid-December duck hunt (read: guy time). So "Aunt" Sarah (really a cousin, but we call her and her sisters aunts) and Aunt Cassie came to spend the weekend here. Bliss! We enjoyed a girls gathering pizza party here, and on Saturday the beloved women in Karis's life loved on her while I stayed home and took care of a barfing baby boy (sad! short lived, thankfully). Aunts Melanie and Sarah took her shopping and to Chipotle, and then delivered her to the "theodore" (Karis speak for "theater")  to view Frozen with Aunt Cassie. This was a life changing event, and I have listened to hours of Frozen talk since. We then all met up at IKEA for dinner, a memorable and marvelous weekend.

Lastly, some outdated updates!

Karis-isms:
- "So, when you come to someone's house do you sometimes bring presents? I don't want one, I was just wondering" (said to Aunt Cassie upon her arrival to our house)
- "So, do you sometimes serve snacks when people come to your house?" (said at a friend's home, asked of the mom hosting us)
- "So, do you have a flower girl?" (said to Aunt Kate, a few days before she rejected the idea. Komplicated)
- "Mom, singing one song is NOT a ceremony" (I cannot trick this girl with anything)
- "Mom, let me tell you another story of the prodigal son"
- "I was thinking me and Judah could be best friends"
- "Summer is my favorite season. When will it be summer?"
- "I wish I could be a mommy. I wish I could do whatever I wanted to do" (yes Karis, it's the best being a mommy, I'm glad you can see that)
- "Mommy, do you know what my favorite amimal (sic) is? Elves. I love elves"
- "Should we all just drip off to sleep?"
- "So, what are my options?"

Judah updates:
- He loves to crawl around with something, anything in his hand: favorites are a play microphone, a remote, one of Karis's fuzzy pink boots
- He adores his "pootsie blankets", small blankets with polka dots on one side, burp cloth material on the other, and ties on the ends. He immediately puts his thumb in his mouth when holding the blanket, and this small thing is necessary for his sleep
- He kicks like a frog when he's excited. Many things make him excited, including looking at Trevor (or anyone) at the dinner table, seeing anyone come in the door, seeing an animal or another baby
- He wants to be where the action is, and if he sees kids playing he scoots as fast as he can over to them
- He still scoots on his belly, crossing his legs and practically getting into the air as he army crawls around. He has shown us the ability to crawl on all fours and is using that method more and more (especially when any kind of animal is in sight)
- He still goes by the nickname of "squishy"
- He loves to go for the stairs and can get up at least two until I find him and bring him to safety. He will go from anywhere I put him and scoot to the stairs as quick as he can
- He loves to flip to the back of board books (little interest for what's inside)
- He loves to crawl around with something in his hand. The object obsession changes, lately it was a hairbrush (anyone know the song "Oh Where is My Hairbrush?")
- He had his first barf, which is actually quite a relief. It was short lived and he was happy as can be right after spilling his stomach's contents all over my clothes and then taking a long nap (for the record, this all happened before 7am, when we had guests here . . . and Karis laughed when I got vomited on)
- He can climb a full set of stairs (supervised, of course). He LIVES for doing this, and bee lines for stairs anywhere he is. He also melts down when we put up the gate.
- He kind of barks at dogs. When he sees one, he does this "woo - woo" sound and his body jerks in correlation with the "woo"

Good Thing . . . or "Let it Go, Let it Go, Let it Go"

I'm writing this because I should be packing. I should also be sleeping - the week ended in me getting sick. Blessedly, K was in preschool and Judah took awesome naps . . . and I feel well enough to do what needs to get done to pack up.

Karis got up this morning and I told her it was going to be our special Christmas as a little family.  It ended up as running errands (which she loved - Sam's club had cream puffs, bubble water, and Despicable Me 2 on the TVs), her playing outside with our neighbor's granddaughter, Trevor shoveling, me procrastinating & laundering & mommy-ing. I told Karis we'd have a special dinner, like, maybe Potbelly's (HA) or frozen pizza (double HA). It ended up being "clean out the fridge/freezer". Even Trevor said, "Wow, that looks like clean-out-the-freezer stroganoff".

Before dinner, we watched the Veggie Tales version of Little Drummer Boy - that song continues to be my favorite this season, I'm amazed at how God does smile at any gifts we have to offer Him, He wants US, He delights in each of us. The song makes me think about Judah and the words "then He smiled at me" makes me think of the delights that baby smiles bring and what baby Jesus' smile must have looked like.

This year, I look at Judah, who we hadn't even met a year ago, and I'm so thankful for this gift we've been given. I watch Karis delight in the tree and the lights and wearing her zebra dress to church . . . This is a special Christmas indeed and we did have a fun day and I'm beyond blessed to keep discovering what the culture of our little family evolves into.

A memorable Karis-ism was tonight during "Advent by dim-light devotion time", we were talking about David and Goliath, and she and Trev had a little disagreement about whether he used a sling or a slingshot. Trev was not backing down, and Karis very wisely said, "Well, you can call it a sling and I'll call it a slingshot". Well said.

And, as it turns out, there is the "not to do" list, and then there is the "do later" list. The things that didn't get done before Christmas - "Let it go, Let it go, Let it go". As we like to say around here, "GOOD THING . . . "

Good thing we can make spritz cookies later

Good thing Uncle Ken gave us these so we can still fulfill the sugar craving (do you see the box of Cheerios on the table? It's a permanent table decoration. And the flowers have a story for later.)

Good thing Christmas time will come again and we can hang this somewhere next year

Good thing Sam's Club is so festive and fun

Good thing these kids are just so . . . everything!

Good thing it's bedtime.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Please stay tuned for some big news that involves weddings. One real, one imagined . . .

Fa blah blah blah blah

Warning: bah-humbug post ahead . . . positive updates to come . . . later. As I write, we have a low level sick-something-ness lurking in our house and I'm willing it away by eating cookie-mint ice cream and reflecting on some choices from the last week.

A couple years ago I read a great blog post about a "not to do list". On it, I put many things, including:

- Piddly craft projects (I long got over my insecurity at being a non-crafty mom)
- Sewing
- Roll out cookies
- Elaborate gardening

I am loving the liberation that comes from deciding I don't have to do it all - I don't have to do anything. I'm all about "being" (in theory - I DO love to DO also).

Since Advent is a crazy season with all sorts of "extra" things to do, I decided it would be a great time to do several things that I don't enjoy doing (please detect sarcasm). Like, piddly craft projects and roll out cookies. Some pictures below. Self inflicted torture is a great way to celebrate the anticipation of Christ. Oh, and don't forget the extra shopping (also something I don't enjoy) and the extra (self-inflicted) pressure of using all the awesome coupons that come out this time of year: Kohl's cash! Hallmark $5 off! $10 off at JCPenney! Free lip gloss at Bath and Body Works! These places are tricky. Or I am gullible and compulsive.

Sometimes I can exercise self control, discretion and wisdom - and turn away from these impulses.

Other times, I cannot. I am calling these moments "blahs" and I have several from the past week alone.

Blah number one: I become overwhelmed with the compulsion to make a lion mask craft for Judah's 1 year "Lion of Judah" party:

For all the time they took (cutting construction paper, curling it around a pen, gluing 2 rows of strips, cutting circles in the paper plates, taping sticks to the plates), they are not that cute.  I thought of these as an investment, if I'm careful they can last for a few birthdays, until Judah is old enough to say, "Puh-lease. NOT another lion party!"

How about this blah, using the cake ball mix that was given to us (which had, I kid you not, 18 steps - gave up at the point of needing to insert a stick into the unmentionable part of a gingerbread person who was small and hard to cut out anyway). I named these "cake blobs" (Karis called them "lick pops"):

The next blah I signed up for, making gingerbread men for church. It's for the children! Trevor left the house this morning to a frustrated me lamenting my lack of roll-out-cookie skills. He gently suggested I use more flour. WHY is he always right?! I hope the children don't mind burnt hands and broken feet:

They DID make the house smell so yummy. AND, they prompted this post. AND we got to have "tea Tuesday" with the casualties.

Yes, that's a popsicle with the tea and cookie. Consumed at 10:30 am, right after coming in from playing in the snow. Good memories.

By the way, LOVE this quote: "The scope for failure in the last step alone [of baking bread] is so great that in every society in which bread has featured, baking has been turned over to professionals from the earliest stages."
- Bill Bryson in At Home

Let's remember the need to make family holiday memories, which leads to another blah: going out in below zero weather in bad traffic approaching bedtime . . . to use a great coupon for Don Pablo's. You know, because going to sit down restaurants with kids at this age is always soooooo delightful. I think I maybe tasted the enchilada a little bit and Karis ate maybe two bites of her hamburger. Double blah that night was going to Bed Bath & Beyond to get re-usable K-cups with a coupon and a gift card that I had . . . and forgetting to use the gift card.

I'm wondering if it means anything that our Advent wreath is sitting empty on my table? I DID try to find taper candles (and then Trevor gently reminded me that Amazon Prime is a useful tool that I should use more often).

For the record, I DID use the Kohl's cash, and that was my last blah - I ended up misunderstanding the price of some Godiva chocolates and what I thought would ring up as "free" rang up as $17. So, I was THAT crazy coupon mom who asked the nice lady to undo the transaction and ring up only as much as would use up the Kohl's cash. She was gracious but I know she was trying. As were those in the line behind me.

I'm done, for now. And I'm smiling, really I am. I think this is all funny and growing and . . . from now until Christmas maybe I'll deny all the extras and instead read Mr. Willowby's Christmas one.more.time.

Baby Jesus, thank you for being born! Thank for this season when I can laugh and learn and that these things are all humorous and that my life is really this simple right now. Thank you for my children who are joining the journey and teaching me so much about living in the moment, embracing the burnt cookies, dancing around with lion masks, doing Advent reflections in dim light instead of candlelight. I am blessed and grateful.

And to end on some more positive notes:

Some random media: 

This is a good one

And so is this

Here are some more Advent songs, by a gal with whom we went to high school

And just because, this is the cutest thing. Judah is obsessed with this hairbrush and it's cracking me up. Gives new meaning to the Veggie Tales song "Oh Where is my Hairbrush". By the way, don't judge me, the socks fall off, okay?:

Giving Thanks . . . and Plunging into Advent

We just returned from an epic and exciting stay in Bismarck . . . and I know if I don't sit down and write some of the memorable moments and quotables, they will be lost and forgotten. This is a long one, buckle up.

The events and other happenings we enjoyed:
- My childhood/high school best friend's (sister, really) wedding. Blast from the past in so many ways,  and I was honored to be there. This also counted as a date night, which was so wonderful
- Thanksgiving feasts and gatherings with "both sides"
- Meeting a dear friend from college a couple times
- Having a date night that included two local restaurants and a dinner shared with brother J & sister C
- Going to cousin Courtney's basketball game
- Doing the Holiday Home Walk with my mom, grandma, and cousins. Followed by Perkins, always a treat
- Going through boxes of my childhood "stuff". Another throwback, and fun to pull out pictures to show Karis ("You look different!")
- Filling two homes with all our stuff, and knowing that our presence is so welcome and embraced
- Watching Karis get ready for and then return from the Turkey Trot
- Trevor got to hunt twice
- Watching Karis cook with both her grandmas
- Going shopping with Karis and my grandma
- Getting to know Marco, and enjoying my brother and sister-in-law's "first married holiday" with them. So fun
- Celebrating Grandma Carole's 80th birthday party at Peacock Alley . . .watching Karis love on the other great-grandchildren

One of the things I love about being in Bismarck is that our loved ones enjoy my children just as much (and sometimes more) than I do. I can gush about all the details of our daily lives (even more than I do here), and they are delighted to listen (not that others aren't, but you know what I'm saying). Family is precious, so very very precious. I'm grateful for many memories made to store away . . .  

Okay, Thanksgiving is now a memory, are you ready for Advent? 

We're in the thick of Advent season here. I was telling Trevor last night that as I think about it, this season becomes a somber one for me in many ways. It's a time of year when I feel increased amounts of anxiety - the ugly side of perfectionism and people-pleasing presents itself. And yet, when I think about that, what a "perfect" time to pray, to submit to my need for Jesus. For baby Jesus. To know that God's strength IS made perfect in weakness. That this can be a time of drawing near to Him. I'm thankful. I'm including a link below to some info about how the Eastern Orthodox church (and others) practice fasting during Advent. That reminds me that yes, this can be a somber time of reflection, and a true anticipation for feasting at Christmas, for rejoicing in Jesus's birth. The link below to "O Come O Come Emmanuel" is sung by a woman in our small group . . . I think it reflects the idea of fasting well, a tune in the minor chords with words that cry out for the coming of Christ. And the link to the "Drummer Boy" song I think is also powerful - sung a capella, and such an image of the gifts we bring to the altar. This morning I danced with Judah while listening to it and was a blubbering mess - thinking about a year ago and waiting for this little boy who is now such an intricate part of our lives. I'm amazed at how God delights in our offerings. Like the drummer boy, what do we have to give him? It occurs to me that He wants nothing and everything at the same time - none of our performance, all of our hearts.

Emmanuel

Drummer Boy

Advent (Nativity) Fast

And last, here's an Advent blessing that our church is praying this month (specifically for children): 

A Blessing for Advent

May you know the Son of God 

who came to demonstrate 

the love of the Father

May you believe the Son of God 

who came to be 

the Savior of the world

May you receive the Son of God 

who came to give 

you eternal life in His Spirit

1John 4-5

Karis-isms:
- I asked Karis what she wanted to chat about in the car one day, her reply was, "I want to chat about where babies come out of mommies"
- after Judah bit me while nursing, I told Karis I needed wisdom to figure out how to help that situation, her reply: "Mommy, I know how you could fix Judah's biting! You can teach him how to drink out of a baby bottle". Oh Karis, you are really almost always right
- "Sometimes, when I go 2, it startles me" (crude to report here, but true. Said while actually going - it was actually pretty cute)
- "Well, sometimes you scream at me" (said in front of both grandma's, who graciously told Karis that all mommies do that sometimes. And to which I reply, "Yes, I raised my voice . . . and I don't always make the right choices . . . and next time when I feel really frustrated I'm going to go outside". Yes, we are growing together here)
- "Here are the constructions" (which means, "instructions")
- "Let's play homemade!" (which means, "Old Maid", the card game)
- "I really, really want a Jeep for Christmas"
- "What's Judah wearing" (she likes to dress as closely as possible to him, especially for pajamas)
- "I'm building Bethlehem!" (with her "little people" nativity)
- "Mom, the tree is bending just like in the book!" (comparing our tree to Charlie Brown's. ha)
- "I have to go marry Everett at 7" (said as she laid out her wedding clothes - appropriately, all white. This is a separate blog post in the works)
- "Mommy, let's go in the maze!" (she makes mazes in the snow, and then I follow her around)
- "Mommy, let's go to the jungle!" (which is a corner of our yard with a big evergreen. She shows me the rhinos)


Judah updates: 
- He pulls up to standing on furniture, and is even taking some steps toward the furniture
- He got his two front teeth as an early Christmas present. Grand total now is 4
- He bites me sometimes while nursing. And then he laughs. He thinks this is a great game. Oh boy.
- He goes for outlets and cords and other dangerous things. I redirect him, and now he turns right back with gusto to get into the thing I just took him away from
- He LOVES the newest member to the Pandolfo family, puppy Marco Polo.  He talks to him in excited voices and his whole body goes electric
- He continues to chatter at dinner time, grasping for eye contact and interaction with Trevor
- He's eating most foods, and Karis is so kind to share with him. He loves to feed himself, and will only take food from a spoon as long as he also has something he can put in his mouth with his hands
- He pulls off his socks on every single car ride
- He is pure delight

In reading: 

From Two Part Invention by Madeleine L'Engle:
"For the human being to live is to live with the open risk of failure.
Being parents is a risk."

From Daring Greatly by Brene Brown:
"Wholehearted parenting is not about having it all figured out and passing it down - it's learning and exploring together . . . and there are times when children are way ahead of us on the journy, either waiting for me or reaching back to pull us along"

"Somewhere buried deep inside our hopes and fears for our children is the terrifying truth that there is no such thing as perfect parenting and there are no guarantees"

". . . the question isn't so much 'are you parenting the right way' as it is: 'are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be'"

Psalm 31:24
"Be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, all you hope in the Lord"

Karis is loving the Christmas books we reserved from the library . . . Mr Willowby's Christmas Tree, Little One We Knew You'd Come,  Bear Stayed Up, Charlie Brown's Christmas, Room for a Little One, The Mitten

Judah ripping it up at the library . . . he can really tear a place apart,  I appreciate his curiosity 

Only Treats

Oh Halloween, thank you for inviting Babe Ruth to join me for breakfast, and giving me butter fingers for my husband. Wouldn't you know, Karis's favorite loot from Halloween was these little books that a neighbor gave her - which is honestly surprising to me, because really books are not usually her favorite thing (I mean, break me off a piece of that kit kat bar!).

We had a delightful time here with dear family friends (thanks, momma Beth, for the minion hats!), chowing some Papa Murphys and then most everyone traversed the cul-de-sac for some treats.

Also worth noting, I witnessed a costume-wardrobe crisis before Karis's preschool party. I empathize, I have a wardrobe crisis for every event for which anything more than jeans and a sweater is required. So now I get to handle mine AND my daughter's - we will grow and learn together. Moving on, the party was the sweetest thing, and I got to go along: they walked across the street to an assisted living center. In costume, they sang a song, did a craft with the residents, ate Little Debbie cupcakes together. Not sweet was the way Karis flips out when I'm around in those situations, melting down and practically refusing to look at me. Interestingly, later, she played back everything I was doing (which was, helping other children and the teachers, I figured I might as well be put to use somewhere and I had a great time). This girl is complicated, and I'm continually grateful for the ways we ARE connecting, and trying to practice "good pretending". Turns out that's a good skill for life.

My two favorite memories from Halloween:

1 - Watching Karis come home from traversing the cul-de-sac, completely uninterested in the candy while being enamored by these dainty books that neighbor Joan gave her. Which honestly, is surprising, because Karis is not often "into" books.
2 - Trevor as Tobias, from Arrested Development (picture below). The whole genesis of his mustache involved the idea of this costume, picture below. His Facebook lit up all night, we laughed hard. But the best part by far was when he came back from trick or treating and told me that we have a neighbor who answered the door . . . and looked just. like. him. Sounded awkward. Hilarious.


Karis-isms:

"So, all the girls in nightgowns will sing, and all the girls sitting can listen" (guess who was in a nightgown and who was sitting?)
- "So, which way is it to France? Mommy, can we go to Paris someday?" (Madeline books in action)
- "I'm just looking at my hair, to see if it's beautiful"
- "Mom, does that melt your heart?"
- "So, mom, I have a great thing we can do . . . "
- "Mom, do you remember when . . . " (and then she recalls a memory from so long ago that I can hardly remember and then am shocked that she can)
- "Let's play book on tape!" (and then she recites scenes from Madeline)
- "Your voice is so sweet when you wear these clothes" (your guess is as good as mine)
- "Mom, do you know what mom?" (I wish I could count how many times I hear "mom" a day!)
- "Mommy, they look like to kids from our morning song!" (long story)
- "So mom, what opening did Judah come out of?" (oh boy - go ask your dad)
- "Mom, I'll do the laundry. I think you need a break" (Oh sweet girl, thank you!)
- "Mommy, he looks like Mark Storslee!" (talking about the handsome prince in Rapunzel)

Judah updates:
- He weighs close to 19 lbs, 28.5" tall
- He loves orange food, but swipes away green food. He will not pick up a bean and eat it, but devours meat and bread (and will eat the bean if you put it directly in his mouth)
- He does this really intense and adorable thing with his face and body when he is either excited or frustrated: scrunches up his face, squeals, clenches his fists and kind of shakes with intensity (is mellow man mellow no more?)
- He almost crawl up and down the one step to our "drop down" toy room, he can do what looks like a push up. Strong lean bean he is. 
- He struggled with his morning nap yesterday during K's preschool time . . . I nursed him to sleep in the rocker and ended up staying there for an hour. It was one of those moments I'll always remember and not regret. By some grace, I just loved slowing down instead of thinking "this is my only alone time". Yes, that's grace and I'm thankful for that memory of cuddling and watching him sleep. 

Other things:

From Jesus Calling:
"I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths. Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, revealing to you things you did not know"

From Connections: The Threads that Strengthen Families: 
"Stay underwhelmed"
"Use time-in to connect/discipline"

From The Irrational Season (Madeleine L'Engle):
“It is within the small events of daily living we are given the grace to condition our responses to frustrations . . . My reflexes of blessing have been conditioned by my parents, my children, my friends. Blessing is an attitude toward all of life, transcending and moving beyond words"

From Carry On Warrior (Glennon Doyle Melton):
"My girls mostly scare me. How do I raise little girls before I'm finished raising my own little girl self?"

From Random Interactions:
At the grocery store recently, a kind man (grandfatherly in stature), stopped me (while I was getting the complimentary cookie for Karis and feeling a bit frayed at the end of the day). He said, "You really on have about 8 years with them, what you're gonna do is gonna be done by then. Kids listen with their eyes! They're watching you. Make sure you and your husband are hugging each other - chase each other around the house, see what your kids do . . . and play classical music all the time"

Whoa! Thanks man - seriously, it felt like a prophetic word to me. I hugged Trevor a few times when he came home that night.

celebrating Karis's 4th Baptism Birthday

Vacations and Staycations

Because this is a journal - in large part, increasingly, for my children to read someday . . . the following is an account of our recent fall adventures. But first, some very random updates: 

- We have eaten soup perhaps every night this week. Fall is the best, and so are crock pots. And leftovers. As I write, chili is simmering (again)
- Trevor's mustache is quite full, as is his hair. We talk about both almost every day. Yesterday I received a picture of just his mustache. Funny to say, it's been a blessing of humor lately. In a way, it's like another family member. Call us weird, go ahead.
- I am getting away for some longer stretches, and finding much refreshment from some time "away". Yesterday I went to a ladies' luncheon for Treehouse Youth and heard Gabby Douglas speak, as well as a young woman transformed through the Treehouse ministry. Wonderful! 
- I have been thinking a lot lately about courage in parenting. Which has me thinking about the story of Joshua, and how God's most firm words to him were "Be strong and courageous".  Strength and courage, needed. 
- Lately I have been falling asleep on the couch as early as 7:45 pm
- We recently savored some fun friend outings, including one to Costco and then Nadia's Cupcakes. Wildly girl-y place, I witnessed a true sugar high on my daughter. Frightening. 

And now, a quick recount of adventures: 

We had a great opportunity to go visit dear friends a few weeks ago for our first family-of-four vacation: to the San Francisco Bay area. To be honest, the trip ended up being pay-back/redemption for all the travel Trev did with his last job (I know people travel for work all the time, I know there are single parents for whom doing-it-alone is their daily reality - but that travel time was not my favorite season of family life. Call me weak, call me needy, call me dependent. Yes, I can be). Anyway, Trevor took the lead and planned this trip and it was such a gift to us all. I'm going to just paste part of an email I wrote to a friend, explaining it all . . . (sure, call me lazy) . . . 

We had the best time on our trip, thanking God for providing in countless ways: the "basics" of smooth travel, safety, health. All the added bonuses of quality time connecting, watching Karis experience adventure with such joy and fervor (she literally skipped everywhere - often with Mark. Precious!). Friday Mark was a great tour guide: drove to and across the Golden Gate Bridge (the highlight for Karis!), had fresh seafood lunch on the Bay in Sausalito, drove up to the Muir Woods and went for a long hike. Majestic part of God's creation, the Redwoods are a miracle - over 300 feet tall. And everything so quiet, many people around, everyone talks in hushed tones. Like an outdoor sanctuary. Drove back to Palo Alto through San Francisco, stopped at a village (Karis: "I have to go to the bathroom soooo bad!") and found a bountiful bakery with great sweets and coffee a "ritzy" valley, sweet people served us. Met Christina at a unique burger restaurant for dinner on University Avenue - bustling with college energy, so fun to enter the culture. Saturday we went to a Sees Candy shop, had a picnic on the Stanford campus (gorgeous - even got to see some "debutante ball" Spanish girls and their parties getting pictures taken - huge and colorful dresses, immaculately done hair . . .). An outdoor cafe stop (on campus still), then a big hike at "the dish" - a steep incline that brings you to views of the bay, campus, and even San Francisco on a clear day (we didn't make it far enough for that. Karis: "I'm hungry!"). Back to Mark and Christina's for a dinner of fresh tilapia, bedtime, and then got to stay up and talk and see pictures of a big trip they took a year ago. Phew! I don't take for granted how well the kids traveled (Judah slept so much the first flight that I got to watch The Great Gatsby), Karis was such a trooper, and Judah soaked it in also as much as an 8mo can. Trev's planning and preparation for reservations, his directional prowess, everything - he was awesome, I'm so thankful for how he took charge, and that he really insisted that we all do this together. Delightful memories! Learned a lot about each other, how we travel/experience life/etc., which I think is always a benefit of vacations.

The next weekend, we had the joy of a "staycation" when my parents came to visit us. Uptown adventures for the girls (plus Judah), golf and football watching for the guys. Dinner at our new fave, Milton's, the traditional Jets pizza at our place, a day at Emma Krumbee's apple orchard. It's always sad to see them leave, the time is special and quality and just plain FUN. I really need them in such new ways - we must always need our parents, right? Ironically, I recently read a quote in a book about how kids might not thank you until they are 31 - which I am now. And wow, I am SO thankful. Thank you, mom and dad, you are both amazing. And, by the way, Happy Anniversary! 

And then just this past weekend we headed "home to ND" for a big pheasant hunting weekend. We loved it all - even the travel there and back was smooth, the journey enjoyable (although I did hear "how long until we're to . . . " about a thousand times). We must be growing together, because I didn't feel like I was losing my mind in the confines with a million questions. It made me excited for future trips - books on CD, car games, conversation - I have the best memories of those car times from growing up (although I'm sure memory recalls the best and not the poking and whining and impatience). Anyway, our families fed us to overflowing with time, attention, love and homemade meals. I took Karis to my dad's new office, which brought back memories of always having fun visiting him at his place of work. I got to watch Parenthood with my parents in their cozy basement, loved it. Trev's grandma taught us to make kuchen, which was a treat. Thank you, all. Home will always, always be home. We come back to this home strengthened and encouraged, grounded in our roots and ready to give out of the abundance we've been given.

In the daily-ness, I continue to struggle trying to connect with Karis . . . and if that is the worst of my worries now, I guess things are quite good. She is a complex young girl, perceptive and sensitive. I so badly want to know what is going on in her head and heart, but like us all, it really needs to be on her terms. I can't make her talk (I just didn't think this all would start so young). The temptation for me, though, is to put up walls, to feel rejected when my efforts at getting close to my daughter "fail". Sometimes it's hard to be the adult, and also to face myself through the magnified mirror of parenting (because really, the words "complex, perceptive, sensitive" are me also). I'm learning more always that there IS strength in weakness. 

I also am feeling like more and more of an introvert who needs quiet, so when I'm being talked to/ordered around all day by my four year old, by 5pm I'm about ready to go hide in a closet with a glass of anything from Prairie Berry. I do take this parenting thing seriously, perhaps too much at times. I just feel like this really is the most important thing I'll ever do in my life - and I really do want to do the best I'm able to. Sometimes I fear I'm perfecting the art of saying things in a fake-nice voice through clenched and smiling teeth (is that called "fake it till you make it"?).  And then again, I have to love that there are a million chances to try things differently, to make "imperfect progress" (ala Lysa Turkeurst in her book Unglued), to remember that nothing is by my own strength, to keep perspective, to laugh a little more even if it means caring a little less.

And as I finish this up, Karis is at her first sleepover with her aunt and uncle. She was SO excited (and so were we! Trevor slept in our bed ALL night, which happens rarely around here). What delighted me the most is that D & M were so excited to be with her - that fills my momma heart to overflowing. Thanks, you two. I have yet to hear the details . . . I will say that I dreamed about Karis at least 3 times last night. I miss her. 

Back to the introvert-getting-bossed-around-by-my-child, thought I'd record some examples that make me laugh as I write them, and want to  hide while I'm experiencing them (the paradoxes of parenting continue to amaze me):

Karis: "Mom, why are you turning the other way"
My internal dialogue: "Because I'm eating a piece of chocolate I don't want you to see"

Karis: "Mom, you need to clean the toilet"
My internal dialogue: "Good thing you're here to tell me what to do"

Karis: "What are you guys talking about?!"
My internal dialogue: "I was like that, and still am!" (wanting to know every.single.thing. going on around me, especially conversations between people I love)

Karis-isms . . . 
- "I'm ready to go in my limo!" (otherwise known as, Mark and Christina's baby stroller)
- "Save some Judah for me!"
- "Will you keep my seat warm?"
- "You be the kid, I'll be the mommy" (yes, please)
- "Look, the lights of Israel! The Israelites!" (HA! I laughed so hard)
- "I really want to go get my pajamas on" (said anywhere, anytime - including restaurants, the dinner table, when people are over)
- "Mom, is this the best part of your day?" (something I often tell her when we're sitting together reading)
- "So, mom, I have a really good thing we could do. We could go outside and put seeds in the flowers and make sunflowers!"
- "Oh, we're getting off the highway now? Are we getting on the low-way?" (after I told her we were getting off the highway)
- "Mommy, I'm leaving my baby here to have a sleepover with you. Make sure you leave her right there" (said on our way out the door to Karis's sleepover - I didn't fully realize what she meant until later, when I saw her baby doll all wrapped up in its own bassinet, perched on the rocking chair). Oh sweet Karis.

Judah updates . . . 
- He babbles "ma ma ma ma ma ma". I excitedly point to myself and say, "Yes! I'm ma-ma-ma-ma!
- He sits up in carts sometimes. The first time it happened it was just me and him and every woman in the store commented on him and I turned to mush and gushed unashamedly about my son
- He sleeps like a baby. Finally, so thankful. 
- He sits up on his own, goes from scooting on his belly to sitting and back again
- Like his sister, he gets wild and wound up when he's tired (do all kids do this?!)
- He chows his food, but also scatters it all over the tray on his high chair 
- He blows bubbles and raspberries and completely cracks himself up
- He loves undivided attention (who doesn't? I do love this about my little guy,  his eyes light up when you look at him)
- He still sleeps wondrously, 2 solid naps and 12 hours straight at night. Halleluia. 



In reading . . . 

From The Artist's Daughter: 
"Every daughter looks to her mother to see what a woman is supposed to be." 

" . . . if it's true that my imperfection as a mother is inevitable, how do I balance what I want (to be as a mother) with what I can realistically offer?"

"In all my attempts to live the right way, I wasn't doing what God called me to do: to love the people around me."

In listening . . . 

This song was played at the Treehouse lunch, along with images of the children who are finding hope and healing through this amazing program and its  people. I dare you not to cry.

Karis's favorites at the moment . . . 

Katie Meets the Impressionists
Because I Love You
Seven Silly Eaters (I laugh out loud at this one)
Mary Poppins (watched half an hour at a time - I'm loving this, such a great classic)
Listening to Madeline to the Rescue in the car (which is hilariously teaching her some French)