There Goes my Heart

As always, the below is written over the course of a month.  Too much is happening to keep up with - good things, all. I keep thinking I should have more time as schedules get more predictable and I even have some quiet time when Judah naps while K is at preschool . . . 

The big change around here is preschool for little Miss K, pictures below. I sure had a couple weepy moments that first day, but as I write (this sentence - the next sentence maybe written next week at this pace) she is at her 6th day and loving it. She's so "all in", the first day she found the play dough and with nail-biting intensity started to play. Even writing this makes me feel so deeply at the way she experiences life. Her joy is intense, and I so badly want to be right beside her all the time to tell her what is next, that she has so much to offer, that she is always safe. I think she knows these things, but the letting go can feel choking at times. One day last week I picked her up with a few minutes to spare, and snuck around to watch her on the playground. She was wandering around, looking nervous, biting her nails, made my heart want to collapse. I heard somewhere that having children is like watching your heart walk around, and I couldn't agree more. I know, I know, she is FINE. She's more than fine, she's 4, she's growing, she's thriving. I'm thankful. I'm also a crazy momma bear. 

This week I got to go on a field trip to a nature center with her class. Precious moments to have "special time" with Karis, which ended at Target where she got to pick out lunch and eat it in the cart where Judah is usually perched. We both loved it all. 

And really, the irony is that I look forward to this quiet time so much and then the moment I drop Karis off I can't wait to pick her up. 

And thus, my time is drawing to a close and I'm going to hit that "publish" button. Because, really, I typed all the above sentences in one sitting, and that is something! And there is so much more to reflect on, every day the thoughts swim in my mind . . . thoughts about connecting with my children & husband, the importance of family, what grace means, what self-care looks like, how to chill out and just enjoy these days. 

(an addendum before "publish" - heard this song on the way home from picking up Karis today. She was playing peek-a-boo with Judah and making him laugh like crazy. Listening to the lyrics flooded my heart with thanks and my eyes with tears: "You make beautiful things . . . out of the dust . . . you make beautiful things . . . out of us".  I often feel unworthy to be the mother of these beautiful children, God does indeed make beautiful things out of us, out of the dust. I'm grateful and humbled every day).

Karis-isms: - During her rest time a few weeks ago I heard her open the door and say, "Well, I'm looking for my mommy, but she's not here yet . . . I drew her a picture . . . ". Sure enough when I went up there was a picture. So cute. Today she went into her imaginary world for a while and I have a lot of fun trying to enter it and engage her that way. I tell her all about my wonderful daughter Karis, and she gets a silly smile on her face. 
- "I remember when I was still sleeping and Judah kissed me on my ear! That was the best part of my day" (said at bedtime after the first day of preschool. Precious)
- "Mark & Christina's baby is going to ride in my limo!" (long story for another post about recent adventrues)
- "T-O-L-O-M-A  . . . " (Karis pretends to spell things - taking a cue from us as we spell many words around here now)
- "When will it be morning time?" (said to Trev many nights before bed, this girl wants to soak in every minute of every day. Inspiring. And tiring.)
- "I'm Princess Paris! Come to my princess dinner and dessert . . . " (pronounced "pair-EES"). Pictures to follow in the next post - such a hoot, she really went into character - and had us all following her around the back yard in pretend play. Precious.
- "Mommy! That looks really nice, with that tea there and stuff" (as I was setting up to host book club. Which as it happens, I never actually told her was here . . . all happened during sleeping hours)
- "How old are you?" (asked at least ten times a day. Also asked of anyone who comes over)
- "I love my brother. Are we going to keep him?"
- "When are we going to move?"
- "Wind, be quiet! Okay, you can go sit over there and pray either out loud or in your heads"
- "When I go to preschool, you get to have special time with Judah" (this always makes me sad, even though I think it's a benign and objective statement. I'm often concerned that she thinks I'm always with Judah, he receives so much from me right now. Such is the sibling situation, though, and we're all learning and growing)

Judah updates:
- Too many to count . . . growing, changing, sleeping, eating, moving, laughing, observing, engaging
- He can grab and stuff puffs and other small things and put them into his mouth (this also goes for very miniscule non-food items such as leaves and twigs)
- Crawling ALL OVER. Love how he's exploring his little world
- Goes to sleep by himself (sucking his thumb) at every sleep time (even bed time). And sleeps a lot - 9-10:30am, 1-3pm, 7pm-7am. Wow, these babies and their development is so fascinating
- Loves to grab Karis's hair
- Kicks his legs furiously, when you pick him up or when he's on his back or on his belly or in the bath. He is a vigorous kicker and it's hilarious


In reading:

Verses that keep coming up in reading/reflecting:
Psalm 16:8 "I keep my eyes always on the Lord, with Him at my right hand I will not be shaken"

Deuteronomy 11:19 "Teach God's ways to your children. Talk about them when you're sitting at home, when you're out walking, at bedtime, before breakfast . . . "

A blog post that I almost sent to everyone I love to say "please read this to understand me".

Read this to "electronically meet" one of my dearest friends/sisters/kindred spirits

From Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris:

"Marriage is eternal, but it's also daily, as daily and unromantic as housekeeping"

"Paradoxically, human love is sanctified, not in the height of attraction and enthusiasm but in the everyday struggles of living with another person. It is not in romance but in routine that the possibilities for transformation are made manifest. And that requires commitment."

"If they (anyone dealing with routine and demanding tasks) are wise, they treasure the rare moments of solitude and silence that come their way, and use them not to escape, to distract themselves with television and the like . . . "

"The capacity for trust that begins in such ordinary encounters, as between a mother and child, can come to have deep religious significance, not only for ourselves, but for the entire community of faith". 

From Ex Libris by Ann Fadiman (ended up loving this book):

"Their selves were on their shelves" (talking about her parents)

Karis's faves lately:

Mike Mulligan and the Steam Shovel
Let's Make a Joyful Noise 
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
3 Little Kittens

-

Wild and Wonderful

Apparently blogs and journals don't write themselves, even though the reflections are a constant din in my mind, waiting to find their way to somehow solidify and capture the daily-ness and the momentous-ness of what feels like an ordinary life.

Sometimes bullet points and writing one post over several weeks seem to be the only way . . . the past month was wild and wonderful (which is also the title of a book I recently devoured with delight: Your Four Year Old: Wild and Wonderful. Indeed!).

• Birthday (well, covered this in a recent post . . . )

• Bismarck and Bowbells: we traveled to Bismarck for a weekend of more birthday bashes (thank you, all grandmas and grandpas!) and a day trip to Bowbells (look it up on a map) for a cousin's wedding. Wonderful memories, so good to celebrate the covenant with family. Other highlights are Karis getting a "coup" and her first "big girl bike" with training wheels. Not to mention two cakes, hopping on hay bales, running around parks, going to get a pedicure, lunch downtown at Urban Harvest. Loved every minute.

• Drew & Melanie's wedding: the summer all built up to this amazing occasion . . .  wow was the whole time blessed, and I can't possibly sum it up here. From the rehearsal (where Judah pooped all over me five minutes before it began), to the western-themed groom's dinner (gorgeous, fun, meaningful) to getting ready on Saturday (kids stayed home with Trev and my cousin until picture time), to the ceremony (sincere, spirit-filled), the reception & dinner & dance truly blessed. Karis has been recounting the event with sweet phrases: "Mommy, I had fun being a flower girl - did you have fun being a bridesmaid?", "Mommy, was Melanie the bride?". There's a video of our little family singing "In my Life" at the reception to get the couple to kiss - Karis loves to watch it and always exclaims, "They kissed!". 

• Collapse: there was a week of let-down, the build up of the summer over . . . a bit aimless, a bit recovering, a bit of not much. Oh, and a weekend of filling the void by cooking way too much. Which just left me tired and wondering what compelled me to have two crock pots going at one time. This was the week during which the phrase "Whatever is not a nice word" evolved. I started it. Deep disgruntled sigh. 

• On to the next things: 
• Kids got fevers last weekend and thankfully recovered quickly
• Trev and Karis had their annual trip to the MN State Fair, a blast for all (including me, who got a morning of quiet and quality cuddles with Judah). They came home talking about: nursing pigs, pregnant cows, butterfly gardens, big slide, beef jerky, idaho nachos, and mini donuts
• A former coworker was here for part of a day last week, we wore her out - which made me feel oddly justified at feeling fatigued even though I'm getting more sleep. I have energetic and exuberant children - my introvert does scream at me sometimes
• I've been reminded why McDonalds is such an iconic place for all ages: decaf coffee and ice cream for $1.71. Not to mention, to drive there it's five minutes all along Medicine Lake, and there's a play land for Karis - this is an escape when the heat index is over 100
• Water hopscotch has saved a few steamy and long afternoons here
• Karis's 4 year well child check that left me almost in tears thinking of how blessed we are to have such healthy children. That visit was followed by a quick stop by Karis's new preschool to get a small tour before her first day next week. The rest of that day was interesting, I could tell K was processing everything deeply but I just couldn't draw it out of her. Which had me flashing forward to how it could be in the future and how much I have to learn about how to best reach her, how to let go, how to let her know I'm here no matter what - and that when she's ready to talk, I'll listen. 

Karis-isms:
- When talking about what "four year olds do", BEFORE she turned four, she said: "Sleep like a big girl" (which around here means going to sleep by yourself). AFTER she turned four she said, "Oh, I'll sleep like a big girl when I'm five".
- "My mommy says . . ."
- "Mommy, what should we do now?"
- "I just want to be cold" (said on a day with heat index of 100 degrees)
- "Mommy, I had fun being a flower girl. Did you have fun being a bridesmaid?"
- "Can you tell Everett and Marissa to not come by me so they don't get a fever?"
- "Judah adores me" (yes, he does!)
- "My cactapus's name is Kerono" (she draws "cactapus's" ??? They look similar to an octopus)
- "Bummer!"
- "Mommy, 'whatever' is not a nice word to say"
- "Okay, now I'm all ready for Mark Storslee"
- "So mom, the youngest goes first" (when playing Memory - she's so good at this game)
- "Okay, now I'm ready for Mark . . . can you send that video to Mark . . . I'm going to be shy with Mark . . . I can't believe we got to see Mark again" (Trevor's best friend who was here twice in the past week)


Judah updates:

- He makes delightful "ah-bah-bah-bah" noises, and seems so surprised and delighted with his new babbles. He also squeals, screaches, and nearly exudes happy screams. Hilarious to us all, especially Karis
- He squirms and laughs through diaper changes. Like, it's hard to change his diaper because he's trying so hard to roll over. And his full-on giggle seems like he knows he's making it difficult. I start laughing, and it's a wonder his diaper gets on straight
- Twirls his wrists when he's excited, all you have to do is talk to him to evoke this response
- Does "head bumps" with gentleness and delight
- Squeals, screams, scrunches his face
- He's in that blissful stage of two predictable, long naps (9 - 11, 1-3). Otherwise known as "nap jail" for me and Karis
- Grunts when he's eating
- On occasion, he sleeps through the night. Oh, bliss. Sweet sleep
- I wrote all the above over the course of two weeks. Judah now CRAWLS!
- He also gets so excited to see a spoon full of anything on its way to his mouth: cottage cheese, yogurt, egg yolk, and beans are recent new things to the mix
- Judah loves shoes, he crawls to your feet with urgency. Melts my heart when he scurries excitedly to Trevor when he walks in the door. Contented sigh
- He is exuberant, joyful, pure delight



In Media:

• Ironically, as we prepared for D & M's wedding, I was reading a couple books that made me ponder marriage: What Alice Forgot, and A River Runs Through It. A couple quotes for the record:

"Early love is exciting and exhilarating. It's light and bubbly. Anyone can love like that. But love after time, after you've hurt each other and forgiven each other, bored each other and surprised each other, after you've seen the worst and the best - well, that sort of a love is sacred. It deserves its own word."

"Savor the whole day, try to catch it, pin it down, keep it safe before all those precious moments become yet another memory" (both from What Alice Forgot)

"Let's never get out of touch with each other" (from A River Runs Through It)

• We are enjoying being able to watch movies again . . . which as I see it, is really good for our marriage. Recent viewings that we both loved: Les Miserables and Silver Linings Playbook. Both tremendous in their own way.

• I'm almost through East of Eden. There are many true-isms, one here:

- "Perhaps it takes courage to raise children."Yes, I think it does. Parenting continues to consume most of my thoughts: how to be intentional, real, graceful yet firm.

• As I said, a recent read was Your Four Year Old, Wild and Wonderful. Some points I hope to remember:

- "If you can add respect for what is going on to your natural love and affection for your preschooler, you will add immeasurably to your enjoyment of these early years as well as to his/hers"
- "don't fail to enjoy this extremely amusing, lively, enthusiastic age while it lasts, even though some aspects of your child's behavior may not be entirely charming"

• Karis faves lately are: Bear Hugs and I Will Rejoice by Karma Wilson, On the Night You were Born is part of bedtime at the moment

Ironically - read this page on a day when I was a bit weepy about Karis starting preschool . . . 

Super ironic - read this page while having a "special day" with Karis, watching Mary Poppins while Judah napped

Found when roaming the library aisles by myself one Saturday. While not completely true - I mean, bedtime isn't awful - it's defnitely not always the best part of the day. I thought this was at least good for a laugh.

That's a butterfly. And a 4 year old unsure of butterflies

Monkey suit! One of the few pictures I have from D & M's wedding . . . will I ever learn to take pics?

Birthday Bliss

So, I love Karis's birthday. I love having a reason to completely indulge her, and to watch her delight (makes me wonder, should I indulge her more on a daily basis? Or maybe we should have some birthday-spirited moments once in a while). I love thinking back onto the days leading up to her birth - finishing work, running an errand with my brother, making ice cream with youth group girls.

Walking into the hospital, talking to my mom. The midwife saying, "I think you'll have a baby by dinner time" and then we met Karis and then ate a late lunch. The first moments as a family of three, holding her, beginning this parenting journey. I would go back to that moment in time every day, to hold that baby in my arms. And that is the gift of memories - I can go back and smell and see and feel and remember (without the pain, yes, memory is a remarkable thing). Oh Karis, your name means "grace" and you embody this word - your movement, your heart, your character. You are God's gift to us, and we are honored and humbled to raise you.

I had the joy of attending a friend's baby shower this weekend, and I spent the drive thinking about Karis, and for sure cried a bit-  Karis's birthday has always made me emotional. I also spent time thinking about what to share with this mom (as requested by the host) as a hope for her in motherhood. I decided what I hope for her - for all moms, and a reminder to me: that she (that I, that all) would always have confidence that YOU are the mom that your child needs. And that your child is the exact one that you need in your life. You will grow and learn together. Always.

What we did:

In "Pandolfo style", birthdays are to be celebrated more than just one day. So, all week we talked about how we'd go to Freeziac on Friday, and then we'd watch a surprise movie. It was so fun to watch Karis anticipate a surprise, she anticipated and guessed what movie it might be (see below as to why the movie was Despicable Me). When we sat down to watch it and she figured it out, she said, "Oh, I was going to guess that, I just didn't tell you". Human nature at its rawest form!

Saturday morning we enjoyed breakfast together, I headed to the baby shower, and Trev took the kids to a guitar store to get new strings for Karis's guitar. I loved walking into the house to this scene: Judah happily on his tummy, Karis and Trev stringing her guitar. Then K & T headed to Canterbury for a work event, then went to a western thrift store, then to YUM bakery.  I stayed home to get ready for Saturday and snuggle up with some quality cuddles with Judah. And a quick nap. And writing this. Beautiful.

Saturday night Trev was on K's floor for much of it . . . as she got up many times wondering: "Is it 7 yet? Am I four yet?!". I love her excitement and anticipation. We stuck a candle in a muffin, cooked up bacon and scarfed a "gogurt" before heading to church - where Karis proudly walked around telling people "It's my birthday! I'm four!". Now that I think of it, I proudly proclaimed the same to all our friends there. Per K's request, we ate at Potbelly's on the way home, attempted rest time (too excited), and welcomed a yard-ful of family for tacos and Karis-requested strawberry shortcake cupcakes  (for K's future reference if she's curious, here's the recipe - a winner), waterballoons, and swinging. Like any celebration, the time went to quickly and I didn't take nearly enough pictures . . . but the memories will last. One of my favorites is when Karis confidently walked around in her zebra party dress, passing out the water bottles and ribbon-wrapped gum that she picked out for her uncles and their gals. Then there was the frenzy of water balloons with lots of "big kids" running wild. Her hospitable spirit continues to humble me, her pure joy for life is inspiring. To mother this miracle is the highest calling I could imagine; the responsibility of nurturing her gifts, the honor of getting to know her more - like I said, we need some more birthday moments, I think.

I have some Judah memories from the night too - he needed to be in my arms . . . I watched him from across the table, just staring and trying to figure out where he was and how he might get back to where he belongs. Even in Trev's arms, he eventually scrunched up his face in preparation to cry, and I realize now how aware he's becoming and how a situation like the party might have been pretty unfamiliar and overstimulating. These are melting mother-moments, as his face broke out into open mouthed smile when he found his way back to familiar momma territory. Also worth recording is how he would stare at cousin Lee - just intently stare, lock-eyed, serious face. Over and over again. Hilarious!

And a random party memory is when we were all eating our tacos, someone asked what the "pink stuff" was that they had put in their taco . . . my answer, "pink pineapple, just jello sprinkled over crushed pineapple". Many others piped up and said they'd put it in their taco, thinking it was some kind of salsa. Indeed, most people enjoyed crushed pink-jello-y pineapple in their tacos. One gal even went back for more . . . maybe we're onto something? Or not, but I thought it was pretty funny.

And now, writing this paragraph the morning after the party - Karis was up at 6:30am ready to play with all her new markers and coloring tools. And a cupcake was a part of breakfast this morning. Oh to be four! I think this year is going to be delightful.

And now it's evening, and as I finally get ready to hit "publish" on this post . . . we're birthday-ed out. Time for a little normal . . . I was wondering how the day was going to go when at 7:30 poor girl was having a meltdown about wanting to wear her flower girl shoes outside. I really felt badly for her, overstimulated and overwhelmed feelings have to come out somehow! She got over it pretty quickly (don't worry, M, the shoes never made it out the door!) and the rest of the day she really just seemed like a FOUR YEAR OLD. How is she FOUR?!

From recent reading: 

From Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber : "We all have pain and anxieties; it is all relative. Everything matters and nothing does"

From A River Runs Through It  by Norman Maclean (have you seen the movie? The book is profound): "You can love completely without complete understanding . . . It is those we live with and love and should know who elude us".

There's another long passage that made me weep when I read it aloud to Trevor - and it struck the same cords that it did the first time I read this over 6 years ago. It's too long to record here, but for reference (mostly mine with this as my journal, or your's if you happen to read it) it's pages 77 & 78 - a transparent, beautiful exchange that to me signifies marriage to its very core.

From Becoming a Person of Influence by John Maxwell: "If you become a major nurturer in the lives of others, then you have an opportunity to make a major impact on them"

Karis is enjoying: Jack and the Beanstalk, Toads and Diamonds, Mommy Date, Bumble-ardy, Where the Wild Things Are, Jane Eyre & Wuthering Heights (not the unabridged versions! There is a "baby lit" series that is so delightful)

Trevor is plugging through: The Odyssey

Karis-isms:

- "Daddy, Despicable Me is IN OUR TV! But it costs money, so sometime we can just pay money. But we need tickets to open it"
- "Mommy, do I have moosebumps?"
- "Mommy, look! I'm wearing jeans!" (this said after rest time, when she had re-dressed herself in a new outfit . . . way too big, jeans and a top. She has NEVER chosen jeans. Oh my gosh, my girl is growing up. Too fast)
- (as told by cousin Caroline): "Next year I'll be five, then six, then seven. When I'm seven I can be a mommy". Ha!
- "I want to color my princesses!" (said at 6:30 am the morning after her birthday. The excitement continues!)
- "Daddy, it's my special birthday wish for you to wear the buckaroo at my party!" (confession, I told her to say that one)
- "So, this afternoon I'm going to the youth group girls" (pretty sure she heard me telling someone about having the youth group girls over before she was born . . . goodness, this girl listens to everything)
- "Mommy, where is my (fill in the blank with any obscure object that could be in any of a zillion places)"
- "It's hard to have my eyes open" (said after a post-birthday nap this afternoon)


Judah updates:
- He's grunting and make his opinions known
- He's starting to "make strange", as my mom says. Sometimes he's only happy in my arms, and it's really the sweetest thing
- He continues to be the happiest little guy, always smiling with his whole body (because yes, that's possible when you're a baby)
- He continues to be mellow, observant, loves being around people and just takes in his surroundings
- He continues to get up three times a night. He easily nurses back to sleep (what baby wouldn't get up a few times for a mom whose willing to do that, I suppose?!) and his little content noises in the middle of the night are the sweetest. It won't last long . . . at least, not forever
- He loves to reach for my phone

These are the Days

I can't even remember when I started the below . . . computer time is little when an almost-four-year-old  gets up at 6:30 and doesn't nap. And that's okay. And in case I forget, let me say it here to remember in years hence: I cannot seem to do anything productive after bedtime. Unless you count watching Downton Abbey productive. I keep thinking I'll get so much more reading done, or something done, once I finish the series (just half of an episode left).

Life is good, "these are the days". Laughing children, sunshine, playgrounds, memories. Truly, joy surrounds.

Life can be interesting, "these are the days" . . . of growth. Prayers for patience, inspiration, Grace, God's perspective. Early mornings, short rest times, trying to bring beauty and creativity into our home. Embracing the ordinary, living in the moment. These things take intentionality and inspiration. I'll be the first to admit that I easily get sucked into the mundane, the monotonous, the unimportant details of a day.

I just read a profound-to-me little article in Guideposts that resonated so strongly. The woman was writing about a day with her 7 children where all the demands drove her to lock herself in her bathroom . . . where her children then knocked on the door and then waved flowers for her under the door. She prayed, "Lord, I'm having trouble handling all my blessings today". So true, we can be surrounded by blessings and still need great grace to handle them all. She ended her article saying, "God never gives us more blessings than we can handle". I am beyond blessed, but never beyond the need for grace and strength.

Random happenings

- Karis picked the first ripe tomato off one of our plants. She keeps trying to like them, but just can't quite make herself

- My family came here for the 4th of July weekend, we made many memories with time in Excelsior, celebrating Trev's birthday at The Anchor Fish and Chips (or as Karis calls it, "Ben Kyle's brother's restaurant"), putting together a swing set my parents gave Karis (or in my case, watching everyone else put it together). Karis treated us to a concert: sat on her little white chair, crossed her legs, strummed her guitar, sang her heart out. As Grandma Nancy said, "She's a natural!". Good times.

- Trev's family came here the following weekend and we had a great time celebrating Trev's birthday here with dinner and a "concert", Karis style. She started us off with asking her audience questions, inviting their questions, "twinkle twinkle", "Whole World in His Hands", "When the Saints go Marching in". Aunt Debbie finished us off in the living room with more beautiful ballads.

- And yes, Happy Birthday to Trevor! The day began with brunch at The Anchor with his cousins. Many laughs and sampling unidentifiable meats. Lots of outdoor time, grilling here with family. I'm increasingly thankful for his life, and getting to know who he is (I'm learning there's always a lot to learn even after so much time together) is such a gift.

- We spent most mornings one week at the church, doling out snacks for "KidsCAN - Creativity Camp" (think, VBS). Karis lit up being with her friends and then participating later in the week, highlights were a puppet show and watching the older kids play musical instruments. 

- Had a "barn raising", friends came over to help finish the swing set and to help us eat some elk steaks.   Thankful.

Quotes and media:

From Everyday Relationships (a favorite podcast with Susie Larson and Greg Smalley): How easy it is to parent out of fear (reaction) instead of love (inspiration) . . . good reminder, lots to think about.

From Too Small to Ignore (by Wes Stafford, President of Compassion International"
"The most precious thing we can give our children as parents is warm, positive memories. More important than making cookies, getting the shopping done, or cleaning the house is what happens along the way. Childhood happens!"

"With a little imagination and willingness to play along, you can earn your way into their world. Once there, you will reap the great joy of listening, learning & lovingly shaping values and dreams that will last a lifetime."

Books to remember:

- A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg. One of those that at the beginning I thought not worth the time, but ended up being delicious (it's one of those new fad food/recipe memoirs)
- Too Small to Ignore (excellent, go get your copy now)
- My Antonia (dear Willa Cather, I adore your writing)

- I Spy (Karis). She's scary good at this kind of seek-and-find thing
- Time for Preschool (Karis picked this one out . . . maybe she's ready?)
- P is for Peace Garden: A North Dakota Alphabet (especially the pages about the Badlands. Love it! A prairie girl at heart, I think)

- "What's your name? Where do you live? You go up the red slide" (said to her new little friend at the McD's play place"
- "Want to do a concert?" (and then proceeds to put on a beautiful show of songs, audience participation, and
- "Let's play farmer's market!" (there was a play one set up at the library . . . and she recreates this wonderfully at home). Last week we took a field trip to one, where of all things she got a gummy worm (which was, of course, the highlight). Ha!
- "Let's pray for the 'Wisconsin' family" (from our church, going to Tanzania for a couple years - their name is Swanson, but Karis insists on this pronunciation, and I love it)
- "Mom" (she calls me mom a lot now . . . "mommy" and "momma" are still there, just not exclusive now)
- "Where does _______ come from?" (Asked about anything. Sometimes a Google search comes in handy. Almonds come from trees, by the way)
- "Mommy, it's 7:00! It's time to get up!" (thank you digital clocks)
- "Hi, my name is Beth, what's your name? How old is your son? Oh, my baby is six months too!" (this was her role-playing game a couple weeks ago. I love entering her little worlds when she invites me)
- "Here's a thank you note, for mommy, Judah, Daddy, God" (she wrote this during bedtime and had Trevor bring it to me. Heart melter after what was a rather interesting evening . . . like, when K was quite rough with her barely toddling little friend. Anyways, things do tend to balance out
- "Okay, well, I'm done with my gummies, so I'm just gonna go do some reading"
- "I'll go in here, so I'm modest" (said while getting dressed in a different room)
- "I wanna hold your hand!" (think Beatles. we sing this as we walk down the stairs)

Judah Updates:

- He loves to roll from back to front
- He loves to suck on his toes
- He loves to suck on his thumb, especially when holding onto a blanket and sucking the blanket at the same time. I LOVE this, adorable beyond words
- He loves his tummy time, a friend recently said he looks like superman with his arms and feet in the air. It makes me think of a "swimmie" yoga pose
- He (mostly) sleeps longer stretches at night. A couple times he's gotten up only once. So refreshing. I find sometimes I'm just as tired after those good nights, not sure how long it takes to catch up on 6 months of fragmented sleep?
- He eats food with gusto (banana, avocado, sweet potato, cereal, applesauce, peas, prunes - so far), grinning and drooling (in varying shades of mushed food) in between every mouthful
- He continues to laugh at Karis like no other, especially at "peek-a-boo", or just "BOO JUDAH!"
- He sleeps pretty regularly . . . 7:30 - 7:30, up at 11 and 3 on a good night

"Hi, I'm Beth! What's your name? How old is your son?"

Taking a dinner break after swing set assembly. Look at those baby legs, my little squishy. 

Love this daddy pic - at Honey and Mack's a new family owned ice cream shop nearby

Small Town in the Big City

Something I've always loved is random human encounters - meeting people, making connections, being surprised by what a small world we really do live in. Just last week, Trev ran into a classmate from junior high. Crazy - the guy was a server at a small restaurant he went to. The next day Karis and I were sitting in Target (okay, at the Starbucks in Target, caught me) and a kind woman asked if she could peek at Judah, then told me she works with babies all the time. I asked where, she replied, and I recognized the place as one at which Trev's former boss (and now family friend) volunteers. So I asked if she knows Diane, and sure enough they're fabulous friends. There's just something that surprises and delights me when these things happen in this metropolis. It made my day a few weeks ago when I ran into one of my best friends at the grocery store. Simple things.

Other simple delights lately (a.k.a. a big week in the life of a little girl):

- "School" with Momma Beth and Lukas (Beth does crafts, I do snacks. LOVE this, and so does Karis). Last week was all things birds. This week was The Napping House.

- Scavenger hunts. I told Karis about a scavenger hunt at my sis-in-law's bachelorette party, and so now we have indoor and outdoor scavenger hunts. I make a list, then Karis "writes" on the list, then proceeds to find everything and put them in a big empty popcorn kernel jar. I love watching her scavenge and proudly return with her full jar and list. 

- Father's Day. Trevor, you're the best! It's been a joy to watch you grow in this role the past 4 years. Your gentleness, balance, creativity, and compassion are evident as you shepherd our children. I'm so thankful for you. We celebrated the day with a bbq in our backyard, all the "Pope's from Bloomington" plus some others. I'm so thankful for MY dad, Happy Father's Day, DK! You're the best. And to Trev's dad, Bobby, too - we are both blessed with such fabulous, faith-filled fathers

- Movie on the lawn. Karis and Trev were invited by dear friends to go to a big family event at TCF stadium. Bouncy houses, bottomless fruit snacks, children's flick on the big screen. Kid paradise. I got a little Judah date, which was a blast. He is just so smiley and sweet and I savored having him to myself.

- Okee Dokee brothers concert. This beloved "kindi" band can be heard in our house weekly . . . so when the dear Dierkers invited us to join them for a picnic and concert, we jumped (I'm always so glad other people keep us in the loop on things going on around here). Karis danced the evening away with Lukas and Eliza, precious.

- Bowling. Trev and Karis joined cousins Lee and Caroline to introduce Karis to the lanes. K wanted to know if there would be "Karis sized" bowling and was a little confused as to why we wouldn't just bring her strawberry shortcake bowling game.

- Laying on the grass watching the clouds go by and figuring out what shapes they are. We often find holes in the clouds, and Karis often says she sees Mickey Mouse.

- "Skateboarding". Karis slides around the floors on her toy stroller, hilarious. I love watching what she can come up with everyday, her imagination is wondrously wild.

- Water in our basement. Not a delight in itself - but the community we experienced because of the inconvenience is humbling. First, we are so blessed that it's just water. Next, we are amazed that some friends who were without power helped trouble shoot and figure it out. Then Uncle Steve descended to coordinate the fix-it solution. Then other friends arrived to help finish that and do the demolition. And to boot, the wives joined and so the kids and I had company and positive distraction. And we had a good reason to have an impromptu pizza party.  We feel like God's provision is so intricate.  Thank you, all. 

I've found that "big house things" make me anxious - spinning my wheels taking care of the kids, completely out of control . . . so, these are good growth opportunities. Also good chances to practice gratitude. Such as: so amazing that it was the weekend. That we caught the water. That people were around and willing to help. That the weather cleared long enough for them to fix things outside. That there's not a tree on our roof or vehicle (such as is the case in our neighborhood).

Things that make me cry lately:

- Reading Love you Forever. We finally unpacked the rest of Karis's books . . . and as we sat down to read this one, I told Karis how I used to read it to her and Lukas and sometimes it would make me cry. I was confident I would not cry this time. Foolishness, the last few pages had me sniffing and trying to explain to Karis how thankful I am for her and how someday I might be a grandma and . . . sweet Karis cuddled up to me (which honestly doesn't happen very often).

- Listening to this Bebo Norman song. For some reason, as I listen to this, I can envision our kids growing up. I think of all that is ahead of them . . . and just pray God's grace to cover their precious lives and each step of their journey.

- Watching Modern Family. First time an episode has brought me to tears, and ironically I thought it was the most off color episode in a long time . . . but the end was so beautiful to me.

The above leads me to think I'm both tired and hormonal.

Books Karis is loving lately:

- Fancy Nancy
- Bread and Jam for Frances
- Blueberries for Sal
- Henry & Mudge
 
Books I'm going through lately:

- Silas Marner (love this book)
- Oh Pioneers! (read this years ago, even better the second time around. I've realized I'm a huge Willa Cather fan)

- A short biography of C.S. Lewis
- Remains of the Day (Interesting, glad I read it, but probably wouldn't recommend it)
- Life Together (for small group - fabulous)


Routines I'm savoring lately:





- Karis waking up, saying "mommy, mommy!". Then we read a letter I wrote her a while ago, reminding me of what our days should focus on, reminding her of my love and God's. She can recite it back to me now. Really, it's reminding me Whose Karis is, that she is a gift to me, that I have to be intentional in our days. I find it easy to think Karis is older than she is, to expect too much from her.
- Karis helping Judah when he wakes up: she turns on his light, unwraps his arms from his swaddle, sings "Rise and Shine".
- Sitting on the front step when Judah naps, Karis runs across the stones, draws with sidewalk chalk, strolls her babies up and down the driveway
- French toast and Freeziac Fridays. Also Fun Family Movie Fridays. I love Fridays.

Karis-isms
- "Mommy, is this Mickey's sister?" (talking about Minnie, who is on a mirror she has)
- "CHEWWWW- DAAAAA" (this is what it sounds like when she affectionately/aggressively comes up to her brother, grabs his hand, puts her face right next to his. About 200 times a day)
- "Mommy, can you put that down so you're modest?" (Thank you, Karis, for reminding me to put my post-nursing shirt down before I walk outside)

Judah Updates

- He continues to go where no man has gone before . . . bridal showers, bachelorette party, book club, ladies' nights, work dinners. And really, he is so easy to take to these places, calm and content and full of smiles and bubbles and raspberries. I treasure these little memories with him, the time goes so fast. 

Rockin' out to Okee Dokee brother's with her best friend, "D"

Gone fishing with Uncle Jordan

Happy Father's Day, DK - love you!

9 at Midnight

Where I was at 12:30 am this morning:

Karis's floor. With Trev in between me and Karis's bed. Watching Karis try to fall back asleep, because apparently daddy being on the floor just isn't enough at the moment (can you tell by my tone that this development is not evoking enthusiasm - from anyone but Karis, that is. I am open to rebuke or advice).

Things I was thinking about at 12:30 am this morning:

- It's our anniversary, 9 years today. I'm so thankful! Oh Trevor - you're the best. I'll save the moosh for a card, but wow are you a gift from God to me.

- Trying to remember where we were/what we were doing on our anniversaries the past 4 years. (I have this to help me remember all the ones before that). Pregnant with Karis 4 years ago, we were at a B&B in Stillwater. Last year we enjoyed a picnic by Lake of the Isles. The years before that I'm going to look back on our calendars to remember

- I was thinking about my friend, K, who had many sleepless nights when her daughter was 3 and her son was under a year

- I was thinking about the Laura Story song, "Blessings" (which aforementioned K referenced in a Christmas letter after a year of sleepless nights)

- Remembering the concept of "soul fever", very aptly described in the book Simplicity Parenting. We're both coming off of a wonderful 10 day excursion to a lake-side reunion and then a week in ND. We were lavished with love in beautiful ways, and Karis didn't even get the opportunity for a rest time the whole trip. She was a champ! But I do see the same look she had shortly after we moved (crazy tired eyes, nail biting, floppy movements). Laying there last night I was thinking that maybe the mid-night outbursts are her sideways attempt at reconnecting with me - I try all day long to cuddle, read books, welcome her into what I'm doing. But maybe those are ways that serve me instead of her. Anyways, I was thinking about how I can respond to these little unexpected and rather unwelcome interruptions (sleep, precious sleep) with grace and love. What kind of "middle of the night mom" do I want to be - am I called to be right now?

- I'm  not sure how Trevor has slept on her floor for months, but I'm sure thankful for his willingness to do so

Karis was asleep by 2am - yes, 2am. Judah up at 12, 4 & 5:30. Sigh. K, are you reading this? Are you caught up on sleep a couple years later?!

I opened this empty page yesterday, feeling like I had nothing to write . . .  and then wouldn't you know, something good came out of being up from 12 - 2 am last night.

And wouldn't you know, Jesus Calling this morning talked about blessings from trials, just like the Laura Story song (and trust me,  I realize my trials are small. So very, very small). 

And wouldn't you know, today really did feel special. I'm realizing the moments that spur growth are so worth any momentary discomfort (ask me if I feel that way in the middle of the night. Not so much).

Today's celebration was sweet, we hit another milestone in leaving both kids with neighbor teenagers while we went for dinner to the Sunshine Factory (a place we visited probably 12 years ago on a trip to the cities while we were in college. Ah, memories). Everyone had a great time, even the teenagers. Please let me remember to make this date-thing a habit.

Karisisms:
- "I want to get out of the broken traffic"
- "I'm thankful for daddy . . . ." (proceeded to list of things that I do for her, but thanking Trevor for them. What?! Trevor asked her "Karis, are you thankful that daddy makes you dinner every night, too?" We laughed pretty hard)
- "I work at the Mall of America. At the Build a Bear Workshop"
- "I'm going to work!" (armed with her crayola lunchbox)

Judah updates:
- He sometimes laughs at Karis when they're both in their carseats. LOVE this
- He sometimes blows raspberries. DOUBLE LOVE this
- He can talk up a storm and can seem so serious in what he's trying to communicate
- He is still my squishy baby, just a little marshmallow love
- His naps are awesome, he goes in his crib fully awake and falls asleep quickly
- His eyes are on Karis at all times if she's in the room

Post anniversary date, successful on all accounts

June Bugs

In random news (written last week . . . sometimes it's hard to hit that "publish" button - such a commitment!):

Since last writing, we planted flowers and tomatoes and a pepper plant, drove to Home Depot and back in 100 degree weather in rush hour traffic with broken air conditioning in the vehicle, enjoyed a morning with my sister while Trev and a friend worked on house projects, made pheasant tacos and pheasant nuggets that turned out well, had a lovely dinner with my brother and almost-sister-in-law, inaugurated the deck with some play dates, I slashed my finger on the top of a can (uff da), had a family date to Potbelly's, celebrated our brother's golden birthday with a patio bbq, watched the crab apple and sugar maple trees blossom and bloom, started a gratitude journal. Some of our dearest friends, true couple soul mates, were here last weekend and it was bliss to catch up. And so deflating that they're gone.

Deep thoughts:

- Not flowing right now. Or, I'll try: I'm forcefully struck lately by the innocence and helplessness of babies, and how instinctual it is to want to meet their needs in a gentle way. I suppose it might be the contrast of looking at Karis who is innocent in many ways, but not so dependent and definitely can be crafty and intentional in both sweetness and deviation. Naturally, I'm not always inclined to handle crying/tantrums/whining in the same way as I respond to Judah. And then I wonder how Karis sees/processes these responses? When I watch her respond to her brother with similar gestures, I think at the least she's learning how to treat children younger than her. And this is one of the many the many gifts of siblings, and I'm so thankful they can have each other.

- I'm so thankful to recognize how much more calm our little family is now. Nail biting has decreased. Eyes look rested. General contentment has replaced exhaustion (most of the time). For all of us.

- I'm thinking lately about the standards that are set for children's development - the rate at which they "should" do so many things, from rolling over to reading to . . . anything. I read recently a plea to let our children be ordinary. I liked that. I also read a thought about having ordinary days, and what a blessing that is. Indeed! I'm savoring ordinary right now. Watching Karis imagine outside, listening to Judah "talk" while he falls asleep, the anticipation of seeing Trevor walk through the door at night and the way Karis runs to him (unless she's watching a video, in which case she asks him if she can "have special time with her movie". Oy!)

- An ordinary milestone: Trevor and I occasionally sit on the couch together, for more than ten minutes.  Sometimes we even hold hands. It's pretty amazing. Ordinary.

In media:

The Office finale (watched the last ten minutes . . . alone . . . Trev sleeping on Karis's floor, Judah blissfully in bed). A couple things rang true to me.
- Andy's parting lines about "I wish you could know they're the good old days when you're in them"
- Pam's parting thoughts about living life NOW, making decisions, taking risks

The end of an era, for sure! Back in the day (pre-children), we'd retire to the basement nightly to catch up on many seasons of The Office. It was good for our marriage, actually. You know, something to talk about, laugh about, quote back to each other. Interesting.

From Jesus Calling (May 18)

"Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you may miss what I have prepared for you"

I'm in the middle of reading Silas Marner, I Shall Not Leave You Comfortless, and Life on Planet Mom.

Finished watching Call the Midwife, season 2. Loved all but one episode.

Karis-isms
- "Mommy, is Judah sensitive right now?"
- " . . . and I asked Mommy lots of questions" (as she replayed her day to Trev)
- "So daddy, tell me about your day! How was work?"
- "Me and Marissa were giving birth to our babies" (oh my goodness!)
- "Mommy, when I have kids will you be their grandma?"
- "Is Jesus a man or a baby in our hearts?"
- "I'm thankful for summer. And that my daddy sleeps with me every night"
- "So, can you can tell me about last night?"
- She loves to read to Judah while he's in the exersaucer, especially The Three Little Pigs (a side note, Trev and I have commented on the real-ness of this story: eating wolves for dinner, you know, things like that. Reminded me of a great book called Tending the Heart of Virtue that talks about the value in reading these classic-though-sometimes-greusome tales. Time for a re-read of that one). 
- "When my kids are napping, I watch Midwife. And their daddy watches Star Trek" (she has us figured out, and here we thought we were sneaky about our TV viewing)


Judah updates
- He rolls from his stomach to back!
- He takes naps in his crib!
- He takes naps at regular times!
- He giggles! (especially when he's tired)
- His entire body responds when you talk to him, he lights up and starts kicking and waving his arms. This boy is social, and he reminds me so much of his sister at this age
- He loves his pacifier
- He stands in the exersaucer
- He's still up almost every two or three hours at night . . .
- He loves to suck on his hands and blanket
- He's realizing that his hands and feet actually belong to him
- He can go an entire day without crying (seriously, is that normal?!)

 Little gardener