June Bugs

In random news (written last week . . . sometimes it's hard to hit that "publish" button - such a commitment!):

Since last writing, we planted flowers and tomatoes and a pepper plant, drove to Home Depot and back in 100 degree weather in rush hour traffic with broken air conditioning in the vehicle, enjoyed a morning with my sister while Trev and a friend worked on house projects, made pheasant tacos and pheasant nuggets that turned out well, had a lovely dinner with my brother and almost-sister-in-law, inaugurated the deck with some play dates, I slashed my finger on the top of a can (uff da), had a family date to Potbelly's, celebrated our brother's golden birthday with a patio bbq, watched the crab apple and sugar maple trees blossom and bloom, started a gratitude journal. Some of our dearest friends, true couple soul mates, were here last weekend and it was bliss to catch up. And so deflating that they're gone.

Deep thoughts:

- Not flowing right now. Or, I'll try: I'm forcefully struck lately by the innocence and helplessness of babies, and how instinctual it is to want to meet their needs in a gentle way. I suppose it might be the contrast of looking at Karis who is innocent in many ways, but not so dependent and definitely can be crafty and intentional in both sweetness and deviation. Naturally, I'm not always inclined to handle crying/tantrums/whining in the same way as I respond to Judah. And then I wonder how Karis sees/processes these responses? When I watch her respond to her brother with similar gestures, I think at the least she's learning how to treat children younger than her. And this is one of the many the many gifts of siblings, and I'm so thankful they can have each other.

- I'm so thankful to recognize how much more calm our little family is now. Nail biting has decreased. Eyes look rested. General contentment has replaced exhaustion (most of the time). For all of us.

- I'm thinking lately about the standards that are set for children's development - the rate at which they "should" do so many things, from rolling over to reading to . . . anything. I read recently a plea to let our children be ordinary. I liked that. I also read a thought about having ordinary days, and what a blessing that is. Indeed! I'm savoring ordinary right now. Watching Karis imagine outside, listening to Judah "talk" while he falls asleep, the anticipation of seeing Trevor walk through the door at night and the way Karis runs to him (unless she's watching a video, in which case she asks him if she can "have special time with her movie". Oy!)

- An ordinary milestone: Trevor and I occasionally sit on the couch together, for more than ten minutes.  Sometimes we even hold hands. It's pretty amazing. Ordinary.

In media:

The Office finale (watched the last ten minutes . . . alone . . . Trev sleeping on Karis's floor, Judah blissfully in bed). A couple things rang true to me.
- Andy's parting lines about "I wish you could know they're the good old days when you're in them"
- Pam's parting thoughts about living life NOW, making decisions, taking risks

The end of an era, for sure! Back in the day (pre-children), we'd retire to the basement nightly to catch up on many seasons of The Office. It was good for our marriage, actually. You know, something to talk about, laugh about, quote back to each other. Interesting.

From Jesus Calling (May 18)

"Do not blindly follow your habitual route, or you may miss what I have prepared for you"

I'm in the middle of reading Silas Marner, I Shall Not Leave You Comfortless, and Life on Planet Mom.

Finished watching Call the Midwife, season 2. Loved all but one episode.

Karis-isms
- "Mommy, is Judah sensitive right now?"
- " . . . and I asked Mommy lots of questions" (as she replayed her day to Trev)
- "So daddy, tell me about your day! How was work?"
- "Me and Marissa were giving birth to our babies" (oh my goodness!)
- "Mommy, when I have kids will you be their grandma?"
- "Is Jesus a man or a baby in our hearts?"
- "I'm thankful for summer. And that my daddy sleeps with me every night"
- "So, can you can tell me about last night?"
- She loves to read to Judah while he's in the exersaucer, especially The Three Little Pigs (a side note, Trev and I have commented on the real-ness of this story: eating wolves for dinner, you know, things like that. Reminded me of a great book called Tending the Heart of Virtue that talks about the value in reading these classic-though-sometimes-greusome tales. Time for a re-read of that one). 
- "When my kids are napping, I watch Midwife. And their daddy watches Star Trek" (she has us figured out, and here we thought we were sneaky about our TV viewing)


Judah updates
- He rolls from his stomach to back!
- He takes naps in his crib!
- He takes naps at regular times!
- He giggles! (especially when he's tired)
- His entire body responds when you talk to him, he lights up and starts kicking and waving his arms. This boy is social, and he reminds me so much of his sister at this age
- He loves his pacifier
- He stands in the exersaucer
- He's still up almost every two or three hours at night . . .
- He loves to suck on his hands and blanket
- He's realizing that his hands and feet actually belong to him
- He can go an entire day without crying (seriously, is that normal?!)

 Little gardener

This is How it Looks

A couple things for the record book:

A couple weeks ago Trevor and I had a in-retrospect-humorous exchange. At 2:30 am. I was bleary eyed from having just been up to nurse Judah . . . and in walks Trevor to the bathroom, milk cup in hand. I was somehow coherent enough to nag Trevor with, "Did you just finish the milk? Can you not do that?!" To which he said okay, and then proceeded with his own jab, "You didn't lock the doors right". And then we went right back to sleep. It seriously makes me laugh, it was like nit-picking in our sleep. Uff da.

Did I mention before that Karis got to have a sleepover? Yes, my parents and grandma were here and Karis got to spend a Friday night at their hotel. So refreshing, in fact, I miss that night. I realized just how tense bedtime can be around here . . . we were relaxed, Judah went to bed, we started The Hobbit  (you know, watching 1/4 of a movie felt like quite the accomplishment), and even sat together on the couch. Sigh! Karis had a good time also, so sweet. She was up from 2-4am   a bit disoriented, but no worse for the wear. And my amazing parents said they actually enjoyed that middle of the night time with her. That's grandparent love and it melts my heart.

A little tangent about The Hobbit: literally just a couple hours before starting the movie, I was expostulating to Trevor about how I want to live an adventurous life - in every stage. Which, right now, involves things like skipping Karis's nap, exploring a new park, cooking a new recipe, planting a new flower, reading a different book genre, go to a museum. I'm not talking Grand Canyon hiking here, although that sounds pretty awesome also. So, watching the beginning part of this movie completely resonated with me. Bilbo is all ruffled as his house is invaded and messed up (um, how many times a day is this happening with my kids?!) and his ordered life seems to be disrupted (um, how many times do I feel like this?!). He's invited on this grand adventure, and at first digs his heels in and says "no way". And then . . . he realizes what he's missing, and he runs after the troupe to join the journey.

Well, count me in! I want to go too! That's how I feel sometimes now - let go of the details, just embrace the crazy, be thankful, live the adventure of life. This is how I feel in my lucid and awake moments.

Which leads me to evidence that I'm clearly not always lucid and awake: I did bedtime solo one night this week (which shouldn't be a big deal, but it is). At 10:10, Karis woke up and desperately wanted her daddy - so I called Trev to see how close he was getting. While on the phone, I found myself panicking, wondering, "WHERE IS MY PHONE?!". And just as I was about to tell Trevor, "I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE!", I realized that I was talking to him ON IT. Seriously?!

Uff da, as I re-read the above and try to not edit my accounts, I wonder if I'm making this all seem bad? Because, it's not bad. It's just . . . interesting. Tiring. Things I want to remember and return to once in a while to give some perspective.

And here's a little update that proves I am a complete contradiction in terms: I want adventure. But I want to go to bed. And I want my son to go to bed. And so I missed a night out with friends at a fun restaurant (I mean, seriously fun - Solera - with the best bacon wrapped figs ever and with the most amazing women ever) because I have chosen to be a completely attached parent and I'm too lazy to: find parking, cart the stroller-carseat-infant combo, only to be nursing and wearing and changing Judah.  Contradiction: I love being an attached parent and at times (mostly surrounding me being the key to his sleep) I wish I weren't so attached. Tis a season. Next year friends, please keep inviting me.

And now it's Mother's Day, and I'm so thankful. These little in-the-flesh miracles, reminders of Creation. Karis got up and was so thrilled to give me a card . . . we had brunch with family . . .  BOGO Caribou . . . Qdoba . . . non napping children . . . Trev took Karis to the park. What will make this day memorable? At bedtime, Karis looked me square in the eyes and said, "Mommy, you're the best mommy I never ever had." Ha! I trust she meant "ever", for sure melted my heart. I haven't checked yet to see if Trev put her up to it, but something tells me that one was a gift straight from her.

Also memorable for today is that Karis received communion for the first time - it was pretty spur of the moment, but felt like the right timing. We were alone in the balcony, and while the music was playing she asked if she should cross her arms when she went up (signifying receiving a blessing instead of the bread and wine). Trev and I just kind of looked at each other, and then he asked her if she thought she was ready to take communion. A beautiful memory, to watch her receive for the first time. Her heart is so pure and sincere. Oh, and an adorable thing: she calls it "community".


- "Mommy, someday Judah's going to be a daddy"
- "Mommy, look it!" (to look at anything, all day long)
- "Look, that man can't walk!" (said about, and within earshot, of a man in wheelchair at grocery store)
- "Hi guys!"(said every time she walks out to the deck . . . we think she's greeting her 'kids')
- "Mommy, can my kids talk in Judah's room?" (whispered to me while I try to get him to go to sleep)

So. Very. Everything.

I was just trying to explain to Trevor how I am basically polar opposites on every measure of everything: I am extreme introvert AND extrovert. I love to walk AND sit and do nothing. I love to eat fresh and good-for-the-body things AND I love greasy bacon and sugar in the worst way.

I LOVE my little family with a crushing intensity that can leave me breathless and cause me to melt into a puddle of pure and passionate moosh . . .  AND they can all, simultaneously, drive me to near insanity. It's at that point that I should probably haul myself to the nearest Caribou for a $3.00 bandaid to cover up the current cumulative lack of sleep. However, when that insane moment is 10:00 pm, after a day that held a stomach ache (me), no nap (Karis), and a weird bedtime (all of us) . . . I just pray for mercy.

I'm writing this in the morning hours, and I'm always amazed at how the Word comes alive because of such moments of insanity. And I will again and again and again quote from Lamentations: "Mercies are new every morning". Yes! I love mornings.

It's Friday. The sun is shining. The week was truly bright and filled with grace. Karis is delightful, Judah is squishy, Trevor is gentle and always Grace in our family. We made connections with friends, Uncle T & his girlfriend K took Karis on a walk after dinner one evening . . . Trevor went to "brews with the bros", a mom friend (with older daughters) doted on us in her home, Judah had a fabulous 4 month well child check up, a dear old friend (again, with older daughters) came over for a walk and to love on Karis. We are truly, richly, abundantly blessed. And I'm truly grateful.

And so back to polar opposites, I can be both tired-crabby AND grandiosely-grateful at the same time.

Judah updates:
- He is finding his hands, and I could probably watch this discovery for hours and hours
- He can sit in the bumbo, and is even dangerous in it already as he kicks himself up and out

Karis-isms:
- Obsession with Amelia Bedelia. We read it a few times a day and she has memorized this 60 page tome and can read it back to me with surprising accuracy
- She loves to make funny faces. And my, they are funny

So much more, but let's just post this already. Happy weekend, all . . .

Homesteading

The days are sometimes long, the nights are short, the weeks fly by. We manage to make things busy for ourselves, I figure we must like it this way or we'd put on the brakes a bit more. Some highlights for the journal . . .

Uncle D took K to MOA (how's that for abbreviations?) for rides and Buffalo Wild Wings (Karis's idea). She came home and collapsed, while begging for more cotton candy. Thank you, Drew, for giving Trevor and I a grand morning date in which we sat on the couch and watched a movie with sleeping Judah. Best. ever.

A neighborhood gathering where we learned we've landed in perhaps the best place imaginable - grateful.

I've been promising Karis we'd make pancakes in our new house. That finally happened.

A visit from Trev's brother and his wife (my sister - I just LOVE having sisters now, I never even imagined this stage of life). We hung out, introduced Aunt C to Wayzata, Wuollett, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. Watched the Painted Veil, they watched Silly Songs with Karis a couple times (oh so catchy and cute), and had wonderful chats. Karis is enamored by them, of course. Thankful.

A visit from my best friend from college, loved every minute of catching up. Took the kids on a long walk to Medicine Lake, enjoyed the finally-spring weather. Karis adores her, and so do I.

Trevor painted the kids' rooms, almost single-handedly (um, guilty and ashamed face inserted here - it was my idea: "Hey, since I have help and company this weekend, what do you think about painting?!"). So, uh, not as easy as it sounds. What a trooper, my husband. Thank you, Trev. He spent literally all weekend on this project and the rooms look amazing. And thank you to brother Tay for your help! And to my interior designers (a.k.a. dear friends) who helped choose the colors, which look fabulous.

Karis-isms:
A dialogue:

K:  "Can you please not sit on each other?" (said to our Uncle J & Aunt C, who were staying with us)
Me: "Oh, Karis - they're just cuddling, like you and I do sometimes"
K (with a voice filled with revelation): "Ohhhhhhh! My mommy cuddles me sometimes"

We joked that clearly Karis hasn't seen adults cuddle before - at least not in our house. Maybe we need to take a lesson from that?!

- "How many minutes until (insert anything)? Is that a long time?"
- "Well, but . . . " (to negotiate anything, and said in quite a convincing tone)
- "I made Yoda!" (and she did, out of modeling clay)
- "Mommy, do we have guests coming for dinner tonight? I just can't wait for our guests to get here"
- "Daddy, let's go have a chat downstairs" (a nightly pre-bed ritual, so sweet)

Judah updates: 
- Most often when people see him, they ask, "Is he always this happy and content?". Yes, he is. Such a gift!
- Other thing people tell Judah: "You look just like your sister!"
- This boy is adorable, thriving, delightful. Always smiling, coo-ing, social
- This boy has started drooling like crazy, hilarious
- This boy loves to sleep on me in the moby wrap for hours at a time
- This boy does not love to sleep through the night. What he loves is to get up every 90 minutes. (see Lamentations verse below - I'm lamenting, but there are reminders that there is much mercy around here also)

Snippets of readings, etc. that have recently fed my soul: 

• Lamentations 3:22-23"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning, Great is your faithfulness" (this has proved appropriate and true during the nights when Judah and I are up a lot . . . - there is lamenting, but also trust that the day will be merciful).  

• In one day, I randomly heard two different radio shows focusing on laughter. Tried to pay attention to that reminder, and helpful to take cues from Karis hilarious on this practice. 

• The book Desperate

• April 15 Jesus Calling about "routines not running smoothly, feeling more secure when life is predictable. When you're shaken out of your comfortable routines, grip My hand tightly and look for growth opportunities. Instead of bemoaning the loss of comfort, accept the challenge of something new" Okay, okay! Also April 29, April 24, April 25, April 28 . . . this little book is packed with power

• This blog post (read during the weeks of the epic April snowstorms, talk about doldrums)

Alleluia!

As I write there is a fair amount of snow outside my window. I'm up early with some half-caf coffee after a pretty decent night (of which there are more and more, and for which I am so grateful). I guess we are getting our chance to possibly take Karis sledding (um, for the first time EVER. 3 1/2 and no sledding, that's right). Ironically, in Jesus Calling this morning, there was a sentence about "don't complain about anything, even the weather".  Not once has this little daily book mentioned the weather - hilarious!

I'm thinking about the last time I sat down to write and all the little and big moments of the past few weeks. The big event was Holy Week, which led up to the Saturday Easter Vigil, at which Judah was baptized. I haven't taken time to fully reflect on the power of this sacrament and what it means for his life. He is a child of God, and right now the words Christian said while he anointed Judah's head with oil come to mind: "Judah you are signed with the seal of the cross."

Some sweet memories include . . .

- An open house here for family and Godparents. It was a joy to watch people mingle, and most followed us to the church for the Vigil
- Judah wore a beautiful outfit that his Grandma Lorie got especially for him
- We all watched and worshiped at the Vigil, which is my very favorite service EVER. The three hours are filled with dramatic retelling of passages from Genesis to the Gospels that lead up to the official start of the Easter celebration. The scripture, the songs, the lighting, the dancing, the artwork - all intricate, intentional, astounding. Judah slept through a great deal of the service in the Moby, I'll always remember that time with him
- Before the service, I went to nurse and change Judah. I was in the basement bathroom, he was getting tired, and I was having quite the time trying to get him dressed. I was regretting not taking my mom up on her offer to come along to help . . . and not a minute later she and Karis walked into the bathroom. It was a sweet moment, and so needed. Thank you, Karis, for needing to go to the bathroom! We got him suited up, Moby-wrapped, and soaked in the service together
- The verses we chose for Judah are Ephesians 1: 17-19a:
"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may give to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Hi, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance of the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe."

Easter was an exciting celebration, church and hymns and hot cross buns, brunch at Mill Valley Kitchen, naps (Grandpa Kirk helped Karis nap that weekend, precious), dinner at Redstone, cupcakes and ice cream back here for Uncle Drew's birthday.

The next week I quite crashed! We enjoyed restored health, a dinner here with former neighbors, story and craft time at Lifeway, walks around the neighborhood. At the end of the week we welcomed a dear  friend from college and had a fabulous time having her with us through the weekend. The days flew with some running around, hanging out, cooking, and getting through season 1 of Call the Midwife.

Daily updates are that the days begin earlier and earlier. And thus my chances to practice flexibility increase. I admit that I have quite the standard for how the days should look, and I realize more and more that it's not really up to me! Will I learn?

Karis-isms:

- "Mommy, did Luke's grandpa drive to heaven in a car? I think Luke's grandpa has lots of good snacks in bed in heaven" (we visited some grieving friends, and since it was Lent and all, thought we might as well be honest about everything - it's opened up some good conversations)
- "Carry me! My foot hurts. I don't think I'll jump off the bed anymore" (Karis and her friends were - sneakily - jumping off an adult bed . . . Karis however, didn't have a pillow to land on. Thank God my mom arrived a few hours later to help carry Karis around)
- "I'm going to be so tired if I finish all my dinner"
- "I'm going to be so dizzy if I clean up"
- "Can you reach the ceiling?" (said every single place we go - not sure from where this came?)
- "Christ the Lord is Risen Today!" (she sings this hymn with such gusto. Actually, Karis sings through her day, very entertaining and uplifting)
- She dresses her piggy bank during nappers
- She puts stickers on everything. Everything. I had a lady at Target this week ask me if she should remove the stickers from my jacket.
- "Mommy, why is the weather broken?" Indeed, dear daughter!


Judah updates:

- He LOVES to be looked at, talked to, and held (especially so he can look over one's shoulder)
- He continues to be calm, content, and mellow
- He falls asleep almost immediately when I wrap him in the Moby wrap
- He blows bubbles of spit and can soak my shirt (or his) in minutes
- He likes to suck on his hands when he can find them
- He lights up with smiling eyes and gummy mouth, coos, and is basically the most squishy and delicious little thing ever

In media:

An article to love

A song to dance to from the Vigil. Considering it's about PRAISE (the meaning of Judah), I believe this will be the song I most remember from his baptism  - it's also the song during which the congregation sings alleluia for the first time, the start of the Easter celebration.


From How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk:
". . . the hardest part is the shift we have to make in attitude. We have to stop thinking of the child as a problem that needs correction . . . we have to stop worrying that if we're not 'tough enough' the child will take advantage of us. It requires a great act of faith to believe that if we take the time to sit down and share our real feelings with a young person, and listen to his feelings, together we'll come up with solutions that will be right for both of us . . . when there is conflict, we no longer have to mobilize our forces against each other and worry about who will emerge victorious and who will go down in defeat".
(this is resonating after some bedtime behavior regression - I just told Trevor earlier in the week how normal things were feeling). I keep wondering what our various roles are in this situation - between grace, authority, help, independence . . . Anyways!


I got Alexander and the Terrible Horrible . . . book for Karis, and discovered I really don't enjoy reading that book - and she of course keeps asking for the "sick book" (because he's sick in it). Is this indicative of future differing opinions on literature?

Started reading the book Wonder for book club. Interesting.

Finished Bringing up Bebe, thoroughly entertaining and surprisingly applicable.

8 children were baptized that night,  amazing to share the joy with so many families

Late at night after the Vigil

Karis at the end of the Vigil . . . claiming the Rold Golds and offering them to other hungry tots

Word of the Year

Around the lunch table with Trev's parents recently, I was reminded about the Word of the Year. 2013 for me is: PRAISE.

Last year's word was "Grace", the meaning of Karis's name. Judah means "praise", and that meaning is what sealed the selling of the name to us, and feels quite appropriate for the way these months have begun for us.

The thing about Praise is that it's a posture that I do have to choose. Even when things are smooth and easy, it's easy to neglect to praise, easy to get caught in the dragging details (like, dragging-on coughs for everyone, that's the deal this week). Our nights around here are not the most restful, and in those moments I can feel just so tired and whiny - and it hit me the other day that it's about 1 hour a day that's like that. The other hours are really pretty amazing. Then I got to thinking about expectations, and how I can so easily expect perfect days . . . what would make a day "perfect" and feeling frustrated when it's not. Good grief, time to change that mind set. I always struggle with wanting control and this is a season of continually learning to let go. My mantra lately is "nothing is a big deal". Because thankfully, lately, nothing really IS a big deal. So yeah, praise. Lots of it. On an opposite note, sometimes I'm so overwhelmed with all for which we have to get praise, that it can be hard to receive so much during this season, to rest into the blessings, to let them spill over and hopefully bless others.

And there are my random thoughts.

We're in the midst of Holy Week, and it's been amazing to listen to Karis start to get it, to ask questions and talk about Jesus dying on the cross. Here's a song if you have time to listen.

I was blessed to celebrate my birthday yesterday - how different than a year ago! I'm loved celebrating the day with my children . . . Karis was quite underwhelmed that it's my birthday, which I think is kind of funny. We met my bro for coffee and then I whisked the kids to the doctor - mostly for Judah's cough - and discovered K has an ear infection. And I'm under directions to monitor Judah's cough. On the drive home I called Trevor to whine, he wasn't available, which is probably good, because I had time to realize that: a) we're not THAT sick, really, b) we have a fabulous clinic, c) this just fits my "managing expectations" mode right now. Sometimes in the midst of sniffles, priorities are clearer. To top it off, Karis also didn't nap, had a major meltdown when our friends came over this afternoon (which was such a blessing to have them here, to talk and watch our children play), then fell asleep on our way to dinner. Precious child of mine. We enjoyed Potbelly's sandwiches, Trev & K went back to Teavana, both kids went to bed peacefully, we got to watch an episode of Call the Midwife, and then both kids (and subsequently, me) had a fabulous night of sleep. This life is a gift.

I realized after my last post that I've been neglecting to include any Judah updates!

- He smiles and coos and squeals and is just completely delightful!
- He now sleeps at night in his crib . . . which for me is a significant step in separation and feels odd and sad. Actually, with Trev on Karis's floor these days, our bedroom is pretty lonely
- He has one blowout a day (at least), Karis loves when I get hit with the yellow stuff
- He slurps his hands, and it's the cutest sound ever
- He gazes into our eyes and lights up, his eyes even smile
- He loves when we use the "snot sucker" on him. Hilarious
- He continues to be mellow and loves to sleep. And I love to hold him when he sleeps.
- He's getting baptized this weekend at the Easter Vigil. Every time I think about it I want to cry


Karis-isms
- "Mommy, we got you tea! Do you want to open it now? You're gonna be so SURPRISED!"
- "I don't feel well, I have a bad cough. My ear hurts. Can I go to sleep until it's better like daddy did?" (then proceeds to lay down in a fetal position, just like Trev when he was sick in bed)
- "Daddy, can you help me sleep?" (and then in the middle of the night, when he's on her floor: "Daddy, can I lay on the floor with you? Do you want to lay in bed with me? It's really comfortable. There's lots of room")
- "Mommy, I'll give you choices. Which one do you want?" (said while clothes shopping, she's going to be such a great help to me in this area - well, she already is)
- "Can I smell it?" (loves to smell anything, and come to think of it she's always been able to identify smells very well, which leads to . . .)
- "Mmm, it smells like a restaurant!"
- "Mommy, you're having a coffee date, I'm having a water date" (said at Panera, true statement)
- "Can you do the snot sucker on me?" (she watches us do the 'nose frieda' on Judah)
- "Mommy, when can I watch doctor?" (she found the Call the Midwife DVD, and I told her she can watch it when she's 22)
- "Where's my coffee?!" (said in the middle of the night, waking up delirious with a fever)
- "Mommy, should we write a thank you note to the nice man at Osaka for cooking our food?"  (for not liking it there, I thought this was sweet)
- "Mommy, when I'm bigger I'm going to drive you to the Mall of America and we're going to get chicken wings!" (cousin Caroline was telling her about eating chicken wings at MOA . . . I'm excited to make this one happen!)
- "I wrote you a birthday card! It says 'daughter loves you'" (melt my heart)


Some media I've been loving the past week:

A Chuck Swindoll series on parenting. I could listen to his voice all. day. long. One of the best points I've soaked in is to get to really  KNOW our children.

Bringing up Bebe. An account of an American raising her children in France, there are some quite applicable observations.

Parenting with Love and Logic. An interesting approach to letting natural consequences be the main discipline in parenting.

Call the Midwife. Pure delight and also quite emotional to watch as I hold a sleeping Judah.

I loved this blog post.

And this one.

Waiting for Birdie. A dear friend sent this my way, hilarious and holds many truisms. Such as, "Maybe you just can't warn people about the real things (about parenthood). 'Oh, good luck with the baby! Enjoy eating out while you still can! And, you know, enjoy your mind, before it liquefies. In fact, enjoy your whole life, before it turns into a disorienting blur of love and crushing anxiety.' Nobody mentioned the way my heart would be brought to its knees, a thousand times a day, by my love for the baby . . . "

I agree with her - in a good way. And we surely enjoy everything . . . our lives and restaurants and our liquefied minds.

Moved and Moving

Moving and moved in musings . . .

Well, we moved. It happened! I sometimes still walk around our house wondering if this is all truly real . . . we love being here, and are slowly settling in. I was thinking about our moving week and in some ways it felt like a wedding: lots of people working together for this one event, so many people blessing us in various ways, God providing just what we needed when we needed it. I also likened the last couple days before closing date to a marathon, and even said out loud to my mom: "It's like approaching the finish line, sometimes you p**p your pants but the feeling of joy and relief when you cross the line is still awesome". There was no p**p involved, but we did have quite the week of last minute shopping for a washer and dryer, Karis up for hours in the middle of the night after not wanting to go to bed, last minute packing boxes.

And really, there were specific gifts to each day that week: a friend brought a new CD and danced and laughed with Karis while I packed a couple boxes. A family had us over to their lovely home for dinner and playing with their dear daughters, a friend gave us enough soup (like, best soup I've ever had) to last through the week, friends came over one morning to help clear out our fridge and listen to my Karis-not-sleeping woes and offer empathy and suggestions, Trev's aunt and uncle came and helped us with final packing details - AND helped with Karis while we closed AND helped us move in. My fabulous new sister-in-law-to-be (congrats to D & M!) had the kids and me to her place on moving day so we could stay rested and safe. Myriad friends helped on moving day and they got it ALL in one trip. Crazy! It was all truly beautiful. Trevor planned the work and worked the plan, I'm so proud of him. We're so grateful.

We've already loved having my mom and grandma visit (and help tremendously while Trev traveled, wonderful to make memories here with 4 generations of females taking over the casa. We had a blast), many friends over to run around, and Trev's parents were here last weekend and lightened things up greatly here.

Now Trev's getting over pneumonia and Karis croup. We are SO excited for spring.

Parenting lately has been humbling and interesting - I read a quote recently that "families are God's classroom." Yup, we're learning a lot. About letting go of expectations, being flexible, letting a lot of things go, living in the moment, claiming joy. Karis is delightful, and she has endured lots of little-world-rocking change: brother, house, lots of people coming and going. Trevor now sleeps on her floor, which is what gets us all rest. Well, it gets them rest, ha - Judah and I are up quite a bit! But in the grand picture, wow, these things are "the small stuff" and I was glad for a reminder from my dad to "not sweat the small stuff". Takes discipline to do that, and that's okay. I feel like I need to lighten up, which takes some intentionality. So, for today, my lighten up effort will be to: go into Karis's room for Monkey Monday acting like a monkey. Dance with her in the play room. Get something messy and try to not care.

Parenting consumes my thoughts and actions twenty four hours a day right now. I took K to the pediatrician last week to make sure she didn't have a lingering ear infection (really, I was probably looking for a reason for the acting out, and the screaming in the middle of the night!). Super healthy girl (thankfully) and the doc gave me some good prescriptions: time for myself one night a week (i.e. be gone at bedtime), alone time with Karis in the evening . . . yes, please, to both! It was good to just chat with someone and receive some affirmation about the things we're trying. The thing I'm realizing is that we're establishing habits all the time, some good and some bad. And when I realize the bad ones, the change has to start with US as the adults. Humbling, challenging, growing. Thankfully there's a million chances a day to try new things. Thankfully there is loads of grace for everyone. I believe these are God's children, entrusted to our care. Putting that belief into practice by sincerely trusting and letting go, that's a bit more difficult.

I took my couple hours out alone (well, with Judah) last week to run an errand and then get coffee. A cashier looked at Judah and said how excited she was to have kids - to which I'm still analyzing my reaction: almost started crying, gushed about how amazing parenthood is . . . then found myself wanting to cry (mostly in a good way) about how absolutely life changing it is. I mean, I was on my "break" but all I could think about was Karis: are they having fun? Will she go to bed all right? Does she know she's safe and loved and that we want the absolute best for her? Are we setting the right limits between grace and boundaries?

So yeah, I almost cried in front of this sweet cashier, and then went to have a cup of coffee and try to read a fun book but continued to think about my children and parenting. Eventually these thoughts lead to prayer and surrender - maybe eventually I'll arrive at that solution sooner. All in all, it's so amazing to know the beauty of life through these experiences, to know my limitations and weaknesses, to know God's grace and strength and perspective.


Karis-isms
- "I don't want him to do the hot burn again!" (at Osaka, a hibachi grill place where they cook in front of you - flames included)
- "If I eat all this rice, I might be full and get a headache"
-  "This is my winter modesty dress. I needed one!"
- "Mommy, should we take an airplane to Bismarck and have dinner there tonight?"
- "Mommy, let's play airplane!"
- "Look at my tattoo!"
- "Daddy, read about the sheep!" (every night, she wants Trevor to tell her the parable of the lost sheep)