Back to school

Yes, it's that time of year . . . sharp pencils, new boxes of crayons, crisp and colorful notebooks - all packed into a brand new backpack. Getting textbooks for subjects like math, spelling, reading. Organizing all the classes' syllabi. Meeting your new teacher. Back to school.

I've decided I'm back in school, too, but my supplies are diapers, onesies, butt paste, and moby wrap - all packed into a little diaper bag. My textbook is google for subjects like colic, infant massage, and healthy sleep habits. My syllabi cannot be planned and is dictated daily by my daughter. My daughter is my teacher!

This is surely the most fun school there is, the most rewarding, and at times the most challenging. The lessons are never ending and classes go from morning to night and then through the night. Karis is a wonderful, albeit very demanding teacher. The lessons I'm learning:

It won't be this way for long (yes, Darius Rucker, I know it's true). The statement is true in many ways, both the good and the less than ideal. I won't be able to fall asleep with her on my chest for long. She won't cry from 8 to midnight every evening for long. She won't sleep in the bassinet at the side of our bed for long. She won't be a baby for long! Karis changes every day, she has rolls on her chin and dimples in her elbows. She flails her arms, and she seems to focus in on me when I talk to her. I wake up often and think, "How can I be so blessed to be the one who gets to play with this little doll all day every day?" She fits into different clothes all the time, dislikes diaper changes, and usually enjoys tummy time where she can show off her strong head lifting skills. Karis enjoys morning walks, she usually is alert and content as we stroll the neighborhood. She's recently enjoyed meeting many of her new friends - young and not young. Baby Everett came by for a morning, little Julia and babies Caroline & Jessa are already some of her favorite gals and I know she will be seeing more of them all in the future. Karis also enjoyed her first experience at Caribou coffee with Beth & Lindsay, she loved it (like we all knew she would). Karis went to her first big picnic for Trevor's work a couple weeks ago (where mom had her first public nursing experience - let's just say I'm glad I brought a sweatshirt. Uff da), and last weekend went to her first party with her uncles. She's definitely a people baby!

I'm learning what's truly important - I'm still desiring of wanting to have lists, to cross things of them, to get thank-yous done immediately, to have a clean house, to keep in touch with people, to make sure my brain doesn't turn to moosh with baby talk. BUT, Karis is the most important thing, which is making prioritizing pretty easy lately. I've been surprised at how life seems more simple now . . . I used to think children made it more complicated, but the more I learn from Karis, the more my perspective shifts. A good friend just this week said she feels like through her daughter she's getting to experience life on a whole new, deeper level. I of course agree.

I'll admit that the first couple weeks, I thought - "This is easier than I thought it would be! I mean, she just sleeps all the time!" Well, those thoughts rapidly fled as my dear daughter woke up and found her voice! There were a couple days when I was feeling a frazzled and frustrated thinking, "I seriously can't even fold the laundry or write one thank-you a day. I'm home ALL day. How is this possible?" I ended up reading a couple of things that were (and are) such a blessing to me in answer to those thoughts. One is a post from this blog that I regularly follow, speaking about slowing down, putting aside to-do lists, and enjoying our families (incidentally, the blogger has a daughter named Karis! A friend passed along the blog to me after we'd decided on the name, so I find this to be very serendipitous and feel an interesting connection to the author). I also read a book given to me by a wise woman called Living on Baby Time. As I read the simple chapters, I kept thinking "I AM this woman!" The author wrote about exactly what I was thinking/struggling with an addiction to feeling productive and literally seeing results of what I'm doing. Well, I'm starting to think that a double chin and dimpled elbows are a beautiful tangible result of my days at home. Anyways, the battle with to-do's does and will continue, but I know the lessons and help will continue as well. Like I said, Karis is a good teacher (and God, of course!).

Other things Karis has done lately, besides you know the usual eating/sleeping/pooping/crying more): Karis has been enjoying church, and especially all the loving attention she receives there. She makes funny noises, some of them sound like she's laughing or like she's a billy goat. She seems to be focusing more, we love to watch her bright blue eyes. When sleeping, Karis is so peaceful. When awake, she loves to be held and cuddled and swaddled. And of course, we love when she gives that little passed gas smile - even if it is just a reflex at this early stage in her life.

We introduced Karis to our favorite movies, Elizabethtown & Dan in Real Life. Let me tell you, those flicks look different through the eyes of parenthood! That is, we will not let her watch Elizabethtown until she's at least 25. And Dan in Real Life gives a glimpse into parenting adolescents. We also introduced her to The Office (I know, we're horrible parents!). Trevor feels Lord of the Rings would be too intense right now, so we'll wait on that fave. All this to say, we're enjoying some relaxing evenings, as well as the luxury of kind of just taking her wherever we are. I'd like to start reading her the Chronicles of Narnia soon . . .

The rest of the uncles came to meet Karis

Karis's first big picnic/work party/luau

Give me a "K"!

On the way to church . . . (this pic is the most recent)

Hanging out with uncle Drew

Bathtime with dad

Showing off on the changing table

And the next Pope is HERE! Part Duo: Birthday Parties

(I definitely started this post on the date above! Time really does fly, it's hard to believe Karis has already celebrated her 2 week birthday by the time I actually get this up!)

I think I mentioned way before the a tradition in my family of celebrating birthdays for a month. We're off to a great start in August and will certainly be celebrating Karis's birthday for even longer than a month! We've been so blessed the past couple weeks to have many family and friends join us in the celebration . . . here's just a few:

Uncle Drew has been a champ for us - he brought us dinner from Quizno's shortly after Karis was born, AND when we got home from the hospital we discovered some birthday gifts: he had cleaned our house! I just about cried to see the vacuumed floors and clean dishes! Even more sweet, he left a card for Karis in her crib to welcome her home, along with an adorable rattle toy. What a guy!

Wonderfully crazy enough, Karis was born on Uncle Steve's birthday! Steve, Aunt Deb, Grandpa Jim & Grandma Linnie came the evening of Karis's birth, she slept through that party but even though the celebration was grand.

Shortly after my dear friend and coworker (okay, former coworker I guess - weird) Kwenen and her hub Jon stopped by. And not only did they stop by, they brought gorgeous flowers and a terrific tub of fresh cut watermelon. I was in heaven (first because of their company, and next the flowers and watermelon!).

The next morning my friends Jen & Alyssa stopped by with their dear daughters Caroline and Julia - sadly, the picture of Jen was taken with a full memory card. =( But here's Alyssa and Julia. So adorable, and Karis already has such great little friends!

Drew, star that he is, brought us lunch again . . .

And that evening our old and treasured friend Dave came by with his girlfriend Betty (again, memory card full. Grrrr.).

The parties continued, first with the Grandma Lorie & Grandpa Bob and cousin Courtney. They brought us lunch and Momma Lorie took Trevor to Target to help with getting groceries and got us more disposable diapers (she's too teeny for the cloth ones, and really, I just can't stand the thought of starting them yet!)

And then Grandma Nancy & Grandpa Kirk, who gracious helped both their children immeasurably during their time here with food (for us) and home projects (for bro). I can't describe the joy in introducing Karis to ALL her loving and doting grandparents. This girl is SO blessed! As are we.

The parties continued with friends and neighbors coming and going . . .

And now for some Karis details:

She changes literally every day. Most recently was the momentous occasion of her umbilical cord stump falling off. AND, I think I got almost 6 hours of sleep (on and off of course) last night. This girl is AMAZING. Can this sweet contentment and sleep patterns of hers last? Well, she'll still be amazing even if they don't.

A memory to treasure: my mom watched Karis on Tuesday while I ran to Target. First, I have to say how odd it was to walk around in public without my pregnant belly. People are SO nice and attentive to pregnant woman, and I'll admit that I enjoyed it. Okay, so the other day in Target I was just a paunchy really tired looking girl who still walks a little funny. Ha! I was excited to get home to Karis and Grandma, where I found Grandma walking around with Karis all alert in her arms. Grandma said she was like that the whole time, and when I walked in the door and she heard my voice, she immediately calmed down. I really am a mom. We all just want our moms!

And the next Pope is HERE! Part Uno

(the following was written over several days . . . time really is different with a baby around!)

Karis (pronounced "care-iss") Carole Pope made her grand appearance to the world on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 at 2:14 p.m. She weighed a lovely 6lbs 4oz, measured 19 inches long, and came out crying. And now I'm crying as I even write this sentence - it's just too much, God's provision is simply amazing and we feel so humbled that he would entrust us with this gift of life.

As I write, this new family of three is sitting in our living room in a quiet house. Trevor is reading The Hobbit to Karis, and she is loving every minute being wrapped up in her daddy's arms, feeling his heartbeat, hearing his voice, gathering his warmth.

There's so much I want to remember about the past few days, so many intricate details that I'm scared I'll forget. So I'm going to just write and post in increments - more for us than for anyone else, but I hope whoever reads this enjoys the boring details.

There's the technical "stuff" of going into labor of course (and I'm all about being real, so if you can't handle the graphic details, please just skip this paragraph!): my water broke at 11:30 pm and woke me up. However, it was simply a "gush" (you know, not exactly what they show you in the movies!), and I started to get what felt like contractions about every 20 minutes. I kept Trevor posted, but to be honest we were both in complete denial - I mean, we had plans for the next week, you know? I kept saying, "It's probably nothing" and Trevor kept saying "Yeah, it's probably just a leak. It'll repair itself" (I'm sure we read somewhere that can actually happen, I don't know?). Well, by 7am Trevor convinced me to call our midwife. She let me know that I had tested positive for Group B Strep, and said I needed to pack my bag and come in right away to get started on an IV. She said most women will go into full labor on their own, and they would give me a certain amount of time before augmenting my labor with drugs. I wilted. I went to the bedroom in tears and told Trevor what she said as I grabbed my backpack and started stuffing it. Trevor did the same and we just kind of moved around the house in a fog, I sent off emails to cancel all the plans I had with people the next couple days (I finished work last Friday and had packed the next couple weeks with all sorts of "play dates" for myself with friends, hosting people here, bringing meals to friends with babies . . . ). My contractions got a little more regular and I was having to stop in the middle of them and try to relax to get through them. My bro was eating breakfast and we really shocked him with our news! I'll never forget seeing him get choked up when I said, "One way or the other, we're going to have a baby within the next day or two." It was beautiful to see his emotion and helped me get excited for our change in plans. One of the last things I did before leaving the house was to crumple up my current "to do list" and toss it in the garbage - very liberating! I felt like I was saying hello to our new life and letting go of all that I thought "needed" to be done before Karis arrived.

Around 9am we pulled into the parking lot. I'll always remember talking to my mom as we pulled up, hearing the absolute joy and excitement in her voice was such a gift to me and continued to help me get so excited to meet Karis. We proceeded to the hospital triage area where they make sure you're not just faking labor (ha!), and man did they take their time in giving me the ph test to see if my water actually broke. Contractions were getting more regular, praise God, and I was starting to envision a quick labor and started thinking they better get going already. Well, they didn't - we were there for almost 3 hours! Still feeling pretty good, we enjoyed our time snacking on bananas and almonds, texting all sorts of people, just enjoying each other. And of course, getting more regular contractions - the nurse was rather discouraging and kept saying, "Well, hopefully the contractions are doing their job and making your cervix dilate". I was like, "Lady, I get how labor works - don't squash my hopes, okay?" Anyways. They finally hooked me up to my IV for antibiotics because of the Group B Strep risk . . . and then finally the midwife came in and said we'd move to my room soon. By this time, contractions were about 6 minutes apart and it was getting harder to relax through them. No more texting by this time.

Nurse Kelli came and guided us to our room - that walk down the hall must have triggered something, contractions came every four minutes starting then and their peaks were more intense. Trevor was AMAZING and just kept massaging and coaching me to relax. Our midwife, Pat, set up about four stations around the room for different ways I could labor in a rocking chair, birthing ball, window ledge. She was so respectful of our birthplan, and didn't check my cervix yet (I'd been reading how it can be discouraging to be checked often . . . if you're not progressing you can start to regress, etc.). This was maybe around 12:30pm. Pat left, the nurse went through a bunch of papers for us in between contractions, then Pat came in and out and helped Trevor coach me through some contractions ("Deep low noises! Relax after they peak"). Pat came back and maybe around 1:15 checked my dilation for the first time since arriving at the hospital: 6cm. Over half way there, and as I started to get more miserable (now resigned to bed on my side, grabbing the bed bars during contractions) she said, "You'll probably dilate a centimeter and hour from here - I think you'll have your baby by dinnertime!" And I was thinking, "Um, I can't take this until dinner time." It was getting seriously intense. Not long after that, I was shaking and sweating and having contraction one on top of the other and saying, "I can feel her RIGHT THERE!" And then I thought I had to go to the bathroom (which I knew is a classic feeling for being through transition and ready to push, but I was sure I couldn't already be fully dilated). I got to the bathroom, and the nurse said, "Don't push!" and then she left. And pretty soon I was screaming "I can't not push! Help me help me help me!" Trevor ran to the hallway, the midwife came back, she checked me again and said, "You're fully dilated and ready to start pushing!" That was maybe 1:45. In an instant there were several more people in the room prepping who knows what in a frantic way, it was obvious they were all very surprised (nurse Kelli later told me "I'm still getting over how fast that was"). Anyways, so push I did. Trevor tells me I completely calmed down after that and went into a real zone, resting between contractions and pushing with them as they came about every four minutes. With a few pushes Trevor could see Karis's head and I could feel it! I had heard that the sensation would feel like a ring of fire, and I would say that's exactly right. Pat said I wasn't going to be able to stretch enough for her head to get through without major tearing, so she strongly recommended an episiotomy. And I just said "Whatever you have to do" (so I like to think we had as natural a birth as we could have with no augmentation or pain relief . . . just needing some anesthesia at the very end when she was cutting). Within a few more minutes and a final push, Karis entered the world in one long sweep, crying beautifully as she was placed on my chest. As I write this, I would give anything to go back to that precious moment of seeing her face, looking at Trevor, and instantly knowing that she looked just like him (which I had SO been hoping for - truly!). Trevor said he cried as he watched her come out.

As I was being stitched up, Trevor went with Karis to the other side of the room to be weighed and to change her first diaper - it was beautiful to watch them, listening to Trevor talk to Karis, calling her "buddy" (to which the nurse, Paula, said "You can't call her buddy! Call her buddette!" For the record, she's still "buddy" to Trevor). He changed her first diaper, and then Karis came back to nurse, which she did for a full hour, a sweet time with Trevor by my side, holding the phone up for me as I called my mom and just savored those first moments of bonding. Then Trevor took his shirt off and put Karis to his skin. Next I was in the tub, then Trevor packed up our stuff and we followed nurse Laura to the room where we'd be staying the rest of our time. We got a little settled, and then went to the nursery to be with Karis when she got her first bath. I just fell in complete love with her desperate cry, her trembling lips, her fuzzy hair, the smell of her clean, soft skin. Words can't describe the feelings, the exhaustion, the elation, the complete joy of our first hours of being Karis's parents.

Trevor putting on Karis's first diaper. What a guy.

Can I say again how awesome Trevor was (and is, of course)? His support and encouragement and his love for his girls is overwhelming.

And lest this all sound fluffy, I should also mention the pain was horrible, I screamed like crazy, and many times yelled, "I can't do this!" And the miracle of birth is that I would do it all again.

And I will admit that the initial thoughts of "we have PLANS" were very real and that I felt very not ready. But it didn't take long to see that this was and is THE PLAN, and Karis came right on time. I can't imagine having had to wait another minute to meet her.

On the way from labor room to our "stay-over" room

First bath, how traumatic!

Home from the hospital

Trevor here. Andrea is the most "self-less" person I know, so time for a bit of info about her. We had attended the "Bradley" classes, had a great teacher, and prayed for, hoped, wanted a birth without drugs to support Karis in health, so Andrea could fully enjoy the feeling of holding our child right away, and minimize any side-affects that may happen. Andrea was unmedicated except for the antibiotic for infection, and did amazing. The hospital staff asked her if she was a runner, after seeing her heart rate and Karis's heartbeat through the birth. All the vital signs were good throughout. In the completely uncertain event of childbirth we take nothing for granted; length of labor, complications, health of mother and baby; it's a praise for how things went, and I will leave it at that.

So, I'm probably supposed to discuss my "feelings" and "emotions" and other things like that during the whole experience. My expectations were scant - who could know except when it happens? The night before, packing bags, driving to the hospital, walking down the looooonng hallway to the elevator, checking in, and sitting in the triage unit were all pretty chill. My mind was a bit unfocused, overwhelmed, but taking in every bit. Things got serious about noon in the birthing room as Andrea felt stronger contractions. She took it like a champ, through some of the worst pain I've seen someone go through. Glory to God, it was short lived, but the intensity looked pretty bad. All in all, I felt a bit useful throughout, as I spoke through contractions with Ang, constantly gave her water, snuck her bites of granola bar, guided her when she moved, and timed contractions to know when the next one might hit and how frequent they were coming. I cried when Karis came out. Not blubbering, just completely overwhelmed with love and awe. Spiritual is a word you could use to describe it. Other words might be getting hit with a train of love, or dumbstruck. Karis was so alert when she came out, looking around everywhere and not crying except 5 or 10 minutes when she first arrived and got cleaned up. As the nurse and I checked some vital signs she stared, gripped my finger, and looked to be loving life.

And now - we're 6 days into the adventure with some tired eyes and overflowing hearts at this child. She has continued to amaze us with how cute she can be, mustard diapers, and daily changes in appearance. Walks around the block have a new meaning. Eating dinner is secondary to the life laying in the bassinette. Getting out of bed... is still not fun. We're thankful and having so much fun with Karis.

Thank you for sharing the experience with us.

T minus ???? Days

I'm fascinated that we're at the point where everything is "normal" now . . . and then on any given day, all of a sudden, things will change. We'll make our way to the hospital. Things will happen (not sure what it will all look like, but things will happen). We'll come home with a baby! And normal will all of a sudden look much different than it does right now as we sit in front of a Lord of the Rings movie after having a relaxed dinner.

Anyways. On my mind this week in a pronounced way has been the feeling of transition (now that I read that, "transition" could be quite a pun, as it's referred to as a specific and quite intense stage in the labor/birth process!). But no, I mean transition as it relates to stages of life, which this week equates change. My heart is heavy with some and elated with others:

- My bro moved his belongings out of our basement where he's resided for almost a year. He just couldn't stand us anymore! Not true (as far as I know or can tell), but his things are truly gone as he transitions to living in the home he's been renovating for several months. We're thrilled for him to have such a wonderful place to live, but will certainly miss the nightly games of Dutch Blitz, the shared meals, and all the other routine daily-ness that we've settled into. We never knew having him live here could be so wonderful, and we're grateful.

- Our dearest friends here are no longer here, as they packed up to move closer to their families (which happens to be quite far from here). So again, happy/sad. So happy that what they've sought after worked out, but quite devastated that we'll no longer see them on a weekly basis at church, dinners and lunches and parties in each other's homes, youth group planning and activities . . . very heavy sigh.

- I'm transitioning into my new "career" (motherhood) as I finished work on Friday. Again, so very happy/sad (sad to leave work, not sad to enter motherhood of course). I mean, I don' take for granted that I'm able to stay home with our baby for the foreseeable future - what a crazy and amazing gift! But really, I love to work, I enjoyed my work, and I adored the people with whom I was able to spend so much of my weekdays. I'll miss the place and the people tremendously and do hope to keep in touch. And I'll be honest, there's a great part of my identity that I put in my work, so it's a different feeling to lose part of that. The sermon this morning touched on that point - the tendency to attach so much of our perceived worth in what we do. Often unhealthily so. I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now than be a mom, and there is a great peacefulness in that.

And now we're waiting for the biggest transition of all, into parenthood. I'm thankful to say this change is all happy. I sat at our kitchen table yesterday morning and just wept to think of welcoming our daughter into our home, to think of all the support and encouragement and love God has blessed Trevor and me with, equipping us to pass that love along to each other and our now to our child. We had a great 37 week appointment a few days ago, and the midwife seemed thrilled at everything. To boot, I feel the best I have in a long time - walking, eating, & sleeping wonderfully.

Thanks to a dear friend's advice, I've been re-reading birth stories from Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth. Each account reminds me about the beauty of creation, of birth and of the utter uniqueness yet sameness that bonds humankind from all time and across the world. I'm excited to see what our experience will be as the story is going to be written so soon. A sentence from one of these stories resonated with me deeply: "I knew this was the beginning of our baby's new life and the end of my selfishness and the part of me that was holding on to still being a child myself. My life was no longer my own. This was still the happiest and most spiritual day of my life." I'm already feeling some of that - the knowing of what selflessness will be required of me can be daunting at times. And yet I know it just happens (right?). I continue to delight in watching Trevor's enthusiasm and uninhibited confidence in, well, everything, and I am always thankful to share every step of every way with him.

We were SO blessed this week by a gift from someone we actually hardly even know (good friends of my brothers): a bag neatly packed with everything we need for our hospital stay! Toiletries, food, things for baby, everything! Considering "pack bags" has been on my list for a couple weeks, this gift almost had me in tears. I thought packing for the hospital seemed looming enough for me to dread it and put it off, that is until I read a friend and fellow blogger's post about packing for her entire family of four to go to Africa. Suddenly packing to stay in the hospital for a couple days doesn't seem like such a big deal! Aside: I have to say that said friend and her family are going to Africa on a mission trip with our church . . . she told the tale in this morning's service of how it came that her family is going, and it was simply beautiful and amazing.

The lists are back. Lists are scattered everywhere - in my head, on our counters, in my purse, by my bed. I love lists, but sometimes they can be unrealistic or just plain silly. Here are some of mine now:

On my pretty much crossed off list:

- Wash cloth diapers

- Learn how to use cloth diapers

- Learn how to wash actually dirty cloth diapers (my, they look so clean right now)

- Stroller purchased

- Baby clothes washed

- Car seat installed (thanks, Trev)

On my need to do list:

- CHILL OUT. TRY to sleep in for what could be the last time in a while. Take time for quiet, prayer, reflection.

On my don't need to do but seem to think I need to do list:

- Bake, cook, fill up the freezer with meals for postpartum (probably not going to happen)

- Get in touch with friends and family, visit friends and family, run around like crazy doing anything and everything I can think of

- Read about vaccines. Read about sleep habits/methods/theories. Read about parenting. Read frivolous fiction.

- Clean, clean clean (nest, nest, nest)

- Write letters, write cards, write in journals, write about the story of Baby K's name

- Make an e-mail list for announcing Baby K's arrival

- Catch up on photo albums/ordering pictures

Yeah, I'm trying to move the "chill out" to priority. Why is this hard for me? I annoy myself.

Deep breath. Okay, we had a great week and weekend. Yesterday we did the unthinkable: went to both the Mall of America and IKEA on a Saturday afternoon during peak vacation season. Well worth the trip and the walk and the claustrophobia to get to see a cousin who's in town, and then also to get ice cream from IKEA. We were thrilled to welcome another dear cousin here for the evening and had a blast grilling burgers, playing Halo, Blitz, and ending with a bonfire when my bro, one of Trev's cousins and some friends also joined. There is just something so unifying and mesmerizing about a fire - instant hours of guaranteed conversation. Gorgeous.

I did manage to plan something for every day this coming week, and look forward to seeing how it all unfolds - starting with making homemade ice cream with our youth group gals tomorrow. I'm excited. Life is so very good, and only about to get better. As a song in church this morning lyricized, "My heart is filled with thankfulness."

Final countdown (or at least it feels that way)

It's so cliche, but time really does fly. These past two weeks have gone so quickly, and I can only imagine the next few will be just as fast . . . and then we'll have a little girl in our arms! I find myself extremely tuned into every little movement, contraction, or difference that I feel. Some days I have a ton of "braxton hicks", I feel Baby K get the hiccups on a daily basis, and she just feels different somehow. I'm looking forward to our appt. on Wednesday where we hope to find out some details on how things are progressing. Wow.

I find myself flashing back over the past nine months to an abundance of pronounced memories and events that have marked this pregnancy with such joy. From finding out on a blizzard-y and eventful day, telling our families & friends, celebrating so many annual special events, some road trips, some guests, and a lot of daily things that somehow seem not so daily when you're growing a baby. I've treasured this time completely.

So, I lost my waddle as I somehow gained my ability to walk again (well, maybe I still waddle a little, but I'm not in pain anymore which has become the main thing for me). I lost my ability to sleep any past 7am, and I gained a craving for chocolate cupcakes and cool ranch doritos. I lost my head a couple times and gained the opportunity to show my brother what a crazy hormonal pregnant woman is capable of (i.e. sudden and quite unprovoked outbursts of somewhat negative emotions taken out on said woman's husband. Sorry Trev. And Drew, I like to think this is just continuing your education about enigmatic female tendencies, so instead of "sorry" I will say "you're welcome").

I often lose my fear of the future and depending on the day, I gain it back again. One day I think we're ready. The next I think my recurring nightmares of tornadoes (for real, I've been dreaming about tornadoes on an almost weekly basis) must have some deep psychological meaning. Most days I'm overwhelmed with awe of this miracle of life, and all days I feel blessed that God would entrust us with this beautiful creation.

One of the highlights of this week was discovering that the digital wrist watch Trevor ordered that came in the mail (which I thought he got just because he wanted a new watch) he got for the sole purpose of timing my contractions! How sweet. He really is a treasure.

Events-wise, these past couple weeks have been filled with very special baby showers, including one thrown for me by my co-workers (very special and fun!), one for a friend who's due with her boy ten days before me, and one for my dearest friend here celebrating her little girl due to arrive in October . . . the celebration of each life is beautiful, and to be even a small part of loving on these babies and families is an honor and joy. This weekend I also had the fun of spending a relaxing evening with a few dear college friends who were in town. In short, lots of good girl time has been had.

And in funny pregnancy comments, I forgot to mention a couple new ones (some resulting from the waddle, others from just getting rounder or the fact that apparently people can say anything to a pregnant woman):

- "You kind of look like my grandma!"

- "Oh, you look SO much better than you did yesterday."

- "Can you GET any bigger?!?"

- "You look like you could go into labor any time."

- My latest favorite was just uttered today. A very kind mother of a six week old sweet baby boy asked if I'm getting nervous. I said, "yes". She said, "Labor was the worst experience of my life. It was awful. I'm still getting over it". Ummmm, I'm sorry? Thanks for the warning?

HA. I love it. The redeeming comments have been, "You could be a pregnant model" (THIS from the same one who told me I look like her grandma), and "When you pull up behind a table you don't look pregnant" (then again, don't most pregnant women look not pregnant when you can't see their tummies?). Or, "Wow, you're butt is still small - when I got pregnant . . . ". They all make me laugh, and I'm continually amazed at what public property pregnant women can be to others (like, when hands fly to my belly with little or no notice). I don't mind.

Random picture time:

Here's the "almost 37 week picture". We still love watching her move around in her little womb home.

A fun summer afternoon in June with our youth group at Como Park, ending at "Connie's Cones" (amazing place, thanks Reeds for the introduction).

My dear friend N and I at the baby shower she threw for me . . . a picture of all hostesses to come once I get one - thanks to all the hands and hearts that made it such a special day!

Mothers, aunt, grandma, cousins, niece . . . several traveled a great distance to be there, I'm so thankful.

Wonderful friends from Trev's days at NDSU, on the 4th of July. Their little boy is such a doll!

My fab coworkers at the shower they threw for Baby K - amazing!

A brother dinner, some time ago . . . it's rare to get a picture of them all!

I've Got a New Way to Walk

Oh yes, the waddles are back. To be honest, this little girl is quite literally "getting on my nerves". You know, the sciatic one. The shooting pain down the leg with every step, which leads me to walk akimbo. But really, I might as well make the most of them, right? Does anyone remember that song from Sesame Street "I got a new way to walk -walk walk." The tune goes through my head often these days. You can watch and listen to it for yourself! This new way to walk has prompted many a thought, and a couple of stories. The thoughts first:

- I am so very thankful that I can sit comfortably and sleep quite well still

- I would rather have this than heartburn or sickness

- I am thankful to not be on bed rest

- I cannot imagine what people who live with chronic pain go through - at least I know mine will (hopefully) go away when we meet Baby K. My gosh, I have it easy. As Darius Rucker says, "It Won't Be Like This for Long" (that song makes me cry)

- This is a forced season of rest for me. I need to sit. I need to ask for help (laundry, groceries, garbage, watering flowers, everything. And thank God for an amazing husband who is so helpful!). If I were feeling great, I might not pace myself well, so this time to back off the to-dos is okay.

The stories:

- A truly dear coworker last week: "Andrea, are you feeling okay? You don't look so good. (in an apologetic voice) You kind of walk like my grandma." Oh my gosh, what was I supposed to say to that? I think I laughed. A couple other coworkers pointed out to me, "Oh, you look like you're moving a little slow today!" Um yeah, every step hurts. You would be walking like a slow grandma too. I'm laughing as I write this even though I hope it sounds sarcastic.

- Today we went to see the movie Earth. I was inspired by the monkeys and on the way out decided that's kind of what my walk looks like - so I walked out of the movie theater making "eeee eeee eeee" sounds and putting my hands near my armpits.

- Trevor told me my waddle is actually endearing. Isn't that sweet? Quite unfortunately, he thinks he has sympathy pain - his hip really hurts when he walks up stairs. Sad!

Speaking of Trevor, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM! He's 28 today, and I'm obviously so glad he was born. God bless you Trevor with the best year yet - it's sure to be an adventure! We've figured out that most years for his birthday my gift to him is usually a party of some kind. I remember our first year married I made a feast in VA complete with orange sorbet in cups made of real oranges, steak, and cheesecake (I've since WAY simplified my cooking!). Last year it was about 25 people for a bbq in our backyard (that was a messy pile of dirt at the time since our patio was in progress).

Here's a pic of the 2008 party

This year it was a grill out party on Friday, a pasta party on Saturday, we'll have a walleye party tomorrow night with family. Good memories! For his actual b-day, we went to see Earth, had take-out meat madness from Famous Dave's, and are going to finish with some Dutch Blitz and Gears of War (I'll let Trevor win this once. Just kidding - I don't even know what Gears of War is, but I know it brings Trevor great joy). Happy Birthday, Trevor!

Speaking of the movie Earth, it was very special to watch it yesterday as so much of the footage and followings were of mothers and their babies! Besides being so darn cute, I was struck by all the natural instincts of animals - everything is just so, well, natural. They're born, they feed, they leave. So yeah, I was kind of comforted thinking WE are so part of God's intricate and natural creation too, so the feeding issue (which I often worry about now) will of course somehow work out. Everything will. It was good to sit in the theater and just think on that.

And speaking of Trevor. Sometimes I get this panic of "I'll never have him all to myself again!" I know it's selfish, but it's true. I find myself just wanting more and more time with him, wondering just how things are going to change - how we're going to change. I know it's a waste to worry in this way, but I wanted to write it down to 1. Get it out of my head, and 2. Look back on and remember how silly I was to even THINK that! We are immeasurably excited to meet Baby K of course, but you know these thoughts are still just sometimes there.

Another thing I'd like to remember - yesterday I received (via Facebook) some sweet postpartum advice from an old friend who's now a mother of two gorgeous girls: "Don't worry about the dishes/laundry/other chores; they won't go anywhere." I like that.

Anyways . . . Pics from the quiet patio party

These boys like their meat

And here's me at 34 1/2 weeks yesterday. Baby K probably weighs about 5 pounds right now! My brother was funny - when Trev was taking the pic Drew said, "Are you sucking in? Let it out!" Yes, I walk around the house with my belly hanging out out my too-short shirts. I refuse to go buy new ones at this point!

Oh what a weekend

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table (maybe I should be outside? It's gorgeous out there - and by gorgeous, I mean NOT SMOLTERING) and I'm trying to soak in the wonderful weekend that just went by way too fast. I took Friday off to spend with family in town, and I thought so many times at my desk today, "I wish it were Friday again . . . " The weekend started at Don Pablos with my parents and two dear cousins - Sarah & Hillary are more like sisters than they are cousins, gorgeous girls with such character and personality and a history between us all that spans since they were born. After the yummy mexican fare, we settled in at home for some "Splitz & Blitz", i.e. banana splits and some raucous rounds of Dutch Blitz. So fun.

Friday was a delightful and relaxed day of girly-ness: we hit IKEA (did you know they have free coffee before 10am?), hit the Midtown Global Market, lunch at Noodles & Co, and some meandering around uptown. What sticks out in my mind from uptown (besides the wild stores, the stop at Penzey's, and a delightful coffee and sea-salt caramel break at Lucia's) was a lovely conversation with a cashier/make-up artist in a make-up store. I perched myself on one of the comfy chairs, and she came up to talk and went on and on about being pregnant and having children - she was so interested, and so encouraging and engaging. Again, people are so nice to pregnant women, it continues to amaze me. Her name is Collette and she said to bring baby in sometime. I just might!

The girls at IKEA - Hillary got a pineapple plant - how fun is that?!? 

Friday evening we had a pizza party at a table set for 10, where Trevor's parents and our niece Courtney joined us and my parents and cousins for a nice dinner and time of reconnecting - it was wonderful to have all our families here at the same time, the first since we moved here. We cherish them all so dearly and those times together are special to us.

Saturday was the event that prompted all the togetherness . . . a beautiful baby shower, where we were again humbled by a shower of love, creativity, memories, and gifts. My dear friends Nikki, Alyssa, & Beth hosted the morning and it was beyond what I could have expected! (I must interject - to a certain "YG" mom who reads this blog, you were spared being invited because there's a plan for a double YG shower!) The theme was "Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice (because that's what little girls are made of)", there were splashes of lavendar in all the decor & flowers, there were spices and sugars, an array of splendid sugar-y and spicy foods, spicy tea, & cinnamon sticks as favors. I was blessed (on behalf of Trevor and Baby K) to have so many dear family members and friends join the celebration and again it's hard to even begin to express our gratitude. I can't wait to show Baby K pictures someday and tell her how loved and prayed for she was before people had even met her! She is already one blessed little girl.

Some Shower Memories . . . (more pictures to follow in a separate post)

I will always remember the start of the morning when Trevor and I sat in the nursery together in the peacefulness of a sleeping home to fill out the "baby traits game" - we had a list of traits, ranging from personality to eye color, and we had to say which of us we hope our daughter to take after for each trait. They were surprisingly easy - Trevor's eyes and confidence and sense of humor and height and lips, my nose and hands and interpersonal skills and creativity. What I loved about after we played the game at the shower (and everyone had to guess what we had put down for answers) is that Nikki pointed out how amazing it is that God already knows all those things - what she looks like, what she'll be like . . . and then she read part of Psalm 139 (which is a psalm I read every birthday, and one we hope to read at Baby K's baptism. Nikki is a true kindred spirit!):

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 
       you knit me together in my mother's womb.

 ¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
       your works are wonderful, 
       I know that full well.

 ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you 
       when I was made in the secret place. 
       When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

 ¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body. 
       All the days ordained for me 
       were written in your book 
       before one of them came to be.

Another meaningful moment was time spent in prayer for Baby K, as well as prayer cards that people wrote out and then gave to us . . . all are beautiful, and a theme from a couple of them very much stood out and touched my heart - perfectionism. A couple prayers written:

 - Neither of you will be "perfect" parents but may God grow you up to be more and more like Himself

 - Remember, nobody parents "perfectly"

I cherish those affirmations especially, because it's so easy to think (even now with Baby K in my belly) that I somehow have control (or could somehow mess up) the pregnancy, the birth, the parenting. Perfection is unattainable - and as Trevor would call it, boring. So, here's to being NOT perfect, to learning from mistakes, for being honest on the journey. 

There were other fun games as well - everyone guessed how much I measure around (Aunt Debbie was right on!), there was baby-food flavor guessing, and of course the dirty diaper game (thanks, Beth!).

The shower was also a tangible reminder of the abundant family and community God has blessed us with - we are so thankful. And thankful also in a way that our worlds could "collide", that our families would come all this way to celebrate and that our friends here could meet them all (and vice versa!).

Festivities continued on Saturday evening with a big bbq at the Pope household, filled with Popes and Pandolfo's (14 combined, to be exact). The evening was gorgeous so we all ate outside, celebrated Father's Day and recent birthdays, pondered some questions from a game that we have, and soaked in the summer night in good company. We took out our "question game", a contraption filled with all sorts of conversation starters. The first was "how old is 'old' and what is the secret to staying young?"  Courtney (our 9 year old niece) answered, "Well, 65 is old, and the secret to staying young is wrinkle cream!"  She is an amazing young lady, and our Baby K's first cousin - it'll be fun to see them together, and Courtney will be a wonderful role model to her. 

This week Trevor and I spent some more good time in the nursery unpacking generous gifts and organizing. It's hard to believe that a BABY will be in there with us so soon. We're terribly excited.

Trevor unwrapping a "diaper cake". Mmmmm, tasty.  It was an adorable cake, and its contents are going to come in very handy when I'm sure we'll be adjusting to cloth diapers and loving the convenience of these beauties. 

And tonight . . . we welcomed home "Brother Tay", Trev's youngest brother who was just in China on a 6 week mission trip. It's been a joy to see him take that opportunity and we loved hearing about his travels and experiences building relationships with the Chinese people he met and spent time among.

The brothers (well, most of them) - or should I say the dad and uncles? 

Please notice Taylor's amazing mustache and comb-over. 

And now, we're ready for a long weekend - happy 4th of July everyone!