And the next Pope will be . . .

2012-02-12T19:56:00.000-08:00

As I write, my fingers smell like turkey. I like it. Spring is in the air or something, I've had these bursts of energy to get things done that I've been meaning to all winter . . . like cook that huge turkey that's been sitting in the freezer for longer than I will admit to publicly. Turkey-cooking is also a part of our plan to "grow up" this year, it was fun to watch Trevor carve it and then to enjoy the results together. The simple life, that's what we're all about here - or at least try to be about. In many ways, Karis has helped us slow down, find a regular rhythm, relax at night.

The above paragraph was written on Monday . . . this paragraph is written on Friday as the turkey is turning into soup on the stove. Mmmm. Turkey is our new friend and fits a new motto and method I'm incorporating into cooking: "minimum input for maximum output".

Today (still Friday!) was momentous for Karis, she got her very own library card. Wow, she was SO excited, I wish I could've gotten her reaction on video. The awesome part of her getting her own card is that now she can check out 30 books at a time. Keeping up with library books is like a part time job, a juggle of when things are done, which ones to renew, which ones to reserve. I love it.

Momentous happenings this week also include diaper-ish things. I decided to be done with cloth diapers, I don't know what happened but I'm just done. As it would happen, Karis seems to think she's about done with diapers, period. I haven't changed a dirty diaper in about a week, she's literally training herself and just lets us know when she has to go. That was easy, all credit goes to Karis.

Before the memory fades, I have to recall some moments from last Sunday's church service: it was the first Sunday that I was called upon to help serve communion, which involves a good 15 or so minutes of me (and other servers) standing at the front of the church. I did wonder what Karis would think of that situation, my girl can be unpredictable about her mommy-separation moments (although less so lately, she is really growing up). Well, she was great, I didn't hear her at all . . . until Trevor actually brought her up front for communion. At that point, she started bawling and crying very loudly for mommy. Oh my Karis, I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. I appreciated many sweet glances from those receiving the juice I was offering, those who know Karis and understood and appreciated the moment - who, like me, knew she would be absolutely fine (nothing a bagel from the back couldn't fix!) and also knew it was a slice of time I'd remember forever. A friend who is a seasoned grandmother-of-five told me after the service, "You know, someday she's not going to like you!" While I hope that's not true (!) I do realize that these little memories are ones I will treasure, ones I will tell Karis about in those moments that she thinks she doesn't need me.

Random highlights of our week are included, but not limited to:
Having neighbors join us for pizza one evening; meeting an aunt and uncle for dinner one night; celebrating a dear friend's 30th birthday here (with what else but turkey?!); seeing Trev's brother who was here on a long layover; meeting former coworkers for a mall playdate; watching The Help; going to the library book sale and finding some terrific treasures; spontaneously meeting my bro for coffee; purging closets and drawers & organizing piles of clothes - watching Karis try on old favorite dresses and put together hilarious outfits for herself.

It's a simple life and we're thankful.

Karis-isms:
- "Hey mommy!" and then proceeding to tell me anything and everything that is happening to or around her. This is my favorite exclamation right now.
- She knows our first names and sometimes calls us by them, especially when yelling down the stairs
- She stuck a ball of kleenex up her nose, we were able to fish it out but I was having visions of candy or small toys going up there . . .
- "Watch the turkey!" (peering into oven). When they turkey was out, she just wanted to touch it
- "Cover Karis up!" (she likes to have a blanket over her now - after watching me cover Lukas up for his naps here)
- "I have a little cough! I need honey for my cough"
- "I'm gonna be a flower girl" (it's true! Thanks, Jordan and Cassie, for that exciting honor)
- "I set the table" (true)
- "Let's go to ca-meh-rah!" (Karis-speak for "Panera")
- "Date with Lukas!" (true, we took Lukas on a birthday date to the playplace at a local mall and dinner at Chipotle)
- "Mommy go bathroom so bad" (true - usually after being out and about and having to go right inside for a minute before playing outside)

Cutest thing I ever did see

2012-02-06T12:00:00.000-08:00

Well, yes, the picture below would depict one of the cutest things I've ever seen. But right before I snapped the photo, I saw something else pretty adorable: a cute old man from the "big red barn" house at the end of the block (the same one with the singing inflated reindeer at Christmas time) was walking to his truck . . . and what was just too cute was that he had a blue tooth in one ear and was chomping on a big old piece of red licorice. The whole scene just kind of made my day. It's the little things, don't you think?

Is it okay to say "cute old man"? Because he was. It was cute, I wish I could've gotten a picture of him, but that probably would not have been okay.

So, here's the picture I did get (please don't tell me you'd rather see a picture of an old man?!):

Another scene was Karis seeing Trev (after a few days of him being gone) at the end of block and biking as fast as she could to him. Pure delight.

Karis-isms:
- "Mommy blow on hands!" (when we get back inside and her fingers are cold)
- "I'm freezing!" (can you tell it's cold and damp here lately?)
- "Walk on ceiling!" (she loves for Trevor to hold her upside down so her feet touch the ceiling)
- "I want quinoa! I smell quinoa" (yes, she smelled it cooking without even knowing what was in the pot)

And one more, because it's Monkey Monday around here . . . Karis holding a book she pulled off the shelf this morning. Can you tell what it is?


You can't see it well in this shot, but the t-shirt displays Rainbow Brite - a shirt I wore at her age. Thanks, mom, for keeping it!

One Little Monkey Jumping on the Bed

2012-01-30T18:32:00.000-08:00

We have this thing in our house called "Monkey Mondays", for some reason monkey-ish things seem to happen on Mondays. Climbing, running, screeching, crawling, jumping. Today when Karis woke up I asked her, "Are you ready to be a monkey?!". She loved that and continued to repeat the phrase all day.

And now Monkey Monday is coming to a close and I'm enjoying listening to Karis talk herself to sleep - wouldn't it be funny if we all lay in our beds and just chattered to ourselves as we fell off to slumber? These days my head hits the pillow and I'm sawing logs within minutes. We are quite a sleeping family, it works well for everyone.

There's one memory from the weekend that will be a freeze-frame in my mind forever: we were at our church's annual meeting/potluck, and Karis shocked me by actually wanting to go to the childcare. About a half hour later, our good friend (and babysitter) Rachel brought Karis back to us . . . she had bitten her tongue, poor girl. She was okay and nothing a little hug couldn't fix, but the precious part is what she was wearing - a sparkly sequence butterfly costume (WHY didn't I take a picture?!). She stayed with us for the rest of the meeting and mostly sat on my lap until the last few minutes when she busted out jumping up and down, talking about her "butterfly outfit". Sunday morning we offered the nursery option to her again, she went for a few minutes and when Trev picked her up she told him she had bit her tongue again. Funny honey.

Random Karis-isms from the week that I want to remember:
- Singing "All Things Bright and Beautiful" before bed, stomping around her room doing some quite elaborate and amazingly consistent interpretive dance. Someday I'll learn how to upload videos here
- Helping Trevor shovel
- Barreling up and down the sidewalk on her tractor or bike. The girl can FLY
- Calling the bookshelf at the end of the hallway "mommy's house. daddy's house". Needing to stand in it right before she goes to bed, then giving Trevor a huge hug and then going back to her room for bedtime. Kind of ready for bed, she then proceeds to run back and forth between me (sitting on the rocker) and her closet while I read a few books. Exuberant energy until the very last minute of wakefulness. We started telling her she can talk all she wants while she falls asleep, and then she can go ahead and sleep through the night . . . so she's taken to beating me to it as I put her to sleep: "talk all I want. sleep all through night."
- Jumping on our bed
- Saying "all done mommy, all done daddy" to basically whatever we are doing when she decides we shouldn't be: singing, talking, playing the piano, reading, eating a banana (yes, just the other day Karis told me "all done mommy eat banana"!?)
- "I want some decaf!"
- Brand recognition: Chipotle, Target, Trader Joes, and most recently, Starbucks.
- The way she goes into her room to take care of "kitty bear": bedtime routine, diaper, wipes. She closes the door just enough so I can't peek in . . . one time I went in and I saw why - she got hold of the diaper cream and was slathering it on her little stuffed animal.

Growing up

2012-01-22T07:32:00.000-08:00

Get real, right? I was thinking about my DIRL post, and realized it's pretty utopian in its perspective. This blog is where you're mostly going to see the "baby book" version of our lives. I want to be real (as in, more than Dan in Real Life real). In case you need to know, it is not all roses here all the time, but this just doesn't seem like the place for the thorns. At least not most of the time.

The thing is, I sometimes feel like we are living a rather utopian life right now - we are in the middle of a precious season of life. For that reason, I feel a sense of guilt if I'm ever found less-than-positive about any number of things . . .

If you have a minute, read this article

The thoughts the author expressed resonate with me - and I guess you could say that most of the posts here capture the "kairos"moments we have. I don't usually want to re-hash some of our more chronos moments that include meltdowns, discipline decisions, self-doubt, thrashing on the floor & screaming at friends' homes or feeling exhausted after a night of nearly no sleep (notice I don't ascribe these behaviors to any specific people in our family - they might be said about any of us at different moments!). Maybe if I write more often, some of the chronos will sprinkle itself throughout, because we sure have plenty of them to go around here.

In weekly news: we had a Friday full of highs and a couple lows, it was one of those memorable days. The morning began with me winning a book from the AM station I often listen to . . . "if you're the first caller, you'll win this book" and I gave it a shot. I need to start listening to a station that offers a chance at an all expense paid trip to Hawaii.

Shortly after the book jackpot, Karis decided to sit on her little port-a-potty. In front of the kitchen stove, so you know, she could look at herself (she loves mirrors, this girl). I was listening to her happily singing "Angels we Have Heard on High", when she stopped abruptly to say "pee in potty!" I ran to her spot and wouldn't you know, there was "2" in the potty! So, we had a little dance party, washed our hands, and she got a green m & m and carried it around saying "I got a treat. I found a meatball" (she calls anything round and chocolate a "meatball"). We kept the party rolling by traveling to NE Mpls. for a playdate with another baby Charis. Chraris's brother Jonas kept Karis well entertained and the mom and I managed to have a nice chat while Charis slept on my shoulder. Precious.

The other fabulous Friday occurrence was that Trevor got a new work computer. A big deal, trust me. Top off the day with a quick trip to Trader Joes (with only one mid-store meltdown for Karis) and a viewing of this week's Parenthood episode, I'd call it a fab Friday.

We proceeded to a mostly normal Saturday, with some super happenings. The day began with Karis running around the house in her swimming suit and sun hat, and ended with Trev and I getting a nice meal out while Karis played with her fave friend, "Dee". Trevor and I enjoyed talking about our words for the year, chatting with the waitress, trying to not inhale our food and make the meal last. A theme of our talks this month is how this is the year we will grow up. We'll both be 30 after all! This fancy meal was part of that plan, for sure - really, probably the nicest we've had (just the two of us, that is) since our honeymoon.

So, there you go. Some days just have more kairos than others.

Other random Karis-isms this week:
"Wear hair like mommy's!" (and then spending an unreasonably long time checking herself out in the mirror)
"My nose is cold"
"Happy Day, Dee!" (i.e. happy birthday, Lukas)
"I be back" (i.e. I'm going to the basement and will be right back)
"Mommy Andrea" and "Trevor!" (i.e. scary! I'm not ready for Karis to know my name yet)
"Hellooooo, we're home" (while walking in the door)
"Whoopsie daisy!"
"Feed Kitty Bear lunch" (while preparing a tray of fake food for her favorite stuffed animal)
"Wear swimming suit"
"Mommy sit" (while directing me to sit in whatever place she thinks I should be at that moment)

Books in our lives lately: Praying for Strangers, You are Your Child's First Teacher, What Happens When Women Walk in Faith, The Shadow of His Wings. Trevor is being uber ambitious in tackling Les Miserables. Karis is hopping around from Apricot ABC's to the Foot Book, and our absolute fave, what we call The Polar Bear Book.

That's it for now, I feel like every day has a million things I want to write down and remember . . . and then of course when I sit down they all escape my mind. We went for a walk in the snow this morning and it dawned on me that Karis is 2 and a HALF. That half just feels so significant all of a sudden.

Just minutes after waking up, hair goes into a ponytail and blanket becomes a cape

DIRL

2012-01-17T19:07:00.000-08:00

Phrases you might have heard in our home a week ago (from Karis, then repeated by us - because, you see, our tot loves for us to repeat what she says so she knows we understand her):

"Let's go to Colorado"
"Bring backpack to Colorado"
"Pack noise machine, Colorado"
"Pacifier, pack Colorado"
"Airplane, bring us, Colorado!"

Any guesses on where we went last weekend?

Let me tell you, this 60 hour trip is one we've been anticipating for a few months: tickets, check. Snow boots, check. Snow pants, check. Toddler sunglasses, check. I admit, that was Trev's checklist and his careful preparations were such a gift to our family. My packing list was the standard: pajamas, socks, distractions for the plane ride, camera, diapers. Karis's list was easy: her Mini Mouse backpack that included goldfish and a little person (you know, the "little people" toys? She knows the singular and plural in their appropriate uses, cracks me up).

Honestly, we had a blast anticipating the trip as a family - I probably shouldn't be surprised, but Karis really understood it all, and when we woke up Friday morning she knew we were going on the airplane that day. Let me tell you, this was one epic journey to the final destination: drop off bags, Karis, and Andrea at shuttle station. Trevor parks car and walks to shuttle station. Shlep all our bags onto the shuttle. "Ride bus to airport!". Shlep bags again. Check in, check bags. Spend 30 minutes in the security line. Get through. Arrive at gate just as they begin boarding. Fun plane ride. "We're in Colorado!". Claim bags. Another shuttle to rental car. Load rental car. Meet Drew & Mike, transfer luggage and groceries. Drop off Mike's car. Sit in traffic. Get in line at Wendy's alongside an ex-con with ankle bracelet who spent $41.00 on a fast food meal. Pick up snowshoes. Drive up the mountain. Arrive at the final destination, a house on the mountainside! Phew. We enjoyed the journey, but wow it was epic. There were admittedly about 20 minutes (the ones when Karis was screaming in the car) that I thought "What were we thinking?!". Not bad for such a day!

Trevor has been to this house-in-the-woods (owned by his distant cousin) a couple times and has been talking since last year about wanting to bring Karis and me there. He described the cabin as "nice, but rustic". Um, this nice and rustic cabin FAR exceeded my expectations. Try, "Country Living Magazine" rustic. Gorgeous, spacious, cozy, leather couches, soft lighting, relaxing woodsy decor, comfortable beds, beautiful bathrooms, rock fireplace. I mean, down to the cuisinart coffee maker, this place was a dream. Karis must have agreed, she settled right down for a full night of rest. Trevor and I followed later, I will always remember the bedroom's huge picture window with no blinds, the moon and the snow and the trees and the mountain our backdrop for sleep. Be still my soul!

Before we retired for the evening, we welcomed the rest of the weekend gang: Trev's bro and his fabulous fiance, and two other marvelous mutual friends arrived shortly after us and we all sighed contentedly and settled in for this weekend we'd all been waiting for.

For me, not only the place but every aspect of our time in CO exceeded my expectations. Here is the best way I can describe the two days: DIRL.

DIRL: Dan in Real Life.

In case you didn't know or have forgotten, I have this favorite movie obsession with Dan in Real Life (please, if you haven't seen it, watch it. Now.).

So yes, it was a real life DIRL weekend, and to me that is bliss defined. Togetherness in everything from activities to rest to meals to clean-up. The picturesque backdrop, wonderful weather, and snazzy house. Genuine enjoyment of the people, the place, creation. Zero traces of technology, disconnection, semi-isolation. Health, humor, honesty. Looking out for each other but giving each other space. Deepening relationships, random conversations, asking questions, opening hearts, sharing meals. Times of chatter and others of silence. A soundtrack playing in the background that included Ray Lamontagne and Alexi Murdoch. At least two generations (at one point, 3), games of "sardines" while dinner was cooking, people in different stages in their relationships in a safe place to all be themselves - family, loved, accepted, encouraged, appreciated. DIRL.

Oh, and did I mention the crew of weekend planners decided to give me a break . . . I didn't plan a single meal, make a grocery list or do any shopping. THAT is like a movie, nourishing feasts just appeared out of nowhere. Delicious ones. Thank you, everyone.

Other highlights included watching Karis latch on to her new Aunt Cassie, snowshoeing up the side of a mountain (and watching Karis enjoy being carried on Uncle J's back - pictures to follow soon). Rare forms of rhubarb alongside a man-meal of 3 kinds of meat and about a gallon of baked beans and lionized potatoes; crackling fires, hot showers and sweatpants. The sound of the wind and nothing else. The half moon lighting the house when the day was done. These verses come to my mind as I picture the weekend in my memory:

Psalm 121:1-2
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

I better give Karis a chance to tell her side of the story, partly in pictures:

I loved sleeping in the same room as mommy and daddy, I don't remember that ever happening before! I got to get up before everyone else and loved having the house to myself. I ran in circles singing "Hot Cross Buns" in the quietest voice I could manage. Mommy drank a lot of coffee.

I loved the mountains! Daddy did such a good job of preparing the perfect gear for me to be comfortable on the ride up the mountain. I had the best spot and didn't have to move a muscle (thanks, Uncle Jordan and Daddy). Someday I might like to try those snowshoe things and give the hike a go. Everyone seemed pretty tired and the hill was very steep, so maybe I can get away with being in the backpack for a couple more years.

Uncle Drew took a turn carrying me also, so glad these guys were in shape so I could be part of the adventure.

Can you guess what's in my mouth? I'm so excited to be with my "new aunt", my favorite place this weekend was wherever she was

Other thoughts from Karis: I loved being around so many people all weekend, I found some great cozy cupboards to crawl into, beds to jump on, stairs to climb. I colored and chatted and ate breakfast on daddy's lap. I wore my sunglasses like a champ and put my hands under daddy's hood to keep them warm. I walked around in my snowpants and boots up on the mountain . . . when it got to be time for my nap, mom and dad took me back early and I got to chew gum all the way down the hill. Actually, I found that if I fussed a lot at certain times, I could get a piece or two of that delicious minty stuff. I ate a lot of goldfish crackers and cookies and strawberries. I loved the journey - riding the bus and the airplane were so much fun and I think I was very well-behaved (mommy said I was, too). I said "Hi people!" to anyone who would look my way, and I loved seeing all the pretty nails that women had on the flights. I looked out the window and pointed out lakes, blue sky, and lights. I was very relieved to get back to my own bed and have been sleeping a lot this week . . . I'm still wearing my pink backpack, hoping we can go back to Colorado soon.

And now, we're home (after, of course, the same kind of epic and many-stages-journey to get here. However, the return trip instead of "we're crazy" my thoughts were "all these steps are part of the memory-making and so completely worth every bit"). Karis quickly caught on to the shift in location and exclaimed, "We're in Minnesota! Minneapolis!"

Happy 12th Day of Christmas

2012-01-05T13:03:00.000-08:00

I've been enjoying some extended Christmas celebrating - which means the decorations are all up, the Christmas music is still playing, and we try to light a candle at night while doing some kind of reading together.

I'm also engrossed by a book that explains the history of various Christmas songs, I will go so far as to say it is a must read.

It's also been enlightening to read up on the twelve days of Christmas.

And last but not least, here is what you might hear playing over and over in our kitchen this week . . .
a new fave song.

Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving

2012-01-01T06:15:00.000-08:00

Our church has a tradition for the closest Sunday to New Year's: the sermon time is open for anyone to step up to the altar microphone who would to share what they're thankful for from the year before. As I sat and listened to stories of beauty from ashes, people who have suffered immense grief and all the same time the healing presence of God . . . I was humbled to the core, thinking of the things I get wound up about and realizing there is so much more going on around me than I realize. To see people's hearts that were broken but are finding restoration through the feet and hands of Christ in the community of believers was a beautiful inspiration to expand our perspective and open our eyes to what surrounds us. I read a quote this morning that I thought was fitting:

"Believe me, every man has his secret sorrows, which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad" - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (who, by the way, wrote the Christmas carol "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day". Some trivia for your new year). .

Two stories yesterday I hope will remain with me through the year:

1. Trevor stood up and shared his thanks to God for the restored relationship he (and we) have been experiencing with one of his brothers . . . the past is the past and is too much and too tender to publicly blog about - but let it be said, this is an amazing report and an answer to prayer.

2. A father stood up and gave the most touching talk through a story. He talked about parenting, about how he heard once that parents are a reflection of the Heavenly Father, how our children will see Christ through our actions. Then he spoke about how a couple weeks ago he was feeling down about his parenting, thinking he was a poor example, that he was failing to be the father he wished he could be. He was driving his 9 year old daughter somewhere during this time of regret, and out of the blue she said, "Dad, you're a great dad." To which he humbly replied something to the effect of, "Sweetheart, sometimes dad isn't really a very good dad." His daughter gently, sincerely assured him, "No dad, you're a great dad all the time." This dad's voice broke with tears as he talked about receiving God's grace through his daughter, who gave him a reflection of Divine Love that forgives all, endures all, lasts forever. That his daughter sees the good in him, no matter what his actions. That her love is unconditional. He ended by simply saying, "I thank God for my daughter".

I don't have words for how this hit my heart. I feel like this dad put into words what I would think many crave (it was sure something I needed to hear) . . . that we don't have to be perfect, that we will make countless mistakes, suffer regrets, offer apologies, beg for forgiveness from God and our families. And God's grace covers all, and so many times children are living vessels of the gift of absolute, unconditional love.

Grace.

The stories from Karis hilarious are hard to keep up with - this picture was taken many months ago when she discovered a pair of sunglasses laying around.

Some of the random things in Karis's life this week are:
- Her nails. Cousin Siennah painted them Christmas day and she loves to show people: "Hey daddy! Nails!"
- Singing along to our Pandora Sufjan Stevens Holiday station while holding a "songbook" (that happens to be a spiral bound cookbook)
- Wearing socks on her hands as gloves
- Wearing her boots around the house (in her pajamas, of course)
- "Lips!" Karis-speak for chapstick, she loves to apply it any chance she gets
- Talking about herself in the third person: "I help you!" means "you help me!". "Your cookie" means "my cookie". I don't have the heart to correct this yet, the misplaced pronouns are pretty precious.
- Calling anything small and chocolate covered (raisins, peanut butter, truffles) "meatballs". ??? Not sure where that one originated, but I love it.
- Elongating bedtime in any way possible: "One more kiss! "One more Jesus Loves Me"! Mommy sit! New diaper, please! Light on!"
- Vegging out on the couch during the recently rare mornings we have at home . . .

A Word to Live By

2011-12-31T11:57:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year's Eve!

Every day, I think "today will be the day I start blogging again". Every day, I think, "I'll blog after ____ ____ _____ (the thank-you's are written, that email is sent, that event is organized, that meal is finished, that laundry is folded, that book is read)". So, ah, that's not working. And so today I will post something, even if it's one paragraph. So, today is the day, I fit one last post in before 2012. I really do hope to write more in the coming year, I feel dry without it and I know that it's something that I have to will during this season - if only for the sake of my heart, and for a keepsake for Karis. Memories are something I value so dearly, and typing them out (and sharing with others, if you so choose to read and keep up with our simple daily delights and, sometimes, disasters) is a balm for my heart.

There is too, too much about 2011 that I want to bottle up in my heart and mind and keep to take out for later. This has been a momentous year in many ways, and really we are just humbled to be in a phase of life that many times feels too good to be true: we're surrounded by faithful family with whom we get to see often and share special moments together, both having adventures and just enjoying the daily-ness of life. This year we spanned the spectrum of grief and celebration: from celebrating my best friend's wedding, to my Grandpa Bob's going to Glory, to the wedding of a dear cousin, to a DeKrey family reunion, to a trip to IN to see dear friends while Trev and his brothers/buds celebrated his 30th by kayaking the Minnehaha Creek and making our house a man-cave for a weekend . . . celebrating Karis's 2nd birthday . . . a restored relationship with one of Trev's brothers, and skipping ahead to today when we are celebrating the engagement of one of our brothers' to a fabulous woman. Life is full.

There's a certain way I've been framing this past year as we fall into grooves/routines/rhythms in our daily family life: habits. Not a new idea, but one that I've been discussing with friends and doing some interesting reading on, habits have become a lifeforce as we navigate how to make the most of the days we've been given. It's a joy to watch them evolve, mostly we've been focusing on establishing good habits, and in doing that it seems that the bad habits are eventually replaced and shoved out of the way (although I have plenty of bad habits to work on, the positive spin and focusing on good habits is so much more hopeful!).

Our summer habits evolved to include two main activities around which our days revolved: outside time and reading time. We built Karis's endurance to the max by taking her to a nearby field where she ran, and ran, and ran. Can I just say, I LOVE watching that girl RUN! She is so free, so graceful, so uninhibited. She discovered trees, branches, a "balance beam", berries, the empty skating rink, pine cones, dandelions, flowers. She discovered that Trevor will carry her home on his shoulders, and that if it is a very special day that she will get to walk to the park. I clearly remember walking her to the park one day and thinking "I can't believe she walked that far". By August, that walk was a peace of cake. Again, the endurance. For all of us! We've never been so active, we're thankful for the physical abilities we've been given. The library became a favorite place for us, and books have become our dear friends. They became a means by which to cuddle with Karis, to connect with her in between those bursts of running. I never thought I'd feel anxious to read on the library's home page "As of January 1, you may only have 30 items checked out a time". I am at 31 right now and so we will make some returns today.

Our winter habits have revolved around holidays and most recently, advent, Christmas, the 12 days of Christmas, and soon Epiphany. Karis's favorite part is the nativity and the candles, she's getting quite good at blowing them out. She also adores Christmas carols and it's been our joy to watch her dance and sing - latest favorites are "Gloria" (Angels we Have Heard on High) and "Silent Night". We've also been blessed with daily walks (um, this weather - awesome!) to "see the reindeer" - which is a tour of the inflatable lawn ornaments in our neighborhood - they even play music. Bliss! I never considered such decorations until now, I feel like I need to write a thank-you to the houses who let us loiter in their yards as they sat down to dinner. Maybe if you visit our home next year, you can find a huge snow-globe in our backyard and hum the "Nutcracker Suite" with us. I look at Karis and can't help but think of baby Jesus, who was a toddler, and grew to be our Savior. To see Christmas through Karis's wide eyes is a gift I never expected to experience and I am grateful.

What new habits will 2012 bring? Well, Trevor is implementing some that work toward a fun goal: doing a race in May called the "Tough Mudder"! I continue to be in awe of Trevor's can-do spirit, he stays positive and present amidst what has been an intense, growing, and rewarding year of work and parenting and marriage (not necessarily in that order). I appreciate his example of adaptability, focus, spontaneity, & laughter. Trevor, I probably told you to read this post . . . please know how much I love, adore, and respect you.

Something I've read about in a couple places lately is picking a "word to live by" for every year. That idea just strikes this excited cord in my mind and heart, and I think I've received my word: GRACE. There are myriad reasons to relish this word, my favorites being:

1 - Grace is the meaning of Karis's name (and of my mom's name, so special!)
2 - The word "grace" has so many derivatives, all of which I am going to claim as part of the "word to live by": gracious, gift, gratitude, and more that I have yet to discover.

Grace is such an active word, even though it's a noun. We can give grace, receive grace, refuse grace. We can BE grace. We can SEE grace. We can FEEL grace. We can CHOOSE grace. Yes, Grace, enter into 2012 in whatever ways you can. I'm sure I will forget you, but please let me know that your nature is to forgive when I do. Thank you, God, for BEING Grace.

I have to say: I think New Year's Eve and Day are two of the most precious days of the year. Trevor is such a sport and humors all the endless questions of the "best of" - best book? best movie? best laugh? best cry? best road trip? best meal out? best date? the list can go on, and on, and on. And then the looking ahead to hopes for the year to come - I may have mentioned last year that I choose to use the word "hope" instead of "goal", it's just so much more, well, hopeful. I probably could use some concrete goals, too (like, go to the dentist. take dates with your husband). Good thing the year is long - and technically, the new year hasn't even begun. Ah yes, there is a lot of hope indeed.

Grief Observed

2011-07-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, we're still here. Actually, we're here, there, & everywhere it seems. The end of May started a season of travel for our little family of three, and since then we've run the gamut of grief and celebration. My very dear grandfather passed away in May, I'm sure it would be nearly impossible to sum up everything surrounding the sadness of losing him and yet the assurance of his life everlasting. To be honest, the whole topic feels too tender and sacred to blog about publicly. Grandpa Bob was a remarkable man and his legacy lives on in a myriad of his family and friends.

Early June found us at a family reunion in Park Rapids, the same place we were at a year ago when Karis started crawling (it seems to be a habit to reference everything in relation to "a year ago when Karis was . . . "). Late June we were celebrating in Bismarck at a dear cousin's wedding, and last weekend Karis and I took our first "girly" vacation to see some of our very best friends in Indianapolis. The time together was supremely special, in ways I didn't even expect. Karis and her little friend "V" clicked right away and my friends and I fell right back into comfortable and companionable conversation for days straight. I'm still grieved that they live a plane ride away, but to see friends happily settled where they are meant to be launched me from denial to acceptance.

Grief is a topic I've been pondering a lot these last couple months, realizing that it really is such an ongoing part of life. Our days are filled with gains and losses, and I'm thankful that there is a word by which to frame our experiences. I recently read the following line in a book, the quote is a father speaking to his family after grieving the tragic loss of a family friend:

"There'll be deaths, births, marriages, fun, and sorrow . . . just meet 'em all fair and square. Face facts no matter how bad. Then, come what will, you'll be ready for everything. Pull yourselves together and just go on with your livin' like as always."

To be honest, we have so much to celebrate right now that any drama I create is contrived. Trevor is rounding a year at his "new" job, turning 30, and going to Panama on a missions trip (did I mention he had a "brother and friend birthday bash" here while I was away last weekend? From what I hear, everyone had a good time - Karis and I were thankful to be out of the way in IN!)

Trevor and I are savoring the summer days of being outside with Karis, exploring, pointing out green trees and yellow flowers, watching her "whee" on the slide, tasting ice cream treats for the first time, learning how to use the "potty", listening to her vocabulary explode. Every day is gone in a blink, yet so full that I can't keep up with the changes. This week she is recalling our recent travels: "airplane. bye-bye. home", and friends "mimi, eeki, beh, ah-nie". She is obsessed with sitting on the potty (naked) and loves to read her book about baby shoes. She sometimes screams when we have to get dressed for the day and is often either needing to be in my lap or pushing me away. There is so much to learn about this little girl! Her very best friend is still "Dee", her name for the little boy that is here a few days a week. Dee's family have continued to be dear friends and confidants as we all experience first-time-parenting together.

Someone asked me recently if they thought my mind had atrophied since I started staying at home. My answer was no! I feel like I'm making a thousand little decisions a day, many on behalf of an innocent and somewhat helpless (yet very willful!) child. The topics to ponder, learn about and discuss are endless: discipline, routine, traditions, learning, faith, development, nutrition, activities . . . I am often overwhelmed with all I'd love to research and do. Karis and I start the day praying for our time to be used as it should, and that seems to be a good place to start. Every day is an adventure, there are always people from whom to learn and other people who need encouragement and blessing. I am constantly and humbly reminded that Karis is watching every move I make and that the best lessons will be taught by my example, not my words. That too can be overwhelming! She teaches me many things daily, and I thank God for her reminders to LIVE, have FUN, explore, be adventurous, laugh, give hugs. make eye contact, express how I'm really feeling.

It's only taken me about 5 days to compose this post! Maybe "talk" to you again before the year is over . . . ha! Today's full-disclosure-you-have-to-have-a-toddler-to-appreciate moment: Karis took her first "2" in the potty. Let me tell you, it was a BIG deal. She was actually kind of frightened and didn't seem to know what was going on, poor thing. I tried to convey how exciting it was and we made a big ceremony out of taking it to the "big potty" and I taught her how to flush it. She loved that! The fun reward was splashing her hands around in a tupperware full of water on the kitchen floor - she was in heaven. Oh if only I could guarantee lasting bliss over such simple things.

Here are some recent pictures . . .

Father's Day

K and V, such sweet friends

4th of July special treat - her very own smoothie at Caribou

K with her "brother Dee", rockin out at 8:30am. These two know how to party.

Transitions

2011-02-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

Oh Karis, how did you get to be 18 months old? Trevor and I looked at some pictures of Karis at about 7 months old and I could have cried. Where did my little baby go? I say that to some people and the frequent response is, "Time for another one!" Well, sure, we'd gladly welcome another baby, but I really would love just one day with my baby Karis. I mean, look at those squishy cheeks, wouldn't you want to have her back for a day?

I recently read this quote from Brideshead Revisited, I thought it was an apt statement for what I'm feeling now: "These memories, which are my life - for we possess nothing certainly except the past - were always with me." These memories will certainly be with me forever, and I'm so thankful to be able to relish in the past and look forward to the future (and hopefully enjoy the gift of the present).

Our 18-month-old Karis is thriving and amazes us all the time with all that she can comprehend and communicate. She's turning into quite the snuggler and gives the best hugs and kisses. She loves to go "up" Her recent favorite song and activity is doing the sounds and motions to "The Wheels on the Bus", in particular the "beep beep beep" part, during which she pats her ears. Speaking of patting ears, she's learning "gentle" and her sign for that motion is gently patting babies' ears. Oh, and speaking of babies, she loves babies and points them out when we're anywhere near one - and when I point at pictures of Karis, she of course says "baby!" Lukas, affectionately called "D", remains her faithful playmate and favorite person - today she was chasing him around and tackling him in an effort to envelop him in a hug. I did, however, catch her kissing Everett at church on Sunday.

Karis loves to shop and is always delighted to run errands (I'm thankful!). She charms everyone with her bright eyes and sensational smile - we hear a lot of, "what a cute little guy!" to which I politely explain that Karis is a girl with little hair and a cute green coat (with pink hearts!). She's starting to have clothing preferences, can unzip her coat, and brings me hooded sweatshirts and pleads, "pease" to have me put them on her. Her favorite toys seem to change by the day - last week she enjoyed carrying an old remote around and holding it to her ear "talking" on the phone. Later she used the same remote to put on deodorant (after watching Trevor apply his). We enjoyed that one! This little girl has personality, she keeps us on our toes.

This week has been pretty significant in our little world, it's held our first days of absolutely no nursing. I'll be honest, it was rough on all of us - Karis and I are somewhat active (perhaps tightly wound at times) and nursing really was a calming, connecting part of our morning routine. We've both been a bit disoriented, and I realized that both Karis and I really don't handle transitions very well. Ironically, it just so happens that this age and stage of life there are transitions around every corner . . . so, this is a time of character refinement for sure, as well as tapping into creativity for distraction and ways to make change more palatable for us both. We're spending lots and lots of time playing on the floor and reading books and basically trying to entertain each other. It's a good season and we're all learning together. I'm also loving watching Trevor and Karis bond in new ways as he always finds new ways to make her laugh.

I just read this verse, however, which has called the no-nursing decision into question (along with some pretty weird and wild days around here): Psalm 8:2 "Out of the mouth of babes and nursing infants You have ordained strength." I felt so sad when I read that, and doubted what we're doing. I pray that this is the right decision, it's hard to take something away from Karis that seemed to fill a need in her life for security and comfort.

And yes, I know Karis is a toddler, not an infant - but seriously, I didn't think the "end" would be like this! Karis is getting to enjoy her pacifier more than usual, eating lots of raisins (a treat!), playing tons of the "beep beep" song, reading lots of books and spending a good part of the day in my arms or lap.

I recently read a book that affirmed some of the angst Karis and I seem to feel at times: Your One Year Old: Fun Loving and Fussy. I appreciate resources like this one, and even more so I'm thankful for real-life-resources (read: family and friends) who empathize and encourage through the times of change and adjustment. Karis really does continue to be a true joy, her zeal for life is contagious, her range of feelings helps me to realize my own, her curiosity and delight in the smallest things is a marvel, her understanding and compliance are astounding.

I remember when I was young I always wanted a monkey - well, I think I got my wish. Here's my monkey! Karis still loves to climb and can now easily get up on the coffee table and on our kitchen chairs, where she likes to perch and have a sip of milk and her cheerios. She can almost climb up on our bed without any help, and I should start timing how long it takes her to scamper up and down the stairs. She also LOVES to run, my parents discovered that while watching her at a hotel while I was in a wedding a couple weeks ago - she just about ran her legs off doing laps up and down the hall.

2011-01-05T18:33:00.000-08:00

Oh holiday season, to where have you gone? I just told Trevor that I'm feeling some post-holiday doldrums - probably exacerbated by going through pictures from Christmas, wishing we were still with all our families: being lazy, getting fed, enjoying watching them with Karis.

That said, what a wonderful time we had and I'm now so excited for the new year. I've been processing 2010 in terms of "best of/most" (best book, best movie, best meal out, best date with Trevor, most memorable moment, most awkward moment, most emotional moment). There's a lot to think about, it was a truly grand year.

I'm also processing the year ahead in terms of "hopes". While I think goals are great, I'm having an easier time thinking about hopes for the year ahead - it just seems more attainable and more fun to think of hopes fulfilled than aggressively seeking goals (at least for this time of our lives). Some hopes:

- I hope I take more pictures this year

- I hope I can write more and be more creative this year

- I hope Trevor and I can take a short vacation together

- I hope to paint our bathroom

- I hope . . . to prioritize and take time for important things

- I hope that our family of three can establish some unique traditions

- I hope to be open to anything and everything that God would lead me to and through these next months of 2011.

Karis hilarious is quickly on her way to becoming a 1 and a half year old. Some 17 month memories and milestones:

Running around with her hands in the air and dancing on her tiptoes. So feminine and joyful!
Saying "uh-oh" over and over and especially at appropriate times, e.g. tripping, dropping something . . .
Saying "baby" when she sees her baby doll or baby Jesus from her little nativity set
Trying to drop her morning nap (still needing it, not wanting it)
Dropping daytime feedings, just nursing morning and night (wanting it, not getting it)
Getting a molar
Sleeping wonderfully well through the night, about 7:30 - 7:30
Cuddling more and more. She loves to back up into my lap, which of course melts my heart
Scoot down the stairs on her belly
Loves to play with other children, but also loves her alone time. When we're with friends, I sometimes catch her off by herself in a different room having some time to herself
Is very attached to her grandparents
Says' "up" all day long, wanting to be picked up and put down. At this point, "up" means both up and down
Nods her head up and down to just about anything
Points to her and our body parts with great understanding: hair, ears, nose, eyes, mouth
Tells us when she wants to eat and brings us her bib on her way to the high chair. Proceeds to sit there for about a minute and take one bite and then says "up", which means "down"
Has a favorite outfit that she carries around and brings to us to put it on her
The other night before bed, ran into a wall. Full on just ran into the wall.
Figured out how to get the lid off her snack cup. Makes it pretty purposeless, really.
Just tonight went c-r-a-z-y when a friend brought over a smiley face balloon for her to play with. I haven't seen her that excited in a while
Crying when I leave the room. Or like tonight at a pizza place, crying when I went to the bathroom. I could hear her the entire time. Poor girl. That leads me to . . .

Reflections on moms in general: I noticed something over Christmas - there's something about moms - we don't always need them around, but we always want them around. I saw this with Karis - she sure didn't need me or want me to hold her, but she wanted me in the room and to know that I was there. Then there was one afternoon that my mom was gone and it was just me, Karis and my dad at the house. We had a great time of course, but I sensed that we were both thinking about mom, wondering if she was having a good time, wondering when she'd come back. One night at Trev's house after dinner his mom was upstairs - I marveled at how every single person there within not many minutes asked his dad, "Where's mom"? There's just something about a mom's presence, I think. I sometimes still can't believe that I am a mom. I'm so thankful.

Just to show how few pictures I took over Christmas, these are some of the most interesting

Christmas day, digging around the fridge

Christmas Eve, eating at what's normally bedtime seems to produce funny faces

Rejoice

2010-12-16T08:19:00.000-08:00

This is a week of celebration for our little family of 3. We received an incredible (to us) Christmas gift, a direct answer to prayer. You see, Karis had a plugged tear duct since birth - if you look closely in pictures, you can see that her left eye is often moist or weepy. Not a big deal, her pediatrician said it would probably clear up between 9 - 12 months. By Karis's 1 year check up her eye was weepy as ever and even got infected for the first time. So . . . off to the opthamologist we went, and she strongly recommended surgery. It was up to us, the biggest negative was having to put her "under" with anesthegia. While not a huge deal (I fully realize this is small potatoes compared to MANY health concerns other people face - but this was also just our reality), we really didn't want to do that and we started praying for healing (another huge topic that I won't get into here).

Like I said, shortly after her check-up her eye got very infected. What I thought was pink eye was actually turning into something worse called periorbital cellulitis. I took her in to the doctor one day from a "mother's intuition" feeling, and the doctor didn't alarm us but was quite quick to give her a hefty antibiotic shot and wanted to see us right away the next day. Later I found out that many such cases end up needing to be hospitalized! We felt so blessed to have caught it early enough, and medicine cleared up the infection. As a side note, Karis was still so amazingly happy even though her eyes looked miserable, it reminded me of her deep joyful temperament and that she really doesn't complain much! As her eyes cleared up, it seemed that the weeping cleared up too. Finally, after about 4 weeks of her eye not weeping at all . . . we canceled the surgery. All this to say, the surgery was supposed to be today, December 16th. So, we had a par-tay! At YUM, of course. Karis got a bite of God's goodness in the form of a cookie. I can't wait to tell her one day how God cares about even our smallest concerns - yes, many people have it much worse, but He takes care of us always. He gave us all a tremendous gift in the unplugging of her tear duct, and we are rejoicing!

My prayer always is that when things happen (probably worse things) and we don't receive the healing that we pray for . . . that we will still celebrate the goodness that surrounds us and the gifts we enjoy every day. For today we're celebrating! I mean really, any excuse to go to YUM, right? My bro and his girlfriend M were able to join us, and we sneaked in a Christmas celebration as well, finishing the night watching The Family Stone (such a sad movie, but I can't help but love it - I think sad movies remind me to be thankful and remember all I have to be happy for).

Karis gave us a gift this week as well. We went to her 15 month check-up and she is thriving beautifully (I feel like those check-ups are my "mom test", so I'm always grateful when they go well!). After talking to her pediatrician, I was affirmed that we could do a little bit of "sleep training" (since Karis had an ear infection a few weeks ago she got used to getting up several times a night). Anyways, this week she started sleeping all the way through the night and we're very thankful. Again, little things that mean so much.

Bro, M & K post gift exchange. So cute. M has been a great gift to us this year as well!

Loving her new book of nursery rhymes

Monkey-ing around any chance she gets

16 months?!?

2010-12-13T18:20:00.000-08:00

I really don't know where to start (pattern of my life lately . . . do I do the laundry or write that card or just get on the floor and play?!?). Karis is 16 months old and is as "Karis Hilarious" as ever! Just today she was entertaining me by walking around with one of my t-shirts on her head - as in, covering her head, and she was loving walking around without really knowing where she was going. Slightly dangerous, this girl is fearless. What's prompting me to write today is her expanding vocabulary and her monkey antics - I want a place to write it down and feel like if I write in my journal these milestones will get lost in the pages.

Just today she learned to say "bottle" and "baby" and seriously tried to say "belly button".
Her favorite word is "hi". When we go anywhere - a coffee shop, the grocery store, a restaurant, church . . . - she says "hi!" to everyone who walks by. She wills them to look at her and to engage her. I've lost any hope of anonymity in public, I'm attached to a 100% extrovert.
Her first pronounced name was "Lukas", however to us it sounds like "Deeee?" (really adorable inflection). Yup, that's Lukas. She loooovvveeees Lukas.
"Dada" is also a favorite. Often her first word after waking up.
One of her very first words was "bow-wow" - it's what I started calling our neighbors' dogs, and she quickly became obsessed with the "bow-wows" next door, to the point that many times we would leave the house and she'd look to their yard and say "bow-wow, bow-wow, bow-wow". Bow-bows are a big deal in Karis's life right now.
"Nana" - when we pass the bananas in the grocery store Karis exclaims "nana".
"Bye", "bu-ba" (name of my grandpa's dog), "nigh-nigh" (for "night-night")
The one word we couldn't get her to say was "momma". We would go through the list of words and she'd repeat them back, but when we got to "momma": silence. Finally, she started saying "momma" just a few days ago.
She tries to say "bumbo" as she climbs in and out of it.
Karis also has this cute little "Uh?" noise that she makes basically every time she wants something. It's great. I'm enamored watching her comprehension and language development grow.

We've also enjoyed doing some signs, Karis can communicate: nursing, hi/bye, all done, please, more, nose, belly button, eat.

Words I have in my vocabulary to describe Karis are: vibrant, joyful, charismatic (her name seems to be a self-fulfilling prophecy), outgoing, fun-loving, curious, strong-willed, active, silly, welcoming, communicative. So many more, but these come to mind.

You all should know that we have a monkey. Her name is Karis. She loves to climb on, into, over, on top of, and through anything that she can find. Such as climbing in between table legs. Or climbing on to a full size rocker. Or climbing into her bumbo seat. Or under her high chair. Or up stairs (at a clipping pace). She can safely crawl off our furniture and bed. She can be a dancing maniac and we laugh so hard watching her shake her shoulders and stomp around to certain songs. Her favorite thing to do in her room is sit on a stool with a book in hand.

Karis is fiercely independent, and yet at times is getting more cuddly and content to sit in our laps. It's fascinating to watch her personality and preferences develop.

As a family, we're making some marvelous memories these days. We still frequent Sams Club, Caribou and Lucia's for "cheap" family dates, we enjoy time spent with our extended families both here and at their homes in NoDak. Last weekend was wonderful, we got snowed in on Saturday and I felt like "this is how it's supposed to be" - lots of time together, nowhere to go, not much to do, a warm and comfortable home. Life is too good and we're thankful.

In one week, I read in three different places the adage that "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". I'm often humbled and sometimes overwhelmed at the responsibility we've been given as parents - and then I'm reminded that Karis is God's child, He's entrusted her to us and He's made us the parents that she needs. And she is the child that we need! I'm constantly learning about myself, God, and Trevor as I learn more about Karis. The lessons are too numerous to list, which means I probably have plenty to write about . . . hopefully more later. I seem to enjoy the word "later" these days!

I'm reading some freaky books about raising girls: Bringing up Girls and Reviving Ophelia. Thankfully I'm also trying to do some Advent readings that help put some of the sorrowing realities of our world into perspective; I'm increasingly aware of the need for a Savior. What a beautiful and reflective time of the year, we have much to celebrate.

Taken a couple months ago . . . I find their expressions to be amusing

Monkey

Monkey and bow-wow

Again, a couple months ago. One of her favorite activities is taking clean laundry

out of the basket and playing with the items

The Babe and her Birthday Bashes

2010-08-22T18:29:00.001-07:00

Well, the aforementioned chocolate cake was consumed by many party go-ers, because party we did for Karis’s first birthday. We partied and partied and partied and partied. Literally. So much fun was had celebrating and we surely kept the tradition of month-long birthday festivities.

The first party: A doting mother and father, 2 grandparents, a great aunt and uncle (the uncle is Karis’s “b-day buddy”, she was born on his birthday!), 2 great-grandparents, a delicious meal, the chocolate cake, a John Deere tractor, and lots of laughs.

The second party (on her actual birthday): A doting mother and father, 1 chocolate cupcake at YUM Bakery, another one-year old at a neighboring table that was more interesting and received more attention than than the cupcake.

The third party:A doting mother and father, 5 adult friends, 4 babies, tacos, more chocolate cake, the John Deere tractor, a new toy phone, and more laughs.

The fourth party: A doting mother and father, 2 more grandparents, a (toy) cell phone just for Karis, a trip to Hudson and Stillwater, a prime rib buffet at a nice hotel, laying on the hotel bed watching TV and crawling around on the comfy covers and pillows.

The fifth party: A doting mother and father, an uncle, Karis’s first taste of spaghetti, a bottle of wine (for the adults, of course).

The sixth party: A doting mother and father, 2 grandparents, 4 more great-great grandparents, second cousins, great aunts and uncles, a valley view of Bismarck, more fun toys and a special quilt.

I have to say, I don’t think Karis is even partied out and could probably handle another bash or two.

We definitely have a one year old. In fact, on the anniversary of her technical “due date”, she took her first steps . . . right into her dad’s arms. Deep contented sigh. We are having a blast watching Karis come into her own - lately she loves to have anything on her head. She pulls towels out of drawers and drapes them on her head. Finds washcloths on the floor and puts them on her head. Tries to put books on her head. For about a week she was attached to a little plastic cow that goes with her tractor. Does anyone wonder why we call her “Karis hilarious”? She brings such joy wherever we go, it’s an honor to watch people react to her smile and I can’t count the number of times I hear random people say to Karis, “You just made my day”. What a little gift she is.

In random mom news: this morning I took Karis to the nursery at church. A dear woman that I know and love was manning the room and came up to me, looked in the general area of my midsection and said, “Oh, I didn’t know you were expecting!”. To which I, as graciously as possible, said, “I’m not!” and launched into an explanation of how I’ve definitely kept my nursing ‘ponch’ and tried to make it seem like no big deal. And it’s not really a big deal, but STILL, REALLY? I guess I’ll put this shirt back in the closet (hoping that the bulky shirt is party to blame). Oy. That and maybe start pilates? No, not going to start pilates, thank you very much. Wear control-top pants, maybe? Improve my posture? Wear a shirt that says “No, I’m not so please don’t ask”? I’m open to suggestions. One good thing that comes out of such comments is that they prompt me to write, so thank you nice nursery worker woman for pointing out my ponch so that I would finally update this blog. =)

Such comments tend to coincide with days that Trevor and I get a date (which we did today, so nice - but poor guy had to listen to me drone on about the morning's comment. I'm over it, really I am. A post to come on a date occurrence that helped me get over it). I can be thankful for a dear and sensitive husband who lets me be me - it’s been the greatest joy to watch Trevor love Karis, she adores her daddy and so do I. I’m relishing the rhythms of routine the three of us are falling into, from morning songs to post-dinner clean up to walks to before bed reading to Sunday night ice cream cones at McD’s. Where did the year go?

2010-07-29T18:36:00.000-07:00

I felt that funny "is this real" sensation as I walked into a local grocery store to order a cake today. Not just any cake, I ordered a cake for my almost-one-year-old-daughter's birthday. What? When did Karis get to be a year old?!?

You may ask why I ordered one (I don't recall ever having ordered a cake before! Well, I guess I kind of helped order one for my graduation and wedding). Because this cake is complementary (i.e. free), that's why! All the better for Karis to rip into it, right? We plan on having several small celebrations for her and we feel so blessed to have family coming to town both right before and then right after her actual birthday. Birthdays are a big deal, after all!

Well, back to the cake. I will admit that I love being out and about with Karis, and this outing was simply special and one that I'll always remember. Karis just loves sitting in shopping carts, so in she went and smiled the whole way back to the bakery. I kept telling her we were going to order her birthday cake, and I even got her a Caribou coffee to commemorate the celebration. Karis, being the generous girl she is, shared her decaf with me. Karis waved to & charmed anyone who looked her way, and I was ever the proud momma of this captivating little character. We ordered the cake (chocolate with chocolate frosting, in case you were wondering) and I wheeled the birthday girl out to the parking lot, where we met an especially friendly "mature" woman - she stopped us in the parking lot and as Karis waved and giggled, told me to enjoy her. I said that I enjoy her every single day. She told me that she has three grown boys, and that when they were little she "left everything and played." I told her that's what I'm trying to do.

Actually, her reminder was a good affirmation because I've been thinking about that idea lately as I look at all the evidence that I am "leaving it all to play": withering tomato plants, sadly uncreative meal repertoire, dirty floors, belated birthday cards, and on and on. To be honest, I feel really good about all those really slacking things - not all the time, of course, but increasingly more of the time - because really, isn't it more fun to roll on the floor and cuddle and read board books and stroll around the neighborhood? Yes, it's not only more fun, but it's infinitely more important. Yes, I realize my life is really, really, really good. I mean, ridiculously so.

We're loving the summer months and all they've held, including our first family-of-three vacation to Charlottesville, VA where Trev was best man in his best friend's wedding. We had a blast celebrating and being back in the state where we lived the first two years of our marriage. There's something powerful about witnessing a wedding, especially when your husband is at the front of the church in a tux - brought back many memories of reciting our own vows oh so many years ago. Well, not really that many, but still. Anyways, this wedding was uber classy, I felt fully fancy reveling in hor deurves and brunch and reception and dance at a country club in what felt like the middle of the blue ridge mountains. The bride and groom were the classiest part of the whole event and made the day a tastefully opulent occasion for all their guests. Trev, Karis and I enjoyed our Saturday evening with ice cream and a stroll around part of the UVA campus at sunset. Sigh, so beautiful. Can we go back?

Karis has had many adventures during her first year, it's exciting to think of what year number two will hold.

Speaking of Karis, if you'll excuse me now, I have some playing to get back to . . .

Karis with her best-man daddy

Reading King Lear on a youth group picnic - those girls are such a good influence!

Play buddies

The demise of the blog

2010-07-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

You know you haven't blogged in a looonnnnggggggg time when you have to pause to remember how to log in to your blogger account.

The demise of the blog was perpetuated by:

Having a lot of fun traveling: we went to Jamestown to celebrate the wedding of a dear friend, and then went straight to a lake in MN to spend time with family. Karis was hilarious on the boat and in her lifejacket, and she also really started crawling that weekend.
Having a lot of fun celebrating: there's always something to celebrate, it seems. Father's Day, 80's themed b-day parties (picture below), early celebrations for Trevor's birthday, celebrating July 4th here with family.
Having a lot of fun with company: We were blessed to have some of our best friends come up from IN to stay with us in June - our girls met for the first time, and wow did we all have fun together. We considered holding them hostage in our basement, but we bid them a sad adieu and hope to have more fun times like that in the future. My family was here this past week (including my great grandparents!) and they played like crazy with Karis, chasing her around and getting her to giggle.
Having a lot of fun watching Karis reach milestones: she started crawling about a month ago, and I swear she moves faster every day. She loves to be mobile, to explore, to be independent (hmmmm, she sounds like her mom). She now has two teeth, waves, pulls up on everything, and we're waiting for when her "da da da" sounds have meaning. She can now go to bed without her mom (sniff sniff, I thought I wanted that independence and now that I have it I'm a bit sad), she's eating real food like crazy, and her new favorite thing is opening cupboards and climbing on her friends' carseats. She's still the most smiley and joyful little thing and I truly love being her mom.
Having a lot of fun at a women's retreat: where I felt very challenged to start journaling the old-fashioned way. Which I have been doing and really loving. And thus the demise of the blog.

Side note: I started writing this on Tuesday. It's Thursday now. I am just going to post, as incomplete as it feels!

The lifejacket completely relaxed Karis (and trust me, she is rarely relaxed). Maybe I need to keep one around the house?

On our way to the 80's party . . .

first time leaving Karis at night and having someone else put her to bed!

The success made me both happy and sad.

A fabulous Father's Day bbq with dear friends (our daughters are the best of friends already)

I have this very strong affinity for talk radio, and I think Karis likes it too - she must wonder where the people are whose voices she can hear from this little box

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

What a gift to be celebrating Mother's Day today . . . I'm in awe to look at Karis and to know what a gift she is to our lives. I've found it continually humbling to be mother to this dear child who brings such joy to many lives. As my mom says often, "Karis is such a gift", and indeed she is. Trevor and I have opportunities to laugh every day at her squeals and kicks, her babbles and movements. Karis has a deep joy and a quick smile for anyone who will look her way. I feel humbled and blessed to be parenting along-side Trevor, and he's made this Mother's Day celebration all the more special with lots of quality time together, tulips, a card and

I read something yesterday in a book I'm reading called Tending the Heart of Virtue: How Classic Stories Awaken a Child's Moral Imagination. It's a quote from The Brothers Karamazov:

"You must know that there is nothing higher, or stronger, or sounder, or more useful afterwards in life, than some good memory, especially a memory from childhood, from the parental home. You hear a lot said about your education, yet some such beautiful, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a [person] stores such memories to take into life, then they are saved for their whole life. And even if only one good memory remains with us in our hearts, that alone may serve one day for our salvation . . . "

This quote rings so true in my heart, I just LOVE memories. I love to reminisce, a productive pastime instilled to me by my parents who are so good to recall good times we've had. And wow did my parents gift me with countless amazing memories (and still do, thank you mom and dad). As I think about motherhood, it is such a desire of my heart to give Karis and any children a treasure trove of sweet memories that will last them a lifetime.

A memory that I want to always recall from this Mother's Day (I don't suppose Karis will remember it, so maybe she can read about it one day . . .). I ran errands alone yesterday and enjoyed listening to the radio station "the Current". This song came on that at first I thought was really silly and not my "type" of music, but for some reason I didn't change the dial. By the end of the song, I was obsessed. I mean, just loved it (this happens to me often, I instantly like something then can't get enough of it . . . songs, books, movies, food, clothes, routines, anything). So this morning I found it online while feeding Karis her yummy mixture of oatmeal, avocado and yogurt (yummmm, right?). Having ingested a bit of caffeine, I went a little crazy dancing in between spoon feeding her bites - to me it's already a precious memory, sharing joy together while Trevor (not yet caffeinated) watched and smiled. Trevor had heard the song on the radio before, which made me feel so wonderfully understood in my obsession. You want to hear the song? It's called "That's not my name" by the Ting Tings. You can google it and try to listen to it on "www.ilike.com"Give it a couple tries, I think you'll like it. So yeah, this first Mother's Day is marked by laughing and dancing in the kitchen before church. Life is good.

Another memory that came to mind was Mother's Day of my freshman year. My family went to the local Country Club for a beautiful brunch, and who would be there but . . . Trevor Pope. I ran into him in the buffet line and he said, "Hey Pandolfo". I introduced him to my family, and that was that. We came to find a couple years later that he called me Pandolfo (my maiden name) because he didn't know my first name. HA.

Insert deep, contented sigh.

And also, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my amazing mom - I want to be more like you, mom. Your selflessness and humility and humor and compassion and generosity and beauty are beyond words.

And HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to my marvelous mother-in-law. It's such a gift to be part of your family, thank you for making me your daughter! AND, thank you especially for raising such an amazing son who is such a gift to me in marriage.

And as always, so many people come to mind this day to whom maybe Mother's Day is painful. Those who have lost mothers, who have unfortunate relationships with their mothers, who desire to be a mother but for one reason or another aren't able to be. There are so many dear women with mother's hearts who are mother's in their own ways who I think should be celebrated this day as well.

One more memory to add to this day . . . we are ending it with something we've never really done before (maybe because we shouldn't be doing it?): watching a Disney movie with Karis. She's propped up on the couch between us, happily chewing on her teething ring and laughing away (well, more like fake coughing once in a while). We're pretty much loving life.

When dads dress daughters

2010-04-21T18:31:00.001-07:00

I think wonderful things happen when dads dress daughters - or at least wonderful things happen when Trevor dresses Karis. I love when I hear them "talking" in Karis's room and I eagerly anticipate what outfit Karis will show off when they strut down the hall. Here are some recent favorites . . .

This one is from Easter Sunday, on a walk around a nearby lake. The outfit is a gift from our hunting-enthusiast neighbor . . . perfect! The camouflage is offset beautifully by lace and a ruffle-butt.

This was before a little family coffee date at Caribou. Purple hat, pink onesie, purple jacket, yellow pants, and camouflage socks. I love it!

Need I say more about this one? So appropriate (no sarcasm!)

One evening when Trevor got home I ran (well, drove) to Target. When I came back this is what I saw. Trevor loves to put hats on his little girl!

The question now is, what will Karis choose when she can dress herself? I look forward to finding out . . .

Rewind and fast forward

2010-03-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

Rewind to over a MONTH ago (?!?). Tempus fugit, as they say.

- In late February, we were blessed to bring our youth group on a weekend retreat. We spent the weekend at a beautiful farm where we learned together about (and practiced) spiritual disciplines. We also goofed off, played games, talked a lot, made necklaces, played tons of "Ninja", had a Sunday morning service, and got to know each other better. These youth give me such incredible hope for the future, it's a joy to know them and learn from them.

I hope Karis is as amazing as these girls when she's a teenager

(I mean, she will be, but I'm just trying to say these girls are amazing!)

- In early March Karis and I, along with our good friends Beth and Lukas (8 weeks old at the time) trekked to Bis for a few days of lotsa family and friend time. It was SUCH an amazing trip in so many ways! To travel back with Beth, with whom I graduated from high school, was a crazy rewind feeling . . . we graduated from high school ten years ago and now we're neighbors and have babies and go to the same church. My heart runneth over. The few days there were filled with grandmas & grandpas, cousins, and friends. Karis loved all the attention, she's our little extrovert - she'll smile at anything, like she's begging to be looked at, talked to, smiled at. Also special during this trip was celebrating my dad's --th Birthday! We even had a little date, we went to a cute drug store, a used book sale, and a local bakery. Love of books and reading are things I'm increasingly thankful that my dad and I share - he is ever and always the most amazing father I could ever think to pray for and I thank God for him always.

3 generations . . .

A girl after her tech-y grandpa's heart . . . playing with (trying to eat)

his i-touch (or whatever it's called)

- In mid March we started having little Lukas join us here a couple days a week while his momma gets back into work and school. He is a beautiful boy and makes our days so much fun. Karis is sharing mom pretty well and seems to think Lukas is a very fascinating toy. I can't wait to see them interact more and more.

10 week old Lukas, 7 1/2 month old Karis. Yes, they are the same size!

- We went another place with Karis that I wouldn't bring my kids to: Buster's on 28th, a fun local restaurant/bar on the "south side" of town. There were two babies at our table and one 38 week pregnant friend. We celebrated life and can't wait until said friend welcomes her little girl whose due date is tomorrow! Babies, babies, babies . . . everywhere, babies. I love it!

- We had some crazy play dates with lots of babies. The biggest is pictured here, babies from 10 weeks to 10 months were represented. What a gift to be surrounded by such happy and healthy children. God's goodness surrounds us.

Karis is the smallest, but not the youngest! She's my little bean.

Fast forward to TODAY:

- "They say it's your birthday, na na na na na na, well it's my birthday tooooooo, na na na na na na na" (you know that Beatles song, right?). I'm not usually one to say "it's my birthday", but hey, it IS and I'm really loving it! I'm feeling pretty contemplative today, remembering a year ago when Karis was kicking away in my tummy, not even knowing yet that she was a girl - reading my birthday psalm (as in, the psalm I read every birthday) and thinking of the life growing inside me:

Psalm 139: 13 - 16

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

I always like to remember and celebrate my parents on my birthday. I wouldn't be here without them! Thank you, mom and dad, for being the most amazing parents, for teaching me how to celebrate life (on birthdays and all days) and for loving me always.'

What am I doing today, you ask? Redeeming lots of free goodies - Caribou, Noodles, Coldstone. Some Dutch Blitz with Trevor and my bro. Maybe a movie. I'm excited.

- One more rewind, to almost ten years ago: I have Beth's copy of our senior year yearbook here to peruse. Oh my gosh, looking through the pages and pictures brings back a mix of memories and emotions. So much has happened since then, and I feel so much the same and yet so much different (deep thought, right? Ha. It's all I can muster for now and don't feel like going into details).

- Fast forward: Karis's latest and greatest milestones - sitting up pretty well, saying "da da da da da da" (um yeah, Trevor LOVES this), squealing when Trevor walks in the door (yes, Trevor LOVES this), putting her fingers in her mouth and moving them around while "talking" which results in a hilarious sound (you can do this yourself too, you know, to see what I'm saying. Try it. It's funny). She's snorting and makes funny faces and noises. She loves my water bottle. She loves to eat anything I give her (lately, avocados, bananas, pears, sweet potatoes, and potatoes). She is trying to pull herself up onto her knees (might she crawl soon?). She loves to sit in the glider rocker in the nursery, kick her legs, and then giggle when she makes the chair move. She goes down wonderfully for naps. She kicks in her crib, sometimes in her sleep - lifts up both legs and just bangs them right back down. She also does this on the floor and on the changing table - we have a kicker. She gets up about twice a night. She is the happiest baby I've ever seen and brings joy and life wherever she goes. She is a gift.

Oh man, melt my heart.

Lovin' the laundry basket. I can't wait until she can fold clothes.

I am going to teach her very young.

Oh the places we'll go . . .

2010-02-15T13:32:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, the places we'll go with Karis.

Oh yes, the places we have already gone with our dear daughter. From Bozeman to Bismarck, South Carolina to South Minneapolis, this little girl has a good start on her traveling repertoire.

Oh the places I would never take her if she had any awareness of where we actually were.

Indeed, during the past months I've been to places where I've walked out saying, "That was good, but I wouldn't take my kid there." Of course, I did take my kid there. One such place was Margaritaville (during our trip to South Carolina) - something about the simulated hurricane with a massive bottle of something or other descend from it made me think, "Huh, this is fun and interesting, but I wouldn't take my kid here." Then there was this movie we went to a couple weekends ago (um, can I say how wonderful and normal and exhilarating yet relaxing it was to sit down in a theater and watch an entire movie?!?) . . . I left the theater (feeling triumphant in getting back to an activity I'd been missing these past months) saying to my family, "That was good and worth watching. But I'd never take my kid there." Hmmm, except I did take my kid there.

Do I need to stop going to these places with Karis? I'm starting to wonder.

And then there are the places we want to go, but just can't quite get to. The church nursery, for example. I helped prepare a dinner at our church last weekend and was totally prepared both mentally and physically to bring Karis to the nursery for the evening. I even pumped a bottle (and I really dislike pumping), optimistic that Karis would indeed take it (I mean, she'll sip water from my water bottle now, why not take yummy milk from a fun bottle!). I started the meal prep with Karis and a good friend for company. I had it all mapped out: I nursed her, Trevor arrived and got Karis to take a nap in her carseat: the perfect recipe for a good nursery drop off! Trevor dropped her off as the meal prep ramped up (read: need to get lots of food hot at the same time). Just as the dinner was about to start, a dear nursery worker walked into the kitchen, Karis in one arm and diaper bag in the other. Bottle attempt = no-go. Extreme sad crying = yup. Poor girl! To be honest, it was kind of sweet. But to be also honest, I had a job to do and I really couldn't tend to her, and Trevor was getting ready to "host" a "newlywed game" section of the evening so he couldn't either.

Time for a tangent: there are a few reflections I'd love to remember about that evening at church. The event was a kind of Valentine's dinner at our church, and it turned into an evening to remember for many reasons. There was the meal, the prep and delivery for which I felt quite responsible, and thus quite perfectionistic/anxious about. Turns out that doing something like that is kind of like giving a speech in that I've been replaying everything that could have been better. That said, I've been challenging myself to let go of those things and to focus on what went well - AND to focus on the evening as a whole, which was so meaningful and memorable. There was the sweet Karis nursery strike that turned into a beautiful site - since neither of her parents were available to console her, she got passed around a bit. At one point I walked out and saw her in the arms of a father to 3 children who I know but don't know well - it was one of those moments of feeling so at home in our community and so thankful for the love and support and care that everyone has for each other. I will always treasure that memory of seeing Karis calm in his arms and the way he let his dinner get cold just so I could run around and get more hot food on the table and so Trevor could go put on a hilarious 3 piece suit and grill married couples about their spouses. That sweet picture of true community is what I'll remember (as I try to forget the weak coffee I made and the fact that there was no pepper to be found to season the potatoes and broccoli).

Okay, back to the places we've gone. Well, recently we were blessed to go meet Karis's newest little friend, Lauren. The day we did this happened to be Karis's 6 month birthday, and there happened to be a whole lotta little girls around (it's actually a group of us that try to meet weekly - 4 moms, 5 daughters, and one little boy who is in the oven). They even sang "happy birthday" to Karis, it was a good little party.

Oh the places we went a couple weekends ago when my parents came to visit. Karis got to dine at her favorite restaurant, Lucia's (it's the one we were supposed to visit with the above ladies the day Karis was born). Trader Joe's, Potbelly's, The General Store, Caribou (her other favorite), uncle Drew's, Open Door church, and driving all around town - Karis does incredibly well on these adventures and is such a flexible little girl.

And though little girl she is, she is also growing and developing like crazy. Karis loves to reach for anything she can get her hands on - earrings, hair, water bottles, glasses, her feet, your face, your clothes, literally anything. She's still smiles like crazy at just about anything, and she most recently has discovered how much fun it is to stick out her tongue and even roll it. What will be next?

Here's our little Valentine. Trevor and I had fun taking her to her 6 month pictures and then out for coffee in honor of the holiday. I had fun reminiscing about V-days growing up and how my parents always made it a fun day with dinner and little gifts (more specifically, socks - my mom always gives me a pair of V-day socks, and this year Karis got some too!)

Here's Karis in an outfit I wore as a 4 month old

Sacred Influence

2010-01-29T12:58:00.000-08:00

So I'm reading this book called Sacred Influence. Remember how I've learned to never say never or always? Well, before becoming a mom I always said I would always be a wife first and foremost (and I do believe that loving Trevor well is one of the most loving things I can do for my daughter and will make me a better mother). Then I became a mother. My body no longer feels like it's my own (because I'm a nursing mother). My sleep is irregular, I'm hormonal, and oh yeah - I'm completely smitten with Karis. I would do anything for that girl, seeing her makes my face light up and I talk to her with a song in my voice. Let's juxtapose this to when I see Trevor, let's say after work: my voice does not have a song, I maybe smile but definitely do not light up, and as far as doing anything for Trevor . . . well, I put food on the table and right when he's done very often ask him to do things for me.

Back to Sacred Influence - while the pages are lending good reminders and encouragement about the important role that wives play in their husband's lives, the author is largely addressing women whose husbands are angry or lazy or unfaithful. Here's the thing: the book doesn't address how to cope with the nearly perfect husband! (ha ha). I say that kind of for real, but mostly kidding and with a HUGE amount of gratitude to God for gifting me with Trevor's love and his heart. Trevor is still smitten with me (and he is with our daughter too, of course!), he lights up when he sees me and he talks to me with complete kindness. I've never once doubted his love and I am humbled by his example of faith in action through his character and convictions and attitudes. Having an almost perfect husband does pose its own frustrations, BUT what a blessing compared to the alternative. I love you, Trev.

Needless to say, having Karis has changed our marriage, as I expected it would. Being parents has deepened our bond for sure as we're committed together to seek her best interest and to love her in the best ways we know how. But to be honest, it's been a struggle for me to prioritize Trevor and our marriage. And I've come to see that struggles are okay, and having to be intentional and having to try is okay too, even good. There's so much more to say that I'm going to stop right here for now! I'm thankful. I'm trying. Life is good.

Just for fun, here's a recent real-life story of my awesome wife-ness:

I get a text from Trevor telling me he has been invited to go to Alaska in late July or early August. I sent him 3 texts in reply, as follows . . .

1. Um, money?

2. That would be Karis's birthday.

3. What do I get to do?

Trevor sent this in reply:

I laughed out loud really hard. The pastor who did our premarital counseling said that our biggest conflict would be that I am off the charts subjective and Trevor is off the charts objective. When he told us that almost 6 years ago we left the session and I over-reacted and cried (proving his point that I am subjective). He was sooooo right.

In recent our-family news, we've had a memorable second half of January. We went to South Carolina with my parents and brother for a few days of fun in the sun (except for the dreary days, but those were cozy and warmer than here so it didn't really matter). We realized that "packing light" has a new meaning to us: 1 huge suitcase, two big backpacks, carseat and stroller. We felt like minimalists shlepping all those things around. Anyways, we had a tremendous trip with hanging out, enjoying the sea breeze, eating, touring a vineyard (and doing some wine tasting), walking through a huge sculpture and "low country" garden, and being entertained by Karis. Karis went to the ocean for the first time, although I can't say she saw it since she was snoozing the whole time. And oh yeah, Krispy Kreme. SC has Krispy Kreme! I know, it doesn't take much to please, right? Speaking of shlepping things around, I'll always remember one of our Krispy Kreme stops (there were only two, in case you're wondering) when we took up two tables and a booth with our donuts, coffee cups, changing "stuff" for Karis, her diaper bag, ourselves . . . stuff, stuff, stuff. It's unavoidable and really funny. Ah, Krispy Kreme, I think Karis loved it (maybe it has to do with the "K" connection?). Karis was quite the terrific traveler and we're thankful for all the memories we were able to make there (in South Carolina, not just at Krispy Kreme!).

This picture cracks me up, Karis watching us all drink wine. At what point do we need to not do such things in her presence?

We got home and were glad to welcome Trev's parents for a few days - Karis just loved seeing all her grandparents in such a short amount of time. Our little girl seems to be quite the extravert, smiling at anyone who looks her way and charming family and strangers alike. She soaks in all the sights and sounds, she's more alert and interactive all the time. She's rolling over more consistently, making new noises, playing with her feet, loves to suck on her toys (and anything else she can manage to get to her mouth).

AND, Karis is 6 MONTHS OLD. I can't believe it. People always say how fast it goes, but MAN it goes fast. I'm mindful lately of her wonderful health, her growth, her emerging personality. We are blessed, and she is a blessing to so many with her joy and smiles and coos and cuddles. Oh baby girl, you're not going to be a baby for much longer . . .

Baby crazy!

2010-01-13T11:44:00.000-08:00

True confession: I was never really a baby person. I mean, I loved getting to see people's babies and was always excited for families to welcome their babies to the world. But to be honest, when I'd find myself in the room with a baby, I was never the one to rush over and beg to hold him/her. In fact, I probably often had the thought, "I hope they don't ask me to hold their baby." Mainly because they seemed so fragile and, well, scary. I mean, what if I held them wrongly? What if they started crying in my arms?

Since Karis's arrival, all that has changed. I am crazy for babies! And it just so happens there is baby crazy-ness all around these parts. I've visited 3 new babies in just the last ten days, and with each one I am so excited to hold them and rock them and cuddle them. I can see why people keep wanting to have more, there's something just so precious about newborns in their helplessness and their cries and their sleeping and their movements and stretches and smells. I thank God for the health of all these recent babies in our friends' lives, and it's been the greatest joy to watch many of our close friends enter the realm of parenthood. So yes, welcome to the world all you little babies. And dear Karis, thank you again for changing my life in so many ways - you continue to amaze me!

This new year has been off to a fun start, as I wrote last time, beginning with a weekend spent with all Karis's godfathers. I relish watching them talk to her, ask to hold her, laugh with her, and play with her. She loves their attention!

Last week we had a blast seeing some old friends (who I stayed with in Germany almost 3 years ago!). Thank you, S & Z for stopping by, playing with our girl and giving us lots of laughs. Please move back here!

Trevor started a new addition to our nighttime routine with Karis, singing and playing guitar to her (adorable!). Speaking of Karis . . . she is becoming the most smiley and joyful baby I know. It's like she just can't beam bright enough, sometimes it looks like her face must hurt from straining to express her feelings. And then my face starts to hurt from smiling back at her. Our days are so fun as she discovers the world more every day, taking it all in with her big eyes and moving limbs. Lately when I hold her on my lap, she'll crane her neck back to look me in the eyes - this little lady loves to be looked at. She's also doing what appear to be push ups when she's laying on her tummy. Strong girl! We're also certain that she's working on some teeth - she chews on anything she can grab (including our fingers, and it hurts!). I always try to imagine what things are like for Karis in her day, the funny feelings she's experiencing in her gums, what she might be thinking when she wakes up from a nap, what it must mean to her to be looked and talked to and held. I am a blessed momma to receive her smiles and cuddles and coos. And Trevor is such a good dad, and the truly an amazing husband (hopefully also another post later).

In random personal-journal-type recordings, I just finished reading Jane Eyre for what must be about the 7th time . . . the story and Jane's character was better than ever. There's nothing like the feeling of digging into an old familiar book. As corny as it sounds, when I read Jane Eyre, I feel like I'm sitting in a living room with an old friend.

I'm also enjoying a simple but refreshing book called What Kids Need Most in a Mom. I appreciate reminders and insights into the many facets of motherhood, from creativity to identity to mom-guilt to the healthy-ness of having outside interests from the home. Being home lends itself to the temptation to making my world very small (and often selfish). Some other reading is helping me remember the world at large: Exodus, a historical fiction about the struggle for a Jewish homeland in Israel. I'm horrified to read about the events of World War 2 and the century old persecution of Jewish people. Yes, my life is simple and it is very good and I try to not take that for granted.

Karis's life seems pretty simple too - here's a picture of her in an outfit I wore as a baby. I think she likes it!

I hope to write more about this in a separate post, but baby matters on my mind lately are: schedules and food. I'm developing some opinions about each of them, and it's been good to discern what works for our family (haven't started food but will probably start soon, and don't seem to be on much of a schedule and am trying to rest in that).

Speaking of small world/big world, I've been watching the news reports today about the earthquake in Haiti, and I'm reminded of the fragility of life and the precious gift that each day is. May all those affected by this great tragedy find some kind of rest and peace in the midst of chaos and devastation.

Making lists checking them twice

2009-12-29T14:41:00.000-08:00

Some recent baby's firsts:

Meeting my BF from college, Rachel. We had such a wonderful time hanging out here for a couple days before heading to NoDak for Christmas. It's becoming a wonderful tradition to pick Rachel up from the airport and eventually end up dropping her off at her home that's on the way to our's. I'm ever thankful for her dear friendship.

Christmas. Trevor and I had a blessed time celebrating Christmas with our precious Baby K and lots of family. The week flew by with special meals, a beautiful Christmas Eve service, lots of visiting and running around. And sleepless nights, to be honest - poor girl seemed to know that in her crib she was not, and many nights I was up out of bed close to a dozen times to comfort her back to sleep. Ah, Karis - when I wake up in the morning the nights don't seem so bad. But in the middle of the night I feel I may be going a little crazy. And then I comfort myself with a piece of chocolate, which seems to help. When that doesn't help, I admit that I sometimes elbow Trevor - which of course doesn't help anything except that I feel I have companionship in the sleeplessness (especially doesn't help anything because Trevor falls right back asleep. Bless his heart, of course!).

Rolling over. What a fun sight to see! We all crammed around Karis and watched her ever so gracefully turn from her belly to her back, and are continuing to love watching her discover her rolling potential.

Exersaucer experience. In this contraption, I feel we got to see Karis's full and unbridled energy potential. I think I'm up for it, and it's fun to watch her kick her legs and bat at (and try to suck on) the contraptions within her reach.

Bumbo sitting time. All these contraptions and places to put Karis are wonderful. They are also completely taking over our house. Not that we seem to mind . . .

A recent first for Andrea:

I rear-ended someone this week. Thankfully it was just a fender bender and no one was hurt, but . . . one of my new year's resolutions is to not talk on my cell phone while driving. I wish I could say this is an easy thing to do, but it's definitely going to take some discipline. This accident was a good reminder to slow down, focus, pay attention to what's before me - driving, yes, but in a litany of other areas as well.

Some New Year's celebrations and resolutions (which I really feel a need for this year!):

First, some New Year's Eve memories: We enjoyed watching "Lord of the Beans" Veggie Tales movie (gift to Trev from his college roommie!). Karis apparently wanted to ring in the new year as well, she had a pretty tough time going to bed! New Year's day Trevor and I headed to a mall for a walk and then to get some Caribou. I think we intended to talk about goals and such, and we did get as far as resolving to read (together) the 1 year Bible. I'm already a day behind (I think he is, too). Anyone care to hold us accountable to this resolution? We also loved having all of Karis's godfathers (i.e. our brothers) in town for the New Year's weekend. We're so blessed by their love for Karis, I appreciate how they ask to hold her, the way they talk to her and always include and acknowledge her. What a loved little lady!

I was trying to explain to Trevor (during our New Year's Caribou date) that I really feel I need to "try harder" this year. I started listing things, like try harder to have quiet devotional time every day. Try harder to be the wife I know Trevor deserves. And then at one point, I said I need to try harder to relax. Hmmmm, a little ironic, huh? I laughed a bit at said irony, but it's left me thinking. Can the two exist together, or do I need rather to resolve to receive the grace that is mine for the asking - grace to make mistakes (of which I make many), to be an imperfect wife and mother. So maybe I need to also try harder to receive grace, and maybe that grace will cover all. Well, I know it will cover all, it's the receiving it that can be hard. May 2010 be a year of grace. And trying harder. Probably both at the same time . . .

One year ago

2009-12-18T11:11:00.001-08:00

Exactly one year ago we were packing up and getting ready to head home for Christmas. Exactly one year ago there was a snow storm hitting our area. Exactly one year ago we were rescuing stranded friends from the airport.

Exactly one year ago I took this little test that you can't really pass or fail unless you're hoping for a certain outcome. The outcome is measured only in positive and negative. I was indeed hoping, so I did indeed pass the test. Exactly one year ago (at 5:30 am!) Trevor and I found out that Karis was growing inside of me. Thank you, Lord, for the best Christmas present we've ever received.

I'll always remember yelling, "Trevor!" . . . who rushed out of bed to join me in the bathroom (where he assumed I was sick because he already had a hunch I was pregnant). We stared at the plus sign on the stick on the floor and then rejoiced.

Exactly one year ago we were thanking God, and we're thanking Him still for Karis's precious life.

New things

2009-12-14T15:26:00.000-08:00

Such an original title for this blog post, right? I, as usual, am trying to not let the hustle and bustle of this time of year distract me from the really important, lasting things (like writing, spending quality time with people, focusing on the REAL reason for the season). As usual, I'm struggling, but finding some good victory along the way in letting things go (as in, no Christmas card, no birth announcement - shame on me! - little cleaning, using lots of gift bags so I don't have to wrap presents, ha!). I am struck of course that a year ago I was intentionally not writing a Christmas card because I felt that nothing significant had really changed/happened over the past year. Little did I know . . .

This Advent season has been precious as I look at Karis and realize that Jesus was a baby. He was every bit as dependent and helpless and beautiful and growing and, well, everything baby, as Karis is. And to think of Mary! How wise of her to "treasure up all these things and ponder them in her heart." (Luke 2:19) Having a baby really can change one's perspective on so many things.

Some new tricks from Karis:

She is grabbing things and bringing them to her mouth - I'm thinking maybe she's ready for a "blankie"!

She is BUSY. Always moving, sucking on her fingers and fists, kicking, looking around.

This weekend Trevor belched quite loudly, which caused Karis's face to scrunch up which then turned into a full-on wail. It happened twice, and as not fun as it is to hear her cry we couldn't stop laughing. I think we have a very well mannered and polite girl on our hands.

Karis continues to be my funny honey. She just cracks me up! The way she sticks her tongue out when she smiles, the coos and little giggles she offers (she even smiles in the middle of crying sometimes). She loves to be looked at, talked to, and to look at and talk to people.

Karis is wearing cloth diapers. Yup, we actually had four months worth of diapers given to us that recently ran out, so it seemed like a logical time to start. So far, so good - I'm even a little self-competitive about it, seeing just how exclusively I can use the cloth. i.e. I'm trying very hard to use them at all times except for when Karis is with a sitter or during nighttime.

In other random news, Trevor and I had our fourth and so far most successful date this past Sunday. We reminisced about the previous five Christmases we've shared during our marriage, we're blessed with many memories and we look forward to "baby's first Christmas" in less than two weeks.

There's so much more, but my bed beckons me. It says, "Andrea, your baby is asleep so you should be too . . . " Okay, okay, I'm going!

Prepare to be surprised

2009-11-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

That's what Dan says. You know, Dan in Real Life. Ah, Dan, he is always right!

Actually, my husband is always right, but more about that later.

This past week was a blur, we (by we, I mean Karis and me) fell into a nice groove with some lunch dates and even got out to a book club discussion. Oh my was it wonderful to talk about a book in good company on a cozy evening!

I spent parts of Thursday and Friday preparing for what I thought was a youth group girls' sleepover/going away party for one of our dear girls that I thought I was planning. Oh yes, I shot off e-mails to coordinate food and to make sure I knew who all was coming. I ran to Sam's Club for breakfast goodies and snacks for the guys' game night that was happening at our house concurrently. I spent the week feeling the invigoration that comes from doing things that you love, and also anticipating the events (read: I couldn't wait to PARTY. I love a good party, especially a good girl party!). Friday afternoon came and I packed up the car to go to the sleepover destination (a youth grouper's amazing house!) while Trevor changed Karis . . . and off Karis and I went to get there early to help set up for the taco bar that the girls and some of the moms would enjoy to kick off the night of fun and honoring Megan (said farewell party gal). I got there and the gorgeous hostesses had already set everything up, streamers and bowls of pink m & m's, fun dishes to assemble the food. I thought, "How sweet of them to go all out for Megan!"

I went to use the restroom right before dinner, and when I came out they were all standing around the table just staring at me. I assumed they were just waiting for me to pray, so I apologized and said, "Okay, let's pray so we can eat!" And they came back with, "Surprise! We turned it into a baby shower!" To which I just laughed as in, "ha ha, that's funny." And they said, "No, we're serious!" And sure enough, in the 2 minutes that I was in the bathroom they had placed a diaper cake on the center of the table, whipped out a corsage made out of baby socks (so cute!) and placed gifts by my chair. WHAT?!? I have never been so surprised in my life, I still can't believe it happened! It's humbling and beautiful to receive such love, these girls and moms had been planning the event for some time (you know, the event I thought I was planning), and had pulled Trevor into it too. They played my favorite music (Dan in Real Life Soundtrack, of course), we had dinner and cake and ice cream and then Megan and I took turns opening gifts. The sweetest thing was when the girls all went downstairs "to work on some things" after dinner while the moms dished out cake . . . they were down there writing out the most precious cards. The party continued with some hilarious games, including "baby catch phrase" and "baby pictionary". A riot to be sure, the laughter was raucous and some of the drawings for pictionary were too. Those girls all give me great hope for raising a daughter in this world. More on that later. Anyways, what a memorable evening and I can hardly wait to one day show Karis the pictures and tell her the stories of how people lavished love on her as a baby.

This weekend we also took part in a tradition I've been doing since college days: Operation Christmas Child. The only difference about this year is the number of boxes I was able to pack: in 90 minutes I packed about 1 1/2 boxes. The rest of the time was spent holding Karis and feeding Karis. If I'm being very honest, many of those minutes were also spent talking to people - including a gal I recognized from my previous employer, she had done contract work and I think I only met her once there. Crazy!

One last weekend story begs to be told. I mean, you all need to know why Trevor is alwaysright. We had another date on Sunday afternoon. I was less traumatized about leaving Karis this time, but apparently still slightly traumatized because I spent most of the date very crabby (or maybe I was crabby because we started the date talking about our finances and then another part talking about Christmas shopping, and then most of the parts were spent in malls which are rarely the happiest of places for me). Sounds like a long date with so many parts, doesn't it? So anyways, per tradition of our dates we went to a fancy mall to spend some gift certificates we had. We proceeded to get some coffee from the Good Earth Cafe that tasted like hot water (read: increase crabby-ness, I am admittedly a coffee snob and feel some kind of right to have really good coffee whenever I pay money for it). Then we went to JC Penny's (because of a great coupon that had to be used by that day - which is another topic altogether, the need to spend to save). So I thought we could find some gifts for our dads . . . and Trevor said, "Oh, we should get them _______". I wish I could write what the item is because it would make so much more sense when I tell you that my response was, "That's a horrible idea. They're like $40 and they don't even sell them here!" Crabby, crabby, crabby. I huffily decided I really needed a redemptive cup of coffee from Caribou so we rounded a corner to go down the escalator, and what would be RIGHT THERE but the item Trevor suggested. Not only did they have it, it was on a crazy good sale. Crabby-ness started to abate as I almost laughed and told Trevor I owe him an apology. He said, "Yes, you do. And I think you should get down on your knees." So I did. I got down on my knees in the middle of JC Penney and apologized for telling him he doesn't have good ideas. And I really was sorry. And I really do like our dates. For some reason the best stories are manufactured in JC Penneys. Weird.

The redemptive coffee was delicious, and I was quite satisfied at having spent money to save money on some stellar gifts. We were both very excited to pick up Karis, and both very thankful for those couple hours together. I am especially thankful for Trevor who loves me so genuinely that he doesn't resent my crabby-ness. Thank you, Trevor.

We of course have so much for which to give thanks . . . I pray you all have a beautiful celebration wherever you are. We'll be back in NoDak, thankful to be with our families!

Here's my funny honey . . . hours and hours of entertainment this girl is!

The party gals . . . Megan graciously shared her party with me (please notice the adorable corsage made out of baby socks!)

I love these girls (and their moms too!)

Happy Birthday to . . .

2009-11-19T15:25:00.001-08:00

MY MOM!

I hope that I'm now a mom, I have a new appreciation for my own mother. I definitely feel more appreciative - but this is not about me today, this is about her!

Because . . . to my mom, nothing is about her. She is the most selfless, most generous, kind-hearted, compassionate, thoughtful, servant-hearted, optimistic, wise, purposeful, faithful, beautiful-inside-and-out women that I know. There are too many qualities to list, too many anecdotes to share, too many ways to show how completely amazing she is. And I cannot tell you how proud I am to say that she is MY MOM! My mom is constantly celebrating others, and I pray that she had a beautiful day of BEING celebrated like she deserves. How I wish I could give her a hug right now!

My mom is always doing special things, especially for her children - just this week I got two pieces of mail from her of pictures from Karis's baptism. Ever since I've not lived at home, my mom has sent me "tidbits" - articles from the Bismarck newspaper, recipes, pictures, & greeting cards. My mom makes every day unique and fun, and always lets her children know how much she thinks of them. When we go home, she stuffs our closet full of goodies, and it's always so much fun to discover the treasures she's collected as a way to show us her love . . . candy, magazines she's finished, shoes she's passing along to me, candles, cooking supplies, and now little things and outfits for Karis. Really, she makes every day just fun! I have memories of working with my mom around the house - whether going through closets, organizing, or cleaning - she would make sure we took breaks to enjoy a treat or just sit and relax. I treasure those memories. My mom taught me that life can be crazy, but sometimes you just have to turn it all off and have a cup of coffee and a piece of chocolate and enjoy rest.

My mom is the most incredible and attentive listener. She genuinely loves to hear people's stories and is accepting of everyone, appreciating where they've been and encouraging to where they're going.

My mom makes the simple things extraordinary. I have one specific memory from elementary school when she went upstairs and wouldn't let us come up until she came down to get us . . . we went upstairs to find the counter laden with makings for banana splits. It's those little things that stick out in my mind of all the thought my mom takes into seizing each day and the way she takes delight in her family. I've never known anyone so loyally devoted to her family - I have never once doubted her commitment to us all.

I love that my mom loves music and reading and traveling and bargain hunting shopping and baking and cooking and homemaking and exploring and walking and drinking coffee (all things I hope I've learned from her to appreciate!).

Have I mentioned what an awesome wife my mom is? She teaches by example how to honor and love and respect her husband, such a gift to me.

My mom is wise and thoughtful and she can always find silver lining in any situation - she trusts God's goodness even in the midst of difficult circumstances or pain. I've seen my mom weather some very tough times with grace and composure.

My mom is the hardest working and most efficient person alive, seriously. She can organize a HUGE fundraiser for Thanksgiving Day and STILL have a massive turkey dinner on the table only hours later. She's basically superwoman. Because she's still smiling at the end of the day!

These past months as I've watched my mom be a grandmother, I've seen her heart explode to new capacities. I can see in her eyes and hear in her voice her adoration for Karis, and I am humbled to no end to think that God would bless our family such depths of love. A recent memory that blessed me so much was when I called my mom as I walked into the hospital as I was in labor - the elation in her voice really made me think, "Okay, I'm ready. I can do this - I'm going to me meet my little girl soon!"

Can it be that I was once my mom's little girl in that way? Thank you mom, for being the best mom always.

I can only pray to be even a fraction of the mother that my mom is to me . . . thank you, mom, for showing me how to love. I love you SO much and am celebrating you today and always.

And Karis says Happy Birthday, too!

Karis's Baptism

2009-11-15T13:30:00.000-08:00

How can I even begin to sum up Karis's baptism? Many months ago when Karis was just a little bump in my belly we went to a class at our church that examined the sacrament of baptism and its great significance in our lives. We went to the class wondering if we would baptize or dedicate Karis (thus wait for her to make her own decision to be baptized at whatever age that would be), and our subsequent discussions both felt a great peace about baptizing Karis as an infant. To be honest, for the first time in my adult life I gave serious thought to my own baptism as an infant, and memories came flooding back to the way my parents yearly celebrated my baptism day by lighting the candle they received after I was sprinkled with the water as an almost 3 month old. I became incredibly grateful that my family committed me to the Lord as a baby and promised to raise me in His ways. I became incredibly grateful for how they kept the promises they made at my baptism. And I began to really thank God for the mystery of baptism and thank Him for His promises that He has fulfilled in my life.

Trevor and I had a lot of peace about having Karis baptized as an infant . . . and speaking to Trevor's baptism - well, I was at his baptism in our high school years, and it was so special and beautiful to watch him profess his faith and be immersed in the cleansing water. He was also baptized as an infant, which was also meaningful to our decision.

Have I mentioned lately what a joy it is to be a parent with Trevor? Making decisions in the interest in and love for Karis is a new and wonderful stage in life's journey together.

We were thankful to have both our families here for the weekend to celebrate Karis's special occasion, we love watching them delight in our little girl!

One of the most significant parts of the weekend for Trevor and me happened Saturday morning. Grandma and Grandpa watched Karis while we snuck away to have a date (which of course equalled errand running that revolved around Karis). From Sam's Club (to pick up pictures of Karis) to Target (to get flowers and a card for Karis), we spent the time talking about . . . Karis and baptism, and Karis's baptism. What it means to us, and what we pray it will mean to her. Something that struck me as I was processing it all is the words we use to describe her baptism: as in, we did not "get Karis baptized" but rather "Karis was baptized". I think those words bear an important distinction, or they do in my mind at least. The act is not one that we initiated or completed, but one that God did.

Anyways, that hour that Trevor and I had together was so precious because Sunday was mainly a blur of getting ourselves and Karis ready for church, changing not one but TWO quite dirty diapers within 10 minutes of getting to church (seriously hilarious, it's like babies just know the "best" time to get "it" out of the way - we were thankful it was at the beginning and not in the middle of the service!). The service was beautiful and our pastor referred to Karis multiple times through the sermon as he spoke of baptism and All Saint's Day. One thing unique to the baptism service is that all the children are welcome and encouraged to come to the altar and witness the baptism close-up - we're blessed to be part of a faith community that esteems children to the highest degree and enfolds them continually as part of the congregation - because they ARE! The act of baptism was memorable, being up at the front of the church and speaking the liturgy feels just so different when it's for your child. The renouncing of evil, the proclamation of good, the promise to raise Karis to also proclaim God's goodness. One moment that sticks out in my mind is when our pastor blessed the water, watching him make the sign of the cross in the water, and then sprinkling the water on Karis's sleeping head. She truly is a child of God, dearly loved by Him and so many others. I was so humbled to think that God would entrust us with this dear child who brings so much joy to countless lives already.

We then were asked to read the verses we chose for Karis - they are the verses that I read every birthday celebration that I have, to me they're a poignant reminder of God's intricate love for each person and remind me always of His design and delight in each life:

Psalm 139: 13-16

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

The celebration continued with a little reception at our home where we were thrilled to welcome friends and family - the whole day was such a blur, and I'm having fun remembering it in the details that come back to mind. Karis was gorgeous, and the sweet spirit we've prayed for her is evident in her shining eyes and expressive actions. We love this little girl more than we thought possible, and we're reminded that God loves us all even more than the love we could ever feel or experience.

I just realized about a week ago how significant the date of Karis's baptism is (November 1st) - it was exactly one year ago on that weekend that Trevor and I earnestly started praying about growing our family . . . how amazing! Also special to the occasion of Karis's baptism is that the gown she wore was the one I wore, AND that my mom wore before me. Maybe Karis will have a daughter who will adorn the garment one day.

Lighting of the baptism candle

Great Grandma Carole got Karis a special bib to wear over her gown - smart move, saved the gown from the inevitable spit up

LOVE this picture

Karis slept through most of the service, the sprinkling of the water woke her up

Karis is blessed to have 3 Godfathers - my brother and two of Trevor's brothers

An update to the previous post

2009-11-09T07:15:00.001-08:00

1. Karis refused a bottle on Saturday! Any advice anyone?

2. I wanted to add to my thoughts on having some guilt at my place in life right now . . . I heard a great blurb on a radio show I listen to that spoke to this issue. The encouragement was that when we feel guilty for blessings, we really need to just focus on sharing them, giving where we can. So whenever I start to feel those icky guilty feelings, I think about what I have to give right now - a meal, a visit to a friend in need, a phone call to an old friend, a letter out of the blue to someone who needs it. So yeah, there's my addendum to that thought. Oh, and one more, I read a great article about transitioning from full time work in an office to full time work at home, I found its wisdom helpful. You can read it here if you'd like!

And here's another picture for fun. I call her my "funny honey". What a smile!

Cravings

2009-11-05T14:40:00.000-08:00

Because what time I have lately is spent doing what I truly love - preparing for hosting, executing hosting, cleaning up from hosting, writing thank yous and letters and cards to mail, hanging out with other moms and their children, and most importantly spending time with Karis and Trevor (yes my life is crazy wonderful)- I thought I'd cop out on a very thoughtful post and instead copy an interesting thing I read a couple days ago:

Avocados, Eggplant and Pears target the health and function of the womb and cervix of the female - they look just like these organs. Today's research shows that when a woman eats one avocado a week, it balances hormones, sheds unwanted birth weight, and prevents cervical cancers. And how profound is this? It takes exactly nine (9) months to grow an avocado from blossom to ripened fruit. There are over 14,000 photolytic chemical constituents of nutrition in each one of these foods (modern science has only studied and named about 141 of them).

Is THIS why I craved avocados like a crazy woman for most of my pregnancy? FASCINATING! I've read that they are also some of babies' first foods (which is a topic on my mind lately, I'm excited by some new perspectives I've been learning about babies and introducing them to food - perhaps another post later, I'm very excited at my recent discoveries).

Quick bullet points of happenings around here:

We were blessed beautifully to have all our families here this weekend to celebrate Karis's baptism (for SURE its own post hopefully sometime soon, such a memorable and miraculous event).

I pumped enough milk for a couple bottles of milk but have been too much of a wuss to actually give it to Karis, and so the milk sits in our freezer. Maybe this weekend when I host a baby shower Trev can try. Again, I never thought I would be "this" way!

Karis started really talking to us, it's a delight to hear her "ooohs and cooos". Her smiles are more brilliant every day. She's also sucking on her hand whenever she can find it, and drooling like crazy (the two usually go hand in hand, and it's so funny to see her face smeared with all her spit). We are pretty messy these days, I fear that I'm becoming immune to the smell of sour milk and might leave the house one day without changing my spit-up sopped clothes.

Other things going through my head:

I NEED to meet my friend N's daughter, Viv. It's been torture to be this far away, and yet I am so thankful for a dear friend who is just so precious that I could miss her and her family this much!

How can I relax into motherhood? I have a cloud of something - guilt perhaps, but that doesn't seem like the right descriptor - that keeps me from fully reveling in this stage of life. I LOVE being Karis's mom, I LOVE spending every day with her, I LOVE how our weeks flow. However, when Trevor comes home and asks what I did that day, I feel funny saying, "Well, we had tea with other moms and daughters, ran errands, did house stuff, wrote some e-mails and cards, and . . . " It all just feels incredibly indulgent. And yet I firmly believe I'm where I'm supposed to be. So really, I guess it's a matter of discontent, perhaps a lack of confidence in that perpetual game of comparisons. But then I look at Karis and spend even a minute with her and these thoughts are all but gone. Life sometimes seems too good, and I thank God for the blessing of where we are right now, with our little girl in our arms.

Karis did not dress up for Halloween, I wonder if I'll regret that someday?

A first date

2009-10-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

Trevor and I took our first date as parents today (I know, Karis is 11 weeks old. Another thing I always said I'd "never" be - the mom who has a hard time leaving her kids. So much for that). As it turns out, this date day produced some stories.

Last night landed me on the shorter end for sleep, and I admit to waking up feeling a bit anxious about leaving Karis with our neighbor lady. I confessed my thoughts to Trevor, and the one big worry I had for some reason is that she'd be tempted to feed Karis something or give her juice or water (since I'm not pumping for bottles yet). Well, after a lovely morning at church and youth group Trevor and I sat down to eat our pre-date lunch and I caught him putting a tiny spoonful of yogurt next to Karis's mouth. I hope I can blame my over-reaction on raging hormones and sleep depravation - I ended up saying something to the effect of "I cannot go on a date now". I mean, after just telling him that morning of my worries and then seeing that he was doing the thing I feared, well, it was a bit much for my frazzled self. We both said some apologies.

I finally agreed to still go on our date (grumpily). In true "us" fashion, our date plans were simple and involved trying to spend as little money as possible - using a Caribou gift card and making a return to JC Penny (which is really like making money, ha!). We get to JC Penny's after a pretty amicable drive to the mall. We find a customer service counter and the nice lady assesses our return, a little girl outfit (that we didn't get to use before the season change - a whole other topic being the complicated nature of correctly matching size of clothing to season!). Well, the nice lady says, "Obviously you haven't had the baby yet" (with just a hint of question in her voice inflection). To which I say, "Actually, our daughter is 11 weeks old". To which she says something to the effect of, "Um, oh, sorry, I wasn't sure, I mean you look small . . . open mouth, insert foot." Quite the day maker! Trevor and I walked away laughing (Trevor was thinking he was sure glad it wasn't his foot in his mouth). Apparently eating reeses peanut butter cups during 4am feedings isn't conducive to losing the last of the bulge. Whatever. They taste good, I feel good, and Karis is growing. However, isn't this another reason to take your baby everywhere? No questions asked, no foot sandwiches.

We continued on to The Children's Place store to spend a gift certificate on some cute tights for Karis (are you loving how our date revolved around our daughter? Typical, right?). We walked out remarking how surreal the experience was, just how much our lives have changed in so many beautiful ways.

The date continued at the in-mall Caribou. Trevor got this gift card at work, and then he re-gifted the card to me. I for some reason thought he said it was for $25, which of course had me SO excited about how many cups of coffee for which I could stretch it out. Well, I handed the card over to pay for our americanos and the guy had the nerve to tell me that I owed him money. What? There should be $20 left on that card! Nope, it was a $5 gift card. I laughed, and then I thought I should maybe just go home and go to bed.

Go home we did, feeling very proud of ourselves for not talking too much about dirty diapers or to do lists or budgets. We even took the long and slow way home to enjoy the foliage, and we even reminisced about some "former life" dates.

A gift was awaiting us when we came home, a memory that I'll always treasure. We left our home with one dear neighbor watching Karis and we came home to three dear neighbors watching Karis. It's like they all snuck over for a peek at her while we were gone - precious! A lovely way to end our "first" date.

Moving on to a baby report, some significant things happened:

1. Some of our very best friends welcomed their dear daughter to the world. I cannot stop looking at pictures of Vivian (thank God for Facebook), and during one of Karis's 4am feedings I was literally looking up plane ticket fares because I feel I cannot wait to hold that dear girl and share motherhood stories with my loved friend. Welcome to the world, Vivian, you've already brought much joy to so many who have been waiting for your arrival!

2. Karis went to her first baby shower (where she proceeded to spit up on the guest of honor's beautiful black dress - so sorry!)

3. Karis went to her first apple orchard (with our youth group). How stinking adorable is her little bear snowsuit?

4. Karis got her first cold. =( It breaks her mother's heart to hear even the tiniest sniffle! Poor girl. She did also share the cold with me, so this week was a bit sluggish.

5. Karis went to Chipotle for the first time, significant because since she was born we've called her our little burrito. Please notice that the burrito is almost as big as her (and probably weighs almost as much too)

6. This is kind of old news, but I forgot to mention that Jim and Pam got married. I almost cried at their wedding. Pathetic, I know.

2009-10-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

Yes, I do still blog. At least, I think about blogging almost every day. And then I get pulled away and forget all about it until the next day and the pattern repeats itself. I figured the days as a mom would fly, but man do they fly. Karis is of course a joy and every day spent with her is such a gift. Every time I look at her in someone else's arms, I still think "Are you really our's?"

I feel like a few distinct things have come full circle in the last several weeks. First, Trevor told me back in week 2 or 3 of Karis's life that someone told him we'd look back on the first month and realize what a fog we were really in. I remember replying (with probably a hint of defensiveness in my tone) that I really didn't feel like I was in a fog. Well . . . as we enter the start of Karis's third month of life I can say that I didn't realize what a fog I was in. Ha!

One full circle was going to Bismarck for a wonderful visit with friends and family. We got to introduce Karis to more aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends, and every time I had a distinct flashback to all the moments we had in Bismarck over Christmas telling everyone that I was pregnant. And now our daughter is in our arms! Karis loved her first trip to Bismarck and all the time in grandparents' arms - so much so that she started smiling that weekend! There were as always memorable meals, LOTS of pictures taken, and laughs had. One of the hardest laughs I had that weekend was when my mom, Karis and I went to get my haircut. Grandma Nancy was holding Karis and talking to us and she said, "Andrea, I think she filled her pants." Well, Karis has about one such thing happen a day and you can usually really hear it, so I somewhat dismissed it. Not a couple minutes later my mom said, "Andrea, I think she leaked." Sure enough, yellow all over Karis and all over my mom's jeans. Oh my gosh, how can you just not laugh at poor helpless babies who don't know any better? Ah, Karis.

Another distinct full circle was this week when we went to Lucia's, one of our favorite little restaurant/coffee shop, with some dear friends for evening treats. I sat there enjoying my chammomile rosehip tea, sea salt caramel, and the pleasure of fine company . . . and all of a sudden realized I was supposed to go to Lucia's for lunch the day Karis was born. That morning I sent an e-mail to my friend and told her I wouldn't be at lunch because I was going to have a baby!

Yet another full circle has been something a little more personal and obscure, but here it is. When Trevor and I were engaged, I started reading the Anne of Green Gables (you know, only about 10 years behind of when little girls start reading them . . . but they were on the shelf and I felt somehow they'd be good for light fiction reading during my senior year of college). Anyways, the first three books in the series fit so perfectly into all that I experienced that year - Anne's adventures intertwined with her deep friendships and her falling in love with Gilbert Blythe offered so many parallels to how I was feeling about finishing school, leaving behind friends, and starting a "new" life with Trevor. I remember pulling out many quotes and sharing them with my best friend, and also weaving them into a story I wrote for Trevor during our engagement.

So after having Karis I was again in the mood for some light and fun reading, and what do I stumble on but the 4th - 6th books in the "Anne series" (not sure how I missed those the first time around?). I just finished the 6th this morning, and am again amazed at how the stories had parallels in my life for this season of motherhood. I read about Anne's blissful days with Gilbert in their house of dreams, then about the start of their family, and about her adventures as a mother (to six children - certainly that can't be a parallel, right?). In any case, it's been very special to read these books during such distinct times in my life. Books are such treasures.

And so I'll end for now with an Anne quote:

Anne's son, Jem, says, "Mummy, will you tell me a bedtime story that will send a cold chill down my spine? And sit beside me afterwards till I go to sleep?

Anne says, "What else are mothers for, darling?"

Indeed. It's so good to be a mom.

One of the first smiles

Karis in a gown and bonnet made by her great great great Grandmother on the DeKrey side (over 100 years old! The bonnet and gown, that is)

Napping buddies, so precious

A play date with baby Turner

This morning with dad

Cliches are true for a reason

2009-09-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep last night laughing to myself, thinking of all the things I said I'd "never" do as a mother (before I became a mother, of course):

I said I would never have our baby sleep in our bed.

I said I would try to never use a pacifier.

I said I would never be the mom who can't leave her baby for more than an hour.

I said I would never cut my hair short after becoming a mom.

I said I would never be the wife/mom who knows it all and needs to correct her husband when he is doing something "wrong" in the baby care department.

I said I would never (well, hardly ever anyways) use disposable diapers.

Well, now I say, "Never say never".

Karis sleeps so well in the boppy in our bed (where I can, of course, hold the pacifier to her mouth in case she spits it out and fusses as she falls asleep). So there's the first two nevers - when one needs sleep, one is SO excited to learn that a pacifier really does pacify.

I can hardly go to Target alone without wanting to rush back and just look at Karis and hold her and make sure she's okay. Some days I think it would be nice to go sit by myself for a cup of coffee, and then after a said Target run without Karis in the back seat to keep me company, I don't think I could sit still in Caribou long enough to finish even a small decaf.

I have a hair cut appointment this coming Monday, and all I can think about is how good it would feel to do something drastic to my locks. It's hard to do anything drastic to hair without chopping a good bit of it off.

I admit to (hopefully mostly gently but unfortunately not always as gently as I'd like) correcting Trevor's ways of diapering, soothing, holding. I try to refrain, really I do. My will is so weak.

We were given generous amounts of disposable diapers, so why not use them, right? I love them, really I do. I am asked often "How is cloth diapering going?" and I either answer honestly, or use the cop-out that "Karis is too small for them right now." Which, she is. Kind of.

We're all doing well here, loving every day with this dear daughter God has gifted to us. She's more expressive every day, and we think her first smile will light up her face any day now. Our days fly by, and we've enjoyed fun things like a tea party here with a couple dear moms and daughters, former co-workers came over for dinner one evening, visits to see Uncle Drew, and other random occasions. Now we're packing up to head back home to spend a long weekend with our families. We can't wait for Karis to be with her grandparents, great-grandparents, uncles, cousin, and friends.

I mean, doesn't this just look cozy?

Summer dresses have been so fun for dressing Karis

My stunning cousin Hope on her wedding day

Karis looks very thrilled to be going to church

Proud Parents

2009-09-13T13:42:00.000-07:00

Oh my the weeks fly. This week especially has been one of firsts for Karis:

Her first photo shoot. My dear friend from college came to our house and shot some awesome pics of Karis. Check them out at her photography blog. We think Karis is quite the stunning model.

Her first airplane ride took place a couple days ago as we flew into Bozeman, MT for my dear cousin's wedding (hopefully more on that later - it was truly the most amazing wedding I think I've ever been to). Karis was amazing! She hardly cried, she nursed on the way up and down and the pressure didn't seem to bother her a bit. I held my breath the whole time, of course.

Her first wedding, as mentioned above. Again, she was amazing! Slept through the wedding and part of the reception, woke up a bit for part of the dance and showed her beautiful bright eyes to many who held her.

Her first major blowouts. Some changes of clothes and a bath were very necessary. Uff da!

We're loving our little vacation in Montana, the grandparents are loving on her with hands and hearts and I think Karis has been held 24/7 for the past few days. What a blessed life!

And Hope, if you should read this, congratulations and thank ou for letting us share in the joy of your wedding. It was the most precious time for all of us and we are so thrilled for you and Joey!

Back to school

2009-08-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's that time of year . . . sharp pencils, new boxes of crayons, crisp and colorful notebooks - all packed into a brand new backpack. Getting textbooks for subjects like math, spelling, reading. Organizing all the classes' syllabi. Meeting your new teacher. Back to school.

I've decided I'm back in school, too, but my supplies are diapers, onesies, butt paste, and moby wrap - all packed into a little diaper bag. My textbook is google for subjects like colic, infant massage, and healthy sleep habits. My syllabi cannot be planned and is dictated daily by my daughter. My daughter is my teacher!

This is surely the most fun school there is, the most rewarding, and at times the most challenging. The lessons are never ending and classes go from morning to night and then through the night. Karis is a wonderful, albeit very demanding teacher. The lessons I'm learning:

It won't be this way for long (yes, Darius Rucker, I know it's true). The statement is true in many ways, both the good and the less than ideal. I won't be able to fall asleep with her on my chest for long. She won't cry from 8 to midnight every evening for long. She won't sleep in the bassinet at the side of our bed for long. She won't be a baby for long! Karis changes every day, she has rolls on her chin and dimples in her elbows. She flails her arms, and she seems to focus in on me when I talk to her. I wake up often and think, "How can I be so blessed to be the one who gets to play with this little doll all day every day?" She fits into different clothes all the time, dislikes diaper changes, and usually enjoys tummy time where she can show off her strong head lifting skills. Karis enjoys morning walks, she usually is alert and content as we stroll the neighborhood. She's recently enjoyed meeting many of her new friends - young and not young. Baby Everett came by for a morning, little Julia and babies Caroline & Jessa are already some of her favorite gals and I know she will be seeing more of them all in the future. Karis also enjoyed her first experience at Caribou coffee with Beth & Lindsay, she loved it (like we all knew she would). Karis went to her first big picnic for Trevor's work a couple weeks ago (where mom had her first public nursing experience - let's just say I'm glad I brought a sweatshirt. Uff da), and last weekend went to her first party with her uncles. She's definitely a people baby!

I'm learning what's truly important - I'm still desiring of wanting to have lists, to cross things of them, to get thank-yous done immediately, to have a clean house, to keep in touch with people, to make sure my brain doesn't turn to moosh with baby talk. BUT, Karis is the most important thing, which is making prioritizing pretty easy lately. I've been surprised at how life seems more simple now . . . I used to think children made it more complicated, but the more I learn from Karis, the more my perspective shifts. A good friend just this week said she feels like through her daughter she's getting to experience life on a whole new, deeper level. I of course agree.

I'll admit that the first couple weeks, I thought - "This is easier than I thought it would be! I mean, she just sleeps all the time!" Well, those thoughts rapidly fled as my dear daughter woke up and found her voice! There were a couple days when I was feeling a frazzled and frustrated thinking, "I seriously can't even fold the laundry or write one thank-you a day. I'm home ALL day. How is this possible?" I ended up reading a couple of things that were (and are) such a blessing to me in answer to those thoughts. One is a post from this blog that I regularly follow, speaking about slowing down, putting aside to-do lists, and enjoying our families (incidentally, the blogger has a daughter named Karis! A friend passed along the blog to me after we'd decided on the name, so I find this to be very serendipitous and feel an interesting connection to the author). I also read a book given to me by a wise woman called Living on Baby Time. As I read the simple chapters, I kept thinking "I AM this woman!" The author wrote about exactly what I was thinking/struggling with an addiction to feeling productive and literally seeing results of what I'm doing. Well, I'm starting to think that a double chin and dimpled elbows are a beautiful tangible result of my days at home. Anyways, the battle with to-do's does and will continue, but I know the lessons and help will continue as well. Like I said, Karis is a good teacher (and God, of course!).

Other things Karis has done lately, besides you know the usual eating/sleeping/pooping/crying more): Karis has been enjoying church, and especially all the loving attention she receives there. She makes funny noises, some of them sound like she's laughing or like she's a billy goat. She seems to be focusing more, we love to watch her bright blue eyes. When sleeping, Karis is so peaceful. When awake, she loves to be held and cuddled and swaddled. And of course, we love when she gives that little passed gas smile - even if it is just a reflex at this early stage in her life.

We introduced Karis to our favorite movies, Elizabethtown & Dan in Real Life. Let me tell you, those flicks look different through the eyes of parenthood! That is, we will not let her watch Elizabethtown until she's at least 25. And Dan in Real Life gives a glimpse into parenting adolescents. We also introduced her to The Office (I know, we're horrible parents!). Trevor feels Lord of the Rings would be too intense right now, so we'll wait on that fave. All this to say, we're enjoying some relaxing evenings, as well as the luxury of kind of just taking her wherever we are. I'd like to start reading her the Chronicles of Narnia soon . . .

The rest of the uncles came to meet Karis

Karis's first big picnic/work party/luau

Give me a "K"!

On the way to church . . . (this pic is the most recent)

Hanging out with uncle Drew

Bathtime with dad

Showing off on the changing table

And the next Pope is HERE! Part Duo: Birthday Parties

2009-08-12T10:15:00.001-07:00

(I definitely started this post on the date above! Time really does fly, it's hard to believe Karis has already celebrated her 2 week birthday by the time I actually get this up!)

I think I mentioned way before the a tradition in my family of celebrating birthdays for a month. We're off to a great start in August and will certainly be celebrating Karis's birthday for even longer than a month! We've been so blessed the past couple weeks to have many family and friends join us in the celebration . . . here's just a few:

Uncle Drew has been a champ for us - he brought us dinner from Quizno's shortly after Karis was born, AND when we got home from the hospital we discovered some birthday gifts: he had cleaned our house! I just about cried to see the vacuumed floors and clean dishes! Even more sweet, he left a card for Karis in her crib to welcome her home, along with an adorable rattle toy. What a guy!

Wonderfully crazy enough, Karis was born on Uncle Steve's birthday! Steve, Aunt Deb, Grandpa Jim & Grandma Linnie came the evening of Karis's birth, she slept through that party but even though the celebration was grand.

Shortly after my dear friend and coworker (okay, former coworker I guess - weird) Kwenen and her hub Jon stopped by. And not only did they stop by, they brought gorgeous flowers and a terrific tub of fresh cut watermelon. I was in heaven (first because of their company, and next the flowers and watermelon!).

The next morning my friends Jen & Alyssa stopped by with their dear daughters Caroline and Julia - sadly, the picture of Jen was taken with a full memory card. =( But here's Alyssa and Julia. So adorable, and Karis already has such great little friends!

Drew, star that he is, brought us lunch again . . .

And that evening our old and treasured friend Dave came by with his girlfriend Betty (again, memory card full. Grrrr.).

The parties continued, first with the Grandma Lorie & Grandpa Bob and cousin Courtney. They brought us lunch and Momma Lorie took Trevor to Target to help with getting groceries and got us more disposable diapers (she's too teeny for the cloth ones, and really, I just can't stand the thought of starting them yet!)

And then Grandma Nancy & Grandpa Kirk, who gracious helped both their children immeasurably during their time here with food (for us) and home projects (for bro). I can't describe the joy in introducing Karis to ALL her loving and doting grandparents. This girl is SO blessed! As are we.

The parties continued with friends and neighbors coming and going . . .

And now for some Karis details:

She changes literally every day. Most recently was the momentous occasion of her umbilical cord stump falling off. AND, I think I got almost 6 hours of sleep (on and off of course) last night. This girl is AMAZING. Can this sweet contentment and sleep patterns of hers last? Well, she'll still be amazing even if they don't.

A memory to treasure: my mom watched Karis on Tuesday while I ran to Target. First, I have to say how odd it was to walk around in public without my pregnant belly. People are SO nice and attentive to pregnant woman, and I'll admit that I enjoyed it. Okay, so the other day in Target I was just a paunchy really tired looking girl who still walks a little funny. Ha! I was excited to get home to Karis and Grandma, where I found Grandma walking around with Karis all alert in her arms. Grandma said she was like that the whole time, and when I walked in the door and she heard my voice, she immediately calmed down. I really am a mom. We all just want our moms!

And the next Pope is HERE! Part Uno

2009-08-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

(the following was written over several days . . . time really is different with a baby around!)

Karis (pronounced "care-iss") Carole Pope made her grand appearance to the world on Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 at 2:14 p.m. She weighed a lovely 6lbs 4oz, measured 19 inches long, and came out crying. And now I'm crying as I even write this sentence - it's just too much, God's provision is simply amazing and we feel so humbled that he would entrust us with this gift of life.

As I write, this new family of three is sitting in our living room in a quiet house. Trevor is reading The Hobbit to Karis, and she is loving every minute being wrapped up in her daddy's arms, feeling his heartbeat, hearing his voice, gathering his warmth.

There's so much I want to remember about the past few days, so many intricate details that I'm scared I'll forget. So I'm going to just write and post in increments - more for us than for anyone else, but I hope whoever reads this enjoys the boring details.

There's the technical "stuff" of going into labor of course (and I'm all about being real, so if you can't handle the graphic details, please just skip this paragraph!): my water broke at 11:30 pm and woke me up. However, it was simply a "gush" (you know, not exactly what they show you in the movies!), and I started to get what felt like contractions about every 20 minutes. I kept Trevor posted, but to be honest we were both in complete denial - I mean, we had plans for the next week, you know? I kept saying, "It's probably nothing" and Trevor kept saying "Yeah, it's probably just a leak. It'll repair itself" (I'm sure we read somewhere that can actually happen, I don't know?). Well, by 7am Trevor convinced me to call our midwife. She let me know that I had tested positive for Group B Strep, and said I needed to pack my bag and come in right away to get started on an IV. She said most women will go into full labor on their own, and they would give me a certain amount of time before augmenting my labor with drugs. I wilted. I went to the bedroom in tears and told Trevor what she said as I grabbed my backpack and started stuffing it. Trevor did the same and we just kind of moved around the house in a fog, I sent off emails to cancel all the plans I had with people the next couple days (I finished work last Friday and had packed the next couple weeks with all sorts of "play dates" for myself with friends, hosting people here, bringing meals to friends with babies . . . ). My contractions got a little more regular and I was having to stop in the middle of them and try to relax to get through them. My bro was eating breakfast and we really shocked him with our news! I'll never forget seeing him get choked up when I said, "One way or the other, we're going to have a baby within the next day or two." It was beautiful to see his emotion and helped me get excited for our change in plans. One of the last things I did before leaving the house was to crumple up my current "to do list" and toss it in the garbage - very liberating! I felt like I was saying hello to our new life and letting go of all that I thought "needed" to be done before Karis arrived.

Around 9am we pulled into the parking lot. I'll always remember talking to my mom as we pulled up, hearing the absolute joy and excitement in her voice was such a gift to me and continued to help me get so excited to meet Karis. We proceeded to the hospital triage area where they make sure you're not just faking labor (ha!), and man did they take their time in giving me the ph test to see if my water actually broke. Contractions were getting more regular, praise God, and I was starting to envision a quick labor and started thinking they better get going already. Well, they didn't - we were there for almost 3 hours! Still feeling pretty good, we enjoyed our time snacking on bananas and almonds, texting all sorts of people, just enjoying each other. And of course, getting more regular contractions - the nurse was rather discouraging and kept saying, "Well, hopefully the contractions are doing their job and making your cervix dilate". I was like, "Lady, I get how labor works - don't squash my hopes, okay?" Anyways. They finally hooked me up to my IV for antibiotics because of the Group B Strep risk . . . and then finally the midwife came in and said we'd move to my room soon. By this time, contractions were about 6 minutes apart and it was getting harder to relax through them. No more texting by this time.

Nurse Kelli came and guided us to our room - that walk down the hall must have triggered something, contractions came every four minutes starting then and their peaks were more intense. Trevor was AMAZING and just kept massaging and coaching me to relax. Our midwife, Pat, set up about four stations around the room for different ways I could labor in a rocking chair, birthing ball, window ledge. She was so respectful of our birthplan, and didn't check my cervix yet (I'd been reading how it can be discouraging to be checked often . . . if you're not progressing you can start to regress, etc.). This was maybe around 12:30pm. Pat left, the nurse went through a bunch of papers for us in between contractions, then Pat came in and out and helped Trevor coach me through some contractions ("Deep low noises! Relax after they peak"). Pat came back and maybe around 1:15 checked my dilation for the first time since arriving at the hospital: 6cm. Over half way there, and as I started to get more miserable (now resigned to bed on my side, grabbing the bed bars during contractions) she said, "You'll probably dilate a centimeter and hour from here - I think you'll have your baby by dinnertime!" And I was thinking, "Um, I can't take this until dinner time." It was getting seriously intense. Not long after that, I was shaking and sweating and having contraction one on top of the other and saying, "I can feel her RIGHT THERE!" And then I thought I had to go to the bathroom (which I knew is a classic feeling for being through transition and ready to push, but I was sure I couldn't already be fully dilated). I got to the bathroom, and the nurse said, "Don't push!" and then she left. And pretty soon I was screaming "I can't not push! Help me help me help me!" Trevor ran to the hallway, the midwife came back, she checked me again and said, "You're fully dilated and ready to start pushing!" That was maybe 1:45. In an instant there were several more people in the room prepping who knows what in a frantic way, it was obvious they were all very surprised (nurse Kelli later told me "I'm still getting over how fast that was"). Anyways, so push I did. Trevor tells me I completely calmed down after that and went into a real zone, resting between contractions and pushing with them as they came about every four minutes. With a few pushes Trevor could see Karis's head and I could feel it! I had heard that the sensation would feel like a ring of fire, and I would say that's exactly right. Pat said I wasn't going to be able to stretch enough for her head to get through without major tearing, so she strongly recommended an episiotomy. And I just said "Whatever you have to do" (so I like to think we had as natural a birth as we could have with no augmentation or pain relief . . . just needing some anesthesia at the very end when she was cutting). Within a few more minutes and a final push, Karis entered the world in one long sweep, crying beautifully as she was placed on my chest. As I write this, I would give anything to go back to that precious moment of seeing her face, looking at Trevor, and instantly knowing that she looked just like him (which I had SO been hoping for - truly!). Trevor said he cried as he watched her come out.

As I was being stitched up, Trevor went with Karis to the other side of the room to be weighed and to change her first diaper - it was beautiful to watch them, listening to Trevor talk to Karis, calling her "buddy" (to which the nurse, Paula, said "You can't call her buddy! Call her buddette!" For the record, she's still "buddy" to Trevor). He changed her first diaper, and then Karis came back to nurse, which she did for a full hour, a sweet time with Trevor by my side, holding the phone up for me as I called my mom and just savored those first moments of bonding. Then Trevor took his shirt off and put Karis to his skin. Next I was in the tub, then Trevor packed up our stuff and we followed nurse Laura to the room where we'd be staying the rest of our time. We got a little settled, and then went to the nursery to be with Karis when she got her first bath. I just fell in complete love with her desperate cry, her trembling lips, her fuzzy hair, the smell of her clean, soft skin. Words can't describe the feelings, the exhaustion, the elation, the complete joy of our first hours of being Karis's parents.

Trevor putting on Karis's first diaper. What a guy.

Can I say again how awesome Trevor was (and is, of course)? His support and encouragement and his love for his girls is overwhelming.

And lest this all sound fluffy, I should also mention the pain was horrible, I screamed like crazy, and many times yelled, "I can't do this!" And the miracle of birth is that I would do it all again.

And I will admit that the initial thoughts of "we have PLANS" were very real and that I felt very not ready. But it didn't take long to see that this was and is THE PLAN, and Karis came right on time. I can't imagine having had to wait another minute to meet her.

On the way from labor room to our "stay-over" room

First bath, how traumatic!

Home from the hospital

Trevor here. Andrea is the most "self-less" person I know, so time for a bit of info about her. We had attended the "Bradley" classes, had a great teacher, and prayed for, hoped, wanted a birth without drugs to support Karis in health, so Andrea could fully enjoy the feeling of holding our child right away, and minimize any side-affects that may happen. Andrea was unmedicated except for the antibiotic for infection, and did amazing. The hospital staff asked her if she was a runner, after seeing her heart rate and Karis's heartbeat through the birth. All the vital signs were good throughout. In the completely uncertain event of childbirth we take nothing for granted; length of labor, complications, health of mother and baby; it's a praise for how things went, and I will leave it at that.

So, I'm probably supposed to discuss my "feelings" and "emotions" and other things like that during the whole experience. My expectations were scant - who could know except when it happens? The night before, packing bags, driving to the hospital, walking down the looooonng hallway to the elevator, checking in, and sitting in the triage unit were all pretty chill. My mind was a bit unfocused, overwhelmed, but taking in every bit. Things got serious about noon in the birthing room as Andrea felt stronger contractions. She took it like a champ, through some of the worst pain I've seen someone go through. Glory to God, it was short lived, but the intensity looked pretty bad. All in all, I felt a bit useful throughout, as I spoke through contractions with Ang, constantly gave her water, snuck her bites of granola bar, guided her when she moved, and timed contractions to know when the next one might hit and how frequent they were coming. I cried when Karis came out. Not blubbering, just completely overwhelmed with love and awe. Spiritual is a word you could use to describe it. Other words might be getting hit with a train of love, or dumbstruck. Karis was so alert when she came out, looking around everywhere and not crying except 5 or 10 minutes when she first arrived and got cleaned up. As the nurse and I checked some vital signs she stared, gripped my finger, and looked to be loving life.

And now - we're 6 days into the adventure with some tired eyes and overflowing hearts at this child. She has continued to amaze us with how cute she can be, mustard diapers, and daily changes in appearance. Walks around the block have a new meaning. Eating dinner is secondary to the life laying in the bassinette. Getting out of bed... is still not fun. We're thankful and having so much fun with Karis.

Thank you for sharing the experience with us.

T minus ???? Days

2009-08-02T17:34:00.001-07:00

I'm fascinated that we're at the point where everything is "normal" now . . . and then on any given day, all of a sudden, things will change. We'll make our way to the hospital. Things will happen (not sure what it will all look like, but things will happen). We'll come home with a baby! And normal will all of a sudden look much different than it does right now as we sit in front of a Lord of the Rings movie after having a relaxed dinner.

Anyways. On my mind this week in a pronounced way has been the feeling of transition (now that I read that, "transition" could be quite a pun, as it's referred to as a specific and quite intense stage in the labor/birth process!). But no, I mean transition as it relates to stages of life, which this week equates change. My heart is heavy with some and elated with others:

- My bro moved his belongings out of our basement where he's resided for almost a year. He just couldn't stand us anymore! Not true (as far as I know or can tell), but his things are truly gone as he transitions to living in the home he's been renovating for several months. We're thrilled for him to have such a wonderful place to live, but will certainly miss the nightly games of Dutch Blitz, the shared meals, and all the other routine daily-ness that we've settled into. We never knew having him live here could be so wonderful, and we're grateful.

- Our dearest friends here are no longer here, as they packed up to move closer to their families (which happens to be quite far from here). So again, happy/sad. So happy that what they've sought after worked out, but quite devastated that we'll no longer see them on a weekly basis at church, dinners and lunches and parties in each other's homes, youth group planning and activities . . . very heavy sigh.

- I'm transitioning into my new "career" (motherhood) as I finished work on Friday. Again, so very happy/sad (sad to leave work, not sad to enter motherhood of course). I mean, I don' take for granted that I'm able to stay home with our baby for the foreseeable future - what a crazy and amazing gift! But really, I love to work, I enjoyed my work, and I adored the people with whom I was able to spend so much of my weekdays. I'll miss the place and the people tremendously and do hope to keep in touch. And I'll be honest, there's a great part of my identity that I put in my work, so it's a different feeling to lose part of that. The sermon this morning touched on that point - the tendency to attach so much of our perceived worth in what we do. Often unhealthily so. I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now than be a mom, and there is a great peacefulness in that.

And now we're waiting for the biggest transition of all, into parenthood. I'm thankful to say this change is all happy. I sat at our kitchen table yesterday morning and just wept to think of welcoming our daughter into our home, to think of all the support and encouragement and love God has blessed Trevor and me with, equipping us to pass that love along to each other and our now to our child. We had a great 37 week appointment a few days ago, and the midwife seemed thrilled at everything. To boot, I feel the best I have in a long time - walking, eating, & sleeping wonderfully.

Thanks to a dear friend's advice, I've been re-reading birth stories from Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth. Each account reminds me about the beauty of creation, of birth and of the utter uniqueness yet sameness that bonds humankind from all time and across the world. I'm excited to see what our experience will be as the story is going to be written so soon. A sentence from one of these stories resonated with me deeply: "I knew this was the beginning of our baby's new life and the end of my selfishness and the part of me that was holding on to still being a child myself. My life was no longer my own. This was still the happiest and most spiritual day of my life." I'm already feeling some of that - the knowing of what selflessness will be required of me can be daunting at times. And yet I know it just happens (right?). I continue to delight in watching Trevor's enthusiasm and uninhibited confidence in, well, everything, and I am always thankful to share every step of every way with him.

We were SO blessed this week by a gift from someone we actually hardly even know (good friends of my brothers): a bag neatly packed with everything we need for our hospital stay! Toiletries, food, things for baby, everything! Considering "pack bags" has been on my list for a couple weeks, this gift almost had me in tears. I thought packing for the hospital seemed looming enough for me to dread it and put it off, that is until I read a friend and fellow blogger's post about packing for her entire family of four to go to Africa. Suddenly packing to stay in the hospital for a couple days doesn't seem like such a big deal! Aside: I have to say that said friend and her family are going to Africa on a mission trip with our church . . . she told the tale in this morning's service of how it came that her family is going, and it was simply beautiful and amazing.

The lists are back. Lists are scattered everywhere - in my head, on our counters, in my purse, by my bed. I love lists, but sometimes they can be unrealistic or just plain silly. Here are some of mine now:

On my pretty much crossed off list:

- Wash cloth diapers

- Learn how to use cloth diapers

- Learn how to wash actually dirty cloth diapers (my, they look so clean right now)

- Stroller purchased

- Baby clothes washed

- Car seat installed (thanks, Trev)

On my need to do list:

- CHILL OUT. TRY to sleep in for what could be the last time in a while. Take time for quiet, prayer, reflection.

On my don't need to do but seem to think I need to do list:

- Bake, cook, fill up the freezer with meals for postpartum (probably not going to happen)

- Get in touch with friends and family, visit friends and family, run around like crazy doing anything and everything I can think of

- Read about vaccines. Read about sleep habits/methods/theories. Read about parenting. Read frivolous fiction.

- Clean, clean clean (nest, nest, nest)

- Write letters, write cards, write in journals, write about the story of Baby K's name

- Make an e-mail list for announcing Baby K's arrival

- Catch up on photo albums/ordering pictures

Yeah, I'm trying to move the "chill out" to priority. Why is this hard for me? I annoy myself.

Deep breath. Okay, we had a great week and weekend. Yesterday we did the unthinkable: went to both the Mall of America and IKEA on a Saturday afternoon during peak vacation season. Well worth the trip and the walk and the claustrophobia to get to see a cousin who's in town, and then also to get ice cream from IKEA. We were thrilled to welcome another dear cousin here for the evening and had a blast grilling burgers, playing Halo, Blitz, and ending with a bonfire when my bro, one of Trev's cousins and some friends also joined. There is just something so unifying and mesmerizing about a fire - instant hours of guaranteed conversation. Gorgeous.

I did manage to plan something for every day this coming week, and look forward to seeing how it all unfolds - starting with making homemade ice cream with our youth group gals tomorrow. I'm excited. Life is so very good, and only about to get better. As a song in church this morning lyricized, "My heart is filled with thankfulness."

Final countdown (or at least it feels that way)

2009-07-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

It's so cliche, but time really does fly. These past two weeks have gone so quickly, and I can only imagine the next few will be just as fast . . . and then we'll have a little girl in our arms! I find myself extremely tuned into every little movement, contraction, or difference that I feel. Some days I have a ton of "braxton hicks", I feel Baby K get the hiccups on a daily basis, and she just feels different somehow. I'm looking forward to our appt. on Wednesday where we hope to find out some details on how things are progressing. Wow.

I find myself flashing back over the past nine months to an abundance of pronounced memories and events that have marked this pregnancy with such joy. From finding out on a blizzard-y and eventful day, telling our families & friends, celebrating so many annual special events, some road trips, some guests, and a lot of daily things that somehow seem not so daily when you're growing a baby. I've treasured this time completely.

So, I lost my waddle as I somehow gained my ability to walk again (well, maybe I still waddle a little, but I'm not in pain anymore which has become the main thing for me). I lost my ability to sleep any past 7am, and I gained a craving for chocolate cupcakes and cool ranch doritos. I lost my head a couple times and gained the opportunity to show my brother what a crazy hormonal pregnant woman is capable of (i.e. sudden and quite unprovoked outbursts of somewhat negative emotions taken out on said woman's husband. Sorry Trev. And Drew, I like to think this is just continuing your education about enigmatic female tendencies, so instead of "sorry" I will say "you're welcome").

I often lose my fear of the future and depending on the day, I gain it back again. One day I think we're ready. The next I think my recurring nightmares of tornadoes (for real, I've been dreaming about tornadoes on an almost weekly basis) must have some deep psychological meaning. Most days I'm overwhelmed with awe of this miracle of life, and all days I feel blessed that God would entrust us with this beautiful creation.

One of the highlights of this week was discovering that the digital wrist watch Trevor ordered that came in the mail (which I thought he got just because he wanted a new watch) he got for the sole purpose of timing my contractions! How sweet. He really is a treasure.

Events-wise, these past couple weeks have been filled with very special baby showers, including one thrown for me by my co-workers (very special and fun!), one for a friend who's due with her boy ten days before me, and one for my dearest friend here celebrating her little girl due to arrive in October . . . the celebration of each life is beautiful, and to be even a small part of loving on these babies and families is an honor and joy. This weekend I also had the fun of spending a relaxing evening with a few dear college friends who were in town. In short, lots of good girl time has been had.

And in funny pregnancy comments, I forgot to mention a couple new ones (some resulting from the waddle, others from just getting rounder or the fact that apparently people can say anything to a pregnant woman):

- "You kind of look like my grandma!"

- "Oh, you look SO much better than you did yesterday."

- "Can you GET any bigger?!?"

- "You look like you could go into labor any time."

- My latest favorite was just uttered today. A very kind mother of a six week old sweet baby boy asked if I'm getting nervous. I said, "yes". She said, "Labor was the worst experience of my life. It was awful. I'm still getting over it". Ummmm, I'm sorry? Thanks for the warning?

HA. I love it. The redeeming comments have been, "You could be a pregnant model" (THIS from the same one who told me I look like her grandma), and "When you pull up behind a table you don't look pregnant" (then again, don't most pregnant women look not pregnant when you can't see their tummies?). Or, "Wow, you're butt is still small - when I got pregnant . . . ". They all make me laugh, and I'm continually amazed at what public property pregnant women can be to others (like, when hands fly to my belly with little or no notice). I don't mind.

Random picture time:

Here's the "almost 37 week picture". We still love watching her move around in her little womb home.

A fun summer afternoon in June with our youth group at Como Park, ending at "Connie's Cones" (amazing place, thanks Reeds for the introduction).

My dear friend N and I at the baby shower she threw for me . . . a picture of all hostesses to come once I get one - thanks to all the hands and hearts that made it such a special day!

Mothers, aunt, grandma, cousins, niece . . . several traveled a great distance to be there, I'm so thankful.

Wonderful friends from Trev's days at NDSU, on the 4th of July. Their little boy is such a doll!

My fab coworkers at the shower they threw for Baby K - amazing!

A brother dinner, some time ago . . . it's rare to get a picture of them all!

I've Got a New Way to Walk

2009-07-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

Oh yes, the waddles are back. To be honest, this little girl is quite literally "getting on my nerves". You know, the sciatic one. The shooting pain down the leg with every step, which leads me to walk akimbo. But really, I might as well make the most of them, right? Does anyone remember that song from Sesame Street "I got a new way to walk -walk walk." The tune goes through my head often these days. You can watch and listen to it for yourself! This new way to walk has prompted many a thought, and a couple of stories. The thoughts first:

- I am so very thankful that I can sit comfortably and sleep quite well still

- I would rather have this than heartburn or sickness

- I am thankful to not be on bed rest

- I cannot imagine what people who live with chronic pain go through - at least I know mine will (hopefully) go away when we meet Baby K. My gosh, I have it easy. As Darius Rucker says, "It Won't Be Like This for Long" (that song makes me cry)

- This is a forced season of rest for me. I need to sit. I need to ask for help (laundry, groceries, garbage, watering flowers, everything. And thank God for an amazing husband who is so helpful!). If I were feeling great, I might not pace myself well, so this time to back off the to-dos is okay.

The stories:

- A truly dear coworker last week: "Andrea, are you feeling okay? You don't look so good. (in an apologetic voice) You kind of walk like my grandma." Oh my gosh, what was I supposed to say to that? I think I laughed. A couple other coworkers pointed out to me, "Oh, you look like you're moving a little slow today!" Um yeah, every step hurts. You would be walking like a slow grandma too. I'm laughing as I write this even though I hope it sounds sarcastic.

- Today we went to see the movie Earth. I was inspired by the monkeys and on the way out decided that's kind of what my walk looks like - so I walked out of the movie theater making "eeee eeee eeee" sounds and putting my hands near my armpits.

- Trevor told me my waddle is actually endearing. Isn't that sweet? Quite unfortunately, he thinks he has sympathy pain - his hip really hurts when he walks up stairs. Sad!

Speaking of Trevor, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM! He's 28 today, and I'm obviously so glad he was born. God bless you Trevor with the best year yet - it's sure to be an adventure! We've figured out that most years for his birthday my gift to him is usually a party of some kind. I remember our first year married I made a feast in VA complete with orange sorbet in cups made of real oranges, steak, and cheesecake (I've since WAY simplified my cooking!). Last year it was about 25 people for a bbq in our backyard (that was a messy pile of dirt at the time since our patio was in progress).

Here's a pic of the 2008 party

This year it was a grill out party on Friday, a pasta party on Saturday, we'll have a walleye party tomorrow night with family. Good memories! For his actual b-day, we went to see Earth, had take-out meat madness from Famous Dave's, and are going to finish with some Dutch Blitz and Gears of War (I'll let Trevor win this once. Just kidding - I don't even know what Gears of War is, but I know it brings Trevor great joy). Happy Birthday, Trevor!

Speaking of the movie Earth, it was very special to watch it yesterday as so much of the footage and followings were of mothers and their babies! Besides being so darn cute, I was struck by all the natural instincts of animals - everything is just so, well, natural. They're born, they feed, they leave. So yeah, I was kind of comforted thinking WE are so part of God's intricate and natural creation too, so the feeding issue (which I often worry about now) will of course somehow work out. Everything will. It was good to sit in the theater and just think on that.

And speaking of Trevor. Sometimes I get this panic of "I'll never have him all to myself again!" I know it's selfish, but it's true. I find myself just wanting more and more time with him, wondering just how things are going to change - how we're going to change. I know it's a waste to worry in this way, but I wanted to write it down to 1. Get it out of my head, and 2. Look back on and remember how silly I was to even THINK that! We are immeasurably excited to meet Baby K of course, but you know these thoughts are still just sometimes there.

Another thing I'd like to remember - yesterday I received (via Facebook) some sweet postpartum advice from an old friend who's now a mother of two gorgeous girls: "Don't worry about the dishes/laundry/other chores; they won't go anywhere." I like that.

Anyways . . . Pics from the quiet patio party

These boys like their meat

And here's me at 34 1/2 weeks yesterday. Baby K probably weighs about 5 pounds right now! My brother was funny - when Trev was taking the pic Drew said, "Are you sucking in? Let it out!" Yes, I walk around the house with my belly hanging out out my too-short shirts. I refuse to go buy new ones at this point!

Oh what a weekend

2009-07-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here at my kitchen table (maybe I should be outside? It's gorgeous out there - and by gorgeous, I mean NOT SMOLTERING) and I'm trying to soak in the wonderful weekend that just went by way too fast. I took Friday off to spend with family in town, and I thought so many times at my desk today, "I wish it were Friday again . . . " The weekend started at Don Pablos with my parents and two dear cousins - Sarah & Hillary are more like sisters than they are cousins, gorgeous girls with such character and personality and a history between us all that spans since they were born. After the yummy mexican fare, we settled in at home for some "Splitz & Blitz", i.e. banana splits and some raucous rounds of Dutch Blitz. So fun.

Friday was a delightful and relaxed day of girly-ness: we hit IKEA (did you know they have free coffee before 10am?), hit the Midtown Global Market, lunch at Noodles & Co, and some meandering around uptown. What sticks out in my mind from uptown (besides the wild stores, the stop at Penzey's, and a delightful coffee and sea-salt caramel break at Lucia's) was a lovely conversation with a cashier/make-up artist in a make-up store. I perched myself on one of the comfy chairs, and she came up to talk and went on and on about being pregnant and having children - she was so interested, and so encouraging and engaging. Again, people are so nice to pregnant women, it continues to amaze me. Her name is Collette and she said to bring baby in sometime. I just might!

The girls at IKEA - Hillary got a pineapple plant - how fun is that?!?

Friday evening we had a pizza party at a table set for 10, where Trevor's parents and our niece Courtney joined us and my parents and cousins for a nice dinner and time of reconnecting - it was wonderful to have all our families here at the same time, the first since we moved here. We cherish them all so dearly and those times together are special to us.

Saturday was the event that prompted all the togetherness . . . a beautiful baby shower, where we were again humbled by a shower of love, creativity, memories, and gifts. My dear friends Nikki, Alyssa, & Beth hosted the morning and it was beyond what I could have expected! (I must interject - to a certain "YG" mom who reads this blog, you were spared being invited because there's a plan for a double YG shower!) The theme was "Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice (because that's what little girls are made of)", there were splashes of lavendar in all the decor & flowers, there were spices and sugars, an array of splendid sugar-y and spicy foods, spicy tea, & cinnamon sticks as favors. I was blessed (on behalf of Trevor and Baby K) to have so many dear family members and friends join the celebration and again it's hard to even begin to express our gratitude. I can't wait to show Baby K pictures someday and tell her how loved and prayed for she was before people had even met her! She is already one blessed little girl.

Some Shower Memories . . . (more pictures to follow in a separate post)

I will always remember the start of the morning when Trevor and I sat in the nursery together in the peacefulness of a sleeping home to fill out the "baby traits game" - we had a list of traits, ranging from personality to eye color, and we had to say which of us we hope our daughter to take after for each trait. They were surprisingly easy - Trevor's eyes and confidence and sense of humor and height and lips, my nose and hands and interpersonal skills and creativity. What I loved about after we played the game at the shower (and everyone had to guess what we had put down for answers) is that Nikki pointed out how amazing it is that God already knows all those things - what she looks like, what she'll be like . . . and then she read part of Psalm 139 (which is a psalm I read every birthday, and one we hope to read at Baby K's baptism. Nikki is a true kindred spirit!):

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
       All the days ordained for me
       were written in your book
       before one of them came to be.

Another meaningful moment was time spent in prayer for Baby K, as well as prayer cards that people wrote out and then gave to us . . . all are beautiful, and a theme from a couple of them very much stood out and touched my heart - perfectionism. A couple prayers written:

- Neither of you will be "perfect" parents but may God grow you up to be more and more like Himself

- Remember, nobody parents "perfectly"

I cherish those affirmations especially, because it's so easy to think (even now with Baby K in my belly) that I somehow have control (or could somehow mess up) the pregnancy, the birth, the parenting. Perfection is unattainable - and as Trevor would call it, boring. So, here's to being NOT perfect, to learning from mistakes, for being honest on the journey.

There were other fun games as well - everyone guessed how much I measure around (Aunt Debbie was right on!), there was baby-food flavor guessing, and of course the dirty diaper game (thanks, Beth!).

The shower was also a tangible reminder of the abundant family and community God has blessed us with - we are so thankful. And thankful also in a way that our worlds could "collide", that our families would come all this way to celebrate and that our friends here could meet them all (and vice versa!).

Festivities continued on Saturday evening with a big bbq at the Pope household, filled with Popes and Pandolfo's (14 combined, to be exact). The evening was gorgeous so we all ate outside, celebrated Father's Day and recent birthdays, pondered some questions from a game that we have, and soaked in the summer night in good company. We took out our "question game", a contraption filled with all sorts of conversation starters. The first was "how old is 'old' and what is the secret to staying young?" Courtney (our 9 year old niece) answered, "Well, 65 is old, and the secret to staying young is wrinkle cream!" She is an amazing young lady, and our Baby K's first cousin - it'll be fun to see them together, and Courtney will be a wonderful role model to her.

This week Trevor and I spent some more good time in the nursery unpacking generous gifts and organizing. It's hard to believe that a BABY will be in there with us so soon. We're terribly excited.

Trevor unwrapping a "diaper cake". Mmmmm, tasty. It was an adorable cake, and its contents are going to come in very handy when I'm sure we'll be adjusting to cloth diapers and loving the convenience of these beauties.

And tonight . . . we welcomed home "Brother Tay", Trev's youngest brother who was just in China on a 6 week mission trip. It's been a joy to see him take that opportunity and we loved hearing about his travels and experiences building relationships with the Chinese people he met and spent time among.

The brothers (well, most of them) - or should I say the dad and uncles?

Please notice Taylor's amazing mustache and comb-over.

And now, we're ready for a long weekend - happy 4th of July everyone!

Home birth, diaper pails, dads, pictures, air conditioning, hospital visits, James Bond . . .

2009-06-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

The title contains some random things on my mind, not necessarily in that order. I am thinking, "Thank God for air conditioning and cold basements." I've been inside almost all day, which I might feel guilty for except that I got a wonderful amount of things done (whether any of them really needed to be done is a point to question, but I'm enjoying my sparkling clean teapot and dusted door frames. I feel a little crazy admitting that). But then with everything I get done, I think of something else to do/research/find: Diaper pails. Nursing bras. Cloth diapers. Print pictures from the last year to try to keep up photo albums.

And then I read that paragraph, and I think the reason for some of the manic thoughts are just wanting some kind of control. I feel a little out of control lately - not as in wild, but more like "I have no control. And I want some. How can I get it? By making lists. And then crossing things off the list." It has to stop, and I'm reminded that I am NOT in control, and it's okay to be out of control because don't I truly believe that God is in control? My actions wouldn't always show that belief, so God help me!

The home birth thoughts - those correlate with the hospital visit. As in, we took a tour of the hospital this week, and I've never so strongly considered giving birth in the comfort of our own home. All the machines and unfamiliar people walking around in blue scrubs left me feeling a little short of breath. But alas, to the hospital we will go, and after a few days of reassuring myself of the care we're receiving, I feel good about it. And I'm thankful for it. And in the oddest way that makes complete sense, I can't wait to go back there because it will mean meeting our daughter. Who, by the way, is kicking away the past couple days after a week of a lot of quiet movements. I yelp out with surprise often as I feel her lurch from side to side - she truly feels bigger all the time.

And finally, James Bond. Do I really need to explain? Trevor went to redbox and came home with what he called a surprise - he loaded the DVD, paused it on the first frame. And I guessed what it was right away, which means I've watched Quantum of Solace one too many times but am enjoying it right now again. Thanks, Trev.

Oh, and here's an almost-32-week picture:

______________________________________

And speaking of Father's . . . it's now Sunday, Father's Day. HAPPY FATHER'S day . . . to so many! Of course most especially my father, whose awesomeness you can read about here. Truly, dad, I love you and thank God that you've set such an amazing example to me of what His love for me is like. I hope you know how wonderful you are! And I am blessed by my dad-in-law, Bobby - a recent memory that I'm thankful for is when we sat in his living room in Bismarck overlooking the river, each with a laptop on our laps - typing away, probably pretty tired, and not really needing to say anything (as Bobby would say, wirelessly communicating - as in, no words needed). I'm thankful to be able to have that level of comfort. Love you too, Bobby. And of course ALL four of Trevor and my grandfathers are a gift to us.

I church today when mentioning Father's Day, our pastor very aptly talked about God as the ultimate Father - thank you, Lord, for your love and especially for how you've shown your love to us through our fathers. I know that is not the case for everyone and remembering that makes me feel especially blessed.

And Trevor - truly, happy Father's Day to you. You are already an astounding dad to our Baby K and it's been a joy to watch you grow in love for this precious life. I love your heart and I can't wait to see you be a father to our daughter.

On becoming a Pope

2009-06-13T13:22:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, Trevor and I were welcoming two of our brothers back to the U.S. after their month-long gallivanting adventures in Peru. Once we saw them off on the final leg of their journey back to Bismarck, we enjoyed a dinner at Sunsets in Wayzata and a viewing of the movie Once.

My bro and me with his Peruvian-inspired beard . . . didn't get any pictures with Trev for this anniversary.

Two years ago today we were spending time at a fully modernized (and air-conditioned!) log cabin in Brainerd, eating Zorba’s pizza, going to Ocean’s 13, and re-visiting many of the paths we trod in that lake country on our honeymoon.

The head-dress came with the cabin

Around three years ago today, we were starting to think about moving back to the Midwest. On our anniversary day I was in Minneapolis, on my way back from a friend's wedding . . . Trevor picked me up from the airport that night and I distinctly remember being very difficult and crabby. And going to Subway for dinner. And I think Trevor had some nice things in the car when I landed, I recall watermelon was included. Very sweet (Trevor and the watermelon).

Just a while after our anniversary celebrating Trevor's landing his current job here in Mpls. There was grand marnier involved (just a little, of course).

Four years ago today Trevor was giving me a jewelry box engraved with my initials, and we were taking an overnight trip to Fredericksburg, VA. I remember just meandering the streets, checking out the shops, drinking some coffee. We’re big fans of overnight trips.

Coffee shop in Fredericksburg

FIVE years ago today, a Pandolfo became a Pope by way of a ceremony. A marriage ceremony. Which is obviously why I can mostly remember what we were doing on this day for the past five years. As cliché as it sounds, the time has flown, and these have been the most amazing and best five years, each one filled with its own character, lessons, and adventurous journeys. I have to say that being married even better than I ever expected it could be, although I think that has something to do with my husband. I thank God for him every day, and often still can’t believe this is my life – getting to spend every day with a man I love and who loves me back even more, who makes me laugh, who encourages me and supports me. A man who is confident in who God has made him, who loves people and gives his heart generously. Who now sits beside me with his hand on my belly, talking to his daughter and feeling her kick and do somersaults in a way that always fascinates and enthralls us.

And today as I write this, we’re on our “Babymoon/5 year anniversary trip” in Stillwater, MN. It’s very early, and I’m sitting on an antique couch in our room at the Aurora Staples Inn Bed and Breakfast. This is our room. I’m surrounded by lace curtains in the living area filled with intricate Victorian décor and furniture. This short trip has been filled with fun interactions, which is what we love. We arrived here late afternoon yesterday to a warm welcome from the owners Kathy & Jerry. Kathy gave us a tour of this 117 year old house, and then she delivered delicious hors doeuvres to our door. It was a gorgeous day, so we left for main street, which is filled with shops and located near the St. Croix River. After a little walk, we went to Brine’s Bar & Restaurant – which to be honest, was a little dive-ish (think, sticky tables), but, truth be told, I increasingly love those kinds of places. The kind where the people are real, the food is cheap, and the atmosphere has unique character. And where they have a salad bar, ha! Brine’s was all of those things and so much more. Our waitress seemed guarded at first, and then when I asked if there was meat on the salad bar, she said no but quickly offered to just throw in some freshly grilled chicken for me (at no charge), adding that she gave birth to twin girls seven months ago and knows how it is to need meat (I’m telling you, this baby is so good to me, people are so nice to her and I get to reap the benefits. Wow). Well, there of course started a delightful conversation that continued each time she brought us food or water. She showed us a picture of her girls and gave us some parenting advice from the trenches. She was wonderful, and I’ll always remember that meal (it was delicious, by the way – I think Trevor loved his Brine burger too).

Settling in with delish hors deurves

Then we stopped in at an outdoor-gear shop, and had a little chat with the guy working there who informed us of the hot spots in Stillwater. He was quick to point us to this map showing the 3 HUGE sets of stairs located around this small town, and encouraged us to go climb them. In my head I was like, “Um, do you KNOW how hard stairs are with this large stomach and an extra 17 pounds of weight?!? No thank you.” But I just smiled and said we might check them out . We didn’t. Even though if we DID climb them all, we could go back to that store and get a badge that says we did. Maybe next time.

Back at the B&B, we took our books to the front porch and read them in rockers, smelling the fresh flowers that were everywhere. Gorgeous and restful. Later we watched Once again. And now after a great night’s rest, I’m anticipating the coffee that will be at our door in ½ hour, and the breakfast to follow an hour later – I’m sure Trevor’s looking forward to it, even though he’s still sawing logs (another thing I can’t believe but love about my husband: he sleeps through all my clanking around).

Anniversary Part Duo

It’s Saturday afternoon now, and I am coming down off a small caffeine high (doesn’t take much caff to get to me, and wow was it a productive morning due to that kick). Yesterday continued to be restful, if not a little lazy and lethargic . . . and we enjoyed every minute knowing that any lazy and lethargic days will soon be over (or at least, that’s what we’re anticipating). Breakfast was delightful, we dined at a long and elaborately decorated table with 3 other couples – 2 of whom were also celebrating anniversaries (in the 30 odd years, compared to our 5). The meal was beautiful, the conversation lively, and the owner of the B&B was gracious to us all.

Typical for us, we headed back to town a bit before noon and came home – a nap for Trevor, a walk for me, and then my bro took us to Maggiano’s where we had a lovely meal, which included a picture and a story:

We had a wonderful waiter, who happened to notice us praying before our meal . . . and then happened to say “I noticed you praying, where do you go to church?” (to which Trevor replied an emphatic “No”, thinking he had asked if we were going to church that evening. Anyways). So we talked about our church, and it turns out he went to our church’s “mother” church in Chicago (where the pastor is our pastor’s brother, and where we went exactly a year ago with our youth group . . . ). And he’s been to our church a few times, and he knows some of our friends there. This might not be so random except that our church is really pretty small and is the only one of its denomination in MN. So yeah, it was just neat to connect with him and learn more about his story too. Not to mention, he brought us dessert on the house. Yummmmm.

It was not a bad day, as our brothers would say. Today is also not a bad day, after some deep cleaning and baby-room arranging (yay!), we took a picnic to Excelsior and strolled around an art fair by Lake Minnetonka.

And now, I might start reading Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Baby. Or, I might just indulge in some more A Thousand Splendid Suns. I can’t seem to get enough fiction lately.

So many thanks

2009-05-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

Once again, Trevor is trimming the lawn, and I am growing our baby (after running errands, making salsa, cleaning, organizing, bringing cookies & milk to my brother's contract crew). Life is so good right now, we are immeasurably blessed - I'm overwhelmed and humbled and feel so incredibly undeserving. So much so, that I've struggled this week with the thought that something must be about to go wrong to balance out all this right-ness. Yes, I'm afraid the fear crept in again this week, but as I gave up (and continue to give up) the fears, I find that something else creeps in alongside . . . peace. Trust. Assurance. Thankfulness. Present-mindedness. Realization of what life is to me and how I approach it. In short, through the struggle of fear, God's presence is more real than ever, and for that I am ever thankful. And really, it often takes the struggles to experience sweet grace.

I allowed myself a brief meltdown this morning when the bag of parts for the crib was no where to be found . . . I'll be raw here: I was ashamed at my reaction (i.e. frustration and anger all geared at Trevor). My lack of support and encouragement was embarrassing. The meltdown came when Trevor placed the bag of parts in front me (it was in a bag filled with diapers - logical, right?). I started voicing my fears through tears - I mean, if I react like that to such a minor thing, how will I react to my child - so much of my reaction are based out of a lack of control, and what can be controlled LESS than an infant (and toddler, and preschooler, and child, and teenager, and . . . ). It was just one of those moments of not being able to conceive the future. And really, it's trying to conceive (and control) the future that gets me into so much trouble! All that said, it was a good reminder that I am NOT in control. And there comes God's presence, and the thankfulness of knowing He IS. What a relief. He does things so much better than I can, when I let Him take over.

Okay, confession over (for now), so on to the fun stuff! Trevor and I got back a few days ago from a wonderful trip to our homes in NoDak. I can hardly begin to express what a joy it always is to be welcomed lovingly by our families as we take over their houses, eat their food (that they prepare for us), steal their time, and make us the center of their world for a few days! HA! Truly, it struck me how amazing it is that we have two sanctuaries to return to in Bismarck - in essence, the best bed and breakfasts that I'm sure we'll ever find because of the way they know us, love us, seek to understand us - and the way they share their lives with us, their wisdom, their stories. That they take time off from work to just be with us, and to know that it is their joy, is a gift.

And now in addition, they way they already love Baby K is just a new extension of their selfless and caring hearts. I can't wait for our little girl to meet all her grandparents.

So yes, the time in Bis was whilrwind as ever, but every details seems etched in my mind already. Everything pretty much built up to Saturday, which was a day of parties in the form of showers (as Trev's uncle asked: "Did you get really clean in Bismarck? I'm not sure why you had to go all that way for a shower - there's plenty of water here in Minneapolis"). Anyways, the day started with a bridal shower for my dearest cousin Hope. I need to go on about Hope a little bit here - I think she is the first friend I ever had, when I really think about it. We played together from the time she was born (and I shamefully admit that I was often and awful cousin and bossed her around, telling her things like she can't play with cars, I would take away my little handheld piano from her grip . . . awful!). Here's the thing about Hope, she has always and does still have the kindest and softest heart. She's always taking care of others, thinking of others, interested in others. She is a woman of character and grace and I'm so thankful that I've had the joy of knowing her from such an early age. To celebrate her upcoming marriage and wedding was an honor, and it was elating to watch the love "showered" on her by family and friends. That, and the chance to catch up with other aunts and cousins during that time was precious. Not to mention all the fun surroundings of fuschia and orange decorations, elaborate display of food, engaging games, and happy chatter from everyone else - a great memory already.

There was a little break, and then we all caravanned out to Trev's parents home where his mom threw me a baby shower. WOW. I am still processing it all . . . the setting was perfect, the table laid out with such care and creativity: a "diaper cake" with an adorable stuffed animal on top that wound up and played a lullaby. The refreshing treats, the caribou coffee, the lullaby music in the background, the balloon boquet, the lavendar accents in plates and cutlery, the "pea in the pod" theme. There was a display of pictures of Trevor and I from our own baby days. I know I'm biased, but Trevor was an adorable baby, it was fun to see the pics. In all, the beautiful atmosphere put guests at ease and provided such a peaceful way to spend the afternoon. And the games! There was a "baby animal" game, "price is right" (which our 9 year old niece Courtney led and did a fantastic job!), everyone guessed how much I measured around, and we ended with the "dirty diaper game" (as gross as it sounds, and I definitely requested this one - simply melt different varieties of chocolate bars, one per diaper . . . pass around the room and have people record their guesses as to what kind of candy bar is making the diaper dirty. Grotesquely hilarious). Next the gift opening - my gosh, such a humbling afternoon of attention and love and generosity. Trevor and I are overwhelmed by everyone's grace in gifting us so much with the things needed to start a nursery and care for a baby. The pink tissue paper was flying, and I'm thankful to everyone for helping us and look forward to using the gifts and thinking of the givers all the while. I was especially awed by the family who drove so many miles to be there for the special occasion - aunts, cousins, and my gma especially who came from several hours away. Wow.

Oh, and one more shower memory - Trev's mom had everyone who wanted to write some parenting advice on notecards and I'd like to record some of my faves:

from dear Grandma Carole: "Have a good babysitter when you need one (like uncle Drew!)"
from my wise teenage cousin Siennah: "Be understanding and loving, but also have rules"
from sweet Grandma Eileen: "When your baby cries, she does that for a reason, so if she is happy when you pick her up, do so!"
and one of my favorites from Kristi, a friend of the family I've known since I was young: "Have an epidural!" HA!

That night was a lovely bachelorette party for Hope, a fondue party which ended up being the perfect way to unwind after the fast-paced day.

All too soon we were making our rounds on Sunday to see grandparents and spend time with parents, packing up and getting ready to head back east. We can't wait to go back again in September with Baby K in person.

And in baby news . . . today has been largely all about her room - the gifts are unpacked, clothes hanging up, and Trevor assembled the crib (the same one I used as a baby!). This week was filled with lots of backyard fire-pit/patio hosting, a picnic today and a bbq tonight, an old friend's baby shower tomorrow. Life really is too good, and we're savoring each day. Little Baby K has been kicking up a storm many times a day and it never gets old to just sit and feel her move around and try to guess what body part she's choosing to exercise.

Lastly for now, here are just a few pics with of the weekend in Bis:

Trevor and his family's golden retriever, Max - after a walk and watching the sunset over the Missouri River

My dear cousin Hope with her grandmas, and a sea of fuschia and orange.

My mom, me, and my mom-in-law (at her house). Check out the diaper cake!

DeKreys and Popes and our niece Courtney unwinding with a lovely brunch

Me with my grandparents (I regret not getting a picture with my gma from my dad's side at my shower . . . )

Me and my dad man, post parties

Belly bumping

On our way back to Bis, with my BF in tow! I hadn't seen her since the day I found out I was pregnant . . .

Landscaping and growing babies

2009-05-17T17:34:00.000-07:00

Division of labor in marriage is always an interesting thing - I know I've said this before, but I'm just so much more "traditional" than I thought I would be in the stereotypical gender roles. And this was more pronounced this weekend than ever, as I cleaned, cooked, and did laundry while Trevor labored outside planting hostas, weeding & mowing. However, I added something else to my "list" that I'm taking full advantage of: growing a baby. So yes, I grew my baby while taking a nap today while yes, Trevor continued to labor outside. What I love about my husband (among a million other things) is that I told him I took a nap and he thought that was simply great news. Wow.

I'm also very thankful for fun happenings this weekend . . . a bonfire here with good friends, interesting discussion at youth group, lunch on the patio with our small group, and now waiting for our brothers to arrive for the evening. The service this morning was also special, two songs were played or referenced that we had at our wedding: "Come thou fount of every blessing" and "For the beauty of the earth. " Music is so powerful and stirs such memories.

Baby stuff this week included another wonderful midwife appointment, hearing Baby K's heartbeat, and researching strollers. So many options. I can't help but think that baby gear and preparations have been increasingly commercialized in much the same way that weddings have. I mean, did our parents have all these options/opinions/stores/web sites that just offer more opportunities to spend more money on things that maybe aren't necessary? Just something I've been pondering, the parallels of engagement/wedding/marriage to pregnancy/birth/parenthood. The thoughts are simmering and will boil in another blog post later.

We're very excited to be heading home to NoDak this week to spend time with our families - road trip!

Pics and such

2009-05-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

I have to admit that last week my mind was in a gazillion places, which was causing some anxiety . . . thoughts of things I "need" to research, learn, and prepare were taking over and making feel like I couldn't possibly so any of those things! Thanks to some praying and perspective - AND to wonderful Trevor and his ability to move and assemble furniture - the space in my brain was feeling much more open by the weekend. We enjoyed some various activities like going to a baptism class at our church, lunching with friends, flower shopping with another friend, and driving to Red Wing for Mother's Day. And now that I write all that, talk about perspective - I am truly blessed in countless ways.

Before I mention Mother's Day again, I want to borrow from my friend Rachel's blog (it's private, or I would surely link to her!) some thoughts about how very difficult Mother's Day can be for so many people. People who have lost their mothers, want more badly than anything to be a mother, have broken relationships with their mothers . . . or never knew their mothers. I just want to acknowledge an understanding that this is not a happy day for too many people. And I'm also humbled with thanks that I am to be able to celebrate with joy this holiday for SO many reasons - I know my mother, and I love her incredibly. She is my best friend and a mentor to me, she has poured love on me my whole life and has taught me so much about being a wife, mother, and friend. Her selflessness has impacted my heart and my life probably more than I'll ever know. I love you mom! I have an amazing mother-in-law who has welcomed me graciously and whole-heartedly into her life and into her family. She also has taught me so much about all the various roles that women play, and how to play them all with grace and balance. I love you too, Lorie! I have a plethora of grandmothers in my life - my own, as well as Trevor's - true women of character and intelligence and wit and wisdom. I am so thankful. And I even have some "like-a-mother" moms from different stages in my life, from college, to our time in Virginia, to here. The verse in Titus 2 is so true of ALL these amazing women in my life: By looking at them, the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, be good wives. And really, SO much more.

In addition to being able to celebrate moms this year, to actually BE one (even to one I haven't met face to face yet) was such a blessing. In so many ways, I feel like I know Baby K so well already - I envision her, pray for her constantly, feel her many times a day. Her presence is already so tangible, and the love I feel for her already so deep and, well, mother-like. I was so thankful to get to spend the weekend with Trevor, who reminded me of what a memorable weekend we had in learning more about baptism, preparing our home for her arrival, and driving to Red Wing for a little day trip. Actually, it was more like a 4 hour trip, most of the things in Red Wing are closed on Sunday! But we did savor the drive and took time to talk about a birth plan, cloth diapers, and strollers (wow, we sound really boring and task-oriented I think!). We did really have such a nice time just being together, and even stopped at IKEA on the way back for furniture and ice cream (great combination, by the way). Thank you, Trevor, for making the day so special and really celebrating - it is a joy beyond words to be able to share every step of this journey with you. And every step of the journey before this baby journey too.

When we got home, we grilled and ate dinner with my bro on the patio, a relaxing and beautiful time.

And here are some updated profile pictures of the belly. In this one I'm sucking in. Trevor took it, I looked at and said, "I'm not really that small!" So I fessed up.

I think this one is a little more real - on the exhale, you know. I love just letting loose, I think that's one of the best things about this wonderful belly (besides the baby inside, of course. And I guess a lot more things. But the letting go is definitely wonderful).

Supply and Demand

2009-05-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

No, I'm talking about the kind of supply and demand we all learned about in 10th grade Economics class. The kind I'm talking about is directly related to motherhood, and I'm finding that it can be applied to many other things as well. This past week our Bradley class focused on C-sections and breastfeeding (at this point, I need to give a heavy and long disclaimer: I've become shockingly adept at talking bluntly about topics that to others might not seem very modest. I could go on and on about all the miraculous biology that comes with pregnancy because I never really knew much about it. For instance, my body has literally grown and continues to grow an organ that is feeding the baby that is growing inside one of my other organs. I am truly fascinated by how our bodies were created!). Back to supply and demand. And breastfeeding. Because yes, the two go together - or so I've heard several times in the last week from our instructor and various books. So "they" say that the more you breastfeed, the more milk you will provide. I just could not wrap my brain around that, I mean that your body just does this, I almost couldn't believe it. And then something happened that has helped it all make sense: I got a cold. And as the days went on, I soon noticed that the more I blew my nose, the more I had to blow my nose. Supply and demand? Maybe. In any case, it helped the concept sink into my mind - that our bodies are simply capable of producing substances (whether good or bad) and eliminating and producing again. So really, the timing of this cold was a blessing in that it helped me actually believe that I can provide food for our baby (because yes, I've literally had nightmares that I can't give our baby what it needs. But really, lesson learned and the sniffles can go away any time now.

So there's my blunt biology blubberings for the day. Just ask my brother, I have to be stopped at times from giving just too much information.

On to the weekly news . . . in short, it was a wonderful week and weekend. On Friday I called in sick to work, the first time I've ever called in sick to literally any job I've ever had (that I can remember, anyway). Pride-wise, I wanted to tough it out, but I did stay home (for the baby, of course!). Which reminds me, I'm loving playing the pregnancy card - watch out all you out there, I am ready to take advantage of your kind services and offers to carry things, drive me, feed me. The day of rest was a gift, and Baby K must have liked it too because she was kicking so hard I could see her moving through my clothes. Baby K also must really be wearing on my immune system, because I've never had this many maladies in such a short amount of time. Interesting pg symptom.

We spent Saturday and Sunday in Fargo, and got to see lots of family and cram in many good times in just a day and a half. We celebrated Mother's Day with my parents, saw uncles, an aunt, a cousin, some brothers, had good eats, played some Dutch Blitz, and took some refreshing coffee breaks. One of the highlights was when my mom and I went to the Elton John/Billy Joel concert. It was truly amazing, and such a fun thing to do together. I will always remember before the show, sitting in our seats my mom pulled out a packet of my baby pictures and we sat there and just talked all things baby. And the music and entertainment was just phenomenal and is already a treasured memory. Baby K's favorite song was "Benny & the Jets", she pounded me during the entire tune. We also had fun moments shopping for maternity clothes and perusing the infant section of every store we could find that had one. Wow, it could be quite fun to dress this little doll!

Dressing. Staring with . . . cloth diapers. That's next on my research list - any suggestions? I do have to say for the record, because I'll want to remember someday, when I asked my mom if she used cloth diapers her response was: "Yes. And I can still smell the diaper pail." Oh my, all of a sudden that cottage cheese I just ate isn't settling so well. But yes, we're going to try it. And to be honest, not so much because we're "green" but because we are c-h-e-a-p and willing to try something that could save us a lot of the other kind of green.

Bless his heart

2009-04-29T17:00:00.000-07:00

Trevor and I are sitting here watching the rain, clad in sweatpants, sipping our beverages of choice, and I'm just thinking about how thankful I am for my husband. If a person's true character is revealed by their instant reactions, then Trevor has the highest caliber character of anyone I know. Some reactions that have revealed his character through this time of pregnancy:

The day we found out I was pregnant. 5:30 in the morning: "Trevor! I think you better come here." Reaction: he bounces out of bed like he's wide awake, looks at the stick on the bathroom floor and rejoiced immediately.
Around 7 weeks pregnant: "Trevor, can you please stop by Wendy's?" Reaction: "Of course!" After a few days, he was asking me if I wanted him to stop by Wendy's. What a guy! (as an aside, I miss the Wendy's days - they were much cheaper than Chipotle!).
Around 10 weeks pregnant: "Trevor, I think we should take Bradley Method classes." Reaction: "All right, let's do it!"
Around 20 weeks pregnant: "Trevor, I really think we should switch to midwife care." Reaction: "I trust you - let's do it."
Just last night: "Trevor, I think we should do cloth diapers." Reaction: "All right, if you're up for it, so am I!" I mean, how does he get so supportive and trusting?!?
Just last night (in the middle of the night) . . . we were both getting colds, I was stuffed up and Trevor was snoring: "Trevor! Blow your nose (at 1am, 3am, 4am)!" Reaction: "Okay, oh, sorry."
About every other day: "Trevor! She's kicking!" Reaction: He runs over to me, puts his head to my stomach and starts talking to Baby K. And sometimes she kicks even more. It's adorable.

This week I put a CD together for a bridal shower, and it ended up having some songs from our dating years/engagement/wedding. I've been "proofing" the CD by listening to it in the car. This has caused lots of runny mascara at somewhat inopportune times. I just feel incredibly thankful and blessed for Trevor. Thanks Trev for being who you are, and for letting me into your life and for wanting to be in mine.

A name change - Baby K

2009-04-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

First, if anyone cares to know, we stopped calling our little one "Sami" - it just kind of happened, well, once we settled on what we think we'll actually name her. And so, we've started calling her Baby K (she even kicks to it once in a while when Trevor addresses her as such!).

This week was a blur of interesting happenings, a few which I think are worth remembering and therefore worth recording, in maybe no particular order in accordance to time, importance, or gravity:

Tuesday I witnessed a pedestrian get hit by a car. Like, feet in the air, land on the head, lay on the ground motionless. I've never seen anything so scary - cars stopped (including the one who hit him), sirens roared. I shook the rest of the way to work, and was reminded to be careful crossing the street and driving. Life can change in seconds.

Wednesday I took a trip to the French Meadow with a couple friends (i.e. the restaurant). The live music and candles on the table and beautiful organic food . . . while not quite a trip to France, it definitely felt like we were far away from it all for a couple hours. That same night found a couple of us at the home of another friend who is on bed rest. Her attitude is wonderful, and I'm reminded to be thankful for every day of health that I'm experiencing. God bless and keep her and her baby safe.

Thursday Trevor and I caught up with an old mutual friend from college days (and our D.C. days, come to think of it!). Dan the man as we call him came over for dinner and chatter on the patio, it was so good to hear about his recent happenings in work, church, school, even jury duty experience. There is no replacement for tried and true old friends.

Friday I called a guac-a-movie night, something that I'm starting to think should happen every Friday until baby comes: dinner at Chipotle and a movie at the cheap theater (craving note: I feel like I need guacamole on a daily basis, and if money grew on trees right now I'd be at Chipotle every day - I mean, they make it perfectly, and save me from all the chopping). We saw Gran Torino, and I thought it excellent. And it made me very sad because I think the story in many ways reflected reality. I would recommend seeing the film. It reminded me of a book I read recently, The Cross and the Switchblade, about gang culture in the slums of NYC (I'd also recommend reading that book).

Saturday started with us getting a ton of stuff done around the house, and ended with a beautiful dinner with dear friends to celebrate a birthday. I was reminded that three of the couples there were sitting around the exact same table last fall, talking about starting families. And now all three of said couples are expecting our first children. WOW, things change fast.

And today was remarkable in that we actually started registering. Which is probably not a big deal to anyone else, but to me the task seemed just a bit terrifying. So of course, we just started with what we knew - things like picture frames and curtains (not really knowing if that's allowed, but they're for the baby's room so figured they count). We did draw the line at an i-pod docking station, but it was certainly tempting (I mean, music for the labor room, you know?). I will say, this registering experience was not traumatic at all, in stark contrast to registering for our wedding which did involve tears in Target. What an interesting concept: registering. I'm thankful. All this make me think of the idea of "showers" as well - what a generous custom. We actually just went to one today, a baby shower that was for couples (i.e., husbands allowed). Neither Trevor nor I had ever been to such a thing, and it was was wonderful. The party lended itself to a couple of gender observations: 1 - All the men ended up congregating in the kitchen (wait, isn't that where the women belong? Oh wait no, that's just where the food was so of course the men were there. I think they were also scared they might have to play games . . . which brings me to 2 - The guys did get dragged into playing games. And a man won every single game. I was impressed and yes, a little shocked.

And while I'm talking about shopping and accumulating, I've had many thoughts this weekend (not original thoughts, mind you, but rather ideas influenced by various blogs, friends, and books) about the hope to live with ever increasing minimalist simplicity. We're truly trying to keep life simple - to accumulate less, to conserve, to be content with what we have, to give away what we don't need. There is always more we could do to ascribe to such a mentality. SOOOOO much more we could do, it's humbling to think about. But it's definitely something to stay mindful of, to strive for.

And while I end this, I'm hopping on target.com to register for a couple things I forgot that we "need". You know, like baby nail clippers, a monitor - things that people not that long ago did perfectly fine without but that we for some reason now cannot live without. Ironic, if not a little conflicting with the above paragraph.

A case of the waddles

2009-04-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

Or maybe just a case. I consider myself to be a quite healthy and well-functioning person . . . but pregnancy has thrown me for a few loops. None of them bad, just normal stuff (and let me disclaim that I write the following to document, not to complain - I'm truly thankful to be feeling incredibly well). In the past 22 weeks I: had the flu at 8 weeks. Fell at 11 weeks, left me with just a little neck pain. Fell again (really hard on my tailbone) at 17 weeks - that one hurt for a few weeks. Then I got a cold for a week. And then I was feeling GREAT. For a few days. Until . . . I started having some nasty sciatic nerve pain. Which led me to a case of the waddles. The back stuff has caused me to walk funny. I was hoping that the interesting gait was noticeable only to me, but that disillusionment shattered this week when a kind woman met me in the hallway and said with the utmost enthusiasm, "Oooohhhhh, you're starting to waddle!" I felt I had to explain the back stuff to her, but what I really wanted to say was, "Um, is that ever a compliment?!?" I say this not with bitterness, I'm actually thankful for these moments because they give me something to ponder and write about.

What I've learned from the minor maladies:

1 - I'm vain and don't want to waddle. Oh, and I'm just plain vain.

2 - I don't like anything to slow me down. Which means I probably need to slow down. And also means I'm a control freak who thinks things need to go my way all the time. Um, hello Andrea, welcome to LIFE.

In other hopefully more uplifting thoughts, this weekend has been blessed with many brothers. Mine of course who is a mainstay in our house, and two of Trev's brothers came to spend the weekend here. The time was a blast as always. We grilled and ate outside to celebrate the brothers' b-days, then got a fire going and just soaked up the gorgeous weather. I'm thankful for the unique situation we have where my bro and Trev's bro are such good friends . . . cheesy as it sounds, it really is one big happy family, and I love it. We had the chance for another bonfire last night with some old friends from high school and their spouses, as well as some "new" friends who are expecting a boy ten days before our girl arrives (although, I had an interesting conversation with my mom today and told her I have this feeling I'll go early and she agreed!). Anyways, the bonfire was bountiful, there is something so miraculous and awe-inspiring about fire. And I wonder who ever discovered that graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate are so perfect together?

In deep thoughts, a friend today mentioned that she's been thinking a lot about why she believes what she believes, and that's left me with a lot to ponder. About everything. It's astonishing to think of how many beliefs we hold about even the smallest things, and to think from where those beliefs stem . . . relating to our present journey, I think of our new "belief" that natural childbirth is the way to go and of how we came to that belief and continue to form the reasons why we continue to "believe" it.

And wrapping up with baby things, here are some recent fun gifts - a swaddling blanket, adorable infant hat, and the most precious little shoes! Thank you all . . .

Over half way there

2009-04-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Well, we're over half way to meeting our little one in person. I fully admit to staring at our ultrasound pictures in awe and wonder on a daily basis, this gift seems too good to be true and we continue to give thanks for every day of knowing this little baby growing inside me. On top of that, I'm thankful to be feeling well, and also to be enjoying our girl kicking away at various times during the day. Trevor got to feel a kick for the first time last Sunday (while were talking about her, of course - I think she know's her Dad's voice because she does seem to wake up and move around when we're sitting around talking).

My latest being pregnant sociological observation is that I've noticed lately I get a lot more hugs from people I've barely spoken to before, and people look at me with very wide smiles. It's nice.

This Holy Week has been very special to us, and the reflection and celebration of Jesus' death and resurrection always hits me fresh with its power and meaning in our lives. Good Friday's service was somber, filled with reminders that it's my sin, my actions, my condemnations that sent Him to the cross. A large wooden cross was carried to the altar and we were invited to come touch the cross and receive a blessing - I was so heavily feeling the weight of Jesus' sacrifice on behalf of me, I thought of all the things I'd done that day, that week, my whole life to betray Him. And then I received the blessing: "Andrea, you are a new creation in Christ. The new has come, the old has been washed away . . ."

We went to our church's Easter Vigil last night, and I honestly think it's the most amazing service I've ever attended. The joy was palpable in the readings, the music (including mandolin, french horn, oboe, and even bagpipes!), the lights, the bells that accompanied the exclaiming of the first "alleluia" that we've said as a congregation since the beginning of Lent. The readings were powerful and dramatic, and it felt like Words just came alive. The contrast between the heaviness of Friday and the celebration of Saturday and Sunday brings a lightness of heart and a perspective that is refreshing and life-giving.

And today, we celebrate that He is risen. And it was a celebration indeed., from hot cross buns at the coffee table, to Easter lilies and children's processing with bells and flowers. And of course dinner, which we shared with my bro and many friends - one of the highlights of which was to hear that some dear friends of our's just found out they are expecting their first child. We truly rejoice with them!

At the same time, we miss being at home to celebrate with our families . . . even more so after calling home and hearing the chatter around what must have been dessert time, the laughter of the game playing, hearing the menu. Well, we do wish we could be in three places at once - and we're already looking forward to a trip home next month.

Is Monday really tomorrow already? Can't it stay Sunday a little longer?

If this is a date night now . . .

2009-04-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

So, I get this nice e-mail from my husband on Wednesday and he proposes that we have a date at Subway (because yes, this is where we go out to eat). And yes, I was thrilled! But because yes, we are that cheap (and because we had lots of food at home), I counter-offered and suggested that we go out for coffee instead, and then run a couple errands (because yes, this would still be considered a date, and coffee at a nice place seemed dignified AND cheap).

So what did we end up doing? The errand first, which was a quick trip to Sam's Club. On our final stretch towards the check-out line Trevor comments, "I think I'll get a hot dog." So, Trevor got in line while I went to the cafe to order the hot dog combo (for $1.50), filled the big styrofoam cup with caffeine-free pop and we both ended up back in the little "cafeteria" (which, let's be honest, is just plastic picnic tables set up crudely right in front of all the check out lines so that patrons can shamelessly watch people as they eat their $2 pizza and gulp their 87 cent soda). No, we're not those people. Oh wait, yes we are. Well, we talked too, but it's hard to not be distracted by all the people and the overflowing carts of everything under the sun in mass quantities.

Did we end up at a classy coffee shop? Um, no - we were too full of nitrates and carbonation. We ended up back at home. And we were happy. And we considered that hour to Sam's and back a date.

This all leaves me to wonder, if these are our dates sans kiddos, what will be our dates be like 6 months, a year, five years from now?

"It's a . . . "

2009-04-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

Sami! Well, we think anyways. The ultrasound appointment is already an incredible memory. Sitting in a dimly lit and quite comfortable room, Trevor right by my side, watching together the profile of our little baby come into view on the screen in front of us - and then getting to see EVERY part of our baby (not what I expected, actually). I mean, nostrils, kidneys, eye sockets, everything. Everything, that is, except anything in between the legs (how unladylike of me to say that!). Little Sami was sleeping soundly for most of the half hour of picture taking, all curled up into a beautiful little ball, which was meaning no chance to know the sex. I knew the appointment was almost over, and I was just praying that I'd be able to gracefully accept that we wouldn't be knowing the sex of our baby until August, focusing on the knowing that we could see two arms, two hands, two legs, a brain, all the organs. And all seemingly healthy (we have an appt. Wednesday to go over the results with our OB). Anyways, Trevor, on the other hand, was praying that Sami would MOVE and show us something, anything!

And then, in literally the LAST measurement that the tech was trying to find (upper lip, or heart arch or something like that), Sami started moving, and sucking her fingers. So the tech graciously led the camera to "other parts" of baby's body, and we were able to see . . . well, nothing. Which means that we are most likely having a little girl! The tech said they never say 100% with girls (something about the other parts sometimes growing later?!?). But she said she's 80% sure . . . so we're going on it. I'm also reassured knowing that both our moms were thinking we were having a girl. We're so thankful for the chance to see our little baby and knowing the sex is just a special gift.

I was so focused on the screen, I wish I would've diverted my gaze to Trev's face when she said, "Oh, I think it's a girl!" He admitted to complete shock, and that he was sure to the very end that we would be meeting a Sammy. But of course he's thrilled, and I can't wait to see him father a little girl.

Trev and I are both especially humbled by all the love, support, and excitement from our family and friends, and even our families' friends! Things like my mom's coworker going to get caramel rolls to celebrate yesterday morning, and the people who remembered from weeks ago that our appt. was yesterday . . . well, we feel so very blessed. Thank you all.

No more "it"

2009-04-02T17:27:00.001-07:00

Well, we are hoping that tonight is the last night that we'll be saying "he/him" without being completely sure that Sammy is not a Sami. Yup, we have our 20 week ultrasound tomorrow, and I'm beside myself with excitement, and really treasuring the shared anticipation with Trev. I read up today on what I can possibly do to help this little one move around at 8:30 tomorrow morning - the verdict is basically: cold liquids, carbonation and sugar - more specifically orange juice. I of course bought orange juice this evening, and plan on mixing it with 7-up in the morning (that should taste okay after cheese and eggs, right?). So, I'll keep you posted.

The Fear Factor

2009-03-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

What a great week this was - you see, there's this old Pandolfo (my maiden name) tradition of celebrating b-days as long and as often as possible, and this week it was my turn. It was made memorable with some fun and low key celebrations, watching the new James Bond movie, grilling, taking a day off. This year felt different, knowing I was sharing the turning of another year with this little to-be that is fluttering in my stomach. It's the best gift.

What's very much been going through my mind this week are some of the struggles that this baby business has brought to the surface in my life. To be honest, the journey of pregnancy has been a little (and sometimes a lot) wrought with fear for me:

- Fear: Will I make it that "magical" 12 week mark, or will I miscarry?

- Fear: Will the baby continue to grow and stay healthy?

- Fear: Will my falling ways (so frustrating!) hurt the baby?

- Fear: Will the caffeinated coffee I'm sure Dunn Bros gave me yesterday (even though I neurotically asked them to make sure it was decaf) be enough to harm the baby?

- Fear: Will the ultrasound we have this Friday show that things are normal?

- Fear: Will I have to have a c-section?

Well, fear leads to anxiety, which leads to irritability, which leads to control-freakish ways and thoughts that the things I do or don't do can change the course of how things will be. And of course, before I was pregnant . . . . Fear: Will I ever be able to get pregnant?

And I'm not oblivious to the realization that this could just be the beginning, and as some fears are conquered, new ones arise:

- Fear: Will our baby be collicky ?

- Fear: Will our child be rebellious/properly independent/healthy/happy/safe and on and on and on and on and on.

How exhausting and unnecessary!

What a vicious cycle, and pointless. I heard a great quote once that "Worry is a rocking chair." That is, you move around a lot but don't (and can't) go anywhere.

And while we're talking about fear - my gosh, what about all the people who've been facing natural disaster and personal devastation this past week in my home state. The fact is, (and this is another borrowed phrase), control is an illusion. Sure, there are things we can control, out comes we may be able to manipulate, but I'm not writing this to go into those intricacies.

The thing is, I have a belief that God is in control - and I'm not here to push that on anyone either - it's just that if I believe that God is good and really does have the best in mind for me . . . then I have nothing to fear, right? This morning I was very much moved by a song (as was Sammy, he/she seemed to be dancing around to the tune):

Every blessing you pour out

I'll turn back to praise.

When the darkness closes in

Still I will say

Blessed be your name.

And that's what I've prayed for all along, that no matter what happens - now or ever, with a baby, with a child, with ANYTHING that life should bring my way - that I would still be able to authentically say "Blessed be your name." That doesn't mean things will always be easy or that praise will come easily. I've been immeasurably blessed in my 27 years, I've not known a lot of heartache. But there will be hard things, there will be trials. And it won't be easy. And I won't always react with praise. But I hope that eventually I'll be able to. For today, I am certainly filled with praise and feel humbled to know such love in this life, from God, from my husband, from family, from friends. Life is filled with sweet treasures. Life.

Good times rolling

2009-03-22T17:33:00.000-07:00

Well, these past weeks and weekends have been full and fun, and I'm finding it difficult to slow down. I've found myself having a mentality of, "I gotta get out, I gotta have fun now . . . because soon I'll be either a) feeling huge and probably won't have the energy that I do now or b) more home bound (and happily so) with baby." So yeah, we're cramming a lot of good times in, with the help of many wonderful out-of-town guests. We started with brother Tay, who we succeeded in teaching Dutch Blitz and managed to squeeze in many games during his stay. Then we loved having Trevor's parents in town, and got to share some good meals and lots of laughter. Next was my parents, during which we had a b-day extravaganza (to celebrate my dad's, mine, and my bro's all in a couple days). Again, we succeeded in evangelizing Dutch Blitz and enjoyed some very intense games (only minor injuries were incurred). We next had some great times with brother J, which included a dinner with his friends during which I laughed so hard I was almost bawling and my stomach hurt the next day. It was great - the topic at hand had something to do with baby-related matters that might be indelicate to record in this public forum and isn't that funny when I re-tell it anyway. The evening was a hoot.

We're thankful to all who take the time to come this way, we are blessed and thank you!

These weeks of Lent have been admittedly less reflective than usual, but we have been able to take part in Wednesday soup suppers, which always bring a calm centering to the middle of any week (not to mention delicious conversation and sensational soups). If anything, I increasingly notice the families and how they soak in the meal, the memory verse, and the activities. I'm so thankful to have grown up attending such events, so now as I think of raising a child I look forward to continuing these traditions as a family. I'm going to be honest - I also notice that often the parents don't really seem to eat because they're so busy feeding their kids. So I especially savor my soup on Wednesdays.

In other memorable moments, I took Friday off to be domestic and cook breakfast for our brothers and their friends who were here going to the NCAA tournaments, run errands, catch up on life . . . and had a rather odd day. I took a nice morning walk in which I slipped on ice (again, yes) and did quite a number to my tailbone. Anyways, no lasting harm done except having to slow down and ask for more help. =) I also ended an era of my life when I went to Caribou and . . . turned myself in. I've been an imposter employee for some time now, hardly working and basically just enjoying my discount card. So yeah, I quit (and handed in the discount card). It was a mix of emotions, but I mostly feel thankful for the 2 1/2 years that I got to be part of the "Caribou Club" - I'll miss belonging to that community, but maybe I'll find myself back there again someday. It was a good, long run.

Yesterday Trevor and I felt like real Minnesotans when we joined some friends at the State Theater for a live broadcast of "A Prairie Home Companion." The 2 hours flew with singing, dialogues, hilarity, and relaxation. I'd go back again for sure, and would recommend the show to anyone who can laugh at good ole midwestern humor.

So, here we go into another week - in less than two weeks we'll find out if we need to paint our green room pink!

And in randomness . . .

I don't have a very representative collage of pics from the last month, but here are some.

At Original Pancake House, celebrating dad's birthday. I think this was pre-caffeine or something, our eyes look a little half closed.

At IKEA. This was our second trip there, much more successful and relaxing than the first (which was at about 4pm on Saturday - should've known!). Here are the guys hanging out on the lawn and garden furniture. Now we just have to assemble the furniture. Sometime. I think IKEA was a very bonding experience this trip, and it was incredibly much more fun and bearable with the support of family!

It's all about the baby

2009-03-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

Well, since this is kind of a baby's blog, I guess it's time for a post about . . . the baby. As I've said, we call him Sammy (and yes, we refer to him as "him" because we just really think that's what he is!). Sammy had a big week - according to somewhat reliable sources, he is about the size of a small pomegranate and would likely fit in the palm of my hand. His joints are forming, as are his sweat glands. I think he started making his presence known, I've been feeling some little tummy flutterings - then again, I really want to feel him move, so maybe everything I feel I equate to his movement . . . and yes, Trevor still tries to feel him but the said reliable sources (you know, the internet, the half-dozen books that I peruse before going to bed, other moms that I relentlessly quiz about their pg experiences) say that Trev won't feel him for another several weeks.

I still hear almost every day, "I can't believe how BIG you're getting". And recently a few people have been questioning whether or not I'm having twins. To which I say NOOOOOOOOO, not possible. My brother has recently latched on to the fact that we are having twins, and refers to the situation as "That will be so cool/weird/amazing/can you imagine having a baby in each arm?!?" Oh my. I'm pretty sure I'm just plain getting big (or maybe am farther along that the doc thinks? By my calculations, I'm almost 20 weeks . . . ). And then there's my wonderful husband who the other day while giving me my nightly chiropractic treatment by hugging me and lifting me off the ground said, "Wow. You are definitely getting heavier." Put that one on the list of, "You can only say that when I'm pregnant." I also have a new rule that anyone living in this house is not allowed to lose any weight while I am gaining, so I'm going to start adding inordinate amounts of butter and cream to any cooking that I do. Okay, point is, Sammy is growing and alive and for that we are so thankful.

Tuesday was a big baby day - we had a 17 week check-up where we got to hear the heartbeat (to be honest, it took her what felt like forever to find it, and I had a moment of panic). Once she did find it (phew!), she had to keep moving the doppler around because he was moving so much! I am measuring fine, gaining weight appropriately, good blood pressure, and I guess we'll find out lots more about Sammy in just three weeks. My new concern now is about the doctors and method of delivery we've chosen, pronounced by the other big baby thing we started this week: Bradley Birthing Method classes (www.bradleybirth.com). We're very excited to be learning about relaxation, exercise, and nutrition as a means to trying to have a natural birth. To be honest, I never thought I'd even like to try having a natural birth, but after reading about all the benefits to mother and baby (connection, bonding, likeliness of breastfeeding) and all the drawbacks to drugs (increased likelihood of c-section among them) . . . well, I just feel impassioned about at least trying to go au naturale. Anyways, I recently heard an analogy that you wouldn't go to Burger King for a steak dinner because that's not what they specialize in . . . and you don't go to a hospital/OB for a natural birth because that's not what they specialize in. Now, I'm not freaking out about all this, but all these thoughts (and I admit, propaganda in some senses!) has left me with lots to ponder.

Any advice? (I hear some of you saying - RELAX)!

Speaking of relaxing, that brings me to some other thoughts recently. It's ironic that this Bradley Method I'm subscribing to is focused on relaxing. I don't relax well - yet it's a practice I feel very challenged to more recently. My high strung ways cannot always be healthy for this little one growing inside of me. So yeah, our first Bradley class this week (which is another topic in itself - just like out of a movie, sitting in a comfortable living room with 6 other couples, all the women big-bellied. We all have this ONE big thing in common, and maybe nothing else - who knows? And yet we're all watching graphic movies, practicing funny exercises, and eventually laying on the floor as the husbands massage the wives). In short, I'm trying to relax about class - I mean, there are a LOT of exercises you're supposed to do every day, you're supposed to track what you eat every day, relax for 20 minutes twice a day. I started to get all tense thinking of it as one more thing. BUT, I'm relaxing into it - I hope - and just doing what I can to, well, relax. Do I sound convincing to anyone? I'm not oblivious to the vicious cycle of getting stressed about being stressed - oy. On another note, I think it is going to be so helpful for Trevor and I to feel more connected through this whole process - I mean, he's the coach! And he has a hard job too, all the supporting, encouraging, coaching, massaging . . . watching what I eat, ha ha. I'm excited to continue this journey and for his constant love and support. We were just talking today how we're being taught to see birth as an athletic event for which we're in training (well, he was good to remind me that I am in training - he is coaching. Ha! The analogies are fun and helpful).

I am continually amazed, blessed, and thankful for the generosity of so many friends - about 6 weeks in I literally started praying, "God, I would love some help and hand-me-downs . . . but don't know who or how to ask - so please just let the right people offer . . ." God is good, and people are so very generous. From bella bands, to breastfeeding books (and all manner of other kinds of books!), to maternity clothes, baby boppies, a sling, and more maternity clothes. Well, God knows how I love to shop (read sarcasm) and so I'm just amazed to not have had to go out and get almost anything . . . yet. I know I will have to. Soon. And then there's my amazing parents who toiled with us on two trips to IKEA last weekend to help us get some very cheap bedroom furniture that will allow us to now furnish our nursery (and they saved things from my baby-hood that we will be using, crib, rocking chair, high-chair - meaningful and useful!). THANK YOU ALL, you know who you are. And on top of all that, just when Trevor was saying, "Where are we going to put all this furniture (bike, bookcase, desk, bed . . . )?" to which I said, "One thing at a time, one thing at a time" - some dear friends let us know they'd love to borrow the guest bed and our desk for their home. THANK YOU. These small things are so comforting and remind me that everything will be prepared and will get done - one thing at a time.

Happy birthday to . . . DAD!

2009-03-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

Today is a day to be celebrated in my world . . . happy birthday, Dad! I'm increasingly thankful for my dad and all the love he's given me, the lessons he's taught (and is teaching) me and the legacy he leaves in his daily life. He is a man of character and integrity and discipline and perspective and humor and insight. And he knows how to celebrate - my dad always finds ways to make every day special, and especially birthdays. We look forward to celebrating this one with him here in our town in a few days . . .

Now that we are entering the reality of becoming parents ourselves, I have a new appreciation for mine and all that they are and all that they have always been to me. It's overwhelming at times to know that they knew me from this teeny stage that Trev and I are experiencing right now- they were having some of the same thoughts and feelings, no doubt.

Just a few memories I'd like to appreciate about my dad on his birthday today are:

Springtime & activities- we took countless morning and evening bike rides around the neighborhood, played basketball at nearby parks.
Vacations & hiking & observations - I am so thankful for all the places my parents took us while we were growing up. My dad and I as often as possible would wake up early wherever we were to go explore the land (which was usually beautiful) by hiking and jogging through woods, along the Grand Canyon, by the ocean.
Road trips - I have very early memories of my dad taking me to work on the road as he would travel to see different customers. I also remember picnics and I recall him being home a lot. I always felt very loved and I don't take that for granted.
Saturdays - watching cartoons together on the big brown chair, making cinnamon toast, working in the yard, running errands. Saturdays were always special.
Sundays - I have amazing Sunday memories with my dad. From when my brother was a baby and he would bring me to church, to making cinnamon toast or eggs after church, to just relaxing in the evenings. Sundays were always great.
College days, married days, expecting baby days - through every stage of my life, my dad has been there and has been involved and interested and encouraging in whatever I was going through. He always gets to know my friends (he would dine with me in the college cafeteria on his way through town even!), he calls my husband a son, and he's excited to be a grandpa. I'm so thankful too that he's let me in on his life, that I can know his friends and his interests and his thoughts.

And more memories - my dad is awesome at taking time to remember events/occasions/celebrations and reminiscing about the good times. I came across some pictures that bring back memories and also illustrate some of the values my dad holds that I so appreciate . . .

Always helping - almost every time they come to visit us, my parents are helping us do something to improve our house. And to make it even better, he pretends to love doing it. =) Below was this summer's patio project.

Always making time for . . . fun! Dad (and mom of course!) have literally let us see the world (notice, we're at Epcot in this picture, where we went to France, Germany, Morocco, Russia, the UK, Canada . . .).

Always giving - this is my dad with children from the "God's Child Project" in Guatemala. Since I left for college (and probably before!) he has been extremely involved with this organization, giving countless hours, millions of thoughts, and many pieces of his heart to this awesome ministry. He has been a constant example to me of living to give, how to be a faithful steward of all we've been given.

Always prioritizing family - this picture is of my parents' 25th wedding anniversary. I continually appreciate my parents' marriage relationship and am so thankful for their example. In loving my mom, my dad really does love his children too.

All that to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DK!

In memory of . . .

2009-03-01T07:38:00.000-08:00

Almost exactly two years ago this week, I was on my way back home from a wonderful and whirlwind trip to Germany. I love to look back on "a year ago, I was, we were . . . in a year from now we'll be, we hope . . . ". And well, I'm so glad I took this girls' trip to a foreign land for so many reasons: The memories. The strengthened friendships with my dear friends Rachel and Rachel from college days. The forged new friendships with our in-country hosts, a couple who ended up moving to our area just months later and became dear friends. The fact that I'll probably not be taking such trips any time in the near future! In memory, I'm going to have fun posting some pictures below.

A few highlights of the trip were:

COFFEE - we are all coffee nuts, and pretty much just went from place to place finding whatever coffee fix we could. The sips were all the more blissful because of the rainy conditions. The chocolate was good too.

RAIN - I love dreary days, and there were plenty. One Rachel and I ended up getting caught in the rain (as in, locked out) and it's a great memory thinking of Rachel trying to hoist herself up to a window by standing on a garbage can.

SPA - Our first day there our hosts took us to the edge of the Black Forest, where we swam in a huge hot tub, sat under heated lamps, and sat in aromatherapy rooms. What a way to start the trip.

HIKING - We hiked a hill to see a castle. Hiked

our hosts neighborhood for long walks and in pursuit of more coffee. Hiked by streams, across bridges, down cobbled streets of Heidelburg. Gorgeous.

Here are some pics . . .

At the spa . . . cheap and wonderful (in case anyone's wondering, we stayed in the fully clothed section)

Coffee . . . of course. This was at a charming cafe at Worms, where Martin Luther posted his 95 Theses.

At the Schneitzel House. With lots of fries. No coffee.

Outside of a place where we got streudle. We ate in the basement that was an ancient wine cellar - the restaurant is known for bringing your meat to you raw for you to cook on a hot lava stone.

Good times - thank you to our fab hosts, Sarah & Zach. For some reason right now, I feel like just flying to Vegas or something for a few days. Anyone game?